I must say she had the good sense to offer me a cup of tea right away, once she found out I was a friend of her sister's, and in case you are wondering about me having lunch on the train and coffee and a doughnut in the station, and now a cup of tea and cookies, let me just remark that I have plenty of room to put it all.
“And what do you do, Mrs. Motorman?” she asked me.
“I dabble in the supernatural,” I told her.
Her name was Mrs. Faun; we both had names. “How is my sister?” she wanted to know.
“Doing well,” I said. “Of course, she has her troubles like the rest of us.”
I had taken to the house right away; I like most houses, and this was one of the best. The staircase was good, wide and clearly worn by a hundred trips up and down every day, up and down, up and down till your feet could fall off. It was a solid house, a devil to clean, but prepared to stand right where it was forever; enough people had lived here to make the air very alive; I was ready for any number to come around asking, but first I had to deal with Mrs. Faun.
“I've just buried my husband,” I said.
“I've just buried mine,” she said.
“Isn't it a relief?” I said.
“What?” she said.
“It was a very sad occasion,” I said.
“You're right,” she said, “it's a relief.”
She had a jaw and she served a strong cup of tea and I would not say a bad word against a woman who put out her own homemade sugar cookies for a guest; I am an excellent cook. The tea was served in the kitchen; as soon as I said I was a friend of her sister's she said, quite rightly, “I was just having a cup of tea; come on in the kitchen.”
When I tried to say it for the first time I was not actually certain how it was going to sound, because no one had ever said it before in the history of this earth, and I thought to myself, I'm giving birth. “I'm Mrs. Angela Motorman,” I said.
“I'm Mrs. Faun,” she said right back. “I was just having a cup of tea.”
I thought that Mrs. Faun and I were going to be all right together. I didn't know yet whether she had a silly laugh, or went on tapping her fingers on the table, but I liked her kitchen, which had no gadgets, and I liked her stove, which was still warm from making sugar cookies, and I liked her jaw.
“I'm not saying I want a room and I'm not saying I don't,” I told her, “but if I did, what would you have to show me?”
“I'm not saying I have a room and I'm not saying I don't,” she said right back, “but if you wanted to look I could let you see a very pretty little place.”
Oh, I was going to be all right with Mrs. Faun. I liked her jaw and I liked her stove and I liked her house and if she wanted to have a little crippled kid I was certainly not going to stand in her way; “It's hard for a woman alone,” I said.
“And what do you do, Mrs. Motorman?”
“I dabble in the supernatural.”
“My niece had this meningitis,” she said as though I had asked some kind of a question. “Let me fill your cup. She had this meningitis and it got to her heart. They knew it was going to, of course, but they never told her. She had it for years before she found out it got to her heart.”
“My cousin had mercury poisoning,” I said. “That goes directly to the heart, of course. He only lasted for about three days.”
“I had a cousin something like that,” she said. “You mentioned what a short time they last. Only in her case it all went to the brain. Reddest face I ever saw and she died not knowing one of us.”
“My aunt was the same,” I said. “Only she died of pneumonia; that's a very quick one. It catches you without any warning, you swell up, and there you go.”
“Bloated,” she said, “l(fā)ike my nephew, only his was alcohol.”
“And then there was this friend of mine,” I said. “She had cirrhosis of the scalp. They don't have a cure yet for any of those things, you know, and they run right through you. I hate to think of the way my friend went right on suffering until the very end.”
“Very often the end is the most to be desired,” she said. “There was a friend of mine, we all couldn't wait for her to go, but she had cancer. Incurable.”
“I had a friend who had cancer,” I said, “but they cut off her right leg.”
“That's never enough,” she said. “Mark me, she'll be back for her other leg. I knew a woman once who lost both arms that way.”
“My uncle fell under a truck,” I said. I wondered if I should tell her about my great-aunt.
“I'm sorry about your uncle,” she said. “Do you want a room or don't you?”
“I do.”
“And what do you do, Mrs. Motorman?”
“I dabble in the supernatural. Traffic with spirits. Seances, messages, psychiatric advice, that kind of thing.”
“I never had one of those before,” Mrs. Faun said. “I'm not saying I haven't had all kinds. You rent out rooms, it's sometimes a surprise what you get.”
“I never lived in a room before.”
“You won't find it terribly difficult,” she said, not smiling. “All you have to do is pay for it regularly. I'd be willing to add some meals, but that would be extra.”
“Perhaps I could give a hand with the cooking; I'm a fine cook.”
“I'm not sure but what that would be extra too,” she said. “You may not cook in your room.”
“I promise,” I said.
“You may not smoke in your bed.”
“I promise.”
“You may not make noise late at night.”
“I promise.”
“These are all safety precautions,” she explained to me. “Thou shalt not—I mean, you may not keep dirty pets.”
