TED演講：簡(jiǎn)單愛(ài)，但不將就

So let me tell you a love story. Once upon a time, not so long ago, in a land I Googled to be 5172 miles away. I met a guy and he was perfect. So I'll tell you the meeting story.

讓我告訴你們一個(gè)愛(ài)情故事。就在不久之前，在一個(gè)谷歌上說(shuō)位于5172英里以外的地方 ，我遇到一個(gè)完美的人，我跟你們講一講我們是怎么認(rèn)識(shí)的吧。

I`d just taped this really cool TV show about experimenting with your sexuality. And I met him at the after-party through one of our famous friends who was a DJ. He was tall, dark, handsome, kind of rock star and a little bit emotionally unavailable.

我當(dāng)時(shí)在拍一個(gè)特別酷的關(guān)于性取向?qū)嶒?yàn)的電視節(jié)目。然后我在慶功派對(duì)上通過(guò)一個(gè)有名的DJ朋友認(rèn)識(shí)他。他很高，很帥，膚色黝黑，算是個(gè)搖滾明星，有點(diǎn)遙不可及的感覺(jué)。

Very soon. We were spending all of our time together. we threw these really cool parties for all of our cool friends, we went backstage at every festival and when my hands were cold, you would take them under his arms to warm them up.

然后我們進(jìn)展的很快，天天在一起，我們?cè)谝黄鸾o朋友們開(kāi)派對(duì)，每次演唱我們都會(huì)跑到后臺(tái)去親熱，要是我手冷了，他會(huì)把我的手放在他胳膊下邊取暖。

He was my best friends and I thought we'd be together forever. And so strong was that belief that when the warning signs came, I just ignored them. Until the day that I couldn't ignore them anymore.

他曾是我最好的朋友，我曾經(jīng)以為我們能永遠(yuǎn)在一起，而且堅(jiān)信不疑，以至于我忽略了那些曾經(jīng)出現(xiàn)的警告信號(hào)，直到有一天，我再也不能不略他們了。

I've become quite unwell, I wasn't so pretty anymore. And I definitely couldn`t go out to any of the parties. In fact, I was for the first time in my life actually vulnerable because I was miscarrying a baby.

我身體變得很差，我再也不那么好看了，而且我再也不能去參加聚會(huì)了。事實(shí)上那是我人生中第一次變得那么脆弱，因?yàn)槲伊鳟a(chǎn)了，失去了我們的孩子。

And at that point, When I was at my weakest, he left. It's not a joke, aha, coming downstairs and you know what, but I would have followed him out of the door to the ends of the Earth. but I couldn't get out of my bed.

但是就在我最虛弱的時(shí)候，他離開(kāi)了我，這不是笑話(huà)。他下樓的時(shí)候你知道嗎？我本會(huì)跟著他出門(mén)，然后隨他浪跡天涯。但是我下不了床。

when I did get up. I found that our house had been stripped bare. The paintings were gone from the walls and the rooms that we used to dance in together were empty. I walked around those rooms like an animal, howling.

當(dāng)我們能下床的時(shí)候，我發(fā)現(xiàn)我們的房子被搬空了。墻上的畫(huà)不見(jiàn)了，我們平時(shí)跳舞的房間也空了。我就像野獸一樣咆哮著在那些空房間里走來(lái)走去。

Picking myself up off the literal floor that day. I had to recognize that after all of this excitement and this joy and this fantasy, the end of all that love, I had nothing. And you know what that wasn't even the first time something like that had happened to me.

那天，當(dāng)我自己從地板上站起來(lái)的時(shí)候，我不得不承認(rèn)在所有的那些興奮/歡快和幻想之后，在這份愛(ài)情的最后，我一無(wú)所有，而且你知道嗎？這還不是我第一次經(jīng)歷這種事情。

I was a magnet for chaos. I like chaos. Because when I was in chaos, I didn't have to confront anything about who I was. Truthfully, I hadn`t known who I was for years .because on the floor that day, I did have someone, I had myself, but for a long time that had come to feel like it was meant nothing. and it was invaluable.

