My name is Dr James Gully. I am 68 years old. I live at Orwell Lodge, in Balham. In January 1871 I was living in Malvern, near W ales. That's where I first met Florence – Florence Ricardo, as she was called then ...
Dr James Gully
I remember the day when I first met Florence. It was a cold January morning. There was snow on the hills, but the sun was shining. Florence's mother brought her to my hospital in Malvern. Florence was not ill, but she was very unhappy. She had run away from her husband, Alexander Ricardo. Her father had told her to go back to him.
But I won't go!' she said. 'I'm never going back to him, never!'
I looked at her carefully. She was crying, and there was a dark bruise on her face. She was a young woman, twenty-five years old, and she had been married for six years.
Does your husband hit you, my dear?' I asked.
Yes, he does. He often hits me. I hate him!'
But you're his wife, Florence,' her mother said. 'So you have to live with him. That's what wives do.'
No!' Florence screamed at her mother. 'You don't understand. When he's drunk, he's dangerous, he hurts me! I'll kill myself if you make me go back!'
She got up and hit her hand against the window.
This young woman is ill,' I told her mother. 'She needs a quiet, safe place where she can rest and be calm. We have a small house in the hospital gardens. She can stay there until she is better.'
So Florence stayed, and I visited her every day. We walked in the hospital gardens, and she told me about her husband, Alexander.
I was just a young girl when I married him,' she said. 'I didn't understand anything. It doesn't matter what a man looks like – what matters is how he behaves.'
And how does Alexander behave?' I asked.
Well, he left the army after we married,' she said. 'And that made him unhappy. He doesn't know what to do all day. We live in a big country house – Gatcombe Park – but he is always in London with his friends. He sees other women too, I think. When he comes home, he drinks. Two or three bottles of wine every day.'
Don't you try to stop him?' I asked.
Of course I do. I try. Once or twice I've put a little antimony in his wine, to make it taste bad. It made him sick, but he didn't stop drinking.'
I'd heard of this before. Antimony is a dangerous poison – it can kill you, if you take a lot. But some wives put a little of it in their husband's wine. It makes the man feel sick, so he doesn't drink so much. Some men do that to their wives, too. I think it's a bad idea.
There were tears in her eyes. 'When he's drunk, he hits me. Don't send me back to him, Dr Gully! Please don't send me back!'
Of course I won't, my dear,' I said quietly. 'Don't worry. No woman should live with a man like that.'
But Florence was afraid that her husband Alexander would make her come home. At that time, there were very strong laws about how women must behave. Most men liked these laws, but I didn't. I thought the law was unfair to women. The law said that a married woman couldn't decide things for herself. She needed a man – a guardian – to decide things for her. Usually, this guardian was her husband or her father. But sometimes a friend could become a woman's guardian.
If you want to leave your husband,' I said, 'I will help you. In law, I can become your guardian. I will tell my lawyers to start preparing the necessary papers now. Then your husband cannot order you to go home. And your father cannot tell you what to do either. Would you like that? Will that make you feel safe?'
Oh yes, please, Dr Gully,' she said. 'Will you do that for me? Can you write to your lawyers today?'
I smiled. 'It will be a pleasure, my dear.'
My lawyers began work immediately. Florence's husband, Alexander, was very angry, but he could not stop me.
Florence continued to live in Malvern, and I talked to her every day. She was a beautiful, intelligent young woman, and she liked my hospital. My hospital was different to other hospitals. I gave sick people baths of cold and hot water, good healthy food, rest and quiet – and it worked! I told her about the famous people who visited me – Charles Darwin, Charles Dickens, Florence Nightingale. She liked stories like that. As time passed she began to look healthier. She began to talk happily. Sometimes she even smiled.
She had a beautiful smile. In fact she was a very beautiful young woman. The most beautiful, interesting young woman I have ever met.
I told her about my family. I was sixty-three years old then. I had a son who was ten years older than Florence, and a small granddaughter. But my wife lived in a hospital in Yorkshire. She was eighty years old, and her mind had gone; she didn't recognize me or my son. So really, I didn't have a wife any more.