“I promise.”
“You may not spread any contagious diseases. Although the room I plan to show you has a private bath. Linen provided, we do the heavy cleaning, and anything you raise by way of spirits you have to put back yourself.”
Oh, I liked Mrs. Faun. She turned her head suddenly and then she stood up and went over to the back door of the kitchen, the door leading outside, and opened it. “Little early today,” she said, and “Must have run all the way,” which was clearly some kind of a private joke because there was laughter. I helped myself to another cookie, and then Mrs. Faun came back pushing the wheelchair; there was a ramp built outside the door so she could push it right inside without difficulty. “This is my son Tom,” Mrs. Faun said, “Tom, this is Mrs. Motorman.” Once again it sounded all right; I was going to learn to answer to it.
“Hi,” the boy in the wheelchair said. He seemed to be about twelve years old, although it's hard to tell with a boy sitting down. “Any cookies left?”
“I got my share,” I said. “Someday if you want me to I'll make you my special chocolate cake; it's got five layers.”
“Okay,” he said, and then he laughed. “Motorman's a funny name,” he said.
“I just made it up,” I told him. “You just home from school?”
“I like school,” he said, “but they're always surprised I'm not smarter, because I don't play baseball and stuff, they always think I'm going to be smarter than anyone else. And I'm not.”
“Maybe if you practice,” I said.
“One kid pushes me down the street every morning and another kid pushes me back home in the afternoon. They do all the pushing and I ride both ways and it's great, but I'm not as smart as they think I ought to be.”
“You're smart enough for your own good,” Mrs. Faun said. She brought him a glass of milk and pushed the plate of cookies a little closer to him. “I'll go and check your room,” she said to me.
“I'm pretty smart,” he said to me anxiously. “I'm not stupid, of course.”
“I'm pretty smart, but I never got pushed back and forth to school.”
“Well, I'm planning to be a scholar, and I better get started pretty soon. You know any Spanish?”
“No.”
“I want to learn Spanish and French and Italian and Russian and then Latin and Greek and be a scholar. So far I only know a little Spanish, but I'm lazy.”
“One of these days I might push you to the movies,” I said.
“I would like that,” he said. “Perhaps a movie in Spanish or French to improve my accent.”
We each had another cookie. Then he said, “What do you study, Mrs. Motorman?”
“I was married to a painter.”
“Was he any good?”
“He was lousy.”
“Is he dead?”
“Yes.”
“How long you think I ought to go on studying Spanish before I start French? They're both good languages.”
“If you're so lazy why not give up the whole thing?”
“Well,” he said, thinking, “I suppose it's because they all keep waiting for me to be so smart. I wouldn't play baseball if I could, you can hurt yourself playing those games. But I don't mind being a scholar.”
“Look,” I said, “I'm not used to talking to kids.”
“Oh, that's all right,” he said.
“I don't know why you can't just sit around and read books.”
Mrs. Faun came back and said “Drink your milk there,” and “Your room is ready.” She touched the boy on the head and he said, “Hey, Mrs. Motorman and I are going to the movies someday,” and Mrs. Faun looked at me for a minute and then said, “I think you're going to like the room.”
我必須說她有很好的判斷力,一發(fā)現(xiàn)我是她妹妹的朋友,就馬上給我倒了杯茶。倘若你還奇怪我在火車上吃了午餐,在車站又喝了咖啡,吃了面包圈,現(xiàn)在又在這兒喝咖啡、吃小點心了,我只是想說我還有胃口把它們?nèi)家粧叨狻?/p>
“您是做哪行的,摩妥爾曼太太?”她問我。
“我涉足的領(lǐng)域是超自然?!蔽腋嬖V她。
她的名字是弗恩太太;我們倆都有名字?!拔颐妹迷趺礃樱俊彼胫?。
“干得不錯,”我說道,“當(dāng)然,跟我們所有人一樣,她也有她的麻煩。”
我立即被帶到了房子里。我對大多數(shù)的房子都很喜歡,但這棟房子是我最喜歡的。樓梯不錯,很寬,但每天上百次的上上下下踩踏,顯然已經(jīng)磨損了。上上下下,上上下下,直到失足跌落。房子很堅固,極難清潔,但它已經(jīng)準(zhǔn)備永遠(yuǎn)矗立在那兒了。住在這里的人足夠多,使得氣氛很活躍。我準(zhǔn)備好了很多人會過來問這問那,但我首先得應(yīng)付好弗恩太太。
“我剛剛埋葬了我丈夫?!蔽艺f道。
“我也剛剛埋葬了我丈夫。”她說道。
“難道不是種解脫嗎?”我說道。
“什么?”她說道。
“那是個讓人難過的場合?!蔽艺f道。
“你是對的,”她說道,“是一種解脫。”
她有一個尖下巴,她端上一杯濃茶來,我不能再說一位把自制的甜點心拿出來給客人的女人的壞話了。我自己也是個廚藝高超的人。茶是在廚房里提供的,我剛開口說我是她妹妹的朋友,她就很快地說:“我剛好想喝杯茶,到廚房來吧。”這話說得很合時宜。
當(dāng)我第一次說出我名字的時候,實際上我無法確認(rèn)它聽上去是怎樣的效果,因為在這個地球上,有史以來沒人叫過它,我暗自想,我正在重獲新生?!拔沂悄ν谞柭!蔽艺f。
“我是弗恩太太,”她馬上回應(yīng)道,“我剛好想喝杯茶。”
我想弗恩太太和我一定會相處得很好的。我還不知道她是否愛傻笑,還是老愛用手指敲擊桌子,但是我喜歡她的廚房,雖然里面沒什么小裝置;我還喜歡她的爐子,因為剛做完甜點心,爐子還熱乎呢;我也喜歡她的下巴。
“我沒說我想要一個房間,我也沒說我不要,”我告訴她,“但如果我想要,你有什么房間給我看看呢?”
