雙語全文 ● 魯迅——狂人日記

A Madman’s Diary

 

Two brothers， whose names I need not mention here， were both good friends of mine in high school； but after a separation of many years we grad­ually lost touch. Some time ago I happened to hear that one of them was se­riously ill， and since I was going back to my old home I broke my journey to call on them. I saw only one， however， who told me that the invalid was his younger brother.

 

“I appreciate your coming such a long way to see us，” he said， “but my brother recovered some time ago and has gone elsewhere to take up an official post.” Then， laughing， he produced two volumes of his brother’s diary，saying that from these the nature of his past illness could be seen and there was no harm in showing them to an old friend. I took the diary away， read it through， and found that he had suffered from a form of persecution complex. The writing was most confused and incoherent， and he had made many wild statements； moreover he had omitted to give any dates， so that only by the colour of the ink and the differences in the writing could one tell that it was not all written at one time. Certain sections， however， were not altogether disconnected， and I have copied out a part to serve as a subject for medical research. I have not altered a single illogicality in the diary and have changed only the names， even though the people referred to are all country folk， unknown to the world and of no consequence. As for the title，it was chosen by the diarist himself after his recovery， and I did not change it.

 

Ⅰ

 

Tonight the moon is very bright.

 

I have not seen it for over thirty years， so today when I saw it I felt inunusually high spirits. I begin to realize that during the past thirty-odd years I have been in the dark； but now I must be extremely careful. Other­wise why should the Zhaos’dog have looked at me twice？

 

I have reason for my fear.

 

狂人日記

 

某君昆仲，今隱其名，皆余昔日在中學(xué)校時良友；分隔多年，消息漸闕。日前偶聞其一大病；適歸故鄉(xiāng)，迂道往訪，則僅晤一人，言病者其弟也。勞君遠道來視，然已早愈，赴某地候補矣。因大笑，出示日記二冊，謂可見當(dāng)日病狀，不妨獻諸舊友。持歸閱一過，知所患蓋“迫害狂”之類。語頗錯雜無倫次，又多荒唐之言；亦不著月日，惟墨色字體不一，知非一時所書。間亦有略具聯(lián)絡(luò)者，今撮錄一篇，以供醫(yī)家研究。記中語誤，一字不易；惟人名雖皆村人，不為世間所知，無關(guān)大體，然亦悉易去。至于書名，則本人愈后所題，不復(fù)改也。七年四月二日識。

 

一

 

今天晚上，很好的月光

 

我不見他，已是三十多年；今天見了，精神分外爽快。才知道以前的三十多年，全是發(fā)昏；然而須十分小心。不然，那趙家的狗，何以看我兩眼呢？

 

我怕得有理。

 

Ⅱ

 

Tonight there is no moon at all， I know that this is a bad omen. This morning when I went out cautiously， Mr. Zhao had a strange look in his eyes， as if he were afraid of me， as if he wanted to murder me.

 

There were seven or eight others who discussed me in a whisper. And they were afraid of my seeing them. So， indeed， were all the people I passed. The fiercest among them grinned at me； whereupon I shivered from head to foot， knowing that their preparations were complete.

 

I was not afraid， however， but continued on my way. A group of chil­dren in front were also discussing me， and the look in their eyes was just like that in Mr. Zhao’s while their faces too were ghastly pale. I wondered what grudge these children could have against me to make them behave like this. I could not help calling out， “Tell me！” But then they ran away.

 

I wonder what grudge Mr. Zhao has against me， what grudge the peo­ple on the road have against me. I can think of nothing except that twenty years ago I trod on Mr. Gu Jiu’s old ledgers， and Mr. Gu was most dis­pleased. Although Mr. Zhao does not know him， he must have heard talk of this and decided to avenge him， thus he is conspiring against me with the people on the road. But then what of the children？ At that time they were not yet born， so why should they eye me so strangely today， as if they were afraid of me， as if they wanted to murder me？ This really frightens me； it is so bewildering and upsetting.

