人生不設(shè)限·把恐懼化為動(dòng)力，讓我自立自強(qiáng)

你我都不可能像喬丹那樣在一項(xiàng)運(yùn)動(dòng)中那么有主宰力，但你可以學(xué)他把恐懼化為動(dòng)力，幫助自己追求夢(mèng)想，創(chuàng)造想要的人生。

You and I will never be as dominant in a sport as Michael Jordan was, but you can be like Mike in using fear as a motivational tool to keep chasing your dreams and the life you want to create.

蘿拉是我在學(xué)校的朋友，她很聰明，總是能說出心中所想的，不會(huì)浪費(fèi)時(shí)間。一年級(jí)的某一天，蘿拉問我：“你在學(xué)校有助教幫你，那在家里呢?誰負(fù)責(zé)照料你的生活?”

Laura Gregory was a very smart school friend. I could always count on her to say exactly what she was thinking. She did not mess around. One day in our first year, Laura asked, "So you have a teacher's aide to help you at school. But who takes care of you at home?"

“哦，是我父母。”我不確定她究竟想問什么。

"Well, my parents do," I said, though I wasn't certain what she was getting at.

“你覺得這樣好嗎?”

"Are you okay with that?"

“你指的是我父母照顧我這件事嗎?當(dāng)然啊，不然我還能怎么辦?”

"With my parents helping me? Sure, what else would I do?"

“我說的是穿衣服、洗澡和上廁所這類事情。”她說，“你的尊嚴(yán)何在?難道你不覺得這些事情不自己來有點(diǎn)奇怪嗎?”

"I mean with things like getting dressed and showering and using the bathroom?" she said. "What about your dignity? Don't you think it's a little weird that you can't do that on your own?"

蘿拉并非有意傷我，她喜歡追根究底，所以真的很想知道我對(duì)生活各個(gè)層面的想法，但是她觸及了一個(gè)非常敏感的話題。在成長過程中，我最大的恐懼之一就是成為我所愛的人的包袱。擔(dān)心自己過于依賴父母和弟弟妹妹的想法從沒離開過我，有時(shí)我會(huì)在夜里冷汗直流地醒來，害怕爸爸、媽媽走了，而我只能依靠亞倫和蜜雪兒。

Laura didn't mean to hurt my feelings. She was a truth seeker, and she truly wanted to know how I felt about every aspect of my life. But she touched on a sensitive subject. One of my greatest fears growing up was that I was a burden on the people I loved. The thought of being overly dependent on my parents, and on my brother and sister too, was never far from my mind. Sometimes I would wake up at night in a cold sweat, terrorized by the thought of my parents being gone, leaving me dependent on Aaron or Michelle.

這種恐懼十分真實(shí)，有時(shí)光是想著自己必須依賴他人，我就快受不了了。然而，蘿拉直率地提到尊嚴(yán)的問題，卻讓我從被這種恐懼折磨的狀態(tài)，轉(zhuǎn)變成從中得到動(dòng)力。我之前會(huì)有意無意地想到依賴他人過活這件事，但那天之后，我決定正視問題，積極處理。

That fear was a very real one. Sometimes I was nearly overwhelmed by visions of dependency. Laura's blunt questions about my dignity helped move me from being tormented by that fear to being motivated by it. Questions about my dependency had always lingered on the edges of my consciousness, but after that day I put them at the forefront of my mind, and I decided to address them aggressively.

如果我真的用心解決這個(gè)問題，那么，我到底可以變得多獨(dú)立?我非常害怕成為自己所愛的人的負(fù)擔(dān)，這種恐懼給了我驅(qū)動(dòng)的熱情和推動(dòng)自己的力量。我必須為自己多做一些，但是該怎么做?

If I really put my mind to it, just how independent could I become? Motivated by my fear of burdening my loved ones, I created that mission statement—even though at the time I had not a clue as to what a mission statement was. My fear gave me a driving passion and the strength to push myself. I need to do more for myself. But how?