我以前就像一個(gè)糟糕生活的磁鐵，我很喜歡糟糕的生活。因?yàn)楫?dāng)我生活一團(tuán)糟的時(shí)候我就不必面對(duì)任何有關(guān)“我是誰(shuí)”的問(wèn)題，事實(shí)上，在那之前我已經(jīng)很多年都不知道“我是誰(shuí)”了。因?yàn)槟翘煸诘匕迳?，我并不是一無(wú)所有，我還有我自己。但是之前很長(zhǎng)一段時(shí)間我還有自己，這件事感覺(jué)好像沒(méi)有任何意義。但是這件事非常可貴。

So I know it seems a bit self- indulgent to come out here today and talk to you guys about like effectively a break-up story. But it was one of a chain of many incidences that made me think maybe there's other people like me. Maybe there's other people that aren`t approaching love in the right way.

所以我知道我今天知道我來(lái)到這里實(shí)際上就是講一個(gè)分手的故事，好像看起來(lái)有點(diǎn)只顧我自己表現(xiàn)了。但是分手這件事是很多事件當(dāng)中的一個(gè)重要環(huán)節(jié)，這些事情讓我想到“也許還有其他人，”像我一樣用錯(cuò)誤的方式追求著愛(ài)情。

Because I think we've all had experiences, right? They look like love, they feel like love. But when you open them up, there's nothing loving about them. But we continued to chase love because I think love is sold to us. as almost like the ultimate solution to ourselves.

因?yàn)槲覀冇X(jué)得我們都有相似的經(jīng)歷，對(duì)嗎？他們看起來(lái)就像愛(ài)情，感覺(jué)也想愛(ài)情，但當(dāng)你把他們打開(kāi)來(lái)仔細(xì)看到時(shí)候，你發(fā)現(xiàn)那根本就不是愛(ài)情。但是我們還在尋找愛(ài)情，沒(méi)有停止。因?yàn)槲矣X(jué)得愛(ài)情幾乎被我們當(dāng)成解決自身問(wèn)題的最終答案。

The things that makes our past okay, that gives us a direction for the future and imbues our everyday reality with meaning. I think love can be beautiful. I think it can be exciting.but I think sometimes it can also be an act of escapism.

愛(ài)情讓我們釋?xiě)蚜诉^(guò)去，給我們未來(lái)的方向。讓我們每天的生活都有了人意義，雖然我認(rèn)為愛(ài)情可以是美好的，愛(ài)情可以是激動(dòng)人心的，但是我認(rèn)為它有的時(shí)候也是一種逃避現(xiàn)實(shí)的行為。

And I `ve had a long time to think about this. As the introduction said. I am the artist formerly known as the UK`s leading dating expert. And before that I was a ghost writer in the pickup industry.

而且關(guān)于這個(gè)問(wèn)題我想了很久，就像介紹里邊說(shuō)的那樣，我以前是英國(guó)頂級(jí)的約會(huì)專(zhuān)家，在那之前我是約會(huì)網(wǎng)站的代寫(xiě)專(zhuān)家。

And I volg about the reality of love on my YouTube. And now I have a completely different approach, a very minimalist strategy when it comes to dating. And that's really because I'm concerned that in our quest for love, sometimes it can be the ultimate distraction to fixing ourselves.

我在油管上做關(guān)于愛(ài)情的真實(shí)情況的日常生活視頻，但是我現(xiàn)在對(duì)于約會(huì)有了完全不同的方式，是一種極簡(jiǎn)主義的策略。而這卻是是因?yàn)槲覔?dān)心，在我們追求愛(ài)情的過(guò)程中，愛(ài)情有時(shí)會(huì)成為極大的干擾，讓我們不能專(zhuān)注于解決自身的問(wèn)題。

But gradually,you know what, A great thing happened is that I came back into the room, I became aware again, my mind start to work. I reconnected with my family. The friends that were left with the good ones.