When my lawyers finished their work, Florence became separated in law from her husband Alexander Ricardo, and I became her guardian.
Can I go on living here?' she asked me.
You can stay here as long as you like,' I said. 'But you're a free woman now. I won't tell you what to do.'
She laughed, and took my hand. 'Oh yes, James, of course. You're so kind. I'm so grateful to you.'
That was the first time she called me James, and it felt – wonderful! I wanted to take her in my arms and dance! Of course I didn't – she was only twenty-five, and I was sixty-three, but ... a man can still fall in love, even when he is old.
I wanted to take her in my arms and dance.
And love hurts when you are old, just as much as it does when you are young. More, perhaps, because when you are old you have so little time left.
In April 1871 Alexander Ricardo died. He had already been ill, and after Florence left him, he drank more and more every day, and was often sick. In the end alcohol destroyed his stomach.
When he died, Florence, his widow, became a very rich lady. All her husband's money was hers. But her father wasn't her guardian. I was. Later that year, she came on holiday with me to Germany.
It was the most wonderful holiday of my life. We stayed in a town called Kissingen, in Bavaria. We walked in the hills and gardens, looking at the beautiful clean rivers. We went to restaurants and the theatre, two happy people together.
We lived together like husband and wife. In fact, some people in the hotel thought she was my wife. We laughed and talked all day. I'm sure it was easy to see that I was in love with her.
I couldn't stop looking at her and thinking about her. Everything I did, everything I thought or wrote or said, was for her.
So what about her? Was she in love with me?
I thought she was. She looked wonderful, she laughed and sang as we walked through the town together. We danced for hours in the evening; she was strong and healthy – stronger than me. She talked to me all the time, she called me 'her famous doctor'. I thought she was happy to be with me, to spend all day and all night together.
Isn't that love?
bruise n. a dark mark on the skin that comes after something hits it 瘀傷,青腫
behave v. to do and say things in a certain way 表現(xiàn),為人
guardian n. a person who is responsible in law for somebody else, e.g. a child or (at the time of this story) a woman 監(jiān)護(hù)人
widow n. a woman whose husband has died 寡婦
第一部分
我是詹姆斯·格利醫(yī)生,今年68歲。我住在巴勒姆的奧韋爾洛奇。1871年1月,我住在威爾士附近的莫爾文。那是我第一次見(jiàn)到弗洛倫絲的地方—她當(dāng)時(shí)叫弗洛倫絲·里卡多……
我還記得第一次見(jiàn)到弗洛倫絲那天的情形。那是一月份一個(gè)寒冷的早晨。山上還覆蓋著白雪,但那天陽(yáng)光明媚。弗洛倫絲的媽媽把她帶到了我在莫爾文的醫(yī)院。弗洛倫絲當(dāng)時(shí)并沒(méi)有生病,但她非常不開(kāi)心。她剛離開(kāi)丈夫亞歷山大·里卡多,可她父親又讓她回到丈夫身邊去。
“但是我不會(huì)回去!”她說(shuō),“我永遠(yuǎn)都不要回到他身邊,永遠(yuǎn)都不!”
我仔細(xì)地看了看她。她正哭著,臉上還有一道深色的瘀青。她很年輕,才25歲,但已結(jié)婚6年了。
“你丈夫打你嗎,親愛(ài)的?”我問(wèn)。
“是的,他打我。他經(jīng)常打我。我恨他!”
“但你是他妻子,弗洛倫絲。”她母親說(shuō),“所以你必須得跟他一起生活。這是做妻子的本分。”
“不!”弗洛倫絲沖她母親尖叫道,“你不懂。他這個(gè)人喝醉時(shí)非常危險(xiǎn),他會(huì)傷害我!如果你逼我回去,我就自殺!”
