雅思大作文點評：應(yīng)幫助當?shù)厣鐓^(qū)還是國際組織？

　　Some people think we should provide help for the local communities. Others think we should give money and support to the national and international organizations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

　　The developments of local communities and national international organizations are important results caused by social improvement. Thus a heatedly discussed issue is that whether (兩個連詞引導(dǎo)一個從句，明顯錯誤) we should help the local communities or provide money and support to the national and international organizations (這句照抄了題目里的句子) . However in my opinion they are both necessary and complementary that we should not quit neither of them.

　　點評：2+1的模式，最后一句話正面表達了作者自己的觀點。但是前兩句話寫得并不好，要么有錯誤，要么照抄了題目里的句子。

　　Local communities play an important role in our daily life. Meanwhile they contribute a lot to the cultrual development. A unforgetable memory is that I joined a local league whose aim is to help the senior citizens in need when I was in high school. The group I belonged to was respected to help an old lady who lived alone and in a poor health. Our regular visits made her didn't feel lonely any longer.What's more,our activities jnflunced other citizens living in the same community, 　 and they egan to help the old lady as well. A good atmosphere formed. It's not difficult to imagine how terrible our life will be without local vommunities, those who need help may receive much less cocerns, and people's sense and awareness of helping each others whould fade away.

　　點評：這段有許多問題需要澄清一下：

　　1 。段落中舉例的問題。例證法是段落展開的常用方法，但是在雅思考試中不宜用太過冗長或描述很具體的例子，這樣會顯得段落太過繁瑣的。以上就是明證，盡管作者企圖用個具體的例子來證明自己的觀點，但是效果并不好。由于，例子太長，犯了很多語言錯誤。

　　2 。單詞拼寫錯誤過多也會降分。

　　Some people hold the opinion that national and international oranizations have nothing to do with us common people ，(這里需有個逗號) which I strongly disagree with. The best example is the international children fund SOS. The organization have heop thousands of children who have no patent or home from different places. Maybe some of them is not far from us. To many degrees, national and international organizations are the advanced form of local communities, they have the similar functions and effects.

　　點評：這段寫的比較簡潔，反而容易理解。

　　In other words, local communities and national and international organizations are the two sides of a coin. We can begin with helping local communities, then, we can go on to support the national and international organizations. ( 306words )

　　總評：作者還是對語言的掌握不夠精確。 5.5 分