他其實(shí)沒(méi)那么喜歡你 第84期:忘掉他所有的借口和承諾

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第十一章

He's Just Not That Into You If He's a Selfish Jerk, aBully, or a Really Big Freak

如果他是個(gè)自私鬼、惡霸或奇葩，那么他只是沒(méi)那么喜歡你

If You Really Love Someone, You Want to Do Thingsto Make That Person Happy

如果你真的愛(ài)某個(gè)人，你會(huì)想做些什么來(lái)讓那個(gè)人快樂(lè)

"He's got so much good in him. He really does. I justwish he wouldn't tell me to shut up all the time."

“他本性是好的。真的。我只是希望他沒(méi)有總是讓我閉嘴。”

Yeah, that's a problem. Try not to ignore it. I know "he's got so many other great qualities."

那是個(gè)問(wèn)題。試著別去忽略它。我知道“他身上還有別的很多優(yōu)點(diǎn)。”

That's why you fell in love with him in the first place.

那是你最初愛(ài)上他的原因。

I know you wouldn't fall in love with an asshole.

我知道你不會(huì)愛(ài)上一個(gè)混蛋。

But here's the trick: Forget about him and his good qualities. Even forget about his bad ones.

但訣竅在于：忘記他和他的優(yōu)點(diǎn)。甚至也忘記他的缺點(diǎn)吧。

Forget about all his excuses and what he promises.

忘掉他所有的借口和承諾。

Ask yourself one question only: Is he making you happy?

只問(wèn)自己一個(gè)問(wèn)題：他讓你覺(jué)得快樂(lè)嗎?

People are complicated. They are a mixed bag of lovable and dysfunctional qualities.

人是很復(fù)雜的。他們身上既有討人喜歡之處，又有功能失調(diào)之處，混雜一體。

That's why they are so darn confusing. That's why trying to figure them out is a waste oftime.

這就是為什么他們總讓人感到困惑。這也是為什么想看透他們是浪費(fèi)時(shí)間。

Is he making you happy? I don't mean "some of the time" "on rare occasions"" not that often" "but the good still outweighs the bad".

他讓你覺(jué)得快樂(lè)嗎?我不是指“某些時(shí)候”，或者是“難得幾次”“沒(méi)那么頻繁”“但好的總比壞的多”。

Does he make it clear in his actions every day that your happiness is important to him?

他有每天都用行動(dòng)明確表示他很重視你的幸福感嗎?

If the answer is no, cut him loose and go find a man with a higher "good count.”

假如答案是否定的，把他甩掉，然后找個(gè)男人

The "He's Really Trying to Be Better" Excuse

“他真的在努力變好”的借口

Dear Greg,

親愛(ài)的格雷格，

My boyfriend is selfish. He says he loves me, and he does include me in his life.

我的男朋友很自私。他說(shuō)他愛(ài)我，而且他也確實(shí)讓我成為他生活的一部分。

We are close to each other's families and he is a very good man in many ways.

我們和對(duì)方家庭都很親近，在許多方面他都是個(gè)好男人。

But we have been living together for four years and he never shares household responsibilities:

但我們已經(jīng)同居四年了，他從來(lái)都不承擔(dān)任何家庭職責(zé)：

doesn't put any effort into going on nice dates with me, doesn't make a big deal about mybirthday, never brings me flowers, won't walk the dog, rarely compliments me, doesn't thankme when I make a nice dinner for him and his friends, isn't that affectionate, and doesn'twant to go on nice vacations with me.

他從不為和我有個(gè)美好約會(huì)作出努力，他覺(jué)得我的生日不是什么大事，他從不給我買花，不遛狗，很少夸獎(jiǎng)我，當(dāng)我為他和他的朋友做了一頓美味晚餐時(shí)也不會(huì)表達(dá)任何感謝，不怎么顯露愛(ài)意，也不想和我度過(guò)美好的假期。

We talk about it all the time, and he swears that he's trying to change, but his changes arepretty imperceptible.

我們經(jīng)常說(shuō)這件事，他也發(fā)誓他在努力改變，但這些改變太細(xì)微了，幾乎覺(jué)察不到。

The question is, can he really love me as much as he says he does, and be this much of a dick?

問(wèn)題是，他能同時(shí)真如他所說(shuō)的一樣愛(ài)我，又表現(xiàn)得如此混蛋嗎?

Signed Paula

寶拉