The One Where Ross Got High
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is mixing some Thanksgiving treat (I’m assuming mashed potatoes) in a bowl.]
Monica: (on phone) Okay, great! Bye. (Hangs up as Chandler enters.) So guess who’s coming to Thanksgiving dinner?
Chandler: Sydney Portier? Hehheh.
[Chandler throws his coat on the couch]
Monica: (not amused by Chandler’s joke) I miss Rachel. (To Chandler) No, my parents.
Chandler: Oh! That’s great, they haven’t seen the place since I moved in!
[Monica goes to fiddle with something on the table.]
Monica: Yeah, and y’know, if you could not mention to them that we live together, that would be great! (Quickly trying to change subjects), I was thinking we would eat around four.
[Monica goes to the stove.]
Chandler: (shocked at the news) Why can’t I tell them that we live together?
Monica: Because they don’t know we’re dating. (Again, trying to quickly change subjects.) Do you think we should eat in the kitchen? (Goes to the sink and the stove to cook.)
Chandler: Why haven’t you told them?!
Monica: Um, well, I was going to, I-I-I really was. But um, then somewhere, just out of nowhere, I didn’t.
Chandler: Why haven’t you told them?! Wouldn’t they be happy?!
Monica: (trying to change subjects, excitedly) So! Dinner in the kitchen around four! I’ll see you then. (Pats Chandler on the shoulder and goes into the living room.)
Chandler: Why wouldn’t they be happy?
Monica: Well, um, because mainly, um, they don’t like you. I’m sorry.
Chandler: What? What? Why?!
Monica: Maybe because you used to be aloof, or that you’re really sarcastic, or that, y’know, you joke around all the time. Or that you take off your clothes and throw them on the couch.
Chandler: Is this why they don’t like me or why you don’t like me?
Monica: Look, I know that I should’ve told them. I know I shouldn’t care what they think. I’m sorry.
Chandler: Y’know, it’ll be okay. It’ll be okay. Because when they come over, I will be all charming, I will make them fall in love with me, and then we’ll tell ‘em.
Monica: You really think that’ll work?
Chandler: Hey, I can be pretty charming, babe, I won YOU over, didn’t I?
Monica: (hugging Chandler) I don’t think you’ll ever get my parents that drunk!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Joey and Janine’s, Joey and Ross are playing Sony Playstation. Chandler enters.]
Chandler: Hey! (Sees Ross is there) Oh, good, Ross! You’re parents like me, right?
[Chandler goes to stand to the side of the TV.]
Ross: (only half-paying attention) Yes, of course they like you!
Chandler: Well Monica just told me that they don’t.
Ross: (not paying attention) Yeah, they don’t like you.
Chandler: (annoyed) Do you know why?
Ross: I dunno, maybe it’s because you’re really sarcastic. Or maybe it’s cause you uh-
Chandler: (angry) Well if people don’t know they shouldn’t just guess!
[Joey and Ross get annoyed with Chandler's outburst.]
Chandler: This is great, another Thanksgiving with nothing to give thanks for.
Joey: Maybe I could give thanks for you shuttin’ up, eh?
Chandler: Maybe I could give thanks by taking my Playstation over to my new apartment.
Joey: Well maybe I love ya’.
Chandler: [mocks that last comment].
[Chandler starts to leave as Janine enters]
Janine [to Chandler]: Hey.
Chandler: Hey.
[Chandler exits]
Janine: Hey guys!
[Joey and Ross drop their video game controllers.]
Ross: (trying to act manly in front of Janine) No I don’t want to play video games, Joey!
Janine: Are you guys going to Chandler’s for Thanksgiving?
Joey: Yeah! Yeah, why? What’s up?
Janine: Well, me and my dancer friends are thinking of doing Thanksgiving uptown. I thought you guys might like to come.
Ross: For real?
Janine: No, but you should go to Chandler’s. Because none of us knows how to cook, we’ll probably just end up drinking all day.
Joey: Ye-ye, we go to yours!
Ross: Yeah, see, we-we-we have to stop across the hall, because it’s my sister. But, uh, uh y’know actually, growing up with a sister was nice because it really helped me understand women. Yeah, you-you should tell your friends that.
Janine: (not sure of what to make of that) Okay.
[Janine leaves]
[Ross looks at Joey coyly.]
Joey: How you got three women to marry you, I’ll never know.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, Phoebe enters with a paper turkey.]
Phoebe: Hey!
All: Hey!
Rachel: Hey! Hey, Pheebs, check it out. Yeah, for my desert, I have chosen to make a traditional English truffle!
Phoebe: Wow, that sounds great! And what are you making Monica, in case Rachel’s dessert is...[about to say “bad”] so good that I eat all of it. There’s none left for anybody else!
[Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel laugh]
Monica: Nothing.
Rachel: (worried) Nothing?
Monica: No, sweetie, I-I trust you.
Rachel: So, if-if I mess this up, there’s nothing else for dessert?
Monica: You’re not gonna mess it up.
Rachel: Wow, Monica, I love that, you really have faith in me. Thank you. Technical question, how do you know when uh, the butter’s done?
Monica: Well, it’s done about two minutes before it looks like that.
[Joey and Ross enter.]
Joey and Ross: Hey!
All: Hey!
Joey: Oh, ooh the food smells great, Mon!
Ross: And the place looks so nice!
Joey: Yeah, hey hey, Happy Thanksgiving everybody!