 

I know. They must have learned this from their parents！

 

二

 

今天全沒月光，我知道不妙。早上小心出門，趙貴翁的眼色便怪：似乎怕我，似乎想害我。還有七八個人，交頭接耳的議論我，又怕我看見。一路上的人，都是如此。其中最兇的一個人，張著嘴，對我笑了一笑；我便從頭直冷到腳跟，曉得他們布置，都已妥當(dāng)了。

 

我可不怕，仍舊走我的路。前面一伙小孩子，也在那里議論我；眼色也同趙貴翁一樣，臉色也都鐵青。我想我同小孩子有什么仇，他也這樣。忍不住大聲說，“你告訴我！”他們可就跑了。

 

我想：我同趙貴翁有什么仇，同路上的人又有什么仇；只有廿年以前，把古久先生的陳年流水簿子，踹了一腳，古久先生很不高興。趙貴翁雖然不認(rèn)識他，一定也聽到風(fēng)聲，代抱不平；約定路上的人，同我作冤對。但是小孩子呢？那時候，他們還沒有出世，何以今天也睜著怪眼睛，似乎怕我，似乎想害我。這真教我怕，教我納罕而且傷心。

 

我明白了。這是他們娘老子教的！

 

Ⅲ

 

I can’t sleep at night. Everything requires careful consideration if one is to understand it.

 

Those people， some of whom have been pilloried by the magistrate，slapped in the face by the local gentry， had their wives taken away by bailiffs or their parents driven to suicide by creditors， never looked as fright­ened and as fierce then as they did yesterday.

 

The most extraordinary thing was that woman on the street yesterday who was spanking her son. “Little devil！” She cried. “I’m so angry I could eat you！ ” Yet all the time it was me she was looking at. I gave a start， unable to hide my alarm. Then all those long-toothed people with livid faces began to hoot with laughter. Old Chen hurried forward and dragged me home.

 

He dragged me home. The folk at home all pretended not to know me；they had the same look in their eyes as all the others. When I went into the study， they locked me in as if cooping up a chicken or a duck. This incident left me even more bewildered.

 

A few days ago a tenant of ours from Wolf Cub Village came to report the failure of the crops and told my elder brother that a notorious character in their village had been beaten to death； then some people had taken out his heart and liver， fried them in oil， and eaten them as a means of increas­ing their courage. When I interrupted， the tenant and my brother both stared at me. Only today have I realized that they had exactly the same look in their eyes as those people outside.

 

Just to think of it sets me shivering from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet.

 

They eat human beings， so they may eat me.

 

I see that the woman’s “eat you，” the laughter of those long-toothed people with livid faces， and the tenant’s story the other day are obviously secret signs. I realize all the poison in their speech， all the daggers in their laughter. Their teeth are white and glistening： they use these teeth to eat men.

 

Evidently， although I am not a bad man， ever since I trod on Mr. Gu’s ledgers it has been touch-and-go with me. They seem to have secrets which I cannot guess， and once they are angry they will call anyone a bad character. I remember when my elder brother taught me to write compositions， no matter how good a man was， if I produced arguments to the contrary he would mark that passage to show his approval； while if I excused evildoers he would say， “Good for you， that shows originality.” How can I possibly guess their secret thoughts—especially when they are ready to eat people？

 

三

 

晚上總是睡不著。凡事須得研究，才會明白。

 

他們——也有給知縣打枷過的，也有給紳士掌過嘴的，也有衙役占了他妻子的，也有老子娘被債主逼死的；他們那時候的臉色，全沒有昨天這么怕，也沒有這么兇。

 

最奇怪的是昨天街上的那個女人，打他兒子，嘴里說道，“老子呀！我要咬你幾口才出氣！”他眼睛卻看著我。我出了一驚，遮掩不?。荒乔嗝驸惭赖囊换锶?，便都哄笑起來。陳老五趕上前，硬把我拖回家中了。

 

拖我回家，家里的人都裝作不認(rèn)識我；他們的眼色，也全同別人一樣。進了書房，便反扣上門，宛然是關(guān)了一只雞鴨。這一件事，越教我猜不出底細(xì)。

 

前幾天，狼子村的佃戶來告荒，對我大哥說，他們村里的一個大惡人，給大家打死了；幾個人便挖出他的心肝來，用油煎炒了吃，可以壯壯膽子。我插了一句嘴，佃戶和大哥便都看我?guī)籽?。今天才曉得他們的眼光，全同外面的那伙人一模一樣?/p>