她站起身,用手拍窗戶。
“這位年輕女士病了?!蔽腋赣H說(shuō),“她需要一個(gè)安靜、安全的地方休息靜養(yǎng)。我們醫(yī)院的花園里有一幢小房子,她可以一直呆在那兒,直到病情有所好轉(zhuǎn)?!?/p>
就這樣,弗洛倫絲住了下來(lái),我每天都去看她。我們?cè)卺t(yī)院的花園里散步,她給我講她丈夫亞歷山大的事。
“我嫁給他時(shí)還只是個(gè)小姑娘,”她說(shuō),“什么也不懂。其實(shí)男人的長(zhǎng)相并不重要——重要的是他的為人?!?/p>
“那亞歷山大為人如何呢?”我問(wèn)。
“嗯,婚后他就退伍了?!彼f(shuō),“這讓他很不高興。他整天無(wú)所事事。我們住在鄉(xiāng)下一所大宅子里,就是加特庫(kù)姆莊園,但他總是呆在倫敦,和朋友在一起。我想他還和別的女人約會(huì)。他一回家就喝酒。每天都要喝上兩三瓶?!?/p>
“你沒(méi)有想過(guò)制止他嗎?”我問(wèn)。
“當(dāng)然想過(guò),我也試著去制止他。有一兩次我在他的酒里放了點(diǎn)兒銻,這樣酒的味道就不是那么好。結(jié)果他吐了,但他還是沒(méi)戒酒。”
我以前聽(tīng)說(shuō)過(guò)這樣的事。銻是一種危險(xiǎn)的有毒物質(zhì)——如果大量服用,會(huì)致人死亡。但有些妻子會(huì)放一點(diǎn)兒在她們丈夫的酒里,這會(huì)讓丈夫覺(jué)得惡心,這樣他們就不會(huì)喝太多酒。一些男的也會(huì)對(duì)愛(ài)喝酒的妻子做同樣的事。我覺(jué)得這么做不好。
“他喝醉后就打我。別把我送回他身邊,格利醫(yī)生!求您別把我送回去!”她雙眼含淚地說(shuō)。
“當(dāng)然不會(huì),親愛(ài)的。”我輕聲說(shuō),“別擔(dān)心。女人就不應(yīng)該和他那樣的男人生活在一起?!?/p>
但是,弗洛倫絲擔(dān)心丈夫亞歷山大會(huì)逼她回家。當(dāng)時(shí),法律對(duì)婦女的行為有很嚴(yán)格的規(guī)定。大多數(shù)男人都喜歡這些法律,但我不喜歡。我認(rèn)為法律對(duì)女性不公平。法律規(guī)定,已婚婦女無(wú)自主決定的權(quán)利。她需要一位男性——一位監(jiān)護(hù)人——替她作決定。通常,這位監(jiān)護(hù)人是她的丈夫或父親,但有時(shí)朋友也可以成為婦女的監(jiān)護(hù)人。
“如果你想離開(kāi)你丈夫,”我說(shuō),“我可以幫你。從法律上說(shuō),我可以成為你的監(jiān)護(hù)人。我現(xiàn)在就可以讓我的律師準(zhǔn)備相關(guān)文件。這樣你丈夫就不能命令你回家,你父親也不能對(duì)你的事指手畫腳。你同意這么做嗎?這么做會(huì)讓你安心嗎?”
“哦,是的,求您這么做吧,格利醫(yī)生。”她說(shuō),“您愿意為我那么做嗎?您能不能今天就寫信告訴您的律師?”