Ross: Happy Thanksgiving!
The Girls: Happy Thanksgiving!
Joey: Well, this has been great!
Ross: See ya!
[Joey and Ross go to the door, ready to leave.]
Monica: Whoa whoa whoa! Where’re you goin’?
Ross: Oh, oh, we did say we’d stop by this little thing Joey’s roommate is having.
Monica: Oh, Janine, the really hot dancer girl?
Ross: Some would say she’s attractive, yes.
Phoebe: And who else is going to be there?
Joey: Uh, some of her friends, yeah.
Rachel: Her dancer friends?
Joey: (frustrated) Yes, all right? All of her hot dancer friends are gonna be there and they’re gonna be, be drinkin’ and dancin, and we really wanna go!
Ross: (to Joey) Dude, we were good!
Monica: You’re not gonna go anywhere, you said you were gonna eat here, and you’re gonna eat here!
Phoebe: Yeah, and-and leaving us to go see hot dancer girls is not very Thanksgivingy.
Ross: Oh, but-but it is, uh, it’s just like the first Thanksgiving, when the Indians and the Pilgrims uh, sat down to dinner.
Joey: Yeah, yeah, and the Indians taught the Pilgrims what it meant to be hot in the new world!
[Enter Jack and Judy Geller]
Mrs. Geller: Hello everybody!
Mr. Geller: Hi!
All: Hi!
[Kisses and hugs are exchanged.]
Monica: Dad [kisses Jack], Mom [kisses Judy]. Look! Look who it is it’s Chandler!
Mrs. Geller: (less than pleased) Oh yes of course, hello Chandler.
Chandler: Mr. and Mrs. Geller, you look wonderful, it is great to have you hear, let us take off your coats!
[Chandler goes to take off Jack’s coat. He then notices little white flakes on Jack’s shoulders. He begins to wipe them off.]
Chandler: Whoa, snowing out there?
Mr. Geller: (angry) No.
[Time lapse. The gang is sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner. Chandler is at the head of the table, Mr and Mrs Geller are to his right. Joey and Ross are to his left. Monica is serving things. Phoebe is in the living room and Rachel is at the sink.]
Mr. Geller: Monica, all this food looks wonderful, you should think about doing this for a living.
[Chandler, trying to make nice with Jack, laughs at his joke and points at Jack.]
Mr. Geller: Ok, I have dandruff. There’s no need to laugh and point.
[Monica rushes over to Chandler’s side.]
Monica: Dad, Chandler was just laughing at your joke.
Mr. Geller: My joke wasn’t funny.
[Phoebe walks from the living room to the kitchen and talks quietly to Rachel.]
Phoebe: Rach, Rach, I just remembered. I had a dream about Mr. Geller last night.
Rachel: Really?!
Phoebe: Yeah, I dreamt that he saved me from a burning building and he was so brave and so strong! And it’s making me look at him totally differently. Y’know, I mean he used to be just, y’know “Jack Geller Monica and Ross’s dad” and now he’s he’s “Jack Geller, dream hunk."
[We see a shot of Jack stuffing his face with food. Some dream hunk!]
Rachel: I dunno. Y’know to me he’ll always be “Jack Geller, walks in while you’re changing.”
[Time lapse. Ross and Joey are cleaning the table while Judy and Phoebe talk by the window. Jack and Chandler are sitting on the couch while Monica sits on the coffee table.]
Monica: Y’know dad, Chandler is one of Ross’s very best friends!
Chandler: Yeah, Ross sure is a great guy, y’know I’ve always felt that how a young man turns out is a reflection on his father.
Mr. Geller: I always thought that too. Tell me, what does your father do?
[Chandler and Monica exchange worried looks.]
Chandler: (worried) He’s the headliner of a gay burlesque show.
[Rachel is in the kitchen fiddling with her English truffle. Joey and Ross, anxious to leave and go to Janine’s party, are egging her on to hurry up.]
Joey: Rach, you’re killin’ us here, will ya serve the dessert already? Those drunken dancers are waiting!
Rachel: (looking at her truffle) Look at it, isn’t it beautiful?
Ross: Yeah, yeah, what is it?
Rachel: It’s a truffle. It’s got all of these layers. First there’s a layer of ladyfingers, then a layer of jam, then custard, which I made from scratch, [Joey and Ross make impressed faces] then raspberries, more ladyfingers, then beef sauteed with peas and onions, [Joey and Ross look like something’s wrong.] then a little more custard, and then bananas, and then I just put some whipped cream on top!
[Joey and Ross make confused faces.]
Ross: W-What was the one right before bananas?
Rachel: The beef? Yeah, that was weird to me, too. But then, y’know, I thought “well, there’s mincemeat pie,” I mean that’s an English dessert, these people just put very strange things in their food, y’know. [To Joey] Oh! by the way, can I borrow some Rum from your place?
Joey: Y-sure!
Rachel: (teasingly) And while I’m gone don’t you boys sneak a taste.
Joey and Ross: (faking dissapointment) Okay.
[Rachel leaves]
Ross: Beef in a dessert?! I- no no no, there is no way!
[Ross goes to look in the magazine Rachel got her recipe from.]
Joey: I know, and only one layer of jam?! What is up with that?
[Ross looks up as if saying that Joey was weird. He begins flipping through the pages, only to find that they are sticky. So one page is overlapping another, making two recipes look like one.]
Ross: Oh my God, the pages are stuck together!