爸爸、媽媽一直向我保證他們隨時(shí)愿意幫助我，不在意抱起我，幫我穿衣服，或是做任何我需要他們做的事。但我連自己喝一口水都辦不到，還有，每次上廁所都得有人把我抱上馬桶座，這些事真的讓我很困窘。漸漸長大之后，我自然想要更獨(dú)立，也希望更能自己照顧自己，而我的恐懼讓我下定決心采取行動(dòng)。

My parents always assured me that they were there to help me and that they didn't mind carrying me, lifting me, dressing me, or doing whatever I needed them to do. But it bothered me that I couldn't even get a drink of water by myself, and someone always had to lift me onto the toilet seat. As I grew older, I naturally wanted more independence, and I wanted to look after myself more. My fear gave me the determination to take action on those desires.

促使我采取行動(dòng)的理由之一，是我想到有一天當(dāng)爸爸、媽媽都不在時(shí)，我會(huì)成為弟弟亞倫的負(fù)擔(dān)。我之所以常常會(huì)有這個(gè)念頭，是因?yàn)槲矣X得可憐的亞倫應(yīng)該有權(quán)利過正常的生活，但大部分時(shí)間他都得幫我，跟我一起生活，然后看著我得到那么多關(guān)注。我覺得上帝真的虧欠他，亞倫有手有腳，但在某些方面他其實(shí)很吃虧，因?yàn)樗偸怯X得他一定得照顧我。

One of the thoughts that really stirred me to action was the image of me being a burden on my brother Aaron once my parents were no longer around. I'd often worried about that because if anybody deserved a normal life, it was my poor little brother. I felt like God owed him that because for most of his life he'd been stuck helping me, living with me, and seeing me get so much attention. Aaron had arms and legs, but in some ways he got the raw end of the deal because he always felt he had to look out for me.

而我決定更自立自強(qiáng)，也是基于自我保護(hù)。蘿拉提醒了我，我的生活起居一直仰賴別人的好心與耐心，但我知道不能老是靠別人，我也有自尊心。

My decision to become more self-sufficient, as much as any concern, was a matter of self-preservation. Laura reminded me that I was still dependent on the kindness and patience of others. I knew that I could not always be so reliant on that. And pride played into it too.

有一天我會(huì)組成一個(gè)家庭，我可不希望到時(shí)我老婆必須拎著我四處跑。我還想要小孩，想要當(dāng)個(gè)好爸爸，好好養(yǎng)家，因此我想，我的生活不能全都在這張輪椅上。

I am fully capable of having a family one day, and I would never want my wife to have to carry me around. I want to have kids and be a good father and a good provider too, so I thought, I need to get out of this wheelchair.

恐懼可能是你的敵人，但在這里，我把它變成朋友。我向爸爸、媽媽宣布，我要想辦法照顧自己，而一開始他們當(dāng)然很擔(dān)心。

Fear can be your foe, but in this case I made it my friend. I announced to my parents that I wanted to find ways to care for myself. They were, of course, worried at first.

“你不必那樣做啊，我們會(huì)讓你一直受到照顧的。”他們說。

"You don't have to do that. We'll make sure you're always cared for," they said.

“爸爸、媽媽，為了你們，也為了我自己，我一定要這么做。所以現(xiàn)在就讓我們集思廣益一下，看看可以怎么做吧!”我說道。

"Mum, Dad, I must do this for you and for me, so let's put our heads together and figure this out," I said.

于是我們就開始想了。在某些方面，我們的創(chuàng)意成果讓我想起一部老電影《海角一樂園》：羅賓遜一家人因?yàn)榇y而漂流到一座荒島，他們?cè)O(shè)計(jì)了一些很棒的小東西，供洗澡、煮飯和生活上使用。我知道沒有人會(huì)是一座孤島，特別是像我這種沒手沒腳的人——我可能比較像半島或海峽吧。

And we did. In some ways our creative efforts reminded me of the old Swiss Family Robinson movie. Stranded on an island, they all pitch in and devise amazing gadgets for bathing, cooking, and surviving. I know no man is an island, especially a man with no arms and no legs. Maybe I was more like a peninsula, or an isthmus.

一開始，我的護(hù)士媽媽和巧手爸爸想到一個(gè)辦法，讓我可以自己洗澡和洗頭。爸爸把蓮蓬頭的旋鈕換成我可以用肩膀推動(dòng)的控制桿，媽媽則買了一個(gè)不必用手?jǐn)D壓的給皂器，使用的是醫(yī)院手術(shù)室的洗手臺(tái)那種腳踏式泵。我們加以改良后，我可以踏在上面，擠出肥皂和洗發(fā)精。

My mum the nurse and my dad the handyman first came up with a method for me to shower and shampoo my hair. Dad replaced the round knobs on the shower with levers that I could move with my shoulders. Then mum brought home a hands-free soap dispenser with a foot pump, used by doctors prepping for surgery. We adapted it so I could use it to pump soap and shampoo by stepping on it.

