《渺小一生》:“我今天知道了你好多事。”

　 “I doubt that,” he said. “And I’m coming.”

“我很懷疑。”他說，“我要去。”

　 The picnic was held on the grounds of a large old mansion on the Hudson, a more polished cousin of the house in which he had shot Uncle Vanya, and the entire firm—partners, associates, staff, and their families—had been invited. As they walked down the clover-thick back lawn toward the gathering, he had felt abruptly and unusually shy, keenly aware that he was an interloper, and when Jude was just minutes later plucked away from him by the firm’s chairman, who said he had some business he needed to discuss, quickly but urgently, he had to resist actually reaching out for Jude, who turned and gave him an apologetic smile and held up his hand—Five minutes—as he left.

那個烤肉會在哈德遜河谷一處古老大宅的庭院舉行，類似他拍《凡尼亞舅舅》的那棟房子，只是更精致，受邀的包括整個律師事務(wù)所的合伙律師、普通律師、職員，還有他們的家人。他和裘德沿著長滿苜蓿的后草坪朝人群走去時，他忽然覺得異常害羞，強烈地意識到自己是個闖入者。才幾分鐘過后，裘德就被事務(wù)所的主席拉走，說有事情得跟裘德討論，很快但很急，他還得忍著不要伸手拉住裘德，而裘德離開時轉(zhuǎn)頭給了他一個歉意的微笑，舉起一手示意——五分鐘就回來。

　 So he was grateful for the sudden presence of Sanjay, one of the very few colleagues of Jude’s he had met, and who had the year before joined him as co-chair of his department so Jude could concentrate on bringing in new business while Sanjay handled the administrative and managerial details. He and Sanjay remained at the top of the hill, looking at the crowd beneath them, Sanjay pointing out to him various associates and young partners whom he and Jude hated. (Some of these doomed lawyers would turn and see Sanjay looking in their direction and Sanjay would wave back at them, cheerfully, muttering dark things about their lack of competence and resourcefulness to Willem as he did.) He began noticing that people were glancing up at him and then looking away, and one woman, who had been walking uphill, had ungracefully veered off in the opposite direction after noticing him standing there.

于是當(dāng)桑杰忽然出現(xiàn)時，他非常感激。桑杰是裘德的同事中極少數(shù)他見過的同事之一，前一年才剛成為裘德那個部門的共同主任，負(fù)責(zé)行政和管理的細(xì)節(jié)，好讓裘德專心帶入更多新客戶。他和桑杰一直站在小山山頂，看著底下的人群，桑杰指了好幾個他和裘德很討厭的同事和年輕合伙律師給他看（有些還回過頭來，看到桑杰就揮揮手，桑杰也會開心地?fù)]手響應(yīng)，只是嘴巴還喃喃地和威廉抱怨他們?nèi)狈δ芰?，或不夠機智）。他開始注意到有人會朝他看，然后又別開眼睛，其中一個本來在走上坡的女人留意到他站在那里，還頗沒禮貌地折往反方向。

　 “I can see I’m a big hit here,” he joked to Sanjay, who smiled back at him.

“看得出來，我在這里很受歡迎啊。”他跟桑杰開玩笑。桑杰朝他露出微笑。

　 “They’re not intimidated by you, Willem,” he said. “They’re intimidated by Jude.” He grinned. “Okay, and by you as well.”

“威廉，他們不是怕你，”他說，“他們是怕裘德，”他咧嘴笑了，“好吧，他們也怕你。”

　 Finally, Jude was returned to him, and they stood talking to the chairman (“I’m a big fan”) and Sanjay for a while before moving down the hill, where Jude introduced him to some of the people he’d heard about over the years. One of the paralegals asked to take a picture with him, and after he had, other people asked as well, and when Jude was pulled away from him again, he found himself listening to one of the partners in the tax department, who began describing to him his own stunt sequences from the second of his spy movies. At one point during Isaac’s monologue he had looked across the lawn and had caught Jude’s eye, who mouthed his apologies, and he had shaken his head and grinned back at him, but then had tugged on his left ear—their old signal—and although he hadn’t expected it, when he had looked over again, it was to see Jude marching toward him.

終于，裘德回來找他了。他們站在那里跟主席（“我是你的忠實粉絲”）和桑杰聊了一會兒，就開始走下坡。到了下面，裘德介紹他認(rèn)識了幾個人，都是多年來他聽裘德提到過的。其中一個律師助理要求跟他合照，之后就有其他人也要合照。等到裘德再度被人拉走時，他發(fā)現(xiàn)眼前是稅務(wù)部門的合伙律師艾薩克，正滔滔不絕地跟他描述他那“間諜三部曲”系列中第二部的一些特技場面。他聽著艾薩克的獨白，一度望向草坪對面，對上裘德的眼睛。裘德做出道歉的嘴型，他搖搖頭咧嘴笑了，但接著拉了拉左耳垂（他們的老暗號），沒想到等他再望向草坪對面時，就看到裘德正大步朝他們走來。

　 “Sorry, Isaac,” he’d said, firmly, “I’ve got to borrow Willem for a while,” and off he had pulled him. “I’m really sorry, Willem,” he whispered as they moved away, “the social ineptitude on display is particularly bad today; are you feeling like a panda at the zoo? On the other hand, I did tell you it was going to be awful. We can go in ten minutes, I promise.”