Joey: (turning to Chandler in a scolding tone) Chandler!
Ross: Oh My God, she-she made half a English Trifle, and half a...Sheperd’s Pie!
Joey: (sad) Oh man! Now she’s gonna start all over! We’re never gonna get to introduce the hot girls to the new world!
Ross: No, no, we will. We just won’t tell her she messed up.
Joey: Just let her serve the beef-custard thing?
Ross: Yeah, it’ll be like a funny Thanksgiving story!
Joey: (shrugging his shoulders to go along with it) Vomiting stories are funny...
[Rachel enters]
Rachel: Joey, God, your apartment is like a hundred degrees!
Joey: Did-did it make you wanna walk around in your underwear?
Rachel: No!
Joey: (frustrated) Still not hot enough!
[Joey leaves]
[Phoebe walks over to talk to Rachel.]
Phoebe: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah?
Phoebe: Okay, look at him. Look at those strong hands. Oh what I wouldn’t give to be that can of (looks closer to see what Jack is drinking) condensed milk.
[We see a shot of Jack drinking condensed milk on the couch.]
[Ross and Judy enter the living room. Judy and Ross sit down on the couch beside Jack. Monica and Chandler are sitting on the coffee table.]
Monica: Mom, uh, Chandler was just saying how beautiful your sweater is.
Mrs. Geller: Oh, thank you Chandler! I just bought it.
Chandler: Oh, yes. Well it’s very beautiful. It’s cream-colored and tight [Realizes what he just said and looks worried. Monica and Ross also looked shocked. Judy and Jack give Chandler a very dirty look.] I don’t mean tight, I mean it’s not too tight, not that I was looking at-[giving up all hope, he puts his head into his hands.]
Mr. Geller: What’s the matter with him?
Mrs. Geller: (whispers to Jack a little loudly) I think he’s stoned again.
Chandler: (shocked) What?
Monica: (shocked) What?
Ross: (worried) Dude, I need to talk to you a sec.
[Ross and Chandler get up and go into Rachel’s old room.]
[Scene: Rachel’s old room. It’s pretty much empty except for a few boxes against the walls. Ross and Chandler enter.]
Ross: Okay, I think I might know why my parents don’t like you.
Chandler: You do? Why?
Ross: Okay, remember, we were young. Hey, Spring break, sophomore year, I got high in my bedroom and my parents walked in and smelled it and so I told them that you had gotten stoned and jumped out the window.
Chandler: What?! Why did you do that?
Ross: I don’t know, aheh, your’s was the first name that-that popped into my head, I’m I’m sorry. I-I didn’t think it would matter.
Chandler: How could it not matter?!
Ross: How was I supposed to know we’d end up being friends after college, let alone you-you would be living with my sister?
Chandler: What about all that “friends forever” stuff?
Ross: I don’t know, I-I was all high.
Commercial Break
[Scene: Rachel’s Old Bedroom, Continued from earlier. Monica enters the room.]
Monica: Mom and dad just sent me in here to find out if you (points to Chandler) were trying to get Ross stoned!
Chandler: Your parents caught Ross smoking pot in college and he blamed it on me!
Monica: Ross, I can’t believe you’d do that!
Chandler: The reason we haven’t told them we’re together is because they hate me, okay? So will you fix this?
Ross: Okay, okay, I’ll tell ‘em it wasn’t Chandler who got high. Now who should I say it was?
Monica: You! It’s not like it’s a big deal! You-you don’t still do it or anything!
Ross: Alright, alright, now-now who should I say tricked me into doing it?
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, Time lapse. Jack is still on the couch, picking his teeth with his feet on the table. Phoebe and Judy are sitting on the table looking at him. Ross and Chandler are sitting by the window talking. Rachel and Joey are in the kitchen fooling with Rachel’s trifle. Monica walks into the living room from the kitchen.]
Monica: Dad, please don’t pick your teeth out here! Alright, and if you’re gonna put your feet up, why don’t you sit on the-
Phoebe: Monica, leave him alone!
[Monica gives Phoebe a surprised expression and goes over to Ross and Chandler.]
Joey: (to Rachel) Will you hurry up? Did you not hear me before when I told you that all of Janine’s friends are dancers?! And that they’re going to be drinking alot!?
Rachel: (sarcastically) No, I did, but tell me again, because it’s so romantic.
Joey: Well you’re whippin’ so slow! Can’t you do it any faster?
Rachel: Joey! Come on! I don’t wanna make any mistakes, alright? This is the only dessert and if I screw it up everybody's gonna be like “Oh, remember that Thanksgiving when Rachel screwed up the trifle?”
[Joey gives her an understanding look.]
Rachel: So why don’t you just let me worry about making the trifle and you just worry about eating it, alright?
Joey: Oh I am!
[Chandler and Monica are by the window pressuring Ross to tell his parents the truth.]
Monica: Ross, if you don’t tell them, then I will!
Ross: Okay, fine!
[Ross gets up to go tell his parents.]
[Joey rushes over.]
Joey: Ross! Can I talk to you for a second?
Ross: Oh, uh, can it wait a second Joey? I have to tell my parents something. No it can’t? Okay.
[Monica and Chandler make “What was that?” gestures. Joey and Ross go into Rachel’s old room.]
[Scene: Rachel’s old room, Ross and Joey enter.]
Joey: Okay, look, I think we have to tell Rachel she messed up her dessert.