但是漸漸的，你知道嗎？ 發(fā)生了一件好事，那就是我回到之前和做一些真正使我們快樂(lè)的事情，因?yàn)?，不要誤解我的意思，我當(dāng)然認(rèn)為渴望依戀他人，渴望親密關(guān)系，渴望愛(ài)情，這些目標(biāo)都是自然的，都是人的本性，都是好的。

But I think sometimes the way we go about them is a bit weird. Weather That's crazy ridiculous on off destructive relationships or needing to go out on a date every single night of the week with a different person,

但我覺(jué)得人們追求這些目標(biāo)的方式有時(shí)有點(diǎn)奇怪，不管是瘋狂的，荒唐的，時(shí)斷時(shí)續(xù)的，具有破壞性的戀情，還是需要每天晚上都和不同的人出去約會(huì)。

You know like the hip form of dating, where you have someone on the back burner, someone on the front burner, someone under the grill, and then someone else over there in the freezer, just in case, god forbid. You spend a night by yourself.

你知道的，現(xiàn)在流行的約會(huì)模式，就行烤肉似的，后邊的烤架上有人，前邊的烤架上有人，底下有人，然后冰箱里還有個(gè)備胎。這么多的對(duì)象，就是讓自己千萬(wàn)別有一天晚上獨(dú)自度過(guò)。

In this, it feels really like loneliness is the driver or escapism is the driver not love. So I`m kind of starting to preach the opposite believe now, that,of course. the answer lies not in another person, but within yourself.

似乎人們出去約會(huì)是害怕孤獨(dú)，或者是為了逃避現(xiàn)實(shí)而約會(huì)，而不是因?yàn)閻?ài)情，所以我現(xiàn)在要開(kāi)始宣揚(yáng)一種與此相反的觀點(diǎn)。那就是約會(huì)的真諦不在于別人，而在于你自己。

Because I think sometimes the melodrama of love takes us further away rather than closer. To who we actually are. So I find my dating advice is gradually shrinking down to be essentially go meditate, get some therapy, read a book.

因?yàn)槲矣X(jué)得有時(shí)候愛(ài)情當(dāng)中的狗血?jiǎng)∏椋瑫?huì)讓人們和真實(shí)的自我越來(lái)越遠(yuǎn)，而不是越來(lái)越近，所以我發(fā)現(xiàn)現(xiàn)在的約會(huì)建議逐漸的濃縮到一句話(huà)，其實(shí)就是自己冥想，去做心里治療，讀本書(shū)。

It's not what you would call like a sexy strategy for the millennial generation. A generation that is used to 4G download speeds. skyping a friend aboard, and Netflix and chill with someone you just met from Tinder.

這對(duì)我們千禧世代肯定不是一個(gè)很酷的建議，我們這代人習(xí)慣了在4G網(wǎng)絡(luò)的下載速度。習(xí)慣了和國(guó)外的朋友視頻聊天，習(xí)慣了和剛在交友軟件上認(rèn)識(shí)的人約會(huì)。

Um, so I think when we`re used to expecting everything we want right here. Right now, when we can't just vend an automatic level of human connection, we not only feel like we're getting it wrong, but like we're not getting what we`re entitled to.

所以我覺(jué)得當(dāng)我們習(xí)慣了想要的什么東西就隨手可得，當(dāng)我們不能用一種自然的方式，形成人與人之間的連接的時(shí)候，我們不只是覺(jué)得我們好像哪里做錯(cuò)了，而且我們還會(huì)覺(jué)得這不是我們應(yīng)得的。

And then you just take one look at instagram , everybody else has it sorted out? And we sort of live in a culture that surrounds us, telling us that we should have fallen in love or be falling in love, or at least have great sex, right?

然后你看一下社交軟件，除了你以外，所有人都把這件事搞明白了，我們好像生活在這樣一種文化氛圍里，就是好像我們每個(gè)人都應(yīng)該沉浸在愛(ài)河里，或者正愛(ài)上某人，至少過(guò)的性福，對(duì)吧？

Like yesterday, you know, let's face it, who actually enters into the arena of love looking to maybe become a better person to be kinder to have more integrity to get more grounded. No one does that It`s because our eyes are off ourselves. We're looking for that next adventure, that greener grass, that new person. So we don't have to deal with any of that stuff.

