橘香飄飄,情意切切 The Scent of Oranges
文字難度:★★★☆
Death, and the notion of aging, has always hung over me like a heavy cloud. I have sought ways of avoiding the topic. But here I find myself visiting my mother, recently confined to a 1)home. All around me, I hear death 2)hissing through the 3)clang of 4)bedpans and squeals of wheelchairs, through the endless 5)drone of 6)catatonic dining companions. Amid the vacant eyes of childlike faces, the tired bodies 7)draped before the dinner trays, my mother sits facing me. She glances at the gift of oranges I have brought her and nods her approval.
一直以來,“死亡”、“衰老”這些念頭就如陰霾一般籠罩在我的頭上。我千方百計(jì)回避這個(gè)話題。然而,此刻,我在探望最近困臥老人院的母親,再也難以逃避了。在這里,死神在我耳邊嘶嘶鳴響——便盆的叮當(dāng)聲,輪椅的刺耳吱嘎聲,還有那些緊張兮兮的飯友們沒完沒了的嗡嗡聲。那些老人面帶稚氣、眼神空洞,疲倦的身軀在碟碟盆盆前像窗簾一樣垂著,在他們中間,我母親與我相對而坐。她瞄了一眼我?guī)淼拈僮?向我點(diǎn)頭表示滿意。
I have come 3,000 miles to be with her, but silence forms a wall between us now. 8)Advanced 9)Parkinson’s has already claimed her voice. Her legs, long withered,10)dangle uselessly. I wheel her into her small room, still 11)stupefied by the disease that chains us both to these white walls away from life.
我從三千英里(約4827公里)以外的地方來看她,但如今沉默卻在我們之間筑起了一堵墻。晚期帕金森病已經(jīng)讓她無法開口說話。她萎縮已久的,喪失了一切功能的雙腿吊晃著。我把她推到一個(gè)小房間里,仍不能相信這病就這樣將我們拴在這幾堵白墻之內(nèi),脫離了生活。
My mother’s eyes are luminous, glistened pearls. Once they flashed 12)indignantly at the thought of being in a nursing home, then accusingly, then 13)beseechingly. Now they simply look at me with 14)resignation. Sometimes they stare into a far off place.
母親的雙眸明亮,如光彩閃亮的珍珠。曾經(jīng),一想到住進(jìn)養(yǎng)老院,她的雙眸一開始流露出的是憤怒,然后是指責(zé),再后來是懇求。但如今,她只是順從地看著我,偶爾,雙眼定格在某個(gè)遙遠(yuǎn)的地方。
I watch her helplessly as the minutes tick by. My mind races to fill the space taken up by silence. I think: if only she had been diagnosed earlier, if only I were not so far away. Then hope, not guilt, would be a visitor. I remember the warmth of her back when she carried me, my small arms 15)wrapped around her like a shawl. How, when I was red with fever, she rocked my 16)blistered body until I fell asleep. The hot nights on the rooftops of Kowloon eating watermelon seeds and watching the 17)neon lights twinkling in the streets below. The first days in America when I clung to her like a shadow. The dark times, too, when I 18)cowered in a corner before her 19)wrath. These thoughts I hold onto like photographs in an album, stilled images of the mother I no longer have access to.
時(shí)間一分一秒地流逝,我只是無助地看著她。沉默之中,我的腦海里飛快地閃過很多很多的念頭。我覺得,如果再早一點(diǎn)診斷的話,如果我住在離她不那么遠(yuǎn)的地方,那可能還有希望,我感到的就不會是愧疚了。我還記得小時(shí)候,她背著我時(shí)那背上透出的溫暖,而我的小手臂就像圍巾一樣緊緊地纏著她;我發(fā)燒時(shí),全身泛紅,她輕輕地?fù)u著我長滿皰疹的身體,直到我睡著;在炎夏的晚上,我們在九龍的屋頂天臺,嗑著瓜子,看著下面街道上閃爍的霓虹燈。剛到美國的時(shí)候,我像影子一樣粘著她。還有那些艱難的日子里,面對她的怒火,我在角落瑟瑟縮縮。這些揮之不去的回憶就像相冊里的照片一樣,將母親的形象定格,而這些是我在現(xiàn)實(shí)生活中無法再目睹到的。
She points a 20)gnarled finger at the orange I left on her table. I peel it carefully, glad to have something to do. A 21)spray of 22)citrus fills the air and her eyes widen like a child anticipating sweets. I hand her a slice, which she grasps unsteadily. She brings it 23)painstakingly to her mouth and sucks with soft 24)smacks. I eat my slice too, squeezing the little 25)beads of juice with my teeth until the flavor bursts over my tongue like a rain shower.