Ross: What?! What is with everybody? It’s Thanksgiving, not...Truth-Day!
Joey: Look, when everyone eats that...that...Banana-Meat thing, they’re all gonna’ make fun of her, do you want that?
Ross: Okay, okay, we’ll just get everyone to act like they like it. That-that way noone makes fun of her and we still get to go to Sweet Potatoe Pie! (Referring to the dancers.)
Joey: (scolding) Dude, they’re not objects.
[Ross makes a sorry face.]
Joey: Just kiddin,’ I’ll talk to them, you distract Rach.
[Joey and Ross go back out into the main area.]
Ross: Hey Rach, can I talk to you outside for a second?
Rachel: Okay...
[The hallway. Rachel and Ross go out and they just stand there for a few seconds.]
Rachel: What’s up, Ross?
Ross: So um...Thanksgiving. The holiday season is upon us, hm?
Rachel: Yeah!
Ross: And um...You look nice today.
Rachel: Oh no. No Ross, don’t do this.
Ross: What?
Rachel: I just- I don’t think us getting back together is a good idea.
Ross: (shocked) Eh?
Rachel: I thought this might happen today. Ross, I know the holidays can be rough. Y’know? And it’s probably really hard for you to be alone right now.
Ross: (cutting her off) You’re alone.
Rachel: No, I-I live with Phoebe. I mean you’re [pity-tone] alone, alone. And I just-it’s just not the time for us. I’m sorry.
Ross: (just trying to get out of the conversation) Ah well, can’t blame a guy for trying!
[Inside Monica and Chandler’s. Joey is almost done explaining the situation to everyone.]
Joey: Oh and (Ross begins to open the door and Joey says some gibberish word to indicate to Ross that he’s not done yet. Ross closes the door again.) Okay, and uh if anyone needs help pretending to like it, I learned something in acting class, try uh, rubbing your stomach (Rubs his stomach) or uh, or saying “mmm” and uh, oh oh! And smiling (Smiles while pretending to stir a bowl), okay?
Chandler: Yeah, I’m not gonna pay for those acting classes anymore.
[Ross and Rachel re-enter.]
Joey: Rachel, there you are! Come on, let’s serve that dessert already!
Rachel: Joey, you’re gonna have to stop rushing me, you know what? You don’t get any dessert.
Joey: (happily) Really?
Rachel: No, I’m just kidding I would never do that to you! Okay, everybody, it’s trifle time!
Phoebe: So, now, Rach, this is a traditional English trifle, isn’t it?
Rachel: It sure is.
Phoebe: Wow. So then did you make it with beef or Eggplant?
Rachel: Beef.
Phoebe: I can’t have any. You know I don’t eat meat. (Faking dissapointment.) Ohhh no.
[Phoebe gets up and goes into Rachel’s old room, a smile on her face.]
Rachel: Alright, Monica, I want you to have the first taste.
Monica: Really?
[Rachel hands Monica a plate. Monica takes a spoonful of the whipped cream portion.]
Rachel: Oh oh oh, wait! You only got whipped cream in there! Ya gotta take a bite with all the layers!
Monica: Okay.
[Monica takes a bigger spoonful and a pea falls off]
Rachel: Op! Wait, you dropped a pea.
[Monica puts the pea on top of the spoonful and takes a bite.]
Rachel: Well?
Monica: (faking joy. Rubbing her stomach and smiling at the same time, like Joey said) Mmmm! It’s good!
Rachel: Really? How good?
Monica: It’s so good, that I feel really selfish about being the only one who’s eating it, that I think we should have everyone taste how good it is. Especially Ross.
[Ross glares at Monica.]
[Everyone takes a bite of their trifle.]
All: (faking enjoyment) Mmm.
Chandler: (clearly lying and hating the dessert) Yeah, this is so good, that I’m gonna go enjoy it on the balcony so that I can enjoy the view whilst I enjoy my dessert.
[Chandler exits to the balcony.]
Mrs. Geller: (lying) I’ve gotta call my friend Mary and tell her how good this is, from Monica’s room.
Mr. Geller: (also lying) I’ll help you dial.
[Jack and Judy exit to Monica’s room.]
Monica: (again, lying) I’m gonna go into the bathroom so I can look at it in the mirror, as I eat it.
[Monica exits to the bathroom.]
Rachel: Okay, now what was that all about? Is it-does it not taste good? Let me try it.
[Rachel reaches for Ross’s plate]
Ross: Wha? No no! Ah! (Ross scarfs all of his trifle down in about a second. He looks like he’s going to throw up.) (Lying) All gone! So good! Maybe Chandler has some left.
[Rachel leaves to the balcony.]
Ross: It tastes like feet!
Joey: I like it.
Ross: Are you kidding?
Joey: What’s not to like? Custard? Good. Jam? Good. Meat? Gooooood.
[Rachel and Chandler re-emerge from the balcony.]
Rachel: ...So a bird just grabbed it, and then tried to fly away with it and, and then just dropped it on the street?
[Chandler makes a fake "I know I couldn’t believe it either" gesture.]
Chandler: (lying) Yes, but if it’s any consolation, before the bird dropped it, he seemed to enjoy it.
[Phoebe comes back from Rachel’s old room.]
Phoebe: Rachel, come here. (Rachel walks over to Phoebe. Chandler sits down on the lounge-chair.) Okay, I was just starting to take my Thanksgiving nap, and I had another dream about Jack.