 

想起來，我從頂上直冷到腳跟。

 

他們會吃人，就未必不會吃我。

 

你看那女人“咬你幾口”的話，和一伙青面獠牙人的笑，和前天佃戶的話，明明是暗號。我看出他話中全是毒，笑中全是刀。他們的牙齒，全是白厲厲的排著，這就是吃人的家伙。

 

照我自己想，雖然不是惡人，自從踹了古家的簿子，可就難說了。他們似乎別有心思，我全猜不出，況且他們一翻臉，便說人是惡人。我還記得大哥教我做論，無論怎樣好人，翻他幾句，他便打上幾個圈；原諒壞人幾句，他便說“翻天妙手，與眾不同”。我那里猜得到他們的心思，究竟怎樣；況且是要吃的時候。

 

Everything requires careful consideration if one is to understand it. In ancient times， as I recollect， people often ate human beings， but I am rather hazy about it. I tried to look this up， but my history has no chronology and scrawled all over each page are the words： “Confucian Virtue and Morality.”Since I could not sleep anyway， I read intently half the night until I began to see words between the lines. The whole book was filled with the two words—“Eat people.”

 

All these words written in the book， all the words spoken by our tenant，eye me quizzically with an enigmatic smile.

 

I too am a man， and they want to eat me！

 

Ⅳ

 

In the morning I sat quietly for some time. Old Chen brought in lunch：one bowl of vegetables， one bowl of steamed fish. The eyes of the fish were white and hard， and its mouth was open just like those people who want to eat human beings. After a few mouthfuls I could not tell whether the slip­pery morsels were fish or human flesh， so I brought it all up.

 

I said， “Old Chen， tell my brother that I feel quite suffocated and want to have a stroll in the garden.” Old Chen said nothing but went out， and presently he came back and opened the gate.

 

I did not move， but watched to see how they would treat me， feeling certain that they would not let me go. Sure enough！ My elder brother came slowly out， leading an old man. There was a murderous gleam in his eyes，and fearing that I would see it he lowered his head， stealing side-glances at me from behind his glasses.

 

凡事總須研究，才會明白。古來時常吃人，我也還記得，可是不甚清楚。我翻開歷史一查，這歷史沒有年代，歪歪斜斜的每葉上都寫著“仁義道德”幾個字。我橫豎睡不著，仔細(xì)看了半夜，才從字縫里看出字來，滿本都寫著兩個字是“吃人”！

 

書上寫著這許多字，佃戶說了這許多話，卻都笑吟吟的睜著怪眼睛看我。

 

我也是人，他們想要吃我了！

 

四

 

早上，我靜坐了一會。陳老五送進飯來，一碗菜，一碗蒸魚；這魚的眼睛，白而且硬，紅著嘴，同那一伙想吃人的人一樣，吃了幾筷，滑溜溜的不知是魚是人，便把他兜肚連腸的吐出。

 

我說“老五，對大哥說，我悶得慌，想到園里走走。”老五不答應(yīng)，走了；停一會，可就來開了門。

 

我也不動，研究他們?nèi)绾螖[布我；知道他們一定不肯放松。果然！我大哥引了一個老頭子，慢慢走來；他滿眼兇光，怕我看出，只是低頭向著地，從眼鏡橫邊暗暗看我。大哥說，“今天你仿佛很好。”我說“是的。”大哥說，“今天請何先生來，給你診一診。”我說“可以！”其實我豈不知道這老頭子是劊子手扮的！無非借了看脈這名目，揣一揣肥瘠：因這功勞，也分一片肉吃。我也不怕；雖然不吃人，膽子卻比他們還壯。伸出兩個拳頭，看他如何下手。老頭子坐著，閉了眼睛，摸了好一會，呆了好一會；便張開他鬼眼睛說，“不要亂想。靜靜的養(yǎng)幾天，就好了。”

 

“You seem very well today，” said my brother.

 

“Yes，” said I.

 

“I have invited Mr. Ho here today to examine you.”