比如昨天晚上，你懂的，說(shuō)實(shí)話(huà)，有誰(shuí)在愛(ài)情當(dāng)中是為了真正成為一個(gè)更好的人？成為更善良的，更正值的人？成為更理智的人。沒(méi)有人那么想，這是因?yàn)槲覀兊哪抗怅P(guān)注的不是我們自己，我們關(guān)注的下一段經(jīng)歷，和更美的風(fēng)景，和下一個(gè)對(duì)象。所以我們不必處理那些自身的問(wèn)題。

And I understand how easily it happens. Right? You just kind of meet someone sexy. I don't know where maybe it was a party on the train or the tube, as we would say in London, or maybe just met them. You both joined Tinder that day.

我明白這一切都順理成章，對(duì)吧？你就只是遇到了一個(gè)性感的人，不管在哪里，可能在聚會(huì)上，在火車(chē)上，或者在倫敦的地鐵上?；蛘咴谕惶熳?cè)了Tinder。

How magical! And before too long, You realize that you have some stuff in common like WOW you both like almond butter, star wars. You can name all four teenage mutant ninja hero turtles.

多神奇??！不久，你就會(huì)意識(shí)到你們有一些共同點(diǎn)，比如哇哦，你們都喜歡杏仁醬，星球大戰(zhàn)，你可以說(shuō)出四只忍者英雄海龜?shù)拿帧?/p>

And then like suddenly you`re retelling, how you met like this serendipitous coincidence of cosmic proportions, it`s like move over Romeo and Juliet not that ended very well. Let`s all remember that.

然后突然間你在復(fù)述，你是如何相遇的，就像這宇宙比例的偶然巧合，就像羅密歐和朱麗葉，結(jié)局不是很好。讓我們記住這一點(diǎn)。

So when you`re thinking you're not exactly being Romeo and Julian, and we`re actually living in the real world. I think the thing is the main sell. When you kind of fall for someone, is it`s like Yippee, I`m not along anymore. Hooray! Nailed it ! coz you get to-guess what you do?

所以當(dāng)你認(rèn)為你不是羅密歐和朱利葉，而我們實(shí)際上生活在現(xiàn)實(shí)世界中時(shí)，我想我們的內(nèi)心活動(dòng)是這樣的.當(dāng)你愛(ài)上某人時(shí)，是不是想的是，耶，我不再一個(gè)人孤單了。我成功了。因?yàn)槟隳懿碌侥阍诟墒裁矗?/p>

You get to go home every night, and you get to your head on the pillow and you don't have to think about you know, your needs, your wants, your past, and actually kind of all the staff .that`s really probably stopping you from becoming happy, because you`re not fixing it.

你每天回到家，你躺倒床上，然后你就不必去思考你自己的需求，你的渴望，你的過(guò)往，所有的這些事，但是這可能阻礙了你得到真正的快樂(lè)，因?yàn)槟銢](méi)有真正解決自身的那些個(gè)問(wèn)題。

Instead you get to be entrapped by somebody else , track by somebody else. You're intrigued by them. Your mind has someone new to spiral into and focus on. I think sometimes when you're focusing on that perfect romance, you're actually doing the real work to fix the stuff， that's really probably,stopping you from becoming happy.

相反，你會(huì)被其他人困住，被其他人跟蹤。你對(duì)他們很感興趣。你的大腦有一個(gè)新的人可以進(jìn)入并專(zhuān)注于。我想有時(shí)候當(dāng)你專(zhuān)注于完美的愛(ài)情時(shí)，你實(shí)際上是在做真正的工作來(lái)修復(fù)這些東西，這很可能，阻止你變得快樂(lè)。

And because that, I think that most of us, when it comes to love and dating, kind of need an epic timeout and reset, for myself I did six months cold turkey, no dating, no internet dating. And I went to all of two parties, literally you could have written out my love life on the back of a postage stamp.

