“The Mozart School of Music should obviously be the first choice of any music student. First of all, the Mozart School stresses intensive practice and training, so students typically begin their training at a very young age. Second, the school has ample facilities and up-to-date professional equipment. Also, its faculty includes some of the most distinguished music teachers in the world. Finally, many Mozart graduates have gone on to be the most renowned and most highly paid musicians in the nation.”
滿分范文解析
This argument concludes that the Mozart School should be the first choice of any music student based on (1) its intensive practice requirements for students of all ages, (2) its outstanding facilities, up-to-date equipment, and distinguished faculty, and (3) the accomplishments of its graduates. The evidence provided indicates that the Mozart School of Music should, in fact, be the first choice but the argument has several fatal flaws.
【此段結(jié)構(gòu)】
本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument開(kāi)頭段結(jié)構(gòu),即:C – E - F的開(kāi)頭結(jié)構(gòu),首句概括原文的C(Conclusion),同時(shí)概括了原文為了支持他的結(jié)論所引用的E(Evidence)。最后尾句中給出開(kāi)頭段到正文段的過(guò)渡句,指出原文在邏輯上存在F(Flaw)。
【此段功能】
本段作為Argument開(kāi)頭段,具體功能就在發(fā)起攻擊。首先,概括原文的結(jié)論:Mozart(簡(jiǎn)稱(chēng)M)學(xué)校是音樂(lè)學(xué)生的首選。接下來(lái)分別列舉了原文為了支持這個(gè)結(jié)論引用的證據(jù):一是M學(xué)校各個(gè)學(xué)生的intensive practice,二是M學(xué)校舉要好的設(shè)施和教工,三是M學(xué)校畢業(yè)生有很高的成就。論據(jù)的歸納用于鋪墊出正文段的具體攻擊。最后點(diǎn)出原文存在邏輯錯(cuò)誤,引出后面的分析。
First, while The Mozart School of Music is known for its intensive practice and training regimen, the school might only be suitable for new, young students. Perhaps the methods would be a shock for students already familiar with alternative styles of instruction. For that matter, many older students with other interests and activities may find the intensity and time commitment troubling.
【此段結(jié)構(gòu)】
本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu),即:概括第一個(gè)邏輯錯(cuò)誤的錯(cuò)誤類(lèi)型和原文犯錯(cuò)位置,接下來(lái)給出合理的理由和他因來(lái)反駁原文。
【此段功能】
本段作為正文第一段,攻擊文章犯的主要邏輯錯(cuò)誤:錯(cuò)誤因果。作者認(rèn)為M學(xué)校的intensive practice和training regimen可能只適合低年齡段學(xué)生。進(jìn)一步,作者提出M學(xué)校的訓(xùn)練法可能不適合那些年齡大一些的,有音樂(lè)基礎(chǔ)的學(xué)生。
Secondly, if the claims are true that the outstanding facilities, equipment, and faculty are offered, it may follow that the cost for these benefits is passed on to students in the form of high tuition. Thus the argument assumes that for all prospective music students’ money is no object—a more affordable school may, in fact, be the first choice for music students.
【此段結(jié)構(gòu)】
本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu),即:概括第二個(gè)邏輯錯(cuò)誤的錯(cuò)誤類(lèi)型和原文犯錯(cuò)位置,接下來(lái)給出合理的理由和他因來(lái)反駁原文。
【此段功能】
本段作為正文第二段,攻擊文章犯的主要邏輯錯(cuò)誤:因果錯(cuò)誤(忽略他因)。作者outstanding facilities, equipment, faculty可能意味著高學(xué)費(fèi)。作者提出原文中的“money is no object”的說(shuō)法可能不合理,因?yàn)閷W(xué)費(fèi)也是學(xué)生考慮的因素。
Thirdly, while many alumni have moved on to become rich and famous, the argument doesn’t offer a relevant connection between the graduates and potential students. For example, perhaps the earlier, successful graduates benefitted from market trends that have since changes. Therefore, it would stand to reason that any students with the same type of training would no longer fit the bill. Maybe another school provides the technical training that could better prepare students for emerging opportunities in the music scene.
【此段結(jié)構(gòu)】
本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu),即:概括第三個(gè)邏輯錯(cuò)誤的錯(cuò)誤類(lèi)型和原文犯錯(cuò)位置,接下來(lái)給出合理的理由和他因來(lái)反駁原文。
【此段功能】
本段作為正文第三段,攻擊文章犯的主要邏輯錯(cuò)誤:因果類(lèi)。作者認(rèn)為alumni成功不能說(shuō)明問(wèn)題,因?yàn)樵臎](méi)有提到graduate和student之間的connection。接下來(lái)。作者列舉了一些可能性來(lái)反駁原文中的觀點(diǎn)。例如,早期畢業(yè)生的成功更多由市場(chǎng)潮流造成的,可能具有相同訓(xùn)練的學(xué)生不能適合,可能其他學(xué)校的學(xué)生會(huì)有更多機(jī)會(huì)。