生活英語聽力文章：輸和贏的一場激烈爭論
一場爭論的輸贏
Have you ever had an argument with someone important to you? Did you win or lose? Do you love the feeling when the opposing argument gets shut down, and your opponent conforms to your opinion? Is that your ultimate goal? What about how your opponent feels? Do you care?
你有和別人進(jìn)行過對(duì)你很重要的爭論嗎?你贏了還是輸了?你喜歡那種讓對(duì)方無話可說屈從于你的觀點(diǎn)的感覺嗎?這是你的最終目標(biāo)嗎?你在乎對(duì)方的感受嗎?
I’m like many teenagers. Because I have strong (and often contrary) opinions, I’ve had my share of arguments; I’ve won some and lost some.
像許多青少年一樣，我的觀點(diǎn)很強(qiáng)勁(也經(jīng)常反對(duì)別人)，所以在爭論時(shí)我會(huì)有自己的一席之地。因?yàn)檫@個(gè)也有得有失。
I used to not hesitate to argue. I would jump into disagreements like they were a cold pool on a summer day. I was blind to the fact that nothing good was coming from these arguments. I wasn’t changing their views. In fact, it normally made my opponents feel stronger about their own opinions, and it would cause annoyance and anger. So I began to ask myself: How can I avoid tension and successfully get my point across?
我以前熱衷于和別人爭論，反對(duì)別人觀點(diǎn)的感覺對(duì)我來說就像是在夏天跳入泳池那樣爽。我之前對(duì)這些爭論帶來的敝處一無所知。我壓根沒有改變對(duì)方的想法。實(shí)際上，這還會(huì)讓對(duì)方更加堅(jiān)信他們自己的觀點(diǎn)，而且會(huì)惹惱對(duì)方。所以我開始反問自己：如何不通過爭論來表達(dá)清楚自己的觀點(diǎn)?
Five Solutions
5種解決方案
Here are four things I now think about when I find myself about to enter a disagreement that could end up in a heated argument.
現(xiàn)在每當(dāng)我想通過激烈的爭論來表達(dá)異議時(shí)，就會(huì)想起下面4個(gè)問題。
1. Is it Important to Me?
1.對(duì)我重要嗎?
Before saying anything to the other person, ask yourself: Is it worth it? What will be the benefit if I win? What will be the downside if I lose?
說話前問問自己：這值得嗎?輸贏對(duì)我分別有哪些利害?
When I would enter an argument too quickly, I would end up not having a strong opinion or supportive facts or being unwilling to listen to my opponent, and it would start unnecessary conflict.
每次我急于與人爭論時(shí)，結(jié)果往往不是我能提出有分量的觀點(diǎn)或支撐觀點(diǎn)的事實(shí)，而是往往以不愿聽對(duì)方的觀點(diǎn)告終，從而就會(huì)引發(fā)不必要的沖突。
In one of my favorite books, How to Win Friends and Influence People, (I have to admit that my dad paid me to read it.) Dale Carnegie said: “The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.” This is true, but often ignored because it takes more character to be silent than to speak one’s mind.
戴爾·卡內(nèi)基的《如何贏得友誼和影響別人》是我最愛的書之一(我得承認(rèn)這是我爸爸為我買的)?？▋?nèi)基在書中說道：“讓爭論得到最好結(jié)果的唯一辦法就是避免爭論。”這一事實(shí)卻常被忽略，因?yàn)橹挥行愿窀玫娜瞬拍茏龅匠聊皇潜磉_(dá)自己的觀點(diǎn)。
2. Have a Discussion, Not an Argument
2.討論而不要爭論
Arguments are commonly controlled by emotion, while discussions are more about understanding. It’s important not to enter a disagreement when emotionally compromised. When controlled by your emotions, you are more likely to say hurtful things, yell, and ultimately prevent the discussion from going anywhere. If you feel you are on the verge of an outburst, take a breather, and only return when you feel you are ready to approach the situation rationally.