因?yàn)檫@個(gè)，我想我們大多數(shù)人，在談戀愛(ài)和約會(huì)的時(shí)候，需要一段放空和重啟的時(shí)間，對(duì)我自己來(lái)說(shuō)，我保持了六個(gè)月的空窗期，沒(méi)有約會(huì)，沒(méi)有網(wǎng)絡(luò)約會(huì)。我總共就參加了兩個(gè)派對(duì)，從字面上說(shuō)，我以前的愛(ài)情經(jīng)歷轟轟烈烈，都可以把我的愛(ài)情生活寫(xiě)在郵票的背面。

It was that exciting. And all this from the girl who used to, honestly, I used to pride myself on having a ridiculous love life.

真是太令人興奮了，而這一切都是從那個(gè)女孩那里得到的，說(shuō)實(shí)話(huà)，我曾經(jīng)為自己擁有一個(gè)瘋狂的愛(ài)情生活而自豪。

The story if I was here two years ago, guys, I`d have told you some amazing stories, but you know what after all of that,and after everything that happened, I thought, I would quite like to know who I am again, because and I think I'm not alone here. If you're experiencing groundhog day, when it comes to your dating life, I think the thing is, you think that it's because your meeting loads players, or nice guys finish last or you just haven't met the one yet, or that dating is a numbers game.

如果是兩年前我站在這里，我肯定會(huì)給你們講我那些令人驚嘆的愛(ài)情故事，但是你知道嗎？在體驗(yàn)過(guò)那些愛(ài)情之后，在經(jīng)歷過(guò)所有之后，我覺(jué)得我特別想再一次了解“我是誰(shuí)”，因?yàn)槲抑溃@不是我一個(gè)人這么想，如果你正在經(jīng)歷日復(fù)一日毫無(wú)新意的約會(huì)生活，我覺(jué)得問(wèn)題在于你認(rèn)為你遇到的都是些花花公子，最好的總在后邊，或者只是你還沒(méi)有遇到哪個(gè)對(duì)的人。或者把約會(huì)當(dāng)作一個(gè)數(shù)字游戲。

But I think actually these truisms that surround dating aren`t in fact true at all. In fact, I think they lead us away from what the real issue is, because the problem and I know this doesn't make for a comfy listening.

但事實(shí)上，我認(rèn)為這些圍繞約會(huì)的真理根本就不是真的。事實(shí)上，我認(rèn)為它們會(huì)讓我們遠(yuǎn)離真正的問(wèn)題所在，因?yàn)閱?wèn)題所在，而且我知道這并不能讓人舒服地傾聽(tīng)。

The problem, it's with you ,it's with me. It's with ridiculous ideas around romance, it`s with our need that we haven't realized yet. It's with our past. We don't want to talk about it`s with our desires, it's with our inability to get through one day without picking up our smartphones. And it's what we value.

問(wèn)題，是你，是我。是關(guān)于浪漫的荒謬想法，是我們還沒(méi)有意識(shí)到的需要。是關(guān)于我們的過(guò)去。我們不想談?wù)撐覀兊挠@是因?yàn)槲覀円惶於疾荒懿荒闷鹬悄苁謾C(jī)度過(guò)難關(guān)，我們?cè)僬湟暿裁础?/p>

So I decided after all of that I was like, you know what, I'm done with groundhog day in love. I actually wanna to discover a bit more about myself, because the truth is, I wasn't even born Haley Quinn. Right? Right? I chose the name. I thought it sounded cool.

所以我決定在那之后，我想，你知道嗎，我受夠了一次又一次的情感經(jīng)歷。我真的想多了解自己一點(diǎn)，因?yàn)槭聦?shí)上，我也不是生來(lái)就是海莉·奎恩。對(duì)吧？對(duì)吧？我選了這個(gè)名字。我覺(jué)得聽(tīng)起來(lái)很酷。

I was actually born in Hayley Whitle. And when I was born, I was grew up in a poor family, my parents were disabled. I was already teased at school a lot for being the weird girl. I used to work as a dishwasher, and because of that. There was so much pain and shame in my past.

