新視野大學英語讀寫教程第二冊unit5-b Stop Spoiling Your Children
- 聽力原文
- 參考譯文
Section B
Stop Spoiling Your Children
While traveling for various speaking appointments, I frequently stay overnight in the home of a family and am assigned to one of the children's bedrooms. In it, I often find so many toys that there's almost no room — even for my small lavatory or toilet kit. And the closet is usually so tightly packed with clothes that I can barely squeeze in my jacket.
I'm not complaining, only making a point. I think the tendency to give children too many toys and clothes is quite common in American families. I think in far too many families not only do children come to take their parents' generosity for granted, but also the effects of this can actually be somewhat harmful to children.
Why do parents give their children too much, or give them things they can't afford? I believe there are several reasons.
One fairly common reason is that parents spoil their children out of a sense of guilt. Parents who both hold down full-time jobs may feel guilty about the amount of time they spend away from their children and, as accommodation for being away so much, may attempt to compensate by showering them with material possessions.
Other parents provide too much because they want their children to have everything they had while growing up, along with those things they pined for but didn't get. Still others are afraid to say no to their children's endless requests for toys for fear that their children will infer they are unloved or will be made fun of if they don't obtain the same toys their friends have.
Spoiling a child also happens when parents are unable to stand up to their children's unreasonable demands. Such parents fluctuate between saying no and giving in — but neither response seems satisfactory to them. If they refuse a request, they immediately feel a wave of regret for having been so strict or ungenerous. If they give in, they feel regret and resentment over having been too easy. This kind of variability not only loosens the parents' ability to set limits, it also sours the parent-child relationship to some degree, robbing parents and their children of some of the happiness and mutual respect that is present in healthy families.
But spoiling children with material things does little to reduce parental guilt (since parents never feel they've given enough), nor does it make children feel more loved (for what children really desire is parents' time and attention). Instead, the effects of providing too much can be harmful. Children may, to some degree, become greedy, selfish, ungrateful and insensitive to the needs and feelings of others, beginning with their parents. When children are given too much, it undermines their respect for their parents. In fact, the children begin to sense that a parent's unlimited generosity is not right. The contradiction as a result may be that these children, conversely, will push further, unconsciously hoping that, if they push too hard, they will force their parents into setting limitations.
Also, spoiled children are not as challenged to be more creative in their play as children with fewer toys. They have fewer opportunities to learn the value of money, and have less experience in learning to deal with delay in satisfaction, when every requested object is given on demand.
The real purpose of this discussion is not to tell parents how much or how little to give to their children. Rather, my intention is to help those parents who have already sensed that they might be spoiling their children but don't know how to stop.
Sometimes you may feel uncertain about whether to give in to many of your children's requests. That doesn't mean you can't change. First, you should try to determine what makes you submit or feel guilty. Then, even if you haven't uncovered the reason, you should begin to make firm decisions and practice responding to your children's requests in a prompt, definite manner.
Once you turn over a new leaf, you can't expect to change completely right away. You are bound to fluctuate at times. The key is to be satisfied with gradual improvement, expecting and accepting the occasional slips that come with any change. And even after you are handling these decisions in a firmer and more confident manner, you can't expect your children to respond immediately. For a while they'll keep on applying the old pressures that used to work so well. But they'll eventually come to respect your decisions once they learn that nagging and arguing no longer work. In the end, both you and your children will be happier for it.
