考研英語(yǔ)作文考場(chǎng)范文批改及點(diǎn)評(píng)(13)

As is indicated in the cartoon above,a big crowded of drivers stay in cars on the road,waiting for their turn to go,with patience almost running up(表達(dá)不準(zhǔn)確且句子缺成分，根據(jù)圖片可改為and even some people want to hold the car to go out of the long queue).In fact ,nowadays,this phenomenon reflected by the picture is so widespread,especially in super(super改為big，super表示“超級(jí)”，用在此處不合適)cities.Thanks to the fast development of economy,we have a chance to experience the more(去掉the more，rich為單音節(jié)形容詞，其比較級(jí)直接在后面加-er即可) richer life.As a result of that,(第一句用thanks to表示原因，第二句用as a result of that也表示原因，這樣有點(diǎn)繁瑣，建議將兩句話合為一句話，可改為and)the number of people who own cars is larger and larger.The once wide roads become narrow (漢語(yǔ)式英語(yǔ)，可改為The wide roads before become narrow now).In order to get to destination(改為destinations，每個(gè)人的目的地不一樣，應(yīng)用復(fù)數(shù)形式)on time,people have to set up (改為set out，set up意為“建立，創(chuàng)立”;set out為“出發(fā)”，注意短語(yǔ)的正確選擇) earlier in case of being blocked.By the way ,discharging too much carbon-dioxide to the air would(改為will) destroy the environment.Therefore,it is imperative for us to take measures to change the fact.The simplest method is to diminish the times(改為time，time在表示“時(shí)間”時(shí)，為不可數(shù)名詞，當(dāng)“次數(shù)”講時(shí)為可數(shù)名詞) of using private transportations.There is no doubt the world would change into a better place for us to live benefited from all the efforts we devote.(漢語(yǔ)式英語(yǔ)，可改為There is no doubt that the world will be better for us to live in as long as all of us devote our efforts.)

編輯點(diǎn)評(píng)

文章中存在一些細(xì)節(jié)問(wèn)題，比如詞匯的選擇和一些基礎(chǔ)的語(yǔ)法知識(shí)。作者在寫作完之后若可以花費(fèi)幾分鐘時(shí)間來(lái)回讀文章，便會(huì)減少此類問(wèn)題，從而避免失分。同時(shí)，建議結(jié)合《寫作160篇》的指導(dǎo)，認(rèn)真復(fù)習(xí)，積累經(jīng)典句型，避免漢語(yǔ)式英語(yǔ)的表達(dá)，不斷提高自己的寫作水平。

參考分?jǐn)?shù)：11分(滿分20分)