然后，我和爸爸為電動(dòng)牙刷設(shè)計(jì)了一個(gè)固定在墻上的塑膠座，這樣我按一個(gè)鈕就可以開關(guān)電動(dòng)牙刷，然后用前后移動(dòng)的方式刷牙(動(dòng)的是我的頭，而不是牙刷)。

Then my dad and I came up with a design for a plastic holder to mount on the wall for an electric toothbrush. I could turn it on and off by pressing a switch and then brush my teeth by moving back and forth.

我還跟爸爸、媽媽說我想要自己穿衣服，所以媽媽幫我做了加上魔鬼氈的短褲，這樣我就可以自行滑進(jìn)、滑出褲子。另外，襯衫的紐扣對(duì)我來說可是個(gè)大挑戰(zhàn)，結(jié)果我們找到那種可以甩到頭上，再扭動(dòng)著套進(jìn)去的襯衫。

I told my parents that I wanted to be able to dress myself, so my mum made shorts with a Velcro strip that I could slip in and out of by myself. Shirt buttons have always been a challenge for me, so we found shirts that I could slip on and off by throwing them over my head and wriggling into them.

我最大的恐懼是我們?nèi)齻€(gè)人展開一項(xiàng)兼具挑戰(zhàn)與樂趣的任務(wù)，這些各式各樣的發(fā)明提升了我獨(dú)立生活的能力。而遙控器、手機(jī)、電腦鍵盤和車庫大門遙控器都是上帝賜給我的禮物，因?yàn)槲矣眯∽竽_就可以操作。

My major fear had sent the three of us on a mission that was both challenging and fun as we invented ways for me to be more independent. Remote controls, cell phones, computer keyboards, and remote garage-door openers are a blessing for me because I can operate them with my foot.

有些我們想到的解決方案不是那么高科技，例如我會(huì)用鼻子去按保全系統(tǒng)的按鈕，還會(huì)把高爾夫球桿的桿頭夾在下巴和脖子之間，然后用另一端去開燈、開窗戶。

Some of the solutions we came up with weren't exactly high tech. I learned how to turn off our home security alarm using my nose to push the buttons, and I used a golf club wedged between my chin and neck to turn on the lights and open some of the windows in the house.

我們還設(shè)計(jì)了一些巧妙的方法，讓我可以自己上廁所，細(xì)節(jié)我就不多說了，理由大家應(yīng)該猜得到。你們可以在You Tube看到我們?cè)O(shè)計(jì)的一些方法和裝置的影片——別擔(dān)心，里面沒有上廁所的鏡頭。

I won't go into great detail on it, for obvious reasons, but we also devised some ingenious methods that allowed me to use the rest-room by myself. You can see some of our methods and devices on this YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DxlJWJ_ WfA. Be assured, there is no restroom footage.

我很感激蘿拉問了我關(guān)于尊嚴(yán)的問題，也感謝年少的我因?yàn)楹ε乱蕾噭e人、成為家人的負(fù)擔(dān)，而有了要更加獨(dú)立的動(dòng)機(jī)。把這些對(duì)一般人來說可能不算什么的動(dòng)作做得很好，對(duì)我的自信心產(chǎn)生了奇跡般的影響。但如果不是把某些原本可能是負(fù)面的情緒轉(zhuǎn)變成正面能量，我想我永遠(yuǎn)不可能逼自己去做那些事。

I am thankful for Laura's little talk with me about my dignity, and I'm thankful for my youthful fear of being dependent and a burden on my family because it motivated me to become more independent. Mastering even routine tasks that others take for granted did wonders for my self-confidence, but I might never have pushed myself to do it if not for some potentially negative emotions that I turned into positive energy.

你同樣也可以汲取因?yàn)楹ε率?、害怕被拒絕而產(chǎn)生的能量，并運(yùn)用這股能量為正面行動(dòng)提供動(dòng)力，讓你更接近自己的夢(mèng)想。

You can do the same. Tap the energy generated by your fears of failure or rejection or similar fears, and use it to power positive action that puts you closer to your dream.