快把電子產(chǎn)品趕出臥室，增進情感健康

為了感情的健康，快把電子產(chǎn)品趕出臥室

Sound the alarm: The good old-fashioned relationship is under attack from technology.

敲一下警鐘：美好的傳統(tǒng)戀愛關系正在遭受科技產(chǎn)品的打擊。

That seems to be the message from a growing body of psychology research examining how technology is affecting our love lives and friendships.

越來越多的心理研究機構正在研究科技對愛情生活和友情造成的影響，它們似乎傳遞出了這種信息。

For many couples, technology is a double-edged sword. The “his” and “hers” towels have been replaced by smartphones that allow people to stay tethered all day, whether it’s to share shopping lists or heart-shaped emoji. But those same couples get into tiffs when one person pulls out a cellphone at dinner or clicks on the iPad before bed, forgoing pillow talk for Twitter.

對很多情侶來說，科技是一把雙刃劍。情侶毛巾被智能手機取代，后者能讓人們全天保持聯(lián)系，不管是分享購物清單還是心形表情符號。但是當情侶中的一方在用餐時拿出手機，或者睡覺前不說枕邊悄悄話，而是用iPad發(fā)Twitter時，他們就會發(fā)生口角。

A study published last month in The International Journal of Neuropsychotherapy, for example, found that when one person in a relationship is using some forms of technology more than the other, it makes the second person feel ignored and insecure. Or as your therapist may say, it brings up a whole lot of abandonment issues.

例如，《國際神經(jīng)心理治療雜志》(International Journal of Neuropsychotherapy)上月發(fā)表的一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，當情侶中的一方比另一方更常使用某些科技產(chǎn)品時，另一方會覺得被忽視，失去安全感。或者就像心理醫(yī)生說的，它會引發(fā)很多關于拋棄的問題。

“Engaging in technology separate to a partner while in the presence of them encourages a disconnection rather than a connection,” said Christina Leggett, a senior researcher at the School of Psychology at the University of Queensland in Australia, who wrote the study with Pieter J. Rossouw, a professor there. “Disconnection in relationships tends to lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and comprises an individual’s sense of safety, attachment and control.”

這項研究是澳大利亞昆士蘭大學心理學院高級研究員克里斯蒂娜·萊格特(Christina Leggett)和教授皮埃爾·J·盧索(Pieter J. Rossouw)共同發(fā)表的。萊格特說，“在伴侶面前顧自玩科技產(chǎn)品，會讓雙方更疏遠，而非更親密。戀愛關系中的疏遠會導致不滿，讓另一方失去安全感、依戀感和可控感。”

In a study published this year, Pew Research found that 25 percent of cellphone users in a relationship believed that their partner was distracted by that person’s cellphone when they were together. Eight percent said they had argued about how much time one party spends online.

皮尤研究中心今年發(fā)表的一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，情侶中25%的手機用戶認為，他們在一起時伴侶因手機而分心。8%的被調查者稱，他們就其中一方的上網(wǎng)時間發(fā)生過爭論。

In 2013, a study by Brigham Young University researchers concluded that texting too much within a relationship could leave partners very dissatisfied with their overall communication. (Saying “sorry” over text in an argument only made things worse, the same study found.) And in 2012, researchers at the Baylor University Hankamer School of Business found that paying too much attention to a cellphone could ruin relationships with loved ones and friends.

2013年，楊百翰大學(Brigham Young University)的一項研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，在戀愛中過多發(fā)短信會使情侶們對總體交流狀況感到非常不滿(這一研究還發(fā)現(xiàn)，在爭吵中發(fā)短信道歉只會把情況弄得更糟)。2012年，貝勒大學漢卡默商務學院的研究者發(fā)現(xiàn)，過度關注手機有可能毀掉戀情和友情。

“Phubbing your significant other by giving precedence to your phone activities over paying attention to your significant other is a path to strained relationships,” James Roberts, a professor at Baylor who wrote the 2012 study, wrote in an email, using the shorthand term for “phone snubbing.” “When one or both people in a couple overuse (variously defined) their cellphone, or other technology, it is likely to undermine their relationship.”

發(fā)表這項研究的詹姆斯·羅伯茨教授(James Roberts)在電子郵件中寫道，“優(yōu)先考慮手機上的活動，不理會你的重要伴侶，會破壞你們的關系。情侶中的一方或雙方過度使用(認定標準各不相同)手機或其他科技產(chǎn)品很可能會破壞雙方的關系。”

One way to find a balance, according to researchers I spoke with, is to organize device-free outings with your significant other. That could include weekend hikes in areas without cell service or leaving phones at home during brunch. (Sorry: That means you won’t be able to Instagram your eggs Benedict.)

