我還是該死地覺(jué)得自己就是人渣

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At the outset, I would want to mention that I am a Stanford CS undergrad working for an extremely well-known tech company in NYC, earning around $100k. Here's a sneak peek into my dark side which absolutely no one knows about.

首先我要提一下，我是斯坦福大學(xué)計(jì)算機(jī)專(zhuān)業(yè)本科生，在紐約一家知名的科技公司工作，薪水10萬(wàn)美元左右。在這里我揭秘了完全沒(méi)有人知曉的我的陰暗面。

I have a habit of shoplifting, so much so that I became really good at it. I know that I can easily afford to purchase the stuff that I steal, but shoplifting just gives me this "high" that is indescribable.. I stole B&W C5 from the Apple Store, and randomly steal stuff from other stores.

我有入店行竊的習(xí)慣，偷得多了我就變得很擅長(zhǎng)這個(gè)。我明知我完全買(mǎi)得起我偷的東西，但是入店行竊給我一種難以形容的快感。我在蘋(píng)果專(zhuān)賣(mài)店偷過(guò)B&W C5耳機(jī)，也隨機(jī)在其它商店偷過(guò)東西。

I got caught for shoplifting 2 weeks ago, and had to pay the civil demand fee of $150, after which I've almost stopped shoplifting. The $150 penalty was probably 20% of the total worth of stuff that I've stolen over the months.

兩周前我因?yàn)槿氲晷懈`被逮捕了，還得支付150美元的民事訴訟費(fèi)，在那之后我?guī)缀跻涞粜懈`習(xí)慣了。150美元的罰款占了我數(shù)月以來(lái)所盜之物的總額的20%。

I have no friends at all, just a girlfriend.. Having no friends makes me quite lonely and unhappy in spite of people thinking that I'm "living the life". I really try making friends, but unfortunately I fuck up each and every time because of my big mouth, and generally people think that I'm not a fun person to hang out with, when in fact the truth is the opposite once I open up to people.

我根本就沒(méi)有朋友，只有一個(gè)女朋友，這讓我很孤獨(dú)、很難過(guò)，雖然大家只是覺(jué)得我“生來(lái)如此”。實(shí)際上，我一直在試著交朋友，但是很遺憾，我每一次都會(huì)因?yàn)槲业目跓o(wú)遮攔而搞砸，而且大部分人都覺(jué)得跟我一起出去玩很沒(méi)意思，可是實(shí)際上只要我和大家混熟之后就完全不會(huì)這樣了。

I have a huge inferiority complex and don't believe in myself. Heck I'm 22 and I'm making 100k at a top tech company but I still feel that I'm shit. Nobody really cares about me. I don't blame them though.. Nobody really knows me I guess.

我有很強(qiáng)烈的自卑感，也無(wú)法信任自己。我今年22歲，在一家頂尖的科技公司工作，年薪10萬(wàn)，但我還是該死地覺(jué)得自己就是人渣。沒(méi)有人真正在乎我，但是我卻沒(méi)法責(zé)怪他們……我猜根本就沒(méi)有人了解我。