 

“All right，” I replied. Actually I knew quite well that this old man was the executioner in disguise！ Feeling my pulse was simply a pretext for him to see how fat I was； for this would entitle him to a share of my flesh. Still I was not afraid. Although I do not eat men my courage is greater than theirs. I held out my two fists to see what he would do. The old man sat down，closed his eyes， fumbled for some time， remained motionless for a while；then opened his shifty eyes and said， “Don’t let your imagination run away with you. Rest quietly for a few days， and you will be better.”

 

Don’t let your imagination run away with you！ Rest quietly for a few days！ By fattening me of course they’ll have more to eat. But what good will it do me？ How can it be “better”？ The whole lot of them wanting to eat peo­ple yet stealthily trying to keep up appearances， not daring to do it outright，was really enough to make me die of laughter. I couldn’t help it， I nearly split my sides， I was so amused. I knew that this laughter voiced courage and integrity. Both the old man and my brother turned pale， awed by my courage，and，integrity.

 

But my courage just makes them all the more eager to eat me， to acquire some of my courage for themselves. The old man went out of the gate， but before he had gone far he said to my brother in a low voice. “To be eaten at once！” My brother nodded. So you are in it too！ This stupendous discovery，though it came as a shock， is no more than I might expect： the accomplice in eating me is my elder brother！

 

The eater of human flesh is my elder brother！

 

I am the younger brother of an eater of human flesh！

 

I， who will be eaten by others， am the younger brother of an eater of hu­man flesh！

 

不要亂想，靜靜的養(yǎng)！養(yǎng)肥了，他們是自然可以多吃；我有什么好處，怎么會“好了”？他們這群人，又想吃人，又是鬼鬼祟祟，想法子遮掩，不敢直截下手，真要令我笑死。我忍不住，便放聲大笑起來，十分快活。自己曉得這笑聲里面，有的是義勇和正氣。老頭子和大哥，都失了色，被我這勇氣正氣鎮(zhèn)壓住了。

 

但是我有勇氣，他們便越想吃我，沾光一點這勇氣。老頭子跨出門，走不多遠，便低聲對大哥說道，“趕緊吃罷！”大哥點點頭。原來也有你！這一件大發(fā)見，雖似意外，也在意中：合伙吃我的人，便是我的哥哥！

 

吃人的是我哥哥！

 

我是吃人的人的兄弟！

 

我自己被人吃了，可仍然是吃人的人的兄弟！

 

Ⅴ

 

These few days I have been thinking again： suppose that old man were not an executioner in disguise， but a real doctor； he would be nonetheless an eater of human flesh. That book on herbs by his predecessor Li Shizhen states explicitly that men’s flesh can be boiled and eaten； how then can he still deny that he eats men？

 

As for my elder brother， I have also good reason to suspect him. When he was teaching me， he told me himself， “People exchange their sons to eat.”And once in discussing a bad man he said that not only did the fellow deserve to be killed， he should “have his flesh eaten and his hide slept on.” I was still young at the time， and for quite a while my heart beat faster. That story our tenant from Wolf Cub Village told the other day about eating a man’s heart and liver didn’t surprise him at all—he kept nodding his head. He is evidently just as cruel as before. Since it is possible to “exchange sons to eat，” then anything can be exchanged， anyone can be eaten. In the past I simply listened to his explanations and let it go at that； now I know that when he gave me these explanations， not only was there human fat at the corner of his lips， but his whole heart was set on eating men.

 

Ⅵ

 

Pitch dark. I don’t know whether it is day or night. The Zhaos’dog had started barking again.

 

The fierceness of a lion， the timidity of a rabbit， the craftiness of a fox....

 

Ⅶ

 

I know their way： they are not prepared to kill outright， nor would they dare， for fear of the consequences. Instead they have banded together and set traps everywhere， to force me to kill myself. The behaviour of the men and women in the street a few days ago and my elder brother’s attitude these last few days make it quite obvious. What they like best is for a man to take off his belt and hang himself from a beam； for then they can enjoy their hearts’ desire without being blamed for murder. Naturally that delights them and sets them roaring with laughter. On the other hand， if a man is frightened or worried to death， though that makes him rather thin， they still nod in approval.