“我沒說我有一個房間,我也沒說我沒有,”她馬上回應(yīng)道,“但是如果你想看看,我可以讓你看一個很漂亮的小房間?!?/p>
哦,我一定會和弗恩太太相處得很好的。我喜歡她的下巴,喜歡她的爐子,喜歡她的房子。如果她想要一個瘸腿的小孩,我當(dāng)然不會攔著她的?!芭艘粋€人過太不容易了?!蔽艺f道。
“您是做哪行的,摩妥爾曼太太?”
“我涉足的領(lǐng)域是超自然?!?/p>
“我的外甥女得了脊膜炎,”她說道,好像我問了與此相關(guān)的問題一樣?!白屛医o你續(xù)杯吧。她得了脊膜炎,病毒已經(jīng)進(jìn)到了心臟。當(dāng)然,他們知道就是這樣的結(jié)果,但他們從沒有告訴她。在她發(fā)現(xiàn)它已經(jīng)進(jìn)入心臟之前,她已經(jīng)得了這病好多年了。”
“我表弟得的是汞中毒,”我說道,“當(dāng)然,毒性也直接進(jìn)到了心臟。大約三天后他就死了。”
“我有個表妹也有類似的遭遇,”她說,“你提到的他們還有短暫的存活時間。只是她的情況更糟,毒性進(jìn)到了腦子里了。那是我所見過的最紅的臉,她死時都不認(rèn)識我們了?!?/p>
“我嬸嬸也一模一樣,”我說道,“只是她死于急性肺炎。那種病死得很快,在沒有任何征兆的情況下就會染上,病人渾身腫脹,然后就一命歸西了?!?/p>
“浮腫,”她說道,“跟我的侄子一樣,只不過他是酒精中毒?!?/p>
“還有我的一個朋友,”我說道,“她得了頭皮硬化癥,他們不知道有什么好的辦法治療這種病,你知道。他們整天穿刺病人,我討厭想起我朋友直到死還要忍受種種痛苦。”
“通常情況下死是最好的解脫,”她說道,“我也有一個朋友,我們都不能干等著,讓她離開,可她得的是癌癥,治不了?!?/p>
“我也有一個得癌癥的朋友,”我說道,“但是他們把她的右腿鋸掉了?!?/p>
“那還不夠呢,”她說道,“聽我說,她起碼還剩了一條腿。我知道有個女人一次就被鋸掉了兩條胳膊?!?/p>
“我叔叔被一個卡車從身上碾壓過去?!蔽艺f道。我還琢磨是否應(yīng)該告訴她我姑姥姥的事。
“我對你叔叔的事感到很難過,”她說道,“你想租個房間,還是不租呢?”
“我租。”
“您是做哪行的,摩妥爾曼太太?”