我其實(shí)出生時(shí)候叫海利·惠特，我出生的時(shí)候，在一個(gè)貧窮的家庭長(zhǎng)大，父母都是殘疾人。我在學(xué)校已經(jīng)被戲弄了很多，因?yàn)槲沂且粋€(gè)奇怪的女孩。我曾經(jīng)是一個(gè)洗碗工，正因?yàn)槿绱耍谖业倪^(guò)去有太多的痛苦和羞愧。

I just didn't want to touch it. And the way I run away from it is I run away from it with love and with fantasy. But I decided after all that running, I wasn't really getting anywhere.

我只是不想碰它。我用愛(ài)情和幻想的方式來(lái)逃避它。但我發(fā)現(xiàn)逃避了這么久也沒(méi)有逃避到哪里去。

I was just recreating the same mistakes time and time again. So I thought i'd better stop.I was like, I want to actually feel something. And I can tell you, when I stopped, I did feel, I think I cried every single day for the first month on the phone to my mom, which was awkward because I hadn't really spoken to her for about a decade at that stage.

我只是一次又一次地重復(fù)同樣的錯(cuò)誤。所以我想我最好停下來(lái)，我真的想感受一些東西。我可以告訴你，當(dāng)我停下來(lái)的時(shí)候，我確實(shí)有所感受，在第一個(gè)月，每天都在給媽媽打電話(huà)哭，這很尷尬，因?yàn)槲以谀莻€(gè)階段已經(jīng)有很長(zhǎng)時(shí)間沒(méi)和她說(shuō)過(guò)話(huà)了。

And then I `d come home, and I`d come home to this empty dirty house, with no guy, no baby, no possessions left in it. And then some days I`d wake up and the pain would be so bad. That it felt like my heart was burning. And to resist the temptation on that stage to not reach out and take that little plaster of dating or love or some attention to fix how I was feeling was really hard.

然后我回家，回到這間空蕩蕩的骯臟房子，沒(méi)有男人，沒(méi)有孩子，里面沒(méi)有任何東西。然后有幾天我醒來(lái)，會(huì)感到痛苦萬(wàn)分，感覺(jué)我的心在燃燒。而且再那個(gè)時(shí)候要抵制外界的誘惑，不會(huì)再用約會(huì)或者戀愛(ài)或者其他的事情來(lái)掩蓋自己的真實(shí)感受，真的很難。

But gradually,you know what, A great thing happened is that I came back into the room, I became aware again, my mind start to work. I reconnected with my family. The friends that were left with the good ones.

但是漸漸的，你知道嗎？ 發(fā)生了一件好事，那就是我回到之前的房間，我又變得清醒了，我的思維又開(kāi)始正常運(yùn)轉(zhuǎn)了。我和家人的關(guān)系親密了，和那些之前疏遠(yuǎn)了的好朋友又恢復(fù)了聯(lián)絡(luò)了。

And I stopped being so obsessed with going out every night of the week or whether someone had read my messages on whatsapp. So that's why if you`re listening to what I'm saying, if you even see a shadow of yourself, a little shadow of your story and my ridiculous life, I would advice just taking a time to take that pause. And I'm going to tell you why I'm actually going to sell it to you.

我不再那么癡迷于一周中的每一個(gè)晚上出去，或者有人讀過(guò)我在whatsapp上的留言。所以如果你聽(tīng)我說(shuō)的話(huà)，如果你甚至看到了自己的影子，你的故事和我荒謬的生活的一點(diǎn)影子，我建議你花點(diǎn)時(shí)間暫停一下。我會(huì)告訴你為什么要這樣做，我要向你傳達(dá)一種觀點(diǎn)。

So here we go. first things first when you come home and your evening plans are make chicken soup and read a book, this no longer sounds bad. this sounds awesome. Although i'd like to point out my chicken soup literally still has the consistency of porridge, It's so bad. Work in progress work in progress.

