夫妻白頭偕老的五大秘訣
編者點評:人們往往可以理解一段婚姻為什么會失敗，因為失敗的婚姻確實很多；但說清楚一段婚姻為什么能成功卻要困難得多。雖然每個選擇婚姻的人都想好好過日子，但為何有些夫妻能相濡以沫，而有些夫妻卻過得雞犬不寧？下文給你五個白頭偕老的秘訣。
| 第一頁：找到折衷點 |
| 第二頁：要有幽默感 |
| 第三頁：保留自己的（一些）小秘密 |
| 第四頁：永不放棄 |
| 第五頁：多活幾年 |
For Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, it's perseverance. For Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, it's maintaining separate work lives. For Doyle and Louise Brunson, having separate bank accounts helps.
對奧茲•奧斯伯恩和雪倫•奧斯伯恩這對夫妻來說，婚姻是一種堅持。對吉米•卡特和羅莎琳•卡特這對夫妻來說，美滿婚姻意味著在工作上互不干涉。對多爾•布朗森和路易絲•布朗森這對夫妻來說，銀行賬戶分開是個小訣竅。
A former first lady, a rock star who's been in and out of rehab more times than he can remember, and a professional poker player can all offer considerable insight into the mysterious workings of marriage. After all, their wisdom is gleaned from decades of conjugal bliss.
這三對夫妻中，羅莎琳.卡特是美國前總統(tǒng)的夫人；奧茲•奧斯伯恩是個搖滾歌星，往返于康復(fù)中心的次數(shù)連他自己都記不清了；多爾•布朗森是個職業(yè)撲克選手，對于維系婚姻的秘訣有非常深入的看法。不管怎么說，他們對于婚姻的智慧都來自于幾十年婚姻的積累和沉淀。
OK, maybe it wasn't always bliss. But each of them has stayed married -- to the same person -- for a very long time. And each considers his or her marriage to be happy, strong and mutually supportive.
A former first lady, a rock star who's been in and out of rehab more times than he can remember, and a professional poker player can all offer considerable insight into the mysterious workings of marriage. After all, their wisdom is gleaned from decades of conjugal bliss.
這三對夫妻中，羅莎琳.卡特是美國前總統(tǒng)的夫人；奧茲•奧斯伯恩是個搖滾歌星，往返于康復(fù)中心的次數(shù)連他自己都記不清了；多爾•布朗森是個職業(yè)撲克選手，對于維系婚姻的秘訣有非常深入的看法。不管怎么說，他們對于婚姻的智慧都來自于幾十年婚姻的積累和沉淀。
OK, maybe it wasn't always bliss. But each of them has stayed married -- to the same person -- for a very long time. And each considers his or her marriage to be happy, strong and mutually supportive.
當(dāng)然，婚姻并不總是快樂的，但這幾對長期以來一直保持著不離不棄的婚姻關(guān)系─而且從一而終。他們都認(rèn)為自己的婚姻關(guān)系是快樂、穩(wěn)固和彼此支持的。
In other words, they beat the odds.
In other words, they beat the odds.
換句話來說，他們做到了許多人未能做到的事情。 Happily married people believe they married their soul mates, and for good reason. Even marrying the right person gets you only part way. Ask the couples themselves, and they'll likely credit some combination of hard work and sheer blind luck. No one says that every day, or even every year, was rosy. And there are plenty of long marriages that are unhappy. But there are some strategies that happily married couples say work:
婚姻幸福的人相信，他們找到了自己的靈魂伴侶，而且他們有充分的理由在一起。不過，即使找對了人，革命也尚未成功。問問這些快樂的夫妻，他們告訴你成功的婚姻還需要雙方的努力和一點點運氣。沒人會說婚姻的每一天、甚至每一年都像玫瑰一樣美好。有不少婚姻雖然長久，但并不快樂。不過，婚姻幸福的夫妻還是給出了一些成功的秘訣。
1. 找到折衷點。“Find the middle ground. '
It's all give and take,' says Marlene Critch, a retired hospital director in Tucson. She met her husband Bill on a blind date in 1959. He took her on a picnic with a thermos of gin and tonics; they married two months later.
婚姻就得互相遷就。” 亞利桑那州圖桑市(Tucson)一位退休的醫(yī)院院長瑪琳•克里奇(Marlene Critch)說。1959年，她經(jīng)人介紹認(rèn)識了自己未來的丈夫比爾(Bill)。比爾帶了一水壺的酒，邀她一起外出野餐，兩個月后兩人就結(jié)為伉儷。
Flash ahead 50 years. The Critches have raised two daughters in Seattle and weathered his severe heart condition. They swim together each morning, and he reads her children's books when she has trouble falling asleep at night.
一轉(zhuǎn)眼，50年過去了?？死锲娣驄D在西雅圖養(yǎng)大了兩個女兒，比爾患有嚴(yán)重的心臟病，但兩人依然相互扶持，不離不棄。他們每天早上一起游泳，瑪琳晚上睡不著的時候，比爾就給她念童話故事，幫她安睡。
Compromise, they say, got them through the good and bad times. Mr. Critch, 75, says he compromised by quitting the Air Force early in their marriage, because it bothered her that he was away from home so much. (Press him for more concessions, and he says, 'Miso soup.')
他們說，妥協(xié)和讓步幫助他們度過婚姻中的起起伏伏。75歲的比爾說，他做出的妥協(xié)是結(jié)婚不久后就從空軍退役，因為瑪琳受不了他長時間不在家的日子。（在我的逼問下，他又說了一樣?xùn)|西：“日本醬湯”。）
Ms. Critch, 74, says she made her own compromise by agreeing to retire to Arizona, where her husband preferred the climate. (She wanted to stay in Seattle to be close to their daughters.)