她用粗糙起繭的手指朝我放在她桌上的橘子指了一下。我認(rèn)真地剝起橘子來,慶幸總算有點(diǎn)事可做了。橘子的汁液噴射而出,香味飄溢在空氣中,她睜大了眼睛,就像盼望著糖果的孩童似的。我遞給她一瓣橘子,她顫悠悠地接住了。她艱難地把橘子往嘴里送,吸吮起來,吃得有滋有味,發(fā)出輕輕的“咂咂”聲。我也吃了一片,牙齒碾壓過小小的果粒,直到橘子的味道如一場陣雨般灑落在我的舌頭上。
Oranges were always around in our house when I grew up. They cleansed the 26)palate after every dinner; topped 27)pomelos on New Year’s 28)altars, were the calling cards of visitors who always brought the fruit as a gift to the host. To me they were heavy sacks of obligation during holidays and weekends, when my mother and I 29)wended our way through 30)tenement buildings to visit fellow immigrants from China. The tables were 31)littered with 32)melon seeds and orange 33)peels as I waited impatiently while my mother and her friends chatted; conversations I found hard to relate to, preferring instead to bury my head in a 34)Nancy Drew book while they reminisced about the old village.
從小,橘子在家里就是無處不在的。它們是每次飯后凈化口氣的好東西,新年的時(shí)候它們被堆在柚子上面,擺放在神臺上,對總喜歡帶上這水果給主人家的客人來說,橘子就是他們的名片。而對我來說,它們是我和母親在節(jié)假日時(shí)的一袋袋沉重負(fù)擔(dān)——我和母親會走街串巷,穿過出租屋去拜訪那些大陸移民同鄉(xiāng)。還記得那樣的情形:桌上散落著瓜子和橘子皮,母親和她的朋友們聊著天,我則不耐煩地等待著;他們聊的是我無法理解的事,在他們緬懷村莊舊事的時(shí)候,我更愿意埋頭看我的《南茜·珠爾》系列偵探小說。
Now this bright leather-skinned fruit is the only bridge between us. We eagerly suck the memories the 35)piquant flavor evokes. The 36)tart 37)vapors tickle our nostrils. I can see from my mother’s 38)twitch of a smile that she remembers, too. She chews slowly, savoring each bite, as if the thoughts will fade away as soon as the orange is eaten and more slices of her life will peel away.
如今,這顏色鮮艷,外皮厚厚的水果成了我們之間唯一的橋梁。我們迫切地吸取這刺激氣味所激起的回憶。那酸酸的氣味搔撓著我們的鼻孔。從母親那抽搐的一笑,我知道她也還記得那些時(shí)光。她慢慢地咀嚼,品味著每一口,仿佛記憶會隨著被吃掉的橘子消逝,她的生命也會被瓣瓣撕落。
We finish the whole orange. She 39)belches in satisfaction. I wipe her chin; then we sit and gaze at each other. There are so many words that will never get spoken; dreams that will stay unfulfilled; regrets that are etched in our skins like 40)birthmarks. But in this moment it does not matter what I want her to be, what she used to be, or what I fear she is becoming. There is only the room, the faint scent of oranges, and us, breathing in unison. We sit and breathe together. In this moment is the whole of our lives.
我們吃完了整個(gè)橘子,她滿足地打著飽嗝。我擦了擦她的下巴,然后我們又坐著,凝視著對方。千言萬語未能說,許多的夢想也未及實(shí)現(xiàn);遺憾就像胎記一樣刻在我們的皮膚上。然而,在這個(gè)時(shí)刻,我希望她成為什么樣的人,她過去是什么樣的人,或者是我害怕她會變成什么樣的人,這一切一切都已經(jīng)不重要了。在這個(gè)房間里,只有那淡淡的橘香,而我們母女倆一同呼吸著這香味。我們就這樣坐著,一同呼吸著。這一刻就是我們生活的全部。