我采訪的幾位研究者稱，其中一個平衡方法是和你的重要伴侶進行不帶科技產(chǎn)品的外出活動。比如，周末一起去沒有手機信號的地方遠足，或者把手機留在家里去外面吃早午餐(對不起，這意味著你不能把你的火腿蛋松餅發(fā)到Instagram上)。

At home, where it’s more difficult to escape the clutches of tech, researchers suggested setting up gadget-free zones, where laptops, iPads and other devices are banned. Dr. Rossouw said that he tells people to make the bedroom a “sacred space free from technology.” He also noted that couples who work from home should be especially cognizant of this, creating strict boundaries for where tech is allowed and where it’s not.

在家里，想逃避科技產(chǎn)品要難得多。研究者們建議設立無電子產(chǎn)品區(qū)域，在那里禁止使用筆記本電腦或iPad等科技產(chǎn)品。盧索博士說，他建議人們把臥室變成“沒有科技產(chǎn)品的神圣空間”。他還指出，在家工作的情侶們應該特別注意這一點，設立嚴格界線，確定哪些地方能用科技產(chǎn)品，哪些地方不能。

But take it from me, setting up gadget-free zones isn’t easy.

但是請相信我，設立無科技產(chǎn)品區(qū)域并不容易。

My fiancée and I are currently in a standoff about our gadget-free bedroom. From her perspective, there should not be any gadgets in the bedroom except an alarm clock. While I think this is fair, I’ve argued that if I was reading a book on my iPad, then that device should be exempt from the ban. And a Kindle, which could be seen as a print book with a fancy reading light, should be perfectly O.K., too. (She disagrees, hence the standoff.)

我和未婚妻正就無科技產(chǎn)品臥室陷入僵持。在她看來，除了鬧鐘，臥室里不應該有任何科技產(chǎn)品。我覺得她說的有道理，但我認為，要是用iPad讀書，那個設備應該不受這項禁令約束。Kindle可以被看作具有別致閱讀燈的紙質書，也完全不應該被禁止(她不同意我的看法，所以我們在僵持)。

One solution, if things get really extreme, could be installing wallpaper in the bedroom that can block Wi-Fi signals from coming in or out. Though if you get to that point, you may have bigger problems.

如果情勢激化，有個辦法是在臥室貼上能屏蔽Wi-Fi信號的墻紙。不過如果你們到了那種地步，可能會有更大的麻煩。

If you think a Kindle is tricky, wait until your significant other starts wearing the Apple Watch next year. Are you going to ask your husband or wife to take off the watch before coming into the gadget-free bedroom?

如果你覺得Kindle是個難題，那明年你的伴侶開始佩戴蘋果手表時就更難辦了。你會要求丈夫或妻子在進入無科技產(chǎn)品臥室前取掉手表嗎?

But tech in a relationship isn’t all bad. In fact, if used correctly, it can actually bring couples closer together. Ms. Leggett and Dr. Rossouw’s study found that couples who used technology together — watching TV, for example — can make people feel more connected in their relationship. (Quick, grab the popcorn and a good rom-com.) The researchers even found that couples using their cellphone together “while engaging and interacting with each other” could be positive. (Words With Friends, darling?)

不過，科技產(chǎn)品不是只會破壞戀情。實際上，如果正確使用，它也能讓情侶們更親密。萊格特和盧索的研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，情侶一起使用科技產(chǎn)品——比如一起看電視 ——能讓他們感覺更親密(快，拿起爆米花，找一個好看的浪漫喜劇)。研究者們甚至發(fā)現(xiàn)，和情侶一起用手機“互動”可能是有益的(親愛的，咱們一起玩 Words With Friends拼字游戲吧?)。

Some experts who study the effects of tech on relationships say that the cons of tech don’t outweigh the pros.

一些研究科技產(chǎn)品對戀愛關系影響的專家們稱，科技產(chǎn)品的正面作用不比負面作用少。

“Being able to stay in touch with loved ones when they are not physically present is a benefit that ought not be underestimated,” said Michael J. Rosenfeld, an associate professor of sociology at Stanford University, who wrote a breakthrough paper in 2012 about technology and relationships. “I don’t disagree that technology can distract us away from the people who are most physically proximate, but I see no evidence that our relationships are diminished by technology.”

“愛人不在身邊時能和他/她保持聯(lián)系，這個好處不能低估，”斯坦福大學社會學副教授邁克爾·J·羅森菲爾德(Michael J. Rosenfeld)說。2012年他寫了一篇關于科技產(chǎn)品與戀愛關系的突破性文章。“科技產(chǎn)品會讓我們和身邊的人相處時分神，這一點我不反對，但我沒有看到證據(jù)證明科技產(chǎn)品會削弱戀愛關系。”