I once interviewed Major-General Smedley Butler—old“Gimlet- Eye”. Old“Hell-Devil”Butler! Remember him? The most colourful, swashbuckling general who ever commanded the United States Marines.
He told me that when he was young, he was desperately eager to be popular, wanted to make a good impression on everyone. In those days the slightest criticism smarted and stung. But he confessed that thirty years in the Marines had toughened his hide.“I have been berated and insulted,”he said,“and denounced as a yellow dog, a snake, and a skunk. I have been cursed by the experts. I have been called every possible combination of unprintable cuss words in the English language. Bother me? Huh! When I hear someone cussing me now, I never turn my head to see who is talking.”
Maybe old“Gimlet-Eye”Butler was too indifferent to criticism; but one thing is sure: most of us take the little jibes and javelins that are hurled at us far too seriously. I remember the time, years ago, when a reporter from the New York Sun attended a demonstration meeting of my adult-education classes and lampooned me and my work. Was I burned up? I took it as a personal insult. I telephoned Gill Hodges, the Chairman of the Executive Committee of the Sun, and practically demanded that he print an article stating the facts— instead of ridicule. I was determined to make the punishment fit the crime.
I am ashamed now of the way I acted. I realise now that half the people who bought the paper never saw that article. Half of those who read it regarded it as a source of innocent merriment. Half of those who gloated over it forgot all about it in a few weeks.
I realise now that people are not thinking about you and me or caring what is said about us. They are thinking about themselves— before breakfast, after breakfast, and right on until ten minutes past midnight. They would be a thousand times more concerned about a slight headache of their own than they would about the news of your death or mine.
Even if you and I are lied about, ridiculed, double-crossed, knifed in the back, and sold down the river by one out of every six of our most intimate friends—let's not indulge in an orgy of self-pity. Instead, let's remind ourselves that that's precisely what happened to Jesus. One of His twelve most intimate friends turned traitor for a bribe that would amount, in our modern money, to about nineteen dollars. Another one of His twelve most intimate friends openly deserted Jesus the moment He got into trouble, and declared three times that he didn't even know Jesus—and he swore as he said it. One out of six! That is what happened to Jesus. Why should you and I expect a better score?
I discovered years ago that although I couldn't keep people from criticising me unjustly, I could do something infinitely more important: I could determine whether I would let the unjust condemnation disturb me.
Let's be clear about this: I am not advocating ignoring all criticism. Far from it. I am talking about ignoring only unjust criticism. I once asked Eleanor Roosevelt how she handled unjust criticism—and Allah knows she's had a lot of it. She probably has more ardent friends and more violent enemies than any other woman who ever lived in the White House.
She told me that as a young girl she was almost morbidly shy, afraid of what people might say. She was so afraid of criticism that one day she asked her aunt, Theodore Roosevelt's sister for advice. She said:“Auntie Bye, I want to do so-and-so. But I'm afraid of being criticised.”
Teddy Roosevelt's sister looked her in the eye and said:“Never be bothered by what people say, as long as you know in your heart you are right.”Eleanor Roosevelt told me that that bit of advice proved to be her Rock of Gibraltar years later, when she was in the White House. She told me that the only way we can avoid all criticism is to be like a Dresden-china figure and stay on a shelf.“Do what you feel in your heart to be right—for you'll be criticised, anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.”That is her advice.
When the late Matthew C. Brush, was president of the American International Corporation at 40 Wall Street, I asked him if he was ever sensitive to criticism; and he replied:“Yes, I was very sensitive to it in my early days. I was eager then to have all the employees in the organization think I was perfect. If they didn't, it worried me. I would try to please first one person who had been sounding off against me; but the very thing I did to patch it up with him would make someone else mad. Then when I tried to fix it up with this person, I would stir up a couple of other bumblebees. I finally discovered that the more I tried to pacify and to smooth over injured feelings in order to escape personal criticism, the more certain I was to increase my enemies. So finally I said to myself:‘If you get your head above the crowd, you're going to be criticised. So get used to the idea.’That helped me tremendously. From that time on I made it a rule to do the very best I could and then put up my old umbrella and let the rain of criticism drain off me instead of running down my neck.”
Deems Taylor went a bit further: he let the rain of criticism run down his neck and had a good laugh over it—in public. When he was giving his comments during the intermission of the Sunday afternoon radio concerts of the New York Philharmonic-Symphony Orchestra, one woman wrote him a letter calling him“a liar, a traitor, a snake and a moron”.
On the following week's broadcast, Mr. Taylor read this letter over the radio to millions of listeners. In his book, Of Men & Music, he tells us that a few days later he received another letter from the same lady,“expressing her unaltered opinion that I was still a liar, a traitor, a snake and a moron. I have a suspicion,”adds Mr. Taylor,“that she didn't care for that talk.”We can't keep from admiring a man who takes criticism like that. We admire his serenity, his unshaken poise, and his sense of humour.
When Charles Schwab was addressing the student body at Princeton, he confessed that one of the most important lessons he had ever learned was taught to him by an old German who worked in Schwab's steel mill. The old German got involved in a hot wartime argument with the other steelworkers, and they tossed him into the river.“When he came into my office,”Mr. Schwab said,“covered with mud and water, I asked him what he had said to the men who had thrown him into the river, and he replied:‘I just laughed.’”
