雙語·當(dāng)呼吸化為空氣 我已經(jīng)走上了人生巔峰

為什么我穿著白大褂，就說話自帶權(quán)威，穿著體檢服，就這么溫良恭儉讓了？說實(shí)在的，在背痛這件事上，我可比她在行。接受神經(jīng)外科醫(yī)生培訓(xùn)時(shí)，有一半內(nèi)容都涉及脊椎的病。不過，也許真的更有可能是脊柱炎。年輕成年人得這種病的概率是挺高的。而三十多歲脊柱就生了癌？這種概率簡直不會超過萬分之一。就算這概率再高一百倍，還是高不過脊椎滑脫。搞不好我真的是在自己嚇自己。
Why was I so authoritative in a surgeon’s coat but so meek in a patient’s gown? The truth was, I knew more about back pain than she did—half of my training as a neurosurgeon had involved disorders of the spine. But maybe a spondy was more likely. It did affect a significant percent of young adults—and cancer in the spine in your thirties? The odds of that couldn’t be more than one in ten thousand. Even if it were one hundred times more common than that, it’d still be less common than a spondy. Maybe I was just freaking myself out.

X光檢查的結(jié)果沒啥問題。我們把所有癥狀都?xì)w咎于工作太累和身體機(jī)能老化。約好了下次治療的日程安排后，我回去處理了當(dāng)天的最后一個(gè)病例。體重下降得沒那么厲害了，后背的疼痛也可以忍受了。每天適量來點(diǎn)布洛芬止痛，也能撐過去了。還有，這種每天工作十四個(gè)小時(shí)的艱難日子也快要到頭了。我馬上就要從醫(yī)學(xué)生變成神經(jīng)外科教授了：十年無情殘酷的訓(xùn)練都過來了，我下定決心，要把接下來的十五個(gè)月熬過去，圓滿結(jié)束住院醫(yī)生的生涯。我已經(jīng)贏得了前輩的尊重，獲得了極負(fù)盛名的全國性醫(yī)學(xué)獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)，幾所著名大學(xué)紛紛向我拋出橄欖枝。最近，我在斯坦福的課程主管找我談了一次，他說：“保羅，我覺得，你不管申請什么工作，肯定都是最優(yōu)秀的候選人。我就跟你說一聲，我們準(zhǔn)備找個(gè)人加入教職團(tuán)隊(duì)，像你這樣的。當(dāng)然，在這兒不能給你什么承諾。不過你應(yīng)該考慮考慮。”
The X-rays looked fine. We chalked the symptoms up to hard work and an aging body, scheduled a follow-up appointment, and I went back to finish my last case of the day. The weight loss slowed, and the back pain became tolerable. A healthy dose of ibuprofen got me through the day, and after all, there weren’t that many of these grueling, fourteen-hour days left. My journey from medical student to professor of neurosurgery was almost complete: after ten years of relentless training, I was determined to persevere for the next fifteen months, until residency ended. I had earned the respect of my seniors, won prestigious national awards, and was fielding job offers from several major universities. My program director at Stanford had recently sat me down and said, “Paul, I think you’ll be the number one candidate for any job you apply for. Just as an FYI: we’ll be starting a faculty search for someone like you here. No promises, of course, but it’s something you should consider.”

三十六歲的我已經(jīng)走上了人生巔峰。眼前就是一片遼闊的“應(yīng)許之地”，從基列到杰利科，一直延伸到浩瀚的地中海。海上有一艘漂亮的游艇，周末的時(shí)候，我、露西，還有假想中的孩子們，駕船出海，共享天倫。可以預(yù)見，等工作強(qiáng)度降低，生活稍微輕松些，我的背痛也會減輕?？梢灶A(yù)見，我終于能像此前許諾的那樣，做個(gè)好丈夫了。
At age thirty-six, I had reached the mountaintop; I could see the Promised Land, from Gilead to Jericho to the Mediterranean Sea. I could see a nice catamaran on that sea that Lucy, our hypothetical children, and I would take out on weekends. I could see the tension in my back unwinding as my work schedule eased and life became more manageable. I could see myself finally becoming the husband I’d promised to be.