MANYA had desired change and she was to get change. She was to travel. She heard of another pupil who lived in Warsaw, but who was on holiday in far away Belgium and Manya was to join her there. Manya became suddenly doubtful whether she liked so much change as that. She would have to travel alone and have five changes of train. She would surely get lost; or thieves might come into her compartment at night while she slept. But none of these things happened. She found herself safely met by her new employers and introduced to an entirely new world—a world of great wealth which she was expected to share and to enjoy. Her pupil's mother was beautiful and charming. For the first time in her life Manya was close to lovely dresses made by Worth's; she was expected to finger and admire soft furs and brilliant jewels; she saw people who were becoming her friends looking at her from the walls where their portraits hung painted by the greatest painters. She moved among all the loveliest things that wealth can give and looked on at all the charm of parties and balls, gaiety and music. Moreover these rich people were human and kind. Mrs. F— liked her, took her everywhere, called her to her friends “The exquisite Miss Sklodovska.”
We have not heard what Manya thought of it all, because something far more exciting was about to happen to her. On the hall table lay a letter with the Paris post mark addressed to Miss Sklodovska in Bronia's handwriting—a letter written on squared exercise book paper, written hurriedly between two lectures. What news! Bronia was going to be married! Bronia was inviting Manya to share her home in Paris as soon as she had it! Paris! ... A
University… All her hopes fulfilled?
It was not as simple as that. Manya had known for some time that Bronia was engaged to the cleverest, handsomest, most delightful Polish student in Paris. His name, like that of Manya'sown lover, was Casimir, Casimir Dluski. He had been obliged to flee from Poland because he was suspected of having been connected with a plot. In Paris he was watched by request of the Czar's police and had all kinds of odd information entered against him in the books of the Paris Gendarmerie. But, in spite of that, he was a gay young doctor and he was going to marry Bronia. So Bronia would never be able to return to Warsaw to take care of her father. That would be Manya's part, for Hela was not muda use for taking care of anybody.
How lovely, how wonderful, how ideal shone the future according to Bronia! But Manya wrote back: “I have been a fool, I am a fool, I shall always be a fool my whole life through, or rather to translate into more fashionable language: I never had any luck! I haven't any luck! I never shall have any luck!” Thereupon the unlucky may take heart as they consider what was to happen to Manya. She went on: “I have dreamed of Paris as one dreams of salvation, but hope of getting there fled a long time ago and now that the possibility of getting there has come to me, I don't know what to do. I can't talk to father about it, because I think his heart is set on our plan of living together next year and I would like to give him a little happiness in his old age. On the other hand, my heart breaks when I think of how my gifts are being wasted and yet gifts ought to be used.” It was that feeling that gifts ought to be used that made her urge Bronia in the same letter to put pride in her pocket and beg, with all her most ingratiating skill, a rich friend to help Joseph to use his gifts. Manya argued that it would not be only Joseph who would be helped, but the world which would profit by his skill. All through her life Manya was to keep the opinion that one of the noblest works is to help the greatly gifted to use their gifts for the world. She ended her letter: “My heart is so black, so sad that I feel how wrong I am to talk to you of all this and poison your happiness.”
So Manya went home to live for at least a year with her father in a little home of their own. To some people it would have seemed dull, but Manya had a brain and found more sensible talk in her father's house than in any other. She also returned to the strange “winged” secret society and talked and studied.
But Chance had a trick up her sleeve. No one would have suspected, if he walked in May down the quiet tree-planted avenue of Cracow and smelt the purple lilacs in the grass-grown court of No. 66, that there was anything surprising or world-shaking there. In the court, beside the lilacs, there was a little one-storied building with tiny windows. Museum of Industry and Agricul-ture was written in large letters over its doors. Were old ploughshares or prehistoric spades kept there? Not a bit of it! Russia allowed museums to exist. They are always such properly dead places. But any intelligent person can teach in a museum. Manya's cousin was the Director of this one and, secretly, he taught science in it. He had a laboratory where the students could actually touch apparatus.
For the first time in her life Manya Sklodovska entered a laboratory! And that was to make a remarkable difference to the great world. She couldn't go there much, only in the evenings and on Sunday. There was no one to teach her when she got there. She worked all alone trying to reproduce experiments described in text books. Her results were sometimes unexpected, but sometimes a tiny success filled her with hope and sometimes a striking failure filled her with despair. But always, she found discovery, or even trying to discover, a wild delight.