 

五

 

這幾天是退一步想：假使那老頭子不是劊子手扮的，真是醫(yī)生，也仍然是吃人的人。他們的祖師李時珍做的“本草什么”上，明明寫著人肉可以煎吃；他還能說自己不吃人么？

 

至于我家大哥，也毫不冤枉他。他對我講書的時候，親口說過可以“易子而食”；又一回偶然議論起一個不好的人，他便說不但該殺，還當(dāng)“食肉寢皮”。我那時年紀(jì)還小，心跳了好半天。前天狼子村佃戶來說吃心肝的事，他也毫不奇怪，不住的點頭?？梢娦乃际峭瑥那耙粯雍?。既然可以“易子而食”，便什么都易得，什么人都吃得。我從前單聽他講道理，也胡涂過去；現(xiàn)在曉得他講道理的時候，不但唇邊還抹著人油，而且心里滿裝著吃人的意思。

 

六

 

黑漆漆的，不知是日是夜。趙家的狗又叫起來了。

 

獅子似的兇心，兔子的怯弱，孤貍的狡猾，……

 

七

 

我曉得他們的方法，直截殺了，是不肯的，而且也不敢，怕有禍崇。所以他們大家連絡(luò)，布滿了羅網(wǎng)，逼我自戕。試看前幾天街上男女的樣子，和這幾天我大哥的作為，便足可悟出八九分了。最好是解下腰帶，掛在梁上，自己緊緊勒死；他們沒有殺人的罪名，又償了心愿，自然都?xì)g天喜地的發(fā)出一種嗚嗚咽咽的笑聲。否則驚嚇憂愁死了，雖則略痩，也還可以首肯幾下。

 

They only eat dead flesh！ I remember reading somewhere of a hideous beast with an ugly look in its eye called “hyena，” which often eats dead flesh. Even the largest bones it crunches into fragments and swallows； the mere thought of this makes your hair stand on end. Hyenas are related to wolves， wolves belong to the canine species. The other day the Zhaos’dog eyed me several times： it is obviously in the plot too as their accomplice. The old man’s eyes were cast down， but that did not deceive me.

 

The most deplorable is my elder brother. He’s a man too， so why isn’t he afraid， why is he plotting with others to eat me？ Does force of habit blind a man to What’s wrong？ Or is he so heartless that he will knowingly commit a crime？

 

In cursing man-eaters， I shall start with my brother. In dissuading maneaters， I shall start with him too.

 

Ⅷ

 

Actually such arguments should have convinced them long ago....

 

Suddenly someone came in. He was only about twenty years old and I did not see his features very clearly. His face was wreathed in smiles， but when he nodded to me his smile didn’t seem genuine. I asked him， “Is it right to eat human beings？”

 

Still smiling， he replied， “When there is no famine how can one eat human beings？”

 

I realized at once he was one of them； but still I summoned up courage to repeat my question：

 

“Is it right？”

 

他們是只會吃死肉的！——記得什么書上說，有一種東西，叫“海乙那”的，眼光和樣子都很難看；時常吃死肉，連極大的骨頭，都細(xì)細(xì)嚼爛，咽下肚子去，想起來也教人害怕。“海乙那”是狼的親眷，狼是狗的本家。前天趙家的狗，看我?guī)籽?，可見他也同謀，早已接洽。老頭子眼看著地，豈能瞞得我過。

 

最可憐的是我的大哥，他也是人，何以毫不害怕；而且合伙吃我呢？還是歷來慣了，不以為非呢？還是喪了良心，明知故犯呢？

 

我詛咒吃人的人，先從他起頭；要勸轉(zhuǎn)吃人的人，也先從他下手。

 

八

 

其實這種道理，到了現(xiàn)在，他們也該早已懂得，……

 

忽然來了一個人；年紀(jì)不過二十左右，相貌是不很看得清楚，滿面笑容，對了我點頭，他的笑也不像真笑。我便問他，“吃人的事，對么？”他仍然笑著說，“不是荒年，怎么會吃人。”我立刻就曉得，他也是一伙，喜歡吃人的；便自勇氣百倍，偏要問他。

 

“對么？”

 

“What makes you ask such a thing？ You really are ... fond of a joke.... It is very fine today.”

 

“It is fine， and the moon is very bright. But I want to ask you： is it right？”

 

He looked disconcerted and muttered， “No....”

 

“No？ Then why do they still do it？”

 

“What are you talking about？”

 

“What am I talking about？ They are eating men now in Wolf Cub Vil­lage， and you can see it written all over the books， in fresh red ink.”