Mr. Schwab declared that he had adopted that old German's words as his motto:“Just laugh.”That motto is especially good when you are the victim of unjust criticism. You can answer the man who answers you back, but what can you say to the man who“just laughs”?
Lincoln might have broken under the strain of the Civil War if he hadn't learned the folly of trying to answer all his savage critics. He finally said:“If I were to try to read, much less to answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how—the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, then what is said against me won't matter. If the end brings me out wrong, then ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.”
When you and I are unjustly criticised, let's remember:
DO THE VERY BEST YON CAN: AND THEN PUT UP YOUR OLD UMBRELLA AND KEEP THE RAIN OF CRITICISM FROM RUNNING DOWN THE BACK OF YOUR NECK.
我曾經(jīng)采訪過(guò)斯梅德利·巴特勒少將,就是那個(gè)號(hào)稱老“犀利眼”、老“地獄魔鬼”的巴特勒!還記得他嗎?他是統(tǒng)帥過(guò)美國(guó)海軍的將軍中最多姿多彩、神氣活現(xiàn)的一個(gè)。
他告訴我,他年輕時(shí)急切地渴望成為受歡迎的人,想給每個(gè)人留下好印象,所以在那段日子里,任何微小的批評(píng)都會(huì)刺痛他。不過(guò)他承認(rèn)加入海軍的三十年磨煉了他。“我曾經(jīng)被責(zé)難、被侮辱?!彼f(shuō),“我被罵成卑鄙懦弱、心如蛇蝎、臭名昭著的人,也曾被專(zhuān)家辱罵。所有不登大雅之堂的英文詛咒詞匯都在我身上用過(guò)。哈!現(xiàn)在當(dāng)我聽(tīng)到別人罵我時(shí),我甚至不屑于回頭看看那人是誰(shuí)。”
或許老“犀利眼”巴特勒對(duì)于批評(píng)過(guò)于無(wú)動(dòng)于衷了,但是有一件事是肯定的:我們大多數(shù)人把小小的嘲諷看得太過(guò)認(rèn)真了。我記得幾年前《紐約太陽(yáng)報(bào)》有一名記者,他在參加我的成人教育班講座后當(dāng)眾嘲諷了我和我的工作,當(dāng)時(shí)我氣壞了。我把它看作針對(duì)我本人的侮辱,我給《太陽(yáng)報(bào)》執(zhí)行委員會(huì)主席吉爾·霍吉斯致電,命令他發(fā)表一篇澄清文章,必須陳述事實(shí)而非嘲諷。我決心一定要討個(gè)公道。
現(xiàn)在我為當(dāng)時(shí)的舉動(dòng)感到羞愧。我知道買(mǎi)那份報(bào)紙的一半讀者可能根本沒(méi)有看到那篇文章,而看到的人中有一半只不過(guò)把它當(dāng)作無(wú)足輕重的消遣而已,另一半幸災(zāi)樂(lè)禍的人不出幾周便會(huì)把它忘得一干二凈。
我現(xiàn)在明白了別人并不在意你和我,也不在意關(guān)于我們的輿論,他們只在乎自己的問(wèn)題。在早飯前、早飯后、直到午夜過(guò)后的十分鐘,他們關(guān)心自己輕微的頭疼腦熱要比你和我的死活多一千倍。
即便我們被騙、被嘲弄、被背叛、被暗算或者被最親密的朋友出賣(mài),也不該縱容自憐。相反,我們要提醒自己,這正是耶穌的遭遇。在耶穌最親密的十二個(gè)朋友中,一個(gè)為了相當(dāng)于今天十九美金的錢(qián)財(cái)而背叛了他,另一個(gè)在他受難時(shí)公然背棄了他,還三次宣稱并發(fā)誓自己不認(rèn)識(shí)耶穌。這是六分之一的比例!這就是耶穌的遭遇。那么你和我又憑什么期待更好的待遇呢?