“對不起，艾薩克，”他堅定地說，“我得借用威廉一下。”就把他拉走。“真對不起，威廉。”他們離開時，裘德跟他低聲說，“今天大家的社交技巧特別糟糕；你覺得自己像動物園里的熊貓嗎？不過另一方面，我可是警告過你會很可怕的。再過十分鐘，我們就可以離開了，我保證。”

　 “No, it’s okay,” he said. “I’m enjoying myself.” He always found it revealing to witness Jude in this other life of his, around the people who owned him for more hours a day than Willem himself did. Earlier, he had watched as Jude walked toward a group of young associates who were braying loudly over something on one of their phones. But when they saw Jude approaching them, they had nudged one another and grown silent and polite, greeting him with a heartiness so robust and obvious that Willem had cringed, and only once Jude had passed them did they huddle over the phone again, but more quietly this time.

“不會，沒事的。”他說，“我玩得很開心呢。”他總覺得目睹裘德生活的另一面，置身在每天跟裘德相處更多時間的人群中，是很有啟發(fā)的一件事。稍早，他看著裘德走向一群年輕的普通律師，他們正在對著其中一人的手機大聲討論著。但他們一發(fā)現(xiàn)裘德走近，就互相撞著手肘，變得沉默有禮，對著他明顯又起勁地打招呼，搞得威廉很不安，而且直到裘德走過去，他們才又再度圍攏在那手機周圍，但這回小聲一點了。

　 By the time Jude was taken away from him a third time, he was feeling confident enough to begin introducing himself to the small pack of people who orbited him in a loose ring, smiling in his direction. He met a tall Asian woman named Clarissa whom he remembered Jude speaking about approvingly. “I’ve heard a lot of great things about you,” he said, and Clarissa’s face changed into a radiant, relieved smile. “Jude’s talked about me?” she asked. He met an associate whose name he couldn’t remember who told him that Black Mercury 3081 had been the first R-rated movie he had ever seen, which made him feel tremendously old. He met another associate in Jude’s department who said that he’d taken two classes with Harold in law school and wondered what Harold was like, really. He met Jude’s secretaries’ children, and Sanjay’s son, and dozens of other people, a few of whom he had heard about by name but most of whom he hadn’t.

等裘德第三度從他身邊被拖走，他已經(jīng)覺得夠自在，可以開始跟周圍那一小群朝他微笑的人自我介紹了。他認(rèn)識了一個叫克拉麗莎的高個子亞裔女人，想起裘德提過她，很是贊賞。“我聽說過你不少了不起的事跡。”他說。克拉麗莎露出一臉燦爛、放心的笑容。“裘德提到過我？”她問。他還認(rèn)識了一個記不起名字的普通律師，跟他說《黑色水星3081》是他看過的第一部限制級電影，讓他覺得自己好老。他還認(rèn)識了裘德那個部門的另一個律師，說自己曾在法學(xué)院修過哈羅德的兩門課，一直很好奇哈羅德私底下是什么樣子。他還見到裘德幾個秘書的小孩、桑杰的兒子，還有幾十個人，其中幾個他聽過名字，但大部分都沒聽過。

　 It was a hot, breezeless, brilliant day, and although he had drunk steadily all afternoon—limonata, water, prosecco, iced tea—it had been such a busy gathering that by the time they left, two hours later, neither of them had actually had the opportunity to eat anything, and they stopped at a farm stand to buy corn so they could grill it with zucchini and tomatoes from their garden up at the house.

那是個炎熱無風(fēng)的大晴天，他整個下午都持續(xù)在喝水——檸檬水、水、普羅賽克氣泡葡萄酒、冰紅茶，但是這場聚會太過忙碌，兩個小時后他們離開時，兩個人都沒有機會吃東西。于是他們半路在一家農(nóng)場的攤子旁停下來買玉米，等回到加里森的家里，可以連同從菜園摘的夏南瓜和西紅柿一起烤來吃。

　 “I learned a lot about you today,” he told Jude as they ate their dinner under the dark blue sky. “I learned that most of the firm is terrified of you and think that if they kiss up to me, I might put in a good word with you. I learned that I’m even older than I had realized. I learned that you’re right: you do work with a bunch of nerds.”