 

His expression changed. He grew ghastly pale. “It may be so，” he said staring at me. “That’s the way it’s always been....”

 

“Does that make it right？”

 

“I refuse to discuss it with you. Anyway， you shouldn’t talk about it. It’s wrong for anyone to talk about it.”

 

I leaped up and opened my eyes wide， but the man had vanished. I was soaked with sweat. He was much younger than my elder brother， but even so he was in it. He must have been taught by his parents. And I am afraid he has already taught his son； that is why even the children look at me so fiercely.

 

Ⅸ

 

Wanting to eat men， at the same time afraid of being eaten themselves，they all eye each other with the deepest suspicion.

 

How comfortable life would be for them if they could rid themselves of such obsessions and go to work， walk， eat and sleep at ease. They have only this one step to take. Yet fathers and sons， husbands and wives， brothers，friends， teachers and students， sworn enemies and even strangers， have all joined in this conspiracy， discouraging and preventing each other from tak­ing this step.

 

“這等事問他什么。你真會……說笑話。……今天天氣很好。”

 

天氣是好，月色也很亮了?？墒俏乙獑柲?，“對么？”

 

他不以為然了。含含胡胡的答道，“不……”

 

“不對？他們何以竟吃？！”

 

“沒有的事……”

 

“沒有的事？狼子村現(xiàn)吃；還有書上都寫著，通紅斬新！”

 

他便變了臉，鐵一般青。睜著眼說，“有許有的，這是從來如此……”

 

“從來如此，便對么？”

 

“我不同你講這些道理；總之你不該說，你說便是你錯！”

 

我直跳起來，張開眼，這人便不見了。全身出了一大片汗。他的年紀(jì)，比我大哥小得遠，居然也是一伙；這一定是他娘老子先教的。還怕已經(jīng)教給他兒子了；所以連小孩子，也都惡狠狠的看我。

 

九

 

自己想吃人，又怕被別人吃了，都用著疑心極深的眼光，面面相覷。……

 

去了這心思，放心做事走路吃飯睡覺，何等舒服。這只是一條門檻，一個關(guān)頭。他們可是父子兄弟夫婦朋友師生仇敵和各不相識的人，都結(jié)成一伙，互相勸勉，互相牽掣，死也不肯跨過這一步。

 

Ⅹ

 

Early this morning I went to find my elder brother. He was standing outside the hall door looking at the sky when I walked up behind him，standing between him and the door， and addressed him with exceptional poise and politeness：

 

“Brother， I have something to say to you.”

 

“Go ahead then.” He turned quickly towards me， nodding.

 

“It’s nothing much， but I find it hard to say. Brother， probably all primi­tive people ate a little human flesh to begin with. Later， because their views altered some of them stopped and tried so hard to do what was right that they changed into men， into real men. But some are still eating people—just like reptiles. Some have changed into fish， birds， monkeys， and finally men；but those who make no effort to do What’s right are still reptiles. When those who eat men compare themselves with those who don’t， how ashamed they must be. Probably much more ashamed than the reptiles are before mon­keys.

 

”In ancient times Yi Ya boiled his son for Jie and Zhou to eat； that is the old story. But actually since the creation of heaven and earth by Pan Gu men have been eating each other， from the time of Yi Ya’s son to the time of Xu Xilin， and from the time of Xu Xilin down to the man caught in Wolf Cub Village. Last year they executed a criminal in the city， and a consumptive soaked a piece of bread in his blood and sucked it.

 

“They want to eat me， and of course you can do nothing about it single­handed； but why must you join them？ As man-eaters they are capable of anything. If they eat me， they can eat you as well； members of the same group can still eat each other. But if you will just change your ways， change right away， then everyone will have peace. Although this has been going on since time immemorial， today we could make a special effort to do what is right， and say this can’t be done！ I’m sure you can say that， Brother. The other day when the tenant wanted the rent reduced， you said it couldn’t be done.”