Rachel: Oh, Phoebe, do I wanna hear this?
Phoebe: I dunno, let’s see! So, okay, I dreamt that we were gonna get married, and he left, becuz he had to go fight a fire. And, um, so okay, I went to a night club, and I saw him making out with a girl.
Rachel: (humoring Phoebe) Oh my God, he dream-cheated on you!
Phoebe: Yeah, but then Jacques Cousteau came and he kicked his ass for betraying me! It was soo cool! Then, he took me diving and he introduced me to his pet seahorse, who, by the way, was totally coming on to me, and please, that is not gonna happen.
[Jack and Judy come out of Monica’s room and sit down on the couch.]
Mr. Geller: Boy, I’m glad I wore the big belt today.
Phoebe: Five minutes ago, a line like that would’ve floored me. Now nothing. Well, not nothing, I am still a woman.
[Rachel and Phoebe walk into the kitchen. Monica comes out of the bathroom and goes over to Ross.]
Monica: Ross? Let’s go.
Ross: Oh yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking about maybe writing a letter.
Monica: Alright, you know what? That’s it. You’ve had your chance.
Ross: Wha-what?
Monica: (out loud, to her parents) Mom! Dad! Ross smoked pot in college!
Mr. and Mrs. Geller: What?!
Ross: (in a 5 year old’s tone) (To Monica) You are such a tattletale! Mom, Dad, you remember that-that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?
Mr. and Mrs. Geller: Yes. (They look at Chandler angrily.)
Ross: Well I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot but it was me. I’m sorry.
Mrs. Geller: It was you?
Monica: And Dad, y’know that mailman that you got fired? He didn’t steal your Playboys! Ross did!
[The Gellers stare at Ross. Ross looks at his parents with an afraid, shocked look.]
Ross: Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didn’t break the porch swing, Monica did!
[The Gellers glare at Monica.]
[Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel are sitting at the table, looking at the Geller siblings like they’re weirdos.]
Monica: Ross hasn’t worked at the museum for a year!
[The Gellers glare at Ross.]
Ross: Monica and Chandler are living together!
[The Gellers glare at Monica, shocked]
[Monica and Chandler both are shocked. Ross gives Monica a “take that!” look.]
Monica: Ross married Rachel in Vegas! And got divorced! Again!!!!
[The Gellers glare at Ross.]
Phoebe: (joining in) I love Jacques Cousteau!
Rachel: (reading the recipe magazine, finally figuring out that...) I wasn’t supposed to put beef in the trifle!
Joey: (pounding the table) I wanna gooooooo!
Mrs. Geller: (rubbing her temples) That’s alot of information to get in in thirty seconds! Alright Joey, if wanna leave, just leave. Rachel, no you weren’t supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, I’m sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. (Phoebe makes a sad face.) Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you were in an important relationship is beyond me.
Mr. Geller: And we kinda figured about the porch swing.
Mrs. Geller: Ross, drugs? Divorced? Again?
Mr. Geller: What happened son?
Ross: I-I uh, I got tricked into all those things!
Mrs. Geller: Chandler! You’ve been Ross’s best friend all these years, stuck by him during the drug problems. (Ross gets disgusted.) And now you’ve taken on Monica as well. Well, I don’t know what to say. You’re a wonderful human being.
[Chandler is mega shocked!]
Chandler: Thank you!
Mr. Geller: No! Thank you! (Hugs Chandler) Monica, and Ross! I don’t know what I’m gonna do about the two of you!
Chandler: (In a parent-like tone) I’ll talk to them!
Closing Credits
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, Everyone is helping clean the table.]
Rachel: You guys! It was bananas, cream, and beef! I-I just cannot believe that you ate that so that I wouldn’t feel bad!
Monica: Well actually, I-I didn’t eat mine. It’s still in the bathroom.
Joey: No it isn’t, I ate that.
Mrs. Geller: (pointing to herself and Jack) Well we left ours in Monica’s bedroom.
Joey: Nope, got it and I got yours (Pointing to Jack) too.
End
OK,太好了,再見。
猜一下誰會來參加感恩節(jié)晚餐?
西尼.波迪爾?嘿嘿。
我想念瑞秋。
不,是我父母。
噢!那太好了,我搬來以后他們還沒來過呢。
是的,你知道,如果你能不提到我們住在一起,那才好呢。我在想我們要在四點(diǎn)鐘左右吃飯。
為什么我不能告訴他們我們住在一起?
因?yàn)樗麄儾恢牢覀冊诩s會。你覺得我們應(yīng)該在廚房吃飯嗎?
你為什么還沒有告訴他們?
嗯,那么,我本打算, 我真的...但是,這個(gè),那個(gè),我沒有。
為什么你還沒告訴他們?他們會不高興嗎?
那么,四點(diǎn)鐘在廚房吃飯,呆會兒見。
他們?yōu)槭裁磿桓吲d?
嗯,主要是因?yàn)?,?
他們不喜歡你,對不起。
什么?什么?為什么。
可能是因?yàn)槟阋郧袄涞?,或者是喜歡挖苦人,或者,你知道,你總是開玩笑。
或者是,你脫下衣服把它們?nèi)釉谔梢紊稀?
這是他們不喜歡我的原因,還是你不喜歡我的原因?
你瞧,我知道我應(yīng)該告訴他們,我知道我不該管他們怎么想,對不起。
你知道,這沒關(guān)系,這沒關(guān)系。因?yàn)樗麄儊淼臅r(shí)候,我會非常迷人。
我會讓他們愛上我,然后我們告訴他們。
你真的認(rèn)為這么做管用嗎?
