散文佳作108篇 第19期:雄辯癥 A Case of Eloquence

A Case of Eloquence

王蒙

Wang Meng

一位醫(yī)生向我介紹，他們在門診中接觸了一位雄辯癥病人。醫(yī)生說：“請坐。”

A doctor once told me about one of his outpatients who suffered from the disease ofeloquence: "Please sit down," the doctor told him.

病人說：“為什么要坐呢?難道你要剝奪我的不坐權嗎?”

"Why should I?" the patient asked. "Are you going to deprive me of my right not to sit down?"

醫(yī)生無可奈何，倒了一杯水，說：“請喝水吧。”

The doctor could say nothing but offered him a glass of water. "Have some water then.”

病人說：“這樣談問題是片面的，因而是荒謬的，并不是所有的水都能喝。例如你如果在水里攙上氰化鉀，就絕對不能喝。”

The patient retorted, “This is lop-sided talk, so it is absurd. Not all water is drinkable. If youput same potassium cyanide in it, it will be undrinkable. "

醫(yī)生說：“我這里并沒有放毒藥嘛。你放心! ”

The doctor said, "1 didn't put any poison in it. Please rest assured."

病人說：“誰說你放了毒藥了呢?難道我誣告你放了毒藥?難道檢察院起訴書上說你放了毒藥?我沒說你放毒藥，而你說我說你放了毒藥，你這才是放了比毒藥還毒的毒藥!”

"Who said you put poison in it? Do you mean to say that I am lodging a false accusationagainst you? Has it been written cat the indictment of the procurator that you have putpoison in the water? I didn't say you had put poison in it, but you claimed that I said you hadput poison in it. So you have indeed put in move poisonous poison against met"

醫(yī)生毫無辦法，便嘆了口氣，換一個話題說：“今天天氣不錯。”

The doctor could not but heave a sigh and switched to another topic, “It's fine today.”

病人說：“純粹胡說八道!你這里天氣不錯，并不等于全世界在今天都是好天氣。例如北極，今天天氣就很壞，刮著大風，漫漫長夜，冰山正在撞擊……”

The patient replied, "Nonsense! The fact that it is fine here doesn't mean that it is fineeverywhere else in the world. At the North Pole, for example, it must be freezing, with strongwinds, long nights and icebergs colliding with one another. . . "

醫(yī)生忍不住反駁說：“我們這里并不是北極嘛。”

The doctor couldn't help but retorted, "Ibis is not the North Pole."

病人說：“但你不應該否認北極的存在。你否認北極的存在，就是歪曲事實真相，就是別有用心。”

The patient argued, “You can't deny the existence of the North Pole. If you do, you'll bedistorting facts with ulterior motives."

醫(yī)生說:“你走吧。”

Finally the doctor begged him, "Please go away."

病人說：“你無權命令我走。你是醫(yī)院.不是公安機關，你不可能逮捕我，你不可能槍斃我。”

The patient again answered back. "You have no right to order me to leave. Yours is a hospital,not a public security office. So you can't arrest me, nor shoot me to death. "

……經(jīng)過多方調查，才知道病人當年參加過“梁效”的寫作班子，估計可能是一種后遺癥。

An investigation revealed the fact that this patient had joined the so-called “Lung Xiao” (Anorganization doing the Cultural Revolution that wrote the major articles which voiced theopinions of the Gang of Four. Here "Xiao" also implies "Loyalty to the Gang of Four.") writinggroup. What he was suffering from may have been the after-effects of that period.