苔絲 Chapter14

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‘But you do not forgive me?’

“可是你不寬恕我嗎?”

‘Oh，Tess，it's not a question of forgiveness!You were one person，now you are another.How can forgiveness put that right?’

“啊，苔絲，這不是寬恕不寬恕的問(wèn)題。你從前是一個(gè)人，現(xiàn)在你是另外一個(gè)人了。這怎么是寬恕能改變得了的呢?”

He paused，considering this.Then suddenly he started laughing in an unnatural，horrible way.It was like a laugh out of hell.

他住了口，想了一想。接著，他突然狂笑起來(lái)，笑得那么怪異，那么可怕，猶如從地獄里發(fā)出的笑聲。

‘Don't —don't!’she cried，her face dead white.‘It kills me，that laugh!Angel，do you know what you're doing to me?I've been hoping，longing，praying to make you happy!’

“別——別這樣!”她叫道，臉色煞白。“你這么笑，會(huì)嚇?biāo)牢业?安吉爾，你知道你正在對(duì)我做什么嗎?我一直期待著、盼望著、祈禱著使你幸福!”

‘I know that.’

“這我知道。”

‘I thought，Angel，that you loved me—me，my very self!’ If you do love me，how can you treat me like this?It frightens me!Having begun to love you，I will love you for ever，in all changes，in all troubles，because you are yourself.I ask no more.Then how can you，my husband，stop loving me?’

“安吉爾，我本來(lái)以為，你是愛(ài)我的——愛(ài)我，就是愛(ài)我這個(gè)人哪!如果你真地愛(ài)我，你怎能這樣對(duì)我呢?我害怕極了!既然愛(ài)上了你，我就會(huì)永遠(yuǎn)愛(ài)著你。不論遇到什么變故，不論遭受什么困難，我都會(huì)愛(ài)你，永遠(yuǎn)地愛(ài)你，因?yàn)槟憔褪悄阊?我別無(wú)他求了。那么，為什么你，我自己的丈夫，會(huì)不再愛(ài)我了呢?”

‘I repeat，the woman I have been loving is not you.’

“我再說(shuō)一遍，我一直愛(ài)著的女人并不是你。”

But who is she?’

“那是誰(shuí)呢?”

‘Another woman in your shape.’

“和你長(zhǎng)得一樣的另外一個(gè)女人。”

Suddenly she realized how he saw her.For him she was a guilty woman pretending to be an innocent one.There was terror in her white face as she saw this.She could not stand， and he stepped forward，thinking she might fall.

她突然意識(shí)到他是怎樣看待她的。在他看來(lái)，她是一個(gè)假裝清白的罪人。當(dāng)她明白了這一點(diǎn)時(shí)，她慘白的臉上露出了驚恐的神色。她支撐不住了，他走上前去，以為她要跌倒了。

‘Sit down，’he said gently.‘You are ill，and I am not surprised.’

“坐下吧，”他輕聲說(shuō)道，“你病了，這并不讓我感到意外。”

She sat down，her face still full of fear and her eyes wild.

她坐了下來(lái)，依舊是滿臉的恐懼，眼睛里也滿是驚恐。

‘I don't belong to you any more then，do I，Angel?’she asked helplessly.And at last the tears came.Clare watched her sobbing，and waited until the first violence of her emotion had passed.

“安吉爾，我不再是你的人了，是嗎?”她無(wú)可奈何地問(wèn)道。終于，她的眼淚流了下來(lái)?？巳R爾看著她啜泣，一直等到她第一次的感情狂瀾平息下去。

‘Angel，’she said suddenly in a normal voice，‘am I too wicked for us to live together?’

“安吉爾，”她突然開(kāi)口了，聲音已恢復(fù)正常。“我是不是太壞了，使得我們不能生活在一起?”

‘I haven't had time to think what we should do.’

“我還沒(méi)有時(shí)間考慮我們?cè)撛趺崔k。”

‘I won't ask you to let me live with you，Angel，because I have no right to!I won't write to tell my family we are married，as I said I would.’

“我不會(huì)要求你讓我和你一起生活的，安吉爾，因?yàn)槲覜](méi)有這樣做的權(quán)利!我也不會(huì)寫(xiě)信給我家里人說(shuō)我們結(jié)婚了，這信我原先說(shuō)過(guò)要寫(xiě)的。”

‘Won't you?’

“你不寫(xiě)了嗎?”

‘No，I won't do anything unless you order me to.And if you go away，I won't follow you.And if you never speak to me again，I won't ask why，unless you tell me I can.’

“是的，我什么也不做，除非你要我去做。如果你離開(kāi)我，我不會(huì)跟著你。如果你不再對(duì)我講話，我也不會(huì)問(wèn)為什么，除非你說(shuō)我可以問(wèn)。”

‘And if I order you to do anything?’

“那么要是我真的要你做什么呢?”

‘I'll obey you，even if I have to lie down and die.’

“我會(huì)服從的，即使是你要我躺下死去也行。”

‘How good of you.But it seems you have changed.In the past you were keen to look after yourself.Now you are keen to sacrifice yourself.’

“你真好。但是，你像是已經(jīng)改變了。過(guò)去，你熱切地想照料自己;現(xiàn)在，你熱切地要犧牲自己。”

Clare's bitter words，however，were not fully understood by Tess.She only knew that he was angry with her.She stood silent，not knowing that he was struggling with his love for her She did not observe a large tear rolling slowly down his cheek He was realizing what a change Tess's confession had made to his whole life.He had to decide on some action.

然而，苔絲并沒(méi)有完全領(lǐng)會(huì)克萊爾這些酸楚的話語(yǔ)。她只知道他對(duì)她生氣了。她靜靜地站著，不知道他正在同他對(duì)她的愛(ài)作斗爭(zhēng)。她沒(méi)看到一人滴淚珠正順著他的面頰慢慢滾落卜來(lái)。他正在逐漸認(rèn)識(shí)到苔絲的坦白給他的整個(gè)生活帶來(lái)的變化。他必須決定采取某種行動(dòng)。

‘Tess，’he said，as gently as he could，‘I can't stay here just now.I'm going out.’

“苔絲，”他盡可能溫和地說(shuō)，“這一會(huì)兒，我在這兒待不下去了，我要出去走走。”

He quietly left the room.Two glasses of wine，ready for their supper，remained untouched on the table.Only two or three hours earlier they had drunk tea from the same cup.

他悄悄地走出房間，為晚餐準(zhǔn)備的兩杯酒仍然放在桌子上，不曾動(dòng)過(guò)。就在兩三個(gè)小時(shí)前，他們還用同一個(gè)茶杯共飲過(guò)一杯茶。

As he closed the door behind him，Tess jumped up.He had gone：she could not stay.She put out the candles and followed him The rain was over and the night was now clear.

當(dāng)他把門(mén)關(guān)在了身后時(shí)，苔絲跳了起來(lái)。他已經(jīng)走了，她也待不住了。她熄掉蠟燭，跟了出去。雨已停息，夜色現(xiàn)在也晴朗了。

Clare walked slowly and without purpose.His shape was black and frightening She walked just behind him.There was water on the road，where the stars could be seen reflected. Away from the house the road went through the fields.She followed Clare as a dog follows its owner.

克萊爾漫無(wú)目的地緩緩走著，他的身影漆黑嚇人。她只是跟在他后面走。路面上積了水，可以看到星星在里面反射的光芒。從房子出來(lái)的這條路通向田野。她就像條跟著主人的家犬一般跟隨著克萊爾。