Words: 769
NEW WORDS
spoil
vt. 1. harm the character of (esp. a child) by lack of strictness or too much generosity, attention, praise, etc. （尤指對孩子）溺愛，寵壞
2. destroy the value, quality or pleasure of; ruin 糟蹋，損壞，破壞
vi. (of food, etc.) become bad or unfit to be used, eaten, etc.（食品等）變壞，變質
overnight
ad.& a. 1. during or for the night 一夜（間），夜里的
2. sudden(ly) or very quick(ly) 突然，非?？斓?/p>
assign
vt. 1. send to a particular place; name sb. for a task or position 派，指派
2. give sth. to sb. as a share of work to be done or of things to be used 分配，分派
3. name or fix (a time, place, reason, etc. for sth.) 指定或選定（時間、地點、理由）
lavatory
n. [C] a toilet 廁所，盥洗室
▲kit
n. 1. [C, U] equipment needed for a particular activity, situation or trade 一套工具
2. [C] a set of parts sold ready to be put together 配套元件
barely
ad. only just 僅僅，幾乎沒有，幾乎不
tendency
n. 1. [C] the way a person or thing is likely to be or behave 趨向，傾向
2. [C] the direction for sth. to happen 趨勢
generous
a. 1. giving or ready to give freely 慷慨的，大方的
2. showing kindness towards others 寬厚的，寬宏大量的
3. large; abundant 大量的，豐富的，充分的
generosity
n. [U] the quality of being generous 慷慨，大度，寬大
ungenerous
a. not being generous 不慷慨的，不大方的
somewhat
ad. to some degree; rather 有幾分，在某種程度上，頗為
full-time
a. for or during the whole of the working day or week 滿工作日的或工作周的，全時間的，專職的
accommodation
n. 1. [C] convenient arrangement, the settling of a disagreement 和解，調解
2. (pl.) room(s) and food 住所，膳宿
▲compensate
v. give (sb.) sth. good to lessen the bad effect of damage, loss, etc. 補償，賠償
infer
vt. reach an opinion from facts; conclude sth. （由事實）推知，推斷
▲fluctuate
vi. 1. (of an attitude or a state) change continually 變換不定，猶豫不決，動搖
2. (of price, number, rate, etc.) rise and fall （指價格、數(shù)量、比率）波動，漲落，起伏
variable
a. 1. changeable 易變的，多變的
2. likely to change 可變的
n. [C] a variable thing 可變因素，變量
variability
n. [U] quality of being variable; tendency to change 變化性，變化的傾向
loosen
v. 1. become or make loose or looser 放松，使松，松弛
2. relax 松弛
sour
v. 1. make or become unpleasant or difficult 使變壞，使惡化
2. cause sth. to have a sharp taste like that of vinegar （使）變酸，（使）變餿
a. 1. having a sharp taste like that of vinegar 酸的，餿的
2. unfriendly; bad-tempered 乖張的；壞脾氣的
greedy
a. 1. filled with desire 貪婪的，貪心的
2. having strong desires for food 貪吃的
3. longing for 渴望的
selfish
a. thinking first of one's own interests, needs, etc. without concern for others; ungenerous 自私自利的，利己的
sensitive
a. 1. having or showing sympathy or understanding 感覺敏銳的，同情理解的
2. affected greatly or easily by sth. （對……）敏感的
3. easily offended 易于被冒犯的，情緒容易波動的
insensitive
a. 1. not aware of or showing sympathy for other people's feelings 麻木不仁的，感覺遲鈍的
2. not able to feel sth. 無感覺的，感覺不到的
▲undermine
vt. 1. weaken gradually 使逐漸削弱，暗中損壞
2. weaken at the base 使從基礎破壞
limited
a. few or small 有限制的，有限的，極少，很小
unlimited
a. not limited; very great in number or quantity 無限的；（數(shù)目或數(shù)量）極大的
contradiction
n. 1. [C, U] being contrary to 矛盾，不一致
2. [U, C] disagreement 否認，反駁
conversely
ad. opposite to sth., on the other hand 相反地，另一面
limitation
n. 1. [C] a condition or fact that limits （條件或事實的）限制
2. [U] limiting; being limited 限制，受限制
submit
vi. accept the control; give in 屈服于，服從，接受……的控制
vt. 1. give sth.to sb. so that it may be considered, decided on, etc. 呈送，遞交
2. suggest 建議，主張