“我今天知道了你好多事。”他們在深藍(lán)色的天空下吃晚餐時，他告訴裘德，“我現(xiàn)在知道事務(wù)所里大部分人都怕你怕得要死，而且他們認(rèn)為巴結(jié)我，我可能會在你面前講點好話?，F(xiàn)在我知道我比我想的更老。我現(xiàn)在知道你說得沒錯：你的同事的確是一群呆瓜。”

　 Jude had been smiling, but now he laughed. “See?” he asked. “I told you, Willem.”

裘德原先一直保持微笑，但現(xiàn)在大笑起來。“看吧？”他說，“威廉，我早跟你說過了。”

　 “But I had a great time,” he said. “I did! I want to come again. But next time I think we should invite JB, and blow Rosen Pritchard’s collective mind,” and Jude had laughed again.

“不過我玩得很開心。”他說，“真的！我還想再去。只是下回我覺得我們應(yīng)該邀請杰比一起去，一定會把羅森·普理查德那些人都給嚇?biāo)馈?rdquo;裘德又大笑起來。

　 That had been almost two months ago, and since then, he has spent most of his time at Lantern House. As an early fifty-second birthday present, he’d asked Jude to take off every Saturday for the rest of the summer, and Jude has: every Friday he drives up to the house; every Monday morning, he drives back to the city. Because Jude would have the car during the week, he’d rented—partly as a joke, though he was secretly enjoying driving around in it—a convertible, in an alarming color that Jude referred to as “harlot red.” During the weekdays, he reads and swims and cooks and sleeps; he has a very busy autumn coming up, and he knows from how replenished and calm he feels that he’ll be ready.

那是將近兩個月前了，之后他大部分時間都待在燈籠屋。他要求裘德這個夏天接下來的每個星期六都別去上班，當(dāng)成提早送他52歲的生日禮物。裘德答應(yīng)了：每個星期五他就開車過來，星期一早上再開車回紐約市。因為裘德上班要用車，他就租了一輛敞篷車。那輛車有個被裘德形容為“蕩婦紅”的嚇人顏色（有點開玩笑，不過他心底其實很樂于開這輛車）。工作日，他閱讀、游泳、做菜、睡覺；接下來的秋天會很忙，但是從自己的充實感和冷靜感中，他知道他會準(zhǔn)備好的。

　 At the grocery store he fills a paper bag with limes, and then a second one with lemons, buys some extra seltzer water, and drives to the train station, where he waits, leaning his head on the seat and closing his eyes until he hears Malcolm calling his name and sits up.

這會兒他開車來到雜貨店，拿了個紙袋裝滿青檸，再用另一個紙袋裝檸檬，另外還買了些氣泡水，然后開車到火車站。他在車上等著，頭往后靠，閉上眼睛，直到他聽見馬爾科姆喊著他的名字，才坐直身子。

　 “JB didn’t come,” Malcolm says, sounding annoyed, as Willem kisses him and Sophie hello. “He and Fredrik broke up—maybe—this morning. But maybe they didn’t, because he said he was going to come up tomorrow. I couldn’t really figure out what was going on.”

“杰比不來了。”馬爾科姆說，聽起來很不高興，同時威廉吻了他和蘇菲。“今天早上，他和弗雷德里克好像分手了。但或許沒有，因為他說他明天再過來。我真的搞不懂是怎么回事。”

　 He groans. “I’ll call him from the house,” he says. “Hi, Soph. Have you guys eaten lunch yet? We can start cooking as soon as we get back.”

他哀嘆，“我回去再打電話給他。”他說，“嗨，蘇菲。你們吃過中飯了沒？我們一回去就可以開始做飯了。”

　 They haven’t, so he calls Jude to tell him he can start boiling the water for the pasta, but Jude’s already begun. “I got the limes,” he tells him. “And JB’s not coming until tomorrow; some difficulty with Fredrik that Mal couldn’t quite follow. Do you want to call him and find out what’s happening?”

他們沒吃中飯，所以他打電話給裘德，要他燒水準(zhǔn)備煮意大利面，但裘德已經(jīng)開始做了。“我買到青檸了。”他告訴他，“杰比要到明天才會來，他跟弗雷德里克出了點狀況，馬爾科姆不太清楚。你要不要打電話問他怎么回事？”

　 He loads his friends’ bags into the backseat, and Malcolm gets in, glancing at the car’s trunk as he does. “Interesting color,” he says.

他把馬爾科姆夫婦的行李袋放到后座，馬爾科姆也坐后座，看了一眼車身后方。“這顏色真有趣啊。”他說。

　 “Thanks,” he says. “It’s called ‘harlot red.’ ”

“謝了，”他說，“這叫‘蕩婦紅’。”