嘿,我會非常迷人,寶貝,我已經(jīng)得到了你,不是嗎?
我想你不會讓我父母醉成那樣。
嘿,噢,太好了,羅斯!你父母喜歡我,對嗎?
是的,他們當(dāng)然喜歡你。
可莫尼卡剛告訴我他們不喜歡我。
是的,他們不喜歡你。
你知道為什么嗎?
我不知道,也許是因?yàn)槟闾矚g挖苦人,或者,是因?yàn)槟悖 ?
如果不知道,就不應(yīng)該瞎猜。
這太好了,又一個(gè)不知道該感謝什么的感恩節(jié)。
也許我該謝謝你閉上嘴,嗯?
也許我該把游戲機(jī)搬到我的新公寓去以示感謝。
也許我愛你。
-嘿-嘿
嘿,伙計(jì)們。
不,我不想玩游戲機(jī),喬伊。
你們要到錢德那里去過感恩節(jié)嗎?
是的,是的,為什么?出什么事了?
我和我的跳舞朋友打算到城里過感恩節(jié),你們也許愿意一起來。
真的嗎?
不,你應(yīng)該到錢德家去,因?yàn)槲覀儧]人會做飯。
我們可能會喝一整天的酒。
不不,我們來你這邊。
我們實(shí)在不應(yīng)該過來, 因?yàn)?那畢竟是我妹妹,
可是,呃,你知道實(shí)際上,有個(gè)妹妹一起長大也不錯(cuò), 因?yàn)閷ξ依斫馀撕苡袔椭?
是的,你該告訴你朋友這些.
OK
我從來不懂怎么會有三個(gè)女人愿意嫁給你.
嘿,嘿.
嘿,嘿,菲比,看一下.我的甜點(diǎn), 我選做了一道傳統(tǒng)的英式松露.
噢,聽起來不錯(cuò).
莫尼卡你在做什么,萬一瑞秋的點(diǎn)心弄... 得好,我把它全吃了,
沒給別人留一點(diǎn).
我沒做.
沒做?
沒做,親愛的,我信任你.
那么,我把這搞糟了,還有其它點(diǎn)心嗎?
你不會搞糟的.
噢,莫尼卡,我喜歡這個(gè). 你對我真有信心,謝謝你.
技術(shù)問題,你知道黃油什么時(shí)候做好嗎?
看起來兩分鐘前就好了.
嘿,嘿
噢,菜聞起來不錯(cuò).
地方看起來也不錯(cuò).
- 是的,嘿,大家感恩節(jié)愉快. - 感恩節(jié)愉快.
感恩節(jié)愉快.
那,太好了, 再見.
哇,哇,你們到哪里去.
噢, 是因?yàn)橛屑∈? 和喬伊住一起的朋友要...
噢,簡妮,性感跳舞女孩?
有人會說她很吸引人,是的.
還有誰還會去那里?
她的一些朋友.
她的跳舞朋友?
是的,好吧? 她所有的性感跳舞朋友都要去,她們要去
喝酒,跳舞,我們真的想去.
哥們,我們是好人.
你們哪里也不能去,你們說過在這兒吃飯的,就要在這兒吃飯.
是的,把我們留在這里、自己去看性感跳舞女孩就不太像“感恩”了
噢,可是,這就像第一個(gè)感恩節(jié),當(dāng)印第安人和朝圣者,嗯
坐下吃飯.
對,對,印第安人教會了朝圣者在新世界什么是熱辣的.
你們好.
你好.
爸爸,媽媽
瞧,瞧,這是誰,這是錢德.
噢,當(dāng)然是的,你好,錢德.
蓋勒先生,蓋勒太太,你們氣色真好. 你們能來真是太好了,請脫下外套吧.
哇,外面在下雪?
沒有.
莫尼卡,這些菜看起來真棒, 你該考慮一下以此為生.
OK,我有頭皮屑,但沒必要指著我笑.
爸爸,錢德只是在笑您講的笑話
我的笑話一點(diǎn)都不好笑.
瑞秋,瑞秋,我剛想起來,昨晚我夢到蓋勒先生了.
真的?
是的,我夢到他把我從著火的房子里救了出來, 他真強(qiáng)壯,真勇敢.
這使我對他刮目相看.
你知道,他本來只是"杰克·蓋勒,莫尼卡、羅斯的爸爸"
現(xiàn)在卻成了"杰克·蓋勒, 我夢想的大塊頭"
我不覺得,對我來說他永遠(yuǎn)是 "杰克·蓋勒,你一換衣服他就進(jìn)來。"
爸爸,錢德是羅斯最好的朋友之一.
是的,羅斯是個(gè)好人, 我一直覺得從年輕人身上
能看到他父親的影子.
我也一直這么想.告訴我,你父親是干什么的.
他是個(gè)給同性戀滑稽劇寫文章的記者.
瑞秋,你要在這兒殺了我們, 你現(xiàn)在就上點(diǎn)心好嗎? 那些喝醉的跳舞女孩在等我們.
看這個(gè),漂亮嗎?
是的,是的,這是什么?
這是松露,有這么多層.
先是一層松脆餅,再一層果漿,然后是奶油凍.
這是我刮下來的
然后是紅莓,更多的松脆餅, 然后是煎嫩牛肉加豌豆和洋蔥.