When late at night she got home and rolled into bed, something seized her, something grabbed her mind, something spoke to her in the dark. She couldn't sleep. It was as if another someone in herself was talking to her, hammering at her thoughts, telling her what she must get up and do. Her work had found her and was insisting that she must do it. Those test tubes and retorts of the museum were friends and allies of her father's old physical apparatus which she had once loved. Manya Sklodovska had found herself—that self whose clever hands must for ever handle tubes and flames, elements and metals, while her clever brain drew conclusions from what her hands did and looked into the future.
But what should she do? Hands and brain said go! Love said stay with her father and brother and sister, with her lover Casimir Z—, who was still trying to win his parents' consent to his marriage. Manya met him in the holidays. They walked the mountains together, he told her in long talks of his difficulties and asked her advice.
“If you can't find a way out yourself,” exclaimed Manya, at the end of her patience, “don't ask me.” She at least knew her own mind at last. She wrote hurriedly to Bronia: “Give me a definite answer. I won't be any trouble to you. You can put me to sleep anywhere. But, I implore you, answer frankly.
Bronia answered frankly; she would have telegraphed if telegrams had not been too dear. Manya would have caught the next train if she had not had so many arrangements to make. She put all her savings on the table and counted them with her father. He added what he could to them. There, before their eyes, lay the round roubles that made Paris possible, only just possible.
Manya could not afford to travel third all the way. In Poland and France third was the cheapest, but Germany had a fourth. It did not matter that the fourth was like a succession of luggage vans. They had no separate compartments and they were bare, except for a bench round the four sides, and thoughtful people took their own stools and sat in the middle. Manya would do that. She would have to take a lot of luggage to save buying in France, but the bulkiest she could send in advance by luggage train—her own mattress, her blankets, her sheets, her table napkins. The only thing she had to buy was a cheap, strong, wooden trunk which she marked proudly M.S. Into it she put her strong, durable clothes, her shoes, her two hats. Then she did up the packages she would take with her in the truck for the journey: food and drink for three days in the train, the stool, her books, a bag of caramels and a rug.
Manya was off to Paris. She was twenty-four and her eyes literally shone with eagerness and joy. The long-hoped-for adventure had begun.
瑪妮雅渴望變化,而且即將迎來(lái)變化。她將遠(yuǎn)行。聽(tīng)說(shuō)華沙有位學(xué)生,不過(guò)目前正遠(yuǎn)在比利時(shí)度假,瑪妮雅要去比利時(shí)與她會(huì)合?,斈菅磐蝗婚_(kāi)始懷疑自己是不是能欣然接受這么大的生活變化。她要獨(dú)自一人遠(yuǎn)行,換乘五趟火車。她肯定會(huì)走丟的;或者小偷會(huì)趁她睡覺(jué)的時(shí)候,在半夜偷偷潛進(jìn)她的車廂。但這些情況一次也沒(méi)發(fā)生。她安全到達(dá)目的地,見(jiàn)到自己的新雇主,來(lái)到一個(gè)嶄新的世界——一個(gè)到處充斥著財(cái)富并且也能讓她享受其中的世界。學(xué)生的媽媽長(zhǎng)得美麗迷人。這是瑪妮雅人生中第一次見(jiàn)到沃斯牌的漂亮裙子;她能親手觸摸到柔軟的皮草,欣賞到閃耀的首飾;她身邊交往到的朋友,他們的肖像就掛在墻上,而且往往是出自著名畫(huà)家之手。她在財(cái)富營(yíng)造出的美好事物間游走,欣賞著魅力四射的舞會(huì)派對(duì),傾聽(tīng)音樂(lè),享受快樂(lè),而且這些富人平易近人。F夫人很喜歡瑪妮雅,走到哪兒都帶著她,并在朋友們面前稱她為“精致可愛(ài)的斯克沃多夫斯卡小姐”。
我們無(wú)法得知瑪妮雅本人對(duì)這一切的真實(shí)想法,因?yàn)樗芸鞎?huì)遇到一件更令人興奮的事。大廳的桌子上放著一封信,上面蓋著巴黎的郵戳,寫(xiě)著斯克沃多夫斯卡小姐親啟,是布朗尼婭的筆跡——這是布朗尼婭在課間休息時(shí)急急忙忙用方格練習(xí)紙寫(xiě)的信。好消息!布朗尼婭要結(jié)婚了!她在信中說(shuō)一旦在巴黎有了屬于自己的家,就邀請(qǐng)瑪妮雅過(guò)去同??!巴黎!……大學(xué)……她所有的夢(mèng)都要實(shí)現(xiàn)了嗎?