我笑了?!胺浅T敢鉃槟阈冢H愛(ài)的。”
我的幾位律師立刻著手準(zhǔn)備相關(guān)文件。弗洛倫絲的丈夫亞歷山大非常生氣,但他無(wú)法阻止我。
弗洛倫絲繼續(xù)住在莫爾文,我每天都和她聊天。她是個(gè)美麗、聰慧的年輕女子,而且她很喜歡我的醫(yī)院。我的醫(yī)院不同于其他醫(yī)院。我給病人提供冷熱水浴、健康營(yíng)養(yǎng)的食物、適于休息的安靜環(huán)境——收效不錯(cuò)!我跟弗洛倫絲聊來(lái)訪過(guò)的名人——查爾斯·達(dá)爾文,查爾斯·狄更斯,弗洛倫絲·南丁格爾。她喜歡聽(tīng)那些事。時(shí)間一天天過(guò)去,她的氣色開(kāi)始好起來(lái)了。她聊天時(shí)的心情變得挺不錯(cuò)。有時(shí)她甚至?xí)诡佉恍Α?/p>
她的笑容很美。事實(shí)上,她是個(gè)非常漂亮的年輕女子,是我見(jiàn)過(guò)的最漂亮、最有意思的年輕女子。
我跟她講了我的家庭。我那時(shí)63歲,有一個(gè)大弗洛倫絲10歲的兒子,一個(gè)小孫女。但我的妻子住在約克郡的一家醫(yī)院里。她80歲了,已經(jīng)糊涂了,既認(rèn)不出我,也認(rèn)不出兒子。所以,我實(shí)際上算是沒(méi)有妻子了。
我的律師們完成他們的工作后,弗洛倫絲在法律上和她的丈夫亞歷山大·里卡多分居了,而我成了她的監(jiān)護(hù)人。
“我能繼續(xù)住在這里嗎?”她問(wèn)我。
“你想在這里住多久就住多久?!蔽艺f(shuō),“但你現(xiàn)在自由了,我不會(huì)干涉你的生活。”
她笑了,拉住我的手說(shuō):“噢,對(duì),詹姆斯,當(dāng)然。你人太好了。我對(duì)你感激不盡?!?/p>
那是她第一次叫我詹姆斯,那種感覺(jué)——美妙極了!我想即刻攬她入懷,跳上一曲!當(dāng)然我沒(méi)有那么做——她才25歲,而我已經(jīng)63歲了,但是……男人即便已年邁,依然可能墜入情網(wǎng)。
愛(ài)情會(huì)傷人,對(duì)年輕人的傷害有多深,對(duì)老年人的傷害就會(huì)有多深。也許更深,因?yàn)槔夏耆说臅r(shí)間所剩無(wú)幾。
1871年4月,亞歷山大·里卡多去世了。他之前一直有病,弗洛倫絲離開(kāi)他后,他酒喝得越來(lái)越多,經(jīng)常生病。最后,酒精毀了他的胃。
他去世后,弗洛倫絲,他的遺孀,變得非常富有。丈夫的錢財(cái)都?xì)w她所有。但她父親并不是她的監(jiān)護(hù)人,我是。那年下半年,她和我去德國(guó)度假。
那是我一生中最美妙的一次度假。我們?nèi)チ税头ダ麃喼菀粋€(gè)叫基辛根的小鎮(zhèn)。我們徜徉在山林里,漫步在花園中,欣賞美麗清澈的河流。我們上飯店吃飯,去劇院看戲,真是幸福的一對(duì)。
我們像夫妻一樣出雙入對(duì)。事實(shí)上,旅館里的一些人以為她就是我妻子。我們整天歡聲笑語(yǔ)的,有說(shuō)不完的話。我肯定,大家都能輕易看出我愛(ài)上了她。
我停止不了自己看她、想她。我的所做、所思、所寫、所言,全都是為了她。
那么她是怎么想的呢?她愛(ài)我嗎?
我認(rèn)為她也愛(ài)我。我們一起在鎮(zhèn)上散步時(shí),弗洛倫絲神采奕奕,笑口常開(kāi),還會(huì)哼唱歌曲。晚上,我們會(huì)跳上幾個(gè)小時(shí)的舞。弗洛倫絲很健康,也很強(qiáng)壯——比我強(qiáng)壯。她跟我有說(shuō)不完的話,她管我叫“我的名醫(yī)”。我覺(jué)得她和我在一起時(shí)很開(kāi)心,她愿意日日夜夜和我在一起。
難道這不是愛(ài)情?
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