然后是一些奶油凍,再是香蕉, 然后我在頂上放了些生奶油.
香蕉前面是什么?
牛肉?
是的,我也覺得很怪異.
可是,你知道有一種甜餡餅,那也是英國式的點(diǎn)心.
你知道,這些人把許多奇怪的東西放在食物里.
- 噢,順便問一下,我能從你那兒借點(diǎn)朗姆酒嗎? - 當(dāng)然
我走了你們不會偷吃吧?
OK
甜點(diǎn)心里放牛肉?我
不,不,不,這不行.
我知道,只有一層果漿?
到底是怎么回事?
噢,我的天,這兩頁粘在一起了.
錢德
噢,我的天,她做了一半英國松露, 一半...土豆泥肉餅
噢,現(xiàn)在她得重新再做一個(gè)了. 我們沒機(jī)會把性感女孩介紹給新世界了.
不,不,我們會的,我們只是不告訴她把這搞糟了.
就讓她上這些牛肉-奶油凍?
是的,這會成一個(gè)感恩節(jié)的有趣故事.
散發(fā)出嘔吐物氣味的故事是有趣...
喬伊,天哪,你的房間有100度.
有沒有使你穿內(nèi)衣走來走去?
沒有.
那還不夠熱.
- 瑞秋?- 什么事?
OK,瞧他.
看這些強(qiáng)壯的手.
噢,我多想變成那聽...煉乳。
媽媽,錢德剛才說你的毛衣真漂亮.
噢,謝謝你,錢德,我剛買的.
噢,是的,真漂亮,是奶黃色的又緊身.
我的意思不是緊身,我是說不太緊,我不是在看
他是怎么回事?
我想他又吸多了.
-什么?-什么?
老兄,我需要和你談一下.
OK,我想我知道為什么我父母不喜歡你了.
你知道?為什么?
好的,還記得嗎,我們年輕的時(shí)候.
- 嘿 - 大學(xué)二年級放春假時(shí),我有一次在房間里吸大麻,父母走進(jìn)來聞到了.
所以我告訴他們你剛抽了大麻,跳到了窗外.
什么?你為什么這么說?
我不知道.
你的名字是第一個(gè)蹦進(jìn)我腦袋的. 對不起,我以為這沒關(guān)系的
怎么會沒關(guān)系?
我怎么知道我們畢業(yè)后還會是朋友!
更沒想到你會搭上我妹妹!
那么那些“永遠(yuǎn)的朋友”什么的怎么說?
我不知道,我太興奮了。
爸爸媽媽讓我來這兒看看你是不是想讓羅斯吸大麻!
你父母抓到羅斯在大學(xué)里抽大麻,他誣賴我。
羅斯,我不相信你能這么干。
我們沒告訴他們我們在一起的原因是因?yàn)樗麄冇憛捨摇?
好吧,那你怎么彌補(bǔ)?
好,好,我會告訴他們不是錢德大麻抽多了。
現(xiàn)在我該說是誰呢?
你
這不是什么大事,你現(xiàn)在不這樣做了
好吧,好吧,我該說是誰騙我做的呢?
爸爸,請不要在這兒剔牙。
好吧,如果你能把腳抬開,你干嘛不坐在那兒。
莫尼卡,別煩他!
你能快點(diǎn)嗎?
你沒聽見我說簡妮的朋友都是跳舞的嗎?
他們要喝許多酒?
不,我聽見了,可是你再告訴我一遍吧,因?yàn)槟嵌嗬寺?
你攪得真慢。你不能快點(diǎn)?
喬伊,拜托,我不想犯任何錯(cuò)誤,行嗎?
這是唯一的點(diǎn)心,如果我弄砸了,大家都會...
"噢,記得那個(gè)感恩節(jié)嗎,瑞秋把松露做糟了”
所以,你干嘛不讓我來擔(dān)心做松露,你來擔(dān)心怎么吃它,好嗎?
我在擔(dān)心。
羅斯,如果你不告訴他門,我就
好吧,好吧。
羅斯,我能和你說兩句嗎?
噢,喬伊你能等一下嗎?我得告訴父母一些事情。不行?好吧。
好吧,瞧,我想我們得告訴瑞秋她把點(diǎn)心弄糟了。
什么?大伙都怎么了?這是感恩節(jié),不是說真話節(jié)。
瞧,每個(gè)人都得吃那個(gè),那個(gè)香蕉-肉的玩意。
他們都會笑話她,這是你想看到的嗎?
好吧,我們讓大家都裝作喜歡吃的樣子。
那么沒人會笑話她,我們也能再去“甜土豆餡餅”那里。
老兄,她們不是物品
只是開玩笑,我去和他們說,你引開瑞秋注意力。
嘿,瑞秋,我能和你到外面說幾句嗎?
好吧
什么事,羅斯?
嗯
感恩節(jié)。
我們在過節(jié),是吧?
是的。
嗯,你今天真好看。
噢,不,羅斯,別這樣。
什么?
我只是不認(rèn)為我們再回到一起是個(gè)好主意。
嗯?
我料到今天可能會這樣,羅斯,我知道這節(jié)日可能有點(diǎn)難熬。
你知道?這對你單身一人來說太難熬了
你也是單身.