事情遠(yuǎn)沒(méi)那么簡(jiǎn)單。此前,瑪妮雅就知道布朗尼婭和一個(gè)在巴黎求學(xué)的波蘭學(xué)生訂婚了,男孩聰明帥氣、性格開(kāi)朗。他的名字和瑪妮雅唯一的愛(ài)人一樣,也叫卡西米爾,卡西米爾·杜魯斯基。他不得已逃離波蘭,因?yàn)樯嫦右黄鹬\反案。在巴黎,他還是生活在俄國(guó)沙皇派來(lái)的警察的監(jiān)視之下,巴黎憲兵隊(duì)的名錄上也記錄著各種各樣對(duì)他不利的信息。但盡管這樣,他仍是一名年輕有為的醫(yī)生,并且即將與布朗尼婭完婚。因此,布朗尼婭再也沒(méi)機(jī)會(huì)回到華沙照顧父親。照顧父親的重任就落到了瑪妮雅的肩上,因?yàn)楹@瓕?duì)照顧人也不在行。
只看布朗尼婭的描述,未來(lái)是多么美好,多么愉快,多么理想!但瑪妮雅在回信中寫(xiě)道:“我一直以來(lái)就是個(gè)傻瓜,十足的大傻瓜,以后還會(huì)這樣傻下去,或者用句當(dāng)下流行的話語(yǔ),我從未被命運(yùn)眷顧過(guò)!” 因而不幸的事也許會(huì)接二連三垂青于她。她繼續(xù)寫(xiě)道:“我渴望巴黎就像人類渴望救贖,但對(duì)巴黎的希望很久以前就破滅了,而當(dāng)現(xiàn)在前往巴黎的機(jī)會(huì)再次降臨時(shí),我變得不知所措。我不能跟爸爸說(shuō)這件事,我覺(jué)得他一心想著我們明年要在一起生活,我也想給他的晚年帶來(lái)一些快樂(lè)。另一方面,每當(dāng)想起白白浪費(fèi)掉的才華,我的心都要碎了,才華就該物盡其用,充分發(fā)揮?!爆斈菅耪且?yàn)橛X(jué)得才華要充分發(fā)揮,才在同一封信中催促布朗尼婭收起自己的驕傲,用盡一切逢迎的技巧,祈求一位富人朋友幫助約瑟夫發(fā)揮他的才能?,斈菅艑?xiě)道不單單是約瑟夫自己能得到幫助,整個(gè)世界都會(huì)因他的才華而受益?,斈菅沤K其一生都秉持一種觀點(diǎn):世界上最崇高的工作就是幫助極具天賦的人將他們的才華發(fā)揮得淋漓盡致。她在結(jié)尾寫(xiě)道:“我心情陰郁,我覺(jué)得自己不該跟你講這些事,影響到你的幸福?!?/p>
于是,瑪妮雅回到家,和爸爸在一間屬于自家的小房子里共同生活了至少一年。對(duì)某些人來(lái)說(shuō)這可能略顯枯燥,但瑪妮雅很聰明,她能在家中發(fā)現(xiàn)一些更加合理的討論。她也重返了雙翼學(xué)社這個(gè)秘密社團(tuán),進(jìn)行學(xué)習(xí)交流。
但命運(yùn)總深藏一些意料之外的事情。五月,走在克拉科夫幽靜的綠蔭大道上,聞著綠草如茵的66號(hào)庭院中那株紫色丁香花的香氣,沒(méi)有人能想到這兒會(huì)發(fā)生什么意想不到或震驚世界的大事。庭院里的丁香花旁,有一幢窗戶狹小的小平房。門(mén)上寫(xiě)著幾個(gè)大字:工農(nóng)業(yè)博物館。難道這里會(huì)收藏古老的犁頭或史前的鏟子?才不是!俄國(guó)人還是保留了博物館。一直以來(lái),博物館都是沉寂、無(wú)人問(wèn)津的地方。但任何有學(xué)問(wèn)的人都可以在博物館里教書(shū)。瑪妮雅的表哥是這間博物館的館長(zhǎng),也在此秘密教授科學(xué)。他還有一間實(shí)驗(yàn)室,可以讓學(xué)生們親自動(dòng)手做實(shí)驗(yàn)。
