考研英語作文考場范文批改及點(diǎn)評(12)

The duck mother, who is anxious and energetic, is begging the monkey teacher to teach her children the approach of climbing tree, which give(改為gives) him a fright. Conspicuously, that is a delicious(用詞不當(dāng)，delicious一般用來形容美食，故應(yīng)去掉)ironic(改為an ironic)depiction concerning blind education,(加and，句子之間用連詞連接)a phenomenon (句子缺謂語，加is)pervasive in contemporary society.This overwhelming, occupy with various kinds of irrational behaviors over children(句子表意不清，建議改為This overwhelmingly various kind of irrational behaviors), led(改為lead，句子時態(tài)應(yīng)保持一致)us to conclude that the blind education is more of a devastation to children’s faculties than a reasonable practice. This kind of aimless education kids(加are，be exposed to為固定短語) exposed to tend to be in (去掉，be exposed to后面直接跟賓語)domestic situation, by, (此處by是什么意思?)unfortunately, their own parents, who exert great pressure on children’s already over-burdened small shoulder.(改為children’s over-burdened small shoulders) More ridiculously, many parents know that countless flaws are consist in this way of education and yet most did litter(改為little，litter意為“垃圾”) to change it. There are upsetting parallels today, as parents one wave after another force their little kids (加to,force sb. To do sth.)participate in various kinds of out-class courses(“課外課程”可表達(dá)為extra-curriculum courses)(注意句子順序，改為as parents force their little kids to participate in various kinds of extra-curriculum courses one wave after another), as a result(去掉), their vulnerable heart become(改為will be) occupied with depression and anxious.The clear message is that we should get moving to protect our children. Firstly,suitable atmosphere must be created, where our kid can grow freely in harmonious, by us, especially the parents(表述不清新，建議將此部分去掉). Moreover, the authorities should charge with the obligation of fashioning the idea that education entails more than simply teach children numerous disciplines. Rather, making full display of children’s advantage and timely adjustment is(改為are) of substantial weight. Only by doing this, can we weather this crisis.

編輯點(diǎn)評

文章在句子組織方面，存在一些問題。作者應(yīng)該注意句子的正確表達(dá)，弄清楚句子的成分，句與句之間的邏輯關(guān)系等。建議作者從句子練起，每周可花幾天積累詞匯、經(jīng)典語句，然后自己根據(jù)積累的情況仿寫句子。在做真題時，注意長難句解析，鞏固基本的語法知識，達(dá)到自我提高的目的。

參考分?jǐn)?shù)：10分(滿分20分)