那就是，首先，當(dāng)你回到家里，你晚上要做的就是煲湯和讀書(shū)，這不再是什么不好的事，其實(shí)著聽(tīng)起來(lái)很棒，盡管我必須承認(rèn)我做的雞湯還是稠的像粥一樣，做的特別糟糕，但是我孩子努力，加油！

Second thing, when you stop waiting for your Prince or princess to come crashing through the door and save you and solve your life, you start kind of living in the here and now more.And when you live in the here and now. you become more grounded, you become more confident, you become stronger.

其次，當(dāng)你不再等待你的王子或著公主沖進(jìn)你房門(mén)，來(lái)拯救你和你的生活的時(shí)候，你會(huì)開(kāi)始更投入的活在當(dāng)下。而且當(dāng)你活在當(dāng)下的時(shí)候，你會(huì)變更加清醒理智，更加自信，更加強(qiáng)大。

You also become more self aware. And when you're away ,you become more aware of people around you. And you know I saw,and what I saw? I see people running away all the time, every single day of their lives.

你會(huì)變得更加了解自己，而當(dāng)你了解自己的時(shí)候，你也會(huì)更加了解你身邊的人，所以你知道我了解到什么了嗎？我看到人們每天都在不停的奔跑，不停的逃避現(xiàn)實(shí)。

And then you see those situations, and you have the foresight to step back for a change rather than get involved.

然后你看到這種情況，你就會(huì)有一種遠(yuǎn)見(jiàn)，能夠后退一步改變一下現(xiàn)狀，而不是隨波逐流。

I also learned that life is pretty dramatic as it is and it throws you plenty of challenges. So you don't really need to create any more and go out there on a mission to have more drama, you can just leave it.

我也同樣認(rèn)識(shí)到，生活就是特別狗血，他會(huì)扔給你一個(gè)又一個(gè)的挑戰(zhàn)，所以你不必再去創(chuàng)造新的不必要的挑戰(zhàn)。也不必像完成使命一樣，出去尋找更所劇情了。你完全可以順其自然，

I also finally realized you know well , those people say to you. They say you need to be alone before you can or be by yourself before you can meet someone else. I used to think those people were boring. Now I think that right, they`re definitely probably right. Because I think sometimes actually

我也終于意識(shí)到你很清楚，那些人對(duì)你說(shuō)。他們說(shuō)在你能遇見(jiàn)別人之前你需要獨(dú)自一人，或者獨(dú)自一人。我以前認(rèn)為那些人很無(wú)聊?，F(xiàn)在我認(rèn)為是的，他們肯定是對(duì)的。因?yàn)槲蚁胗袝r(shí)候?qū)嶋H上--

when we actually confront our aloneness, and we start to deal with our needs and the past and all that horrible pain that, you know, as people, we just collect and carry with us throughout our lives.

--當(dāng)我們真正面對(duì)我們的孤獨(dú)，開(kāi)始面對(duì)我們的需求和過(guò)往，以及所有的痛苦，那些我們一生累積和背負(fù)的痛苦。

When we deal with that, and we're not running from it, in endless people or endless dates. When we don't have anything to prove anymore.

當(dāng)我們面對(duì)他們的時(shí)候，當(dāng)我們不再用無(wú)數(shù)的戀人和無(wú)休止的約會(huì)來(lái)逃避痛苦的時(shí)候，當(dāng)我們不再急于證明什么的時(shí)候。

When you don't need a destructive, ridiculous on-off relationship, in order to feel alive, in order to feel like you exist ,when you can just be, I kind of actually think that's real love.

當(dāng)你不再需要破壞性的，斷斷續(xù)續(xù)的荒唐戀愛(ài)來(lái)證明自己還活著，證明自己真實(shí)存在的時(shí)候，當(dāng)你能夠一切順其自然的時(shí)候，我覺(jué)得那才是真正的愛(ài)情。

Thanks very much.

非常感謝！