幾年前我發(fā)現(xiàn)雖然我不能阻止別人對(duì)我進(jìn)行不公地批判,但我可以做更加重要的事:我可以決定是否允許自己被不公的指責(zé)所打擾。
當(dāng)然,我并不是說(shuō)要忽視所有批評(píng)的聲音,我完全不是這個(gè)意思。我是說(shuō)要忽視不公的批評(píng)。有一次我問(wèn)艾莉諾·羅斯福,她是如何應(yīng)付不公批評(píng)的——天知道她承受過(guò)多少不公平指責(zé)。她擁有的熱忱朋友和殘暴敵人的數(shù)量或許比在白宮生活過(guò)的任何一個(gè)女人都要多。
她告訴我,小的時(shí)候她很害羞,幾近病態(tài)的害羞,懼怕人們的議論。她是如此害怕被批評(píng)以至于有一次她跑去向她的姑媽——西奧多·羅斯福的姐姐征求意見(jiàn)。她說(shuō):“百伊姑媽?zhuān)蚁胱瞿衬呈?,但是我怕被人議論?!?/p>
姑媽看著她的眼睛說(shuō):“只要你內(nèi)心認(rèn)為自己是正確的,就永遠(yuǎn)不要因別人的話而感到困擾?!卑蛑Z·羅斯福告訴我,這條建議日后就像一塊堅(jiān)石一樣守護(hù)著她在白宮的日子。她對(duì)我說(shuō),唯一避免評(píng)論的方法就是像德累斯頓瓷雕一樣待在柜子里。“既然不論如何別人都會(huì)評(píng)判你,所以去做你內(nèi)心覺(jué)得正確的事吧。因?yàn)樽隽藭?huì)被譴責(zé),不做也會(huì)被譴責(zé)?!边@就是她的建議。
已故的馬修·布拉在擔(dān)任美國(guó)國(guó)際公司總裁一職時(shí),我問(wèn)他是否曾經(jīng)對(duì)別人的評(píng)論敏感。他回答:“是的,早年非常敏感,那時(shí)我迫切地希望全公司的員工都認(rèn)為我是完美的。我會(huì)首先試圖討好反對(duì)我的人,而這種舉動(dòng)又會(huì)激怒另一個(gè)人;當(dāng)我處理與第二個(gè)人的問(wèn)題時(shí)又捅了其他的馬蜂窩。最后我終于意識(shí)到,我越是想安撫受傷的情緒從而逃避批評(píng)便樹(shù)立了越多的敵人。所以最終我告訴自己:‘槍打出頭鳥(niǎo)。習(xí)慣了就好?!@給了我極大的幫助。從那時(shí)起,我立下規(guī)矩:我會(huì)盡最大努力做事,然后撐起我那把舊雨傘,讓議論之雨順傘滑落,而不是灌入領(lǐng)口?!?/p>
蒂姆斯·泰勒做得更徹底。他讓議論之雨灌入領(lǐng)口,然后大方地一笑而過(guò)。他在為每周日下午的紐約愛(ài)樂(lè)樂(lè)團(tuán)的電臺(tái)直播音樂(lè)會(huì)做中場(chǎng)休息講解時(shí),曾收到過(guò)一位女士的來(lái)信,信中稱他為“騙子、背叛者、蛇蝎、惡魔”。后來(lái)泰勒先生在他的《人與音樂(lè)》一書(shū)中寫(xiě)道:“我懷疑她根本不關(guān)心談?wù)摰膬?nèi)容?!比缓笤诮酉聛?lái)一周的廣播里他為千百萬(wàn)聽(tīng)眾讀了那封信。于是他再次收到那個(gè)女人的信,表達(dá)了她不變的觀點(diǎn)。泰勒先生說(shuō):“在她的信中我依然是騙子、背叛者、蛇蝎、惡魔?!蔽覀儫o(wú)法不敬仰能以這樣的姿態(tài)面對(duì)批評(píng)的人,他平和、處事不驚,還頗具幽默感。
查爾斯·施瓦布在普林斯頓大學(xué)演講時(shí)說(shuō)到,他學(xué)到的最重要的一課是在施瓦布鋼鐵廠工作的一位德國(guó)老人給他上的。這位德國(guó)老人和其他工人陷入了激烈的爭(zhēng)論中,被人扔進(jìn)了河里。施瓦布先生說(shuō):“他走進(jìn)我辦公室時(shí)滿身都是泥和水。我問(wèn)他到底跟那些把他扔到河里的人們說(shuō)了什么,他說(shuō):‘我只是一笑而過(guò)?!?/p>
施瓦布強(qiáng)調(diào)他把德國(guó)老人的這句話當(dāng)成了座右銘:“一笑而過(guò)?!碑?dāng)你是不公的批評(píng)的受害者時(shí),這幾個(gè)字尤其受用。你說(shuō)的任何話別人都能反駁,但是人們能對(duì)“一笑而過(guò)”說(shuō)什么呢?
如果林肯沒(méi)有意識(shí)到撲面而來(lái)的刻薄譴責(zé)是多么的荒唐,或許他會(huì)垮在南北戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)的重壓下。他對(duì)如何應(yīng)對(duì)此類(lèi)譴責(zé)的描述也成了經(jīng)典。麥克阿瑟將軍在戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)時(shí)期里把這些話打印出來(lái)掛在了指揮部辦公桌的上方,丘吉爾把它鑲在鏡框中掛在了鄉(xiāng)間別墅的書(shū)房里。林肯是這樣說(shuō)的:“如果我試圖讀完所有對(duì)我的攻擊,那我就不用做其他事了,更別說(shuō)一一回復(fù)。我只能竭盡所能把每件事做到最好,而且會(huì)一直做到底。如果結(jié)果是好的,對(duì)我的評(píng)價(jià)便無(wú)關(guān)緊要。如果結(jié)果是糟糕的,那么即便十個(gè)天使發(fā)誓說(shuō)我是正確的也無(wú)濟(jì)于事?!?/p>
當(dāng)我們面對(duì)不公批評(píng)時(shí),讓我們記住:
竭盡全力地做事,然后撐開(kāi)你的舊雨傘,不要讓雨水灌入領(lǐng)口中。
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