In spite of these changes, the liberation of women has not been completely realized. We also should realize, women’ likerty are limited. For example, many factories want men become its workers but the chance of women is less than men. Everyone should do their best to change this condition. I’m sure, the liberation of women would be increased.
東方教育點(diǎn)評：基本切題。但表達(dá)思想不清楚，連貫性差。有較多的嚴(yán)重語言錯誤。
具體問題剖析：（1）各段圍繞中心句論述不深入，沒有說服力。
（2）銜接不自然，沒有用適當(dāng)?shù)年P(guān)聯(lián)詞，如第一段幾個句子之間可以用一些“besides”、“on the other hand”、“furthermore”、“in addition”等。