瑪妮雅·斯克沃多夫斯卡生平第一次走進(jìn)實(shí)驗(yàn)室!而這將對(duì)日后的世界產(chǎn)生巨大的影響。她不能經(jīng)常去實(shí)驗(yàn)室,只在晚上和周末才有空。實(shí)驗(yàn)室里也沒(méi)有老師指導(dǎo)。她獨(dú)自一人嘗試按照書(shū)本上的描述進(jìn)行實(shí)驗(yàn)。實(shí)驗(yàn)結(jié)果有時(shí)無(wú)法預(yù)期,有時(shí)一點(diǎn)小小的成功會(huì)讓她燃起希望,而有時(shí)一次意外失敗又令她深感絕望,但不變的是她勇于探索、不斷嘗試探究未知奧妙的精神。
深夜回到家,瑪妮雅縮進(jìn)被子里,有些事緊緊縈繞著她,在她的腦海里揮之不去,在黑暗中向她喃喃訴說(shuō)。她無(wú)法入睡,就好像身體里還藏著一個(gè)人在與自己對(duì)話,揣摩著自己的想法,并告訴自己該起床做些什么。工作自己找上門(mén)來(lái),必須堅(jiān)持做完。博物館里的試管還有曲頸瓶和父親之前收藏的物理儀器同屬一類,瑪妮雅甚是喜歡?,斈菅拧に箍宋侄喾蛩箍ㄕ业搅俗晕摇傻碾p手必須永遠(yuǎn)擺弄試管和火苗、元素和金屬,聰明的大腦會(huì)從手里的工作中得出結(jié)論,還能洞察未來(lái)。
不過(guò)她該怎么辦呢?雙手和大腦都鼓勵(lì)她繼續(xù)前行!而親情卻提醒她要留下來(lái)陪伴父親和兄弟姐妹,留下來(lái)陪伴愛(ài)人卡西米爾·Z先生,他還在努力爭(zhēng)取贏得父母對(duì)兩個(gè)人婚姻的許可。放假了,兩個(gè)人終于能夠碰面。他們一起上山,他滔滔不絕地講述自己的痛苦處境,征求她的建議。
“如果你自己都想不出辦法,”瑪妮雅終于失去了耐心,吼道,“那也別來(lái)問(wèn)我。”她至少最終還能明白自己真實(shí)的想法。她匆匆忙忙地給布朗尼婭寫(xiě)信,“給我個(gè)明確的答復(fù)。我不會(huì)給你添麻煩的。我睡在哪兒都行。但我祈求你真實(shí)地回答我?!?/p>
布朗尼婭做了誠(chéng)摯的回答。如果電報(bào)不那么貴,她肯定就發(fā)電報(bào)了?,斈菅湃绻麤](méi)有那么多事情要安排,她肯定就搭最近的一班火車了。她把自己所有的積蓄攤在桌子上,和父親一起清點(diǎn)。父親也傾其所有,拿出了自己的積蓄。他們眼前擺在桌上的圓盧布,讓去巴黎成為可能,但也僅僅只是可能。
就連一路都只坐三等車廂,瑪妮雅也負(fù)擔(dān)不起。在波蘭和法國(guó),三等車廂就是最便宜的,但德國(guó)還有四等車廂。四等車廂就像大型的行李車。中間光禿禿的,沒(méi)有隔間,貼著四面車廂壁各放一個(gè)長(zhǎng)條凳,細(xì)心的人自己會(huì)帶小板凳坐在車廂中間?,斈菅啪涂梢赃@樣做。她要帶很多行李,以便在巴黎節(jié)省開(kāi)支,但她能用行李車托運(yùn)的最大物件便是床墊、毯子、床單和桌布。她唯一要買的就是一個(gè)廉價(jià)結(jié)實(shí)的大木箱,她在上面驕傲地寫(xiě)上了瑪妮雅·斯克沃多夫斯卡的首字母“M.S.”。她在木箱里放了結(jié)實(shí)耐穿的衣服、鞋子和兩頂帽子,隨后又放了旅途中要隨身帶的東西:坐火車三天的吃食、板凳、書(shū)、一包焦糖和一條毯子。
瑪妮雅動(dòng)身前往巴黎。二十四歲的她,眼睛里閃爍著期待和愉悅的光芒。期待已久的旅程正式開(kāi)始了。
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