不,我和菲比住在一起
我的意思是你獨(dú)自一人,一個(gè)人。
現(xiàn)在對我們來說不是好時(shí)機(jī),對不起。
好吧,你不能責(zé)怪一個(gè)想嘗試一下的家伙。
好吧,如果有人不太會假裝喜歡吃,我在表演課上學(xué)過點(diǎn),試著
按摩一下你的肚子,或
嘴里說“嗯嗯”
噢噢,然后微笑,好了嗎?
我不會給這樣的表演課付錢。
瑞秋,你來,快,讓我們上點(diǎn)心。
喬伊,你別催我。
你知道嗎?你沒有點(diǎn)心吃。
真的?
不,我在開玩笑,我不會對你這么干的。
好啦,大家注意,現(xiàn)在吃松露了。
瑞秋,這是傳統(tǒng)的英式松露,是嗎?
當(dāng)然是。
哇,那你是用牛肉還是茄子做的?
牛肉
我不能吃了,你知道我不吃肉,噢噢
好吧,莫尼卡,我想讓你第一個(gè)嘗嘗。
真得?
噢,噢,等一下。你只吃了煉乳,你得所有的層都咬一口。
好的
噢,等一下,你掉了豌豆。
怎么樣?
嗯~~~~~
不錯(cuò)
真的?有多好吃?
太好吃了,我覺得太自私了
只有我一個(gè)人在吃。
我想我們該讓每個(gè)人都嘗嘗這有多么好吃
尤其是羅斯
嗯
是的,太好了
我要到陽臺上好好品嘗
那樣我就能邊看風(fēng)景邊吃點(diǎn)心
我得到莫尼卡的房間里去給我的朋友瑪麗打電話,告訴她這有多好吃
我去幫你撥號碼。
我要到衛(wèi)生間去,那樣我能在吃的時(shí)候
照著鏡子看看.
好吧,這到底是怎么回事?難道這不好吃嗎?
-讓我試一下。- 哇,不,啊。
吃完了。
真好吃
也許錢德還能剩點(diǎn)。
吃起來象腳一樣。
我喜歡
你在開玩笑?
不喜歡什么?奶油凍?太好了
果醬?好吃。肉?好吃!
一只鳥剛把它搶走了
然后飛走了
然后把它扔在了街上?
是的,可是如果能算是安慰的話,在鳥把它扔掉以前,它看上去很喜歡吃.
瑞秋,過來
我剛才睡了個(gè)感恩節(jié)小覺,我又做了個(gè)關(guān)于杰克的夢。
噢,菲比,我一定要聽嗎?
我不知道,然后
我夢見我們要結(jié)婚了
他走了,因?yàn)樗ゾ然稹?
嗯,接著我去了個(gè)夜總會,我看見他在和一個(gè)姑娘鬼混
噢,我的天,他夢幻地欺騙你
是的,可是雅克·庫斯特來了,他踢他屁股因?yàn)樗_了我
太棒了
然后,他帶我去潛水,把我介紹給他的寵物海馬,而且他還老是吃我豆腐。
幫幫忙吧,這不可能發(fā)生
小伙子,我很高興我今天束了大皮帶
5分鐘前,一條那樣的東西能讓我躺下。
現(xiàn)在沒事了。哦,還是有事,我終究還是個(gè)女人。
羅斯,我們?nèi)グ?
噢,是的,告訴爸爸媽媽,我在考慮可能寫封信
好的,給過你機(jī)會了
什么?
媽媽,爸爸
羅斯在大學(xué)里抽大麻
什么?
你這個(gè)告密者!
媽媽,爸爸,你還記得那次你們走進(jìn)我房間,聞到大麻味道嗎?
是的
我那時(shí)告訴你們是錢德在抽大麻,可是
是我抽的,對不起
是你?
爸爸,還記得那個(gè)被你炒掉的郵差嗎?
他沒偷你的《花花公子》,是羅斯干的
好吧,格羅麗亞颶風(fēng)沒弄壞門廊里的秋千,是莫尼卡弄壞的!
羅斯已經(jīng)一整年沒有博物館工作了!
莫尼卡和錢德住在一起!
羅斯和瑞秋在拉斯維加斯結(jié)了婚,然后離婚了!又一次!!!
我愛雅克·庫斯特!
我不該在松露里放牛肉的!
我想走了?。。。?!
在30杪鐘里得到了這么多信息
好吧,喬伊,如果想走,就走吧
瑞秋,你不應(yīng)該在松露里放牛肉的,它一點(diǎn)也不好吃
菲比,很抱歉,可是我想雅克·庫斯特已經(jīng)死了
莫尼卡,你為什么覺得你必須對我隱瞞這么重要的事情?我無法理解。
我們早已大概猜出門廊里秋千的事了
羅斯,毒品?離婚?又離一次?
兒子你到底怎么了?
我,我,所有那些事情我都是受騙上當(dāng)了
錢德,
這些年你是羅斯最好的朋友,
在毒品問題期間也忠于他,
現(xiàn)在你又接納了莫尼卡。
好吧,我不知道該說什么
你是個(gè)大好人
謝謝你
不,謝謝你
莫尼卡,還有羅斯,我不知道該對你們兩個(gè)怎么辦
我會和他們講的
你們這些家伙。那是香蕉,奶油,和牛肉
我不相信你們把這些全吃了,就為了不讓我難過
實(shí)際上,我沒有吃我的那份
它還在衛(wèi)生間里
不,不在了,我吃了它
我們的留在莫尼卡的房間里了
沒了,我把你們的也吃了