 

At first he only smiled cynically， then a murderous gleam came into his eyes， and when I spoke of their secret he turned pale. Outside the gate quite a crowd had gathered， among them Mr. Zhao and his dog， all craning their necks to peer in. I could not see all their faces， some of them seemed to be masked； others were the old lot， long-toothed with livid faces， concealing their laughter. I knew they were one gang， all eaters of human flesh. But I also knew that they did not all think alike by any means. Some of them thought that since it had always been so， men should be eaten. Others knew they shouldn’t eat men but still wanted to， and were afraid people might discover their secret； so although what I said made them angry they still smiled their cynical， tight-lipped smiles.

 

十

 

大清早，去尋我大哥；他立在堂門外看天，我便走到他背后，攔住門，格外沉靜，格外和氣的對他說，

 

“大哥，我有話告訴你。”

 

“你說就是，”他趕緊回過臉來，點點頭。

 

“我只有幾句話，可是說不出來。大哥，大約當(dāng)初野蠻的人，都吃過一點人。后來因為心思不同，有的不吃人了，一味要好，便變了人，變了真的人。有的卻還吃，——也同蟲子一樣，有的變了魚鳥猴子，一直變到人。有的不要好，至今還是蟲子。這吃人的人比不吃人的人，何等慚愧。怕比蟲子的慚愧猴子，還差得很遠很遠。

 

“易牙蒸了他兒子，給桀紂吃了，還是一直從前的事。誰曉得從盤古開辟天地以后，一直吃到易牙的兒子；從易牙的兒子，一直吃到徐錫林；從徐錫林，又一直吃到狼子村捉住的人。去年城里殺了犯人，還有一個生癆病的人，用饅頭蘸血舐。

 

“他們要吃我，你一個人，原也無法可想；然而又何必去入伙。吃人的人，什么事做不出；他們會吃我，也會吃你，一伙里面，也會自吃。但只要轉(zhuǎn)一步，只要立刻改了，也就人人太平。雖然從來如此，我們今天也可以格外要好，說是不能！大哥，我相信你能說，前天佃戶要減租，你說過不能。”

 

當(dāng)初，他還只是冷笑，隨后眼光便兇狠起來，一到說破他們的隱情，那就滿臉都變成青色了。大門外立著一伙人，趙貴翁和他的狗，也在里面，都探頭探腦的挨進來。有的是看不出面貌，似乎用布蒙著；有的是仍舊青面獠牙，抿著嘴笑，我認(rèn)識他們是一伙，都是吃人的人。可是也曉得他們心思很不一樣，一種是以為從來如此，應(yīng)該吃的；一種是知道不該吃，可是仍然要吃，又怕別人說破他，所以聽了我的話，越發(fā)氣憤不過，可是抿著嘴冷笑。

 

Suddenly my brother’s face darkened.

 

“Clear off， the whole lot of you！ ” he roared. “What’s the point of looking at a madman？”

 

Then I realized part of their cunning. They would never be willing to change their stand， and their plans were all laid： they had labelled me a madman. In future when I was eaten， not only would there be no trouble but people would probably be grateful to them. When our tenant spoke of the villagers eating a bad character， it was exactly the same device. This is their old trick.

 

Old Chen came in too in a towering temper. But they could not stop my mouth， I had to warn those people：

 

“You should change， change from the bottom of your hearts. You must realize that there will be no place for man-eaters in the world in future.

 

“If you don’t change， you may all be eaten by each other. However many of you there are， you will be wiped out by the real men， just as wolves are killed by hunter—just like reptiles！ ”

 

Old Chen drove everybody away. My brother had disappeared， Old Chen advised me to go back to my room. It was pitch dark in there. The beams and rafters shook above my head. After shaking for a while they grew bigger and bigger. They piled on top of me.

 

The weight was so great， I couldn’t move. They meant that I should die. However， knowing that the weight was false I struggled out， dripping with sweat. But I had to warn them：

 

這時候，大哥也忽然顯出兇相，高聲喝道，

 

“都出去！瘋子有什么好看！”

 

這時候，我又懂得一件他們的巧妙了。他們豈但不肯改，而且早已布置；預(yù)備下一個瘋子的名目罩上我。將來吃了，不但太平無事，怕還會有人見情。佃戶說的大家吃了一個惡人，正是這方法。這是他們的老譜！

 

陳老五也氣憤憤的直走進來。如何按得住我的口，我偏要對這伙人說，

 

