雅思大作文點評：是否應(yīng)納稅？

　　Some people think we should keep all the money we earn and not pay tax to the state. Do you agree or disagree?

　　Almost every government around world(應(yīng)改為around the world) now takes money from its citizens as tax. With such money, they are able to improve the constructions within the countries, and more importantly, they could develop educational, medical and welfare system. It seems that every one(最好還是everyone) will benefit from it. (46words)

　　However, not every one considers such tax system a reasonable one. Many argue that they are pressured by tax, especially in the developed countries where the tax rates are rather high, for comparatively a large portion of their incomes are collected by the governments. For example, it’s quite common in such countries that the amount of the tax collected from the husband’s income is as much as the wife’s total income. I believe most women would rather choose to stay at home if there is no income tax which is so high. (92words)

　　On the other side, most people support the tax system, no matter how much tax he pays every year. Just like what I mentioned above, with the tax money, the government could do a great number of things which will benefit them. Without such money, how can the roads, schools, and hospitals be constructed and how could we travel, receive education and treatment? So though the tax rates are somewhat high in some areas, still there are many citizens who are willingly(應(yīng)改為willing) to pay. (84words)

　　As to myself, I agree with the latter. No one could deny that the benefit he has gained from the programs built with the tax money. And I believe that with more money, the government could offer us better welfare conditions and every one will be able to enjoy a better life as a result,(最好改為;) besides, it’s a useful way to help the poor.(64words)

　　點評：大家會發(fā)現(xiàn)，這篇文章我改的很少!!!原因很簡單，因為明顯的錯誤很少!粗略地來看，文章寫得還比較流暢，明顯錯誤很少。但是有些措辭我覺得還不夠精確，比如：tax system是不是改為taxation system更好; if there is no income tax which is so high是不是直接說if there is no such income tax比較簡潔等等?!

　　換句話說，本篇作者的提高余地就不是語言的正確性了，應(yīng)該朝語言的精確性和多樣性方面發(fā)展，可以適當(dāng)用些復(fù)雜句，用些比較好的詞等等，來潤飾文章。這樣就可能達到7分，甚至更高了!

　　此外，本篇文章結(jié)構(gòu)清晰，采用的是4段論的寫法，一段支持，一段反對，還比較清晰，在最后一段(而不是第一段)交待了自己的觀點，這種寫法只要處理的好，在實戰(zhàn)當(dāng)中還是非常值得一用的。

　　總評：6分。不知道為什么，總感覺沒什么地方能讓我給7分?？赡苁且驗槲恼聸]什么亮點之處吧。此外，值得一提的是，藍色部分是比較好用的套句或慣用結(jié)構(gòu)，作者處理得很好，沒有做作的感覺。