“我涉足的領(lǐng)域是超自然。在人和鬼魂之間搭建溝通渠道。比如降神會、信息、精神治療,諸如此類的事情?!?/p>
“我以前從來沒聽說過這類事,”弗恩太太說道,“我倒不是說我沒有這種需要。出租房屋,有時也能收獲驚喜。”
“我以前從來沒在樓房里住過?!?/p>
“你不會覺得有什么特不方便的,”她說道,臉上沒帶一絲笑容,“你要做的就是定期付租金就行了。一日三餐也可以跟我們一塊兒吃,但那得另付費用。”
“也許做飯時我能搭把手,我的廚藝不錯?!?/p>
“我不能確定是否需要幫忙,但吃飯是要另交費用的,”她說道,“你不能在自己的房間里做飯?!?/p>
“我保證不做。”我說道。
“你不能在床上吸煙?!?/p>
“我保證不吸?!?/p>
“你不能在大晚上鬧出很大動靜?!?/p>
“我保證?!?/p>
“這些都是保障安全的預(yù)防措施,”她向我解釋道,“你不會……我的意思是,你不能養(yǎng)那些骯臟的寵物。”
“保證不會?!?/p>
“雖然我一會兒帶你看的房間有你自己的浴室,但你不能傳播傳染病什么的。我提供全套的亞麻制床上用品,大件換洗的東西也不用你動手,但是任何提神的東西——比如酒一類你自己要收好。”
哦,我喜歡弗恩太太。她突然轉(zhuǎn)過頭,然后又站了起來,走到廚房的后門,這門通向外面,她打開了它?!敖裉焐晕⒃缌它c兒,”她說道,然后又說,“一定是一路跑回來的。”這句話顯然屬于某種私下里說的玩笑話,因為隨即傳來一陣笑聲。我自己伸手又拿了一塊小點心。這時,弗恩太太推著輪椅回來了。房門外面有個緩坡,所以把輪椅推進(jìn)來不費什么力氣?!斑@是我兒子湯姆,”弗恩太太說道,“湯姆,這位是摩妥爾曼太太?!痹僖淮?,這名字聽上去挺不錯,我要學(xué)會適應(yīng)它。
“您好。”輪椅中的男孩說道。雖然對一個坐著的男孩的年齡做出準(zhǔn)確判斷有點兒困難,但可以看出他大約十二歲?!斑€有小點心嗎?”
“我把我那份吃完了,”我說道,“如果你想吃的話,找時間我給你做一個特殊的巧克力蛋糕,有五層呢?!?/p>
“好的?!彼f道,隨后又笑了起來?!澳ν谞柭莻€好笑的姓氏呀?!彼f道。
“我瞎編的?!蔽腋嬖V他,“你是剛從學(xué)校回到家?”
“我喜歡學(xué)校,”他說道,“但是他們總是吃驚我并不很聰明,因為我不打棒球一類的東西,他們總以為我會比別人更聰明。可實際上并不是這樣?!?/p>
“如果你堅持練習(xí),也許你會的?!蔽艺f道。
“每天早上,有個孩子推著我沿著大街去學(xué)校,下午另一個孩子把我推回家。他們推著輪椅,我掌控方向,感覺很好,但是我并不比別人像他們認(rèn)為的那樣聰明?!?/p>
“你要變得更聰明點兒是為了你自己好?!备ザ魈f道。她給他拿了一杯牛奶,把盛小點心的盤子往他跟前推了推?!拔胰z查一下你的房間。”她對我說道。
“我很聰明了,”他有點兒焦慮地對我說道,“當(dāng)然了,我不笨?!?/p>
“我很聰明,但是我從來沒有讓別人推著我上下學(xué)?!?/p>
“嗯,我打算成為一名學(xué)者,我最好盡快開始。你會西班牙語嗎?”
“不會?!?/p>
“我想學(xué)西班牙語、法語、意大利語、俄語,還有拉丁語和希臘語,成為一名學(xué)者??赡壳盀橹刮抑粫稽c兒西班牙語,我挺懶的?!?/p>
“找上那么一天,我或許可以推你去看電影?!蔽艺f道。
“我喜歡這主意,”他說道,“也許一部西班牙語或者法語的電影能提高我的發(fā)音水平呢?!?/p>
我們倆又吃了一塊小點心。然后,他說道:“你是研究什么的,摩妥爾曼太太?”
“我以前嫁給了一個畫家?!?/p>
“他很棒嗎?”
“不,他很蹩腳。”
“他死了嗎?”
“是的。”
“你覺得我在開始學(xué)習(xí)法語之前還得繼續(xù)學(xué)習(xí)多長時間的西班牙語?這兩種外語都很棒。”
“如果你那么懶惰,干嗎不把所有的事情都放下呢?”
“嗯,”他思索了一下說道,“我想那是因為他們都一直在等著我變得更聰明些。如果我能打棒球的話,我也不會打的,你總不能因為玩這些運動弄傷了自己吧。但是我不介意成為一名學(xué)者?!?/p>
“你瞧,”我說道,“我還不太習(xí)慣和一個孩子聊天?!?/p>
“哦,那沒關(guān)系?!彼f道。
“我不知道你為什么不能老老實實地坐在那兒讀你的書。”
弗恩太太回來了,說道:“在那兒把你的牛奶喝了,”還有,“你的房間已經(jīng)收拾好了?!彼龘崦⒆拥念^,男孩說道:“嘿,找一天摩妥爾曼太太要和我一起去看電影哩。”弗恩太太看了我好一會兒,然后說道:“我覺得你會喜歡那個房間的?!?/p>
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