魅力的三要素

魅力的三要素

Olivia Fox Cabane, a charisma coach and the author of the book “The Charisma Myth,” says we can boil charismatic behavior down to three pillars.

奧麗維亞·?？怂?middot;卡班是一位魅力指導(dǎo)教練和《魅力神話》這本書(shū)的作者。她認(rèn)為我們可以將有魅力的行為分解成三個(gè)支柱要素。

The first pillar, presence, involves residing in the moment. When you find your attention slipping while speaking to someone, refocus by centering yourself. Pay attention to the sounds in the environment, your breath and the subtle sensations in your body — the tingles that start in your toes and radiate throughout your frame.

第一個(gè)要素是，儀態(tài)，它的重點(diǎn)是要關(guān)注眼前和當(dāng)下。要是你在跟人講話的時(shí)候發(fā)現(xiàn)自己忍不住走神了，那就通過(guò)先關(guān)注自我來(lái)重新找回注意力。關(guān)注一下周?chē)h(huán)境的聲音，你自己的呼吸，以及你身體的細(xì)微感受——比如那些始于你的腳趾，慢慢傳播至整個(gè)軀體的刺痛感。

Power, the second pillar, involves breaking down self-imposed barriers rather than achieving higher status. It’s about lifting the stigma that comes with the success you’ve already earned. Impostor syndrome, as it’s known, is the prevalent fear that you’re not worthy of the position you’re in. The higher up the ladder you climb, the more prevalent the feeling becomes.

權(quán)力，是第二個(gè)要素，它強(qiáng)調(diào)了在追求更高的目標(biāo)之前，更重要的是要打碎那些自己強(qiáng)加于身的重負(fù)。它要求你學(xué)著把伴隨自己取得的成功而來(lái)的那些恥辱感拋置腦后。廣為人知的“冒名頂替綜合癥”就是一種對(duì)于自己是否配不上現(xiàn)在所處的位置的普遍恐懼。你在梯子上爬得越高，這種感覺(jué)就來(lái)得愈發(fā)頻繁。

The key to this pillar is to remove self-doubt, assuring yourself that you belong and that your skills and passions are valuable and interesting to others. It’s easier said than done.

這個(gè)要素的關(guān)鍵在于要祛除自我懷疑，要一再肯定自己，告訴自己你屬于這里，你的技術(shù)和熱情對(duì)于他人來(lái)說(shuō)是有價(jià)值和有趣的。這說(shuō)起來(lái)比做起來(lái)要容易。

The third pillar, warmth, is a little harder to fake. This one requires you to radiate a certain kind of vibe that signals kindness and acceptance. It’s the sort of feeling you might get from a close relative or a dear friend. It’s tricky, considering those who excel here are people who invoke this feeling in others, even when they’ve just met.

第三個(gè)要素是，熱忱，這一點(diǎn)比較難偽裝。這個(gè)要素要求你能夠釋放一種特定的氛圍，這種氛圍使人感到友善和包容。這是那種你比較容易從至親和好友身上獲得的感受。這一點(diǎn)比較微妙，考慮到那些在這里表現(xiàn)出色的人通常都比較容易在別人身上引起這種感受，即便他們只是剛認(rèn)識(shí)。

To master this pillar, Ms. Cabane suggests imagining a person you feel great warmth and affection for, and then focusing on what you enjoy most about your shared interactions. You can do this before interactions, or in shorter spurts while listening to someone else speak. This, she says, can change body chemistry in seconds, making even the most introverted among us exude the type of warmth linked to high-charisma people.

要掌握好這個(gè)要素，卡班女士建議我們想象一個(gè)你能從他身上感受到大量熱忱和喜愛(ài)的人，然后把注意力放在你與之交流的過(guò)程中最享受的部分。你可以在與人交流之前做這件事，或是在傾聽(tīng)他人講話時(shí)簡(jiǎn)短的激勵(lì)一下自己。據(jù)她所說(shuō)，這樣做能夠在幾秒之內(nèi)改變你身體的化學(xué)反應(yīng)，能讓我們之中最內(nèi)向的那些人也能夠釋放出與那些魅力值很高的人同樣的熱忱氣息。