英語世界文摘:《浮生六記》英譯閱讀與討論（二）

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《浮生六記》英譯閱讀與討論（二）

文/劉士聰

【原文】其形削肩長項，瘦不露骨，眉彎目秀，顧盼神飛，唯兩齒微露，似非佳相。一種纏綿之態(tài)，令人之意也消。

【譯文】The simplicity of her robe seemed to accentuate her fragile beauty andthe slenderness of her graceful figure, with its sloping shoulders and long, delicateneck. Her eyes looked very dark beneath the curving wings of her brows. Her glance sparkled with intelligence and humour, and I could find no flaw in her loveliness except that her two front teeth sloped forward ever so slightly under short upper lip; an unimportant defect, but one that was regarded as a sign of bad luck. Above all else,a clinging softness in her manner, an indefinable air of tenderness and vulnerabilityabout her, touched my heart deeply, making me wish to stay forever by her side. (p. 5)

【簡評】“The simplicity of her robe seemed to accentuate...”系前文“her quiet, simple self ”的補充文字，用來描寫蕓的fragile beauty and the slendernessof her graceful figure，句中的accentuate是關鍵動詞，突顯蕓的弱姿與苗條，譯者聯(lián)系上下文，創(chuàng)造了一個頗具美感的形象。

“顧盼神飛”譯文與霍譯《紅樓夢》中譯文相似，在第一部分里說過，都用了 glance、glances 和 sparkle。

“纏綿之態(tài)”，意為“婉轉動人”，可以說“歌聲柔和纏綿”；用來描寫人的行為舉止或儀態(tài)時，“纏綿”是什么樣子、怎么翻譯，是個問題。譯者根據(jù)她的理解和想象將其譯作，“a clinging softness in her manner, an indefinableair of tenderness and vulnerability about her”，其中 a clinging softness 是對“纏綿”的成功傳譯。關于to cling，這里指“情感上的依戀”。從作者對她的情感看，這個譯文應該說是很好的，說出了原文的內(nèi)含。為什么譯者用了vulnerability，在那個時代的女性對男性的依戀之中，可能指情感的“脆弱”，或易受傷害的因素，若是出于這種考慮，也說明譯者思維的縝密。另，“兩齒微露”譯文里補充了under short upper lip，這一補充可有可無，對再現(xiàn)蕓的形象未必有益。

關于“令人之意也消”，淮茗在其《浮生六記》注釋本（中州古籍出版社，2010）中有解釋：“讓人萌生愛戀之意，難以割舍”，即放不下、忘不掉。譯文making me wish to stay forever by her side，有“難以割舍”之意。

【原文】……悄然入室，伴嫗盹于床下，蕓卸妝尚未臥，高燒銀燭，低垂粉頸，不知觀何書而出神若此……

【譯文】Quietly I entered my bridal chamber, where the bride’s attendant lay dozing on the floor. Yuen, who had taken off her wedding finery, was not yet in bed. She was sitting, in the light from a pair of tall silver candles, with her delicate white neck bent over a book, so completely absorbed in her reading that she was unaware that I had come into the room. (p. 8)

【簡評】這段文字刻畫蕓忘記新婚之歡、埋頭讀書的形象，譯文與原文有異曲同工之妙，尤其是將“高燒銀燭“譯作在燭光之下，in the light from a pair of tall silver candles，“低垂粉頸”不但譯了埋頭讀書，也譯了her delicate white neck，二者構成一個狀語，描畫了蕓在燭光之下忘情讀書的優(yōu)雅姿態(tài)，形象之鮮明，有原文審美效果，屬經(jīng)典譯句。

好的作家和譯家追求文字之美。有人說，寫句子是藝術，這個說法有道理。英國作家毛姆（W. Somerset Maugham）在他的文章 Lucidity 里說：Words have weight, sound and appearance; it is only by considering these that you can write a sentence that is good to look at and good to listen to.他要求寫句子既要好聽又要好看。這是他對英語句子的感悟。

這個譯句不僅聽著好、看著好，意境也好。

【原文】蕓作新婦，初甚緘默，終日無怒容，與之言，微笑而已。事上以敬，處下以和，井井然未嘗稍失。

【譯文】Though she was at first reserved and silent, Yuen, as a young bride, was never angry nor sullen. She was respectful to her elders and treated her inferiors with gentle kindness, nor could the slightest fault be found with the work she did in the household. (p. 9)

【簡評】“緘默”譯文用了兩個詞，reserved and silent；“怒容“譯文也用了兩個詞，never angry nor sullen。這樣譯可能有兩方面考慮，第一，為避免片面，把可能的情況都點到，將“緘默“譯作 reserved and silent，指初為人婦的謹慎和少言少語，將“無怒容”譯作 never angry nor sullen，指既不生氣，也沒有乖僻性格的表現(xiàn)；第二，可能也考慮了句子的平衡與節(jié)奏，若二者只取其一，讀起來難免有突兀之感。

“井井然未嘗稍失”，井然有序和不曾出錯，側重譯了“未嘗稍失”，包括了前者的意思。