“你們可以改了，從真心改起！要曉得將來容不得吃人的人，活在世上。

 

“你們要不改，自己也會吃盡。即使生得多，也會給真的人除滅了，同獵人打完狼子一樣！——同蟲子一樣！”

 

那一伙人，都被陳老五趕走了。大哥也不知那里去了。陳老五勸我回屋子里去。屋里面全是黑沉沉的。橫梁和子都在都是發(fā)抖；抖了一會，就大起來，堆在我身上。

 

萬分沉重，動彈不得；他的意思是要我死。我曉得他的沉重是假的，便掙扎出來，出了一身汗。可是偏要說。

 

“You must change at once， change from the bottom of your hearts！ You must know that there’ll be no place for man-eaters in future....”

 

Ⅺ

 

The sun has stopped shining， the door is never opened. Just two meals day after day.

 

Picking up my chopsticks， I thought of my elder brother. I know now how my little sister died： it was all through him. My sister was only five at the time. I can still remember how sweet she looked， poor thing. Mother wept as if she would never stop， but he begged her not to cry， probably be­cause he had eaten our sister himself and so this weeping made him rather ashamed. If he had any sense of shame....

 

My sister was eaten by my brother， but I don’t know whether Mother realized it or not.

 

I think Mother must have known， but when she wept she didn’t say so outright， probably because she also thought it proper. I remember when I was four or five， sitting in the cool of the hall， my brother told me that if a man’s parents were ill he should cut off a piece of his flesh and boil it for them， if he wanted to be considered a good son； and Mother didn’t contra­dict him. If one piece could be eaten， obviously so could the whole. And yet just to think of the weeping then still makes my heart bleed； that is the ex­traordinary thing about it！

 

Ⅻ

 

I can’t bear to think of it.

 

It has only just dawned on me that all these years I have been living in a place where for four thousand years human flesh has been eaten. My brother had just taken over the charge of the house when our sister died， and he may well have used her flesh in our food， making us eat it unwittingly.

 

“你們立刻改了，從真心改起！你們要曉得將來是容不得吃人的人，……”

 

十一

 

太陽也不出，門也不開，日日是兩頓飯。

 

我捏起筷子，便想起我大哥；曉得妹子死掉的緣故，也全在他。那時我妹子才五歲，可愛可憐的樣子，還在眼前。母親哭個不住，他卻勸母親不要哭；大約因為自己吃了，哭起來不免有點過意不去。如果還能過意不去，……

 

妹子是被大哥吃了，母親知道沒有，我可不得而知。

 

母親想也知道；不過哭的時候，卻并沒有說明，大約也以為應(yīng)當(dāng)?shù)牧恕Ｓ浀梦宜奈鍤q時，坐在堂前乘涼，大哥說爺娘生病，做兒子的須割下一片肉來，煮熟了請他吃，才算好人；母親也沒有說不行。一片吃得，整個的自然也吃得。但是那天的哭法，現(xiàn)在想起來，實在還教人傷心，這真是奇極的事！

 

十二

 

不能想了。

 

四千年來時時吃人的地方，今天才明白，我也在其中混了多年；大哥正管著家務(wù)，妹子恰恰死了，他未必不和在飯菜里，暗暗給我們吃。

 

I may have eaten several pieces of my sister’s flesh unwittingly， and now it is my turn....

 

How can a man like myself， after four thousand years of man-eating history—even though I knew nothing about it at first—ever hope to face real men？

 

ⅩⅢ

 

Perhaps there are still children who haven’t eaten men？

 

Save the children....

 

April 2， 1918

 

我未必?zé)o意之中，不吃了我妹子的幾片肉，現(xiàn)在也輪到我自己，……

 

有了四千年吃人履歷的我，當(dāng)初雖然不知道，現(xiàn)在明白，難見真的人！

 

十三

 

沒有吃過人的孩子，或者還有？

 

救救孩子……

 

一九一八年四月。

 

凡事總須研究，才會明白。古來時常吃人，我也還記得，可是不甚清楚。我翻開歷史一查，這歷史沒有年代，歪歪斜斜的每葉上都寫著“仁義道德”幾個字。我橫豎睡不著，仔細(xì)看了半夜，才從字縫里看出字來，滿本都寫著兩個字是“吃人”！