uncover
vt. 1. make known or discover 揭露，暴露
2. remove the cover or covering from 揭開……的蓋子，移去……的覆蓋物
prompt
a. done or acting without delay 迅速的，敏捷的，即時的
vt. cause or encourage sb. to do sth. 促使，推動
definite
a. 1. clear 明確的，無疑的
2. sure; certain 一定的，肯定的
manner
n. 1. (sing.) a person's way of behaving towards others 態(tài)度
2. (sing.) way in which a thing is done or happens 方式，方法
bound
a. certain to do sth. 一定……，必定……
gradual
a. taking place step by step; not sudden 逐步的，逐漸的
improvement
n. 1. [C, U] action or process of improving; state of being improved 改良，改進，改善
2. [C] a change that improves sth. 改進措施，修改
slip
n. [C] small mistakes caused by carelessness or lack of attention 過失，小錯，小疏忽
vi. 1. lose one's balance and fall 滑倒，滑落
2. go somewhere quietly and quickly in order not to be noticed 溜走
■nag
v. scold or criticize (sb.) continuously 嘮叨地指責，批評
PHRASES AND EXPRESSIONS
pack with
fill or crowd sth. (with sb./sth.) 塞進，擠進
make a point
state a point 提出論點
take... for granted
think sth. to be true; treat sb. or sth. with too little attention or concern 認為真實；視為理所當然
hold down
keep (a job) for some time 保?。üぷ鳎?/p>
attempt to do
try to do 試做，嘗試，企圖
along with
in addition to 與……一道
make fun of
laugh at (sb./sth.), usu. unkindly 嘲笑，奚落
stand up to
1. meet or face bravely; be against without fear 勇敢面對
2. not be changed or damaged by 經得起，承受得起
give in
allow oneself to be defeated or taken over (by sb./sth.) 認輸，屈服，投降
to some degree
to a certain amount 在某種程度上
on demand
whenever asked for 一經要求
turn over a new leaf
start a new and better way of behaving 悔過自新，洗心革面，重新做人
keep on doing
continue (doing sth.) 繼續(xù)做
in the end
at last; finally 最后，終于
別再寵壞孩子
我四處奔波，應約作各種演講，常在他人家里過夜，被安排在孩子的臥室里。 我經常發(fā)現(xiàn)孩子房間里玩具實在太多了，甚至幾乎連我小小的梳妝盒也無處可放。 還有壁櫥通常也是塞滿了衣服，因此我?guī)缀鯚o法把我的夾克衫塞進去。
我不是在抱怨誰，只是在表明一種觀點。 我發(fā)現(xiàn)給孩子們買太多的玩具和衣服的傾向在美國家庭已是司空見慣。 我不僅認為孩子們把家長的慷慨大方視作理所當然的家庭實在太多了，而且認為這種做法的后果實際上對孩子們來說也是有害的。
家長為什么要給孩子們那么多的東西？或者要給孩子們買他們買不起的東西？我認為這有好幾方面的原因。
一個頗為常見的原因就是父母親們是出于內疚感而溺愛孩子的。 都是全日上班的父母也許會因為不能常常和孩子在一起而感到內疚。他們可能想通過給孩子們大量物質的東西作為對他們的補償。
其它類型的父母給孩子買這買那，是因為他們想讓孩子擁有他們自己童年時所擁有的每一樣東西，再加上那些他們過去想得到而未能得到的東西。 還有些家長不愿拒絕孩子們永無休止的買玩具的要求，是因為他們害怕孩子會認為父母不愛他們，或者害怕如果他們得不到和小伙伴相同的玩具會被人取笑。
當家長無法頂住孩子的無理要求時，也會發(fā)生寵孩子的現(xiàn)象。 這樣的父母會在拒絕和讓步之間動搖不定 -- 但是好象沒有哪種辦法能使他們感到滿意。 如果他們拒絕孩子的請求，他們會立即因為對孩子太嚴格或太不慷慨而感到一陣后悔。 如果他們讓步了，也會因為太容易讓步而感到懊悔和自責。 這樣的反復無定不但削弱了父母管教孩子的能力，同時也在某種程度上使父母與子女之間的關系變味 -- 使家長和子女失去存在于健康家庭里的某些幸福和相互尊重。
但是, 用物質的東西來寵愛孩子幾乎不能減輕父母的內疚感（因為父母從不會感到他們給孩子的東西已經夠了), 也不會使孩子們覺得自己得到了更多的愛（因為孩子真正想要的是父母的時間和對他們的注意）。 相反，給的東西太多可能是有害的。 在一定程度上，孩子可能變得貪婪、自私、忘恩負義，對他人的需要和感覺變得麻木不仁，而且首先從對自己父母的態(tài)度開始。 給孩子的東西太多會逐漸削弱他們對父母的尊敬。 事實上，孩子們已經開始感到父母的無限制的慷慨大方是不對的。 這種矛盾的結果可能是這些孩子會反過來提出更高的要求，并下意識地希望：如果他們逼得兇些，他們就能迫使他們的父母親建立起教育子女的規(guī)范。
另外, 被寵壞的孩子不象那些擁有玩具較少的孩子會在做游戲時被激發(fā)出更大的創(chuàng)造性。 由于他們一提出要求時，每一樣東西都馬上就能得到滿足，他們了解金錢價值的機會就比別人少，而且他們在一時不能得到滿足的情況下如何應對方面經驗也比別的孩子少。
討論這個問題的真正目的不是要告訴家長們應該給孩子們多少才適當。 確切地講，我的目的是幫助那些已經意識到自己也許是在寵壞孩子、但又不知道如何糾正這一做法的家長們。
有時你也許會對自己是否要對孩子提出的許多要求作出讓步感到沒有把握。 這并不意味著你不能改變。 首先，你應該設法弄清楚是什么東西使你讓步、或者讓你感到內疚的。 然后，即使沒能找出原因，你也該開始作出果斷的決定，并試著用迅速、果斷的方式對孩子的要求作出反應。
一旦你改變了以往的做法，你也不能指望馬上有效果。 有時你肯定會搖擺不定的。 關鍵是你要對逐漸的進步感到滿足，要預見到并接受可能伴隨這種改變而來的偶爾失誤。 還有，即使你以更堅定、更自信的方式實施著你的決定，也不能指望你的孩子會馬上作出反應。 在一段時間內，他們會繼續(xù)對你施加曾經很有效的、老一套的壓力。 但一旦他們知道不停的抱怨和爭論再也不會起作用時，他們最終是會尊重你的決定的。 這樣做的結果是：你和你的孩子都會對此感到比以前更加開心。