74歲的瑪琳說，她做出的妥協(xié)是同意退休后到亞利桑那州生活，因為她丈夫喜歡那里的氣候。（她自己希望繼續(xù)住在西雅圖，離女兒們近一點。）
'If each person can give 75 percent, you've got 150 percent,' says Ms. Critch. Her husband agrees. 'Many men would call that wussy,' he says. 'But I don't because I value her more than anything else in the world.'
“如果每人都能讓步75%，兩個人就有150%的靈活空間。” 瑪琳說道。她丈夫也表示同意：“很多男人會說這是怕老婆的表現(xiàn)，但我不這么看。向妻子妥協(xié)，是因為對我而言，她是這世上最重要的。”
Similarly, Jan and Len Konkel, who have been married for 62 years, long ago made a pact to never argue over anything that wasn't very important, saving their battles for things like how to raise their three children. 'Everything else is minor and can be settled in a discussion,' says Ms. Konkel, 84.
與此相似，簡•康科爾(Jan Konkel)和蘭恩•康科爾(Len Konkel)已經(jīng)結(jié)婚62年。他們很久以前就彼此說好，永遠不為小事而爭吵，這讓他們在如何養(yǎng)育自己三個孩子等方面少了很多爭吵。“除了婚姻，其他的都是小事，都可以商量著解決。”84歲的簡說道。
Her husband, well, agrees. 'I say 'Yes ma'am' and 'No ma'am' a lot,' says Mr. Konkel, 88.
88歲的蘭恩也同意妻子的說法：“我們有商有量的，我經(jīng)常說‘好的、老婆’，也經(jīng)常說‘不好、老婆’。”
婚姻幸福的人相信，他們找到了自己的靈魂伴侶，而且他們有充分的理由在一起。不過，即使找對了人，革命也尚未成功。問問這些快樂的夫妻，他們告訴你成功的婚姻還需要雙方的努力和一點點運氣。沒人會說婚姻的每一天、甚至每一年都像玫瑰一樣美好。有不少婚姻雖然長久，但并不快樂。不過，婚姻幸福的夫妻還是給出了一些成功的秘訣。
1. 找到折衷點。“Find the middle ground. '
It's all give and take,' says Marlene Critch, a retired hospital director in Tucson. She met her husband Bill on a blind date in 1959. He took her on a picnic with a thermos of gin and tonics; they married two months later.
婚姻就得互相遷就。” 亞利桑那州圖桑市(Tucson)一位退休的醫(yī)院院長瑪琳•克里奇(Marlene Critch)說。1959年，她經(jīng)人介紹認(rèn)識了自己未來的丈夫比爾(Bill)。比爾帶了一水壺的酒，邀她一起外出野餐，兩個月后兩人就結(jié)為伉儷。
Flash ahead 50 years. The Critches have raised two daughters in Seattle and weathered his severe heart condition. They swim together each morning, and he reads her children's books when she has trouble falling asleep at night.
一轉(zhuǎn)眼，50年過去了?？死锲娣驄D在西雅圖養(yǎng)大了兩個女兒，比爾患有嚴(yán)重的心臟病，但兩人依然相互扶持，不離不棄。他們每天早上一起游泳，瑪琳晚上睡不著的時候，比爾就給她念童話故事，幫她安睡。
Compromise, they say, got them through the good and bad times. Mr. Critch, 75, says he compromised by quitting the Air Force early in their marriage, because it bothered her that he was away from home so much. (Press him for more concessions, and he says, 'Miso soup.')
他們說，妥協(xié)和讓步幫助他們度過婚姻中的起起伏伏。75歲的比爾說，他做出的妥協(xié)是結(jié)婚不久后就從空軍退役，因為瑪琳受不了他長時間不在家的日子。（在我的逼問下，他又說了一樣?xùn)|西：“日本醬湯”。）
Ms. Critch, 74, says she made her own compromise by agreeing to retire to Arizona, where her husband preferred the climate. (She wanted to stay in Seattle to be close to their daughters.)
74歲的瑪琳說，她做出的妥協(xié)是同意退休后到亞利桑那州生活，因為她丈夫喜歡那里的氣候。（她自己希望繼續(xù)住在西雅圖，離女兒們近一點。）
'If each person can give 75 percent, you've got 150 percent,' says Ms. Critch. Her husband agrees. 'Many men would call that wussy,' he says. 'But I don't because I value her more than anything else in the world.'
“如果每人都能讓步75%，兩個人就有150%的靈活空間。” 瑪琳說道。她丈夫也表示同意：“很多男人會說這是怕老婆的表現(xiàn)，但我不這么看。向妻子妥協(xié)，是因為對我而言，她是這世上最重要的。”
Similarly, Jan and Len Konkel, who have been married for 62 years, long ago made a pact to never argue over anything that wasn't very important, saving their battles for things like how to raise their three children. 'Everything else is minor and can be settled in a discussion,' says Ms. Konkel, 84.
與此相似，簡•康科爾(Jan Konkel)和蘭恩•康科爾(Len Konkel)已經(jīng)結(jié)婚62年。他們很久以前就彼此說好，永遠不為小事而爭吵，這讓他們在如何養(yǎng)育自己三個孩子等方面少了很多爭吵。“除了婚姻，其他的都是小事，都可以商量著解決。”84歲的簡說道。
Her husband, well, agrees. 'I say 'Yes ma'am' and 'No ma'am' a lot,' says Mr. Konkel, 88.
88歲的蘭恩也同意妻子的說法：“我們有商有量的，我經(jīng)常說‘好的、老婆’，也經(jīng)常說‘不好、老婆’。”