爭論往往受到情緒的支配，而討論卻更多是以理解為基礎(chǔ)。在情緒失控時(shí)千萬不要發(fā)表否定意見，因?yàn)楫?dāng)你被情緒擺布時(shí)，你更可能出口傷人，大喊大叫，最終導(dǎo)致討論的中斷。如果你感覺自己將要爆發(fā)，深呼吸，然后當(dāng)你感覺你可以理性處理的時(shí)候在發(fā)言。
3. Ask Questions
3.問問題
Too many times I entered an argument knowing that I’m right and they’re wrong. Because why would I argue if I didn’t feel it worth fighting for? But then I realized, why would they think any different? Sometimes it is even better to ask questions rather than ignore the problem because you may begin to judge them without fully understanding their view. Simply learning why the person thinks a certain way can diminish the need for an argument all together. As my dad has taught me, there is always two sides to every story.
在過去我參與的許多爭論中，我知道我是對(duì)的而他們是錯(cuò)的。因?yàn)槿绻矣X得不值得的話我怎么會(huì)和他們?nèi)幷撃?但是，后來我意識(shí)到，為什么他們會(huì)有不同的想法呢?有時(shí)問問題都比忽視問題要好，因?yàn)槟阌锌赡軙?huì)在完全理解對(duì)方觀點(diǎn)前就開始進(jìn)行判斷。只要知道為什么對(duì)方會(huì)這樣想就能避免一場爭論。我爸爸常教導(dǎo)我說：凡事皆有兩面性。
4. Understand That No One Is You
4.明白自己是獨(dú)一無二的
No one is ever going to think the same as you. We are all very different—different personalities, different past experiences, and different present situations. Learning the way a person thinks is sometimes the only way of truly understanding their position.
沒有人的想法會(huì)和你的一模一樣。我們都很不一樣——不一樣的人品性格，過去經(jīng)歷和目前處境。學(xué)會(huì)用別人思考的方式看問題有時(shí)是真正理解對(duì)方處境的唯一方式。
Mend Old Wounds
修復(fù)舊傷
Have you been in an argument that had no closure to it—that was just left as an open wound? It’s so important to do everything you can to find that closure. Hard feelings and grudges are often the result of unsettled conflict. Whenever my brother and I would get into an argument my parents would put us in a room and we couldn’t come out until we had worked it out. We hated it, but it worked. Finish what you started. It can be a hard thing to do, to go back to that, but re-approaching the situation with the right attitude will help it go smoother.
你有和別人進(jìn)行過沒有結(jié)果只留下未彌合分歧的爭論嗎?盡力得出一個(gè)結(jié)論很重要，未解決的沖突往往是造成反感和怨恨的原因。每次我和我兄弟爭論，我的父母都會(huì)把我們關(guān)進(jìn)一間房子里，沒有爭出結(jié)果就不能出來。我們很討厭這樣，但真的有用。善始善終可能很難，但是態(tài)度端正地重新解決問題會(huì)使事情更順利。
My Challenge
我給你的挑戰(zhàn)
I want to encourage you to think about these four points when you find yourself on the verge of a disagreement.
當(dāng)你感覺自己想要發(fā)表不同意見的時(shí)候，我想要你思考以上四點(diǎn)。
What have you learned from working through difficult situations and what have you found works best in avoiding arguments? Please share your thoughts below this post.
你在處理困境的過程中學(xué)到了什么?你覺得什么是避免爭論的最好方法呢?請(qǐng)?jiān)谖恼孪路椒窒砟愕挠^點(diǎn)。
Simply thinking before you argue can result in less stress and more understanding, while carelessly jumping into an argument can result in regretful actions and damaged relationships.
爭論前簡單思考一下可以減少壓力，增進(jìn)理解，而無所顧忌地與人爭論會(huì)讓你后悔莫及，破壞關(guān)系。
