人生不設(shè)限·我的出生沒有帶來歡慶喜悅

我花了很長的時間才明白我的境遇對我到底有什么好處。我媽媽懷我的時候是25歲，我是她第一個小孩。她曾經(jīng)當(dāng)過助產(chǎn)士和小兒科護(hù)士，在產(chǎn)房照顧過好幾百個產(chǎn)婦和小嬰兒，所以知道懷孕時該做些什么。她很注意飲食，小心用藥，不喝含酒精的飲料，連止痛藥都不服用。她去看最好的醫(yī)生，然后大家都跟她說一切會很順利。

It took me a long time to see the benefits of the circumstances I was born into. My mum was twenty-five years old when she became pregnant with me, her first child. She'd been a midwife and worked as a pediatric nurse in charge in the delivery room where she provided care for hundreds of mothers and their babies. She knew what she had to do while she was pregnant, watching her diet, being cautious about medications, and not consuming alcohol, aspirin, or any other painkillers. She went to the best doctors and they assured her everything was proceeding smoothly. 

不過，我媽媽還是一直擔(dān)心。當(dāng)預(yù)產(chǎn)期臨近時，她跟我爸爸提了好幾次：“我希望這個小寶貝真的沒事。”

Even still, her apprehension persisted. As her due date approached, my mum shared her concerns with my father several times, saying, "I hope that everything's okay with the baby." 

懷孕期間的兩次超聲波產(chǎn)檢，醫(yī)生都沒發(fā)現(xiàn)異狀。他們告訴我父母是個男孩，但提都沒提沒手沒腳這回事。然后到了1982年12月4日，我出生了。媽媽一開始沒看到我，她開口問醫(yī)生的第一個問題是：“這小寶貝還好吧？”但現(xiàn)場一片沉默。過了好一會兒，他們還是沒敢把新生兒帶去給媽媽看，她愈來愈覺得事情不對勁。當(dāng)時，醫(yī)護(hù)人員沒把我抱去給媽媽，反而找來一位小兒科醫(yī)生，大隊人馬移動到產(chǎn)房的另一頭，看著我，然后面面相覷。當(dāng)媽媽聽到一聲健康嬰兒的哭喊聲時，終于放下心來。然而，在生產(chǎn)過程中早就注意到我少了一只手臂的爸爸，卻略感不安，接著被醫(yī)護(hù)人員帶出了產(chǎn)房。

When two ultrasounds were performed during her pregnancy, the doctors detected nothing unusual. They told my parents that the baby was a boy but not a word about missing limbs! At my delivery on December 4, 1982, my mother could not see me at first, and the first question she asked the doctor was "Is the baby all right?" There was silence. As the seconds ticked by and they were still not bringing the baby for her to see, she sensed even more that something was wrong. Instead of giving me to my mother to hold, they summoned a pediatrician and moved off to the opposite corner, examining me and conferring with each other. When my mum heard a big healthy baby scream, she was relieved. But my dad, who had noticed I was missing an arm during the delivery, felt queasy and was escorted out of the room. 

醫(yī)護(hù)人員看到我時，完全呆掉了，很快把我整個人包了起來。

Shocked at the sight of me, the nurses and doctors quickly wrapped me up. 

不過，我媽媽可不會被騙，看到醫(yī)護(hù)人員苦惱的表情，她知道情況非常糟。

My mother, who'd participated in hundreds of deliveries as a nurse, wasn't fooled. She read the distress on the faces of her medical team, and she knew something was very wrong. 

“怎么回事？我的寶寶怎么了？”她問。

"What is it? What's wrong with my baby?" she demanded. 

起先，她的醫(yī)生不愿回答，但是當(dāng)我媽媽堅持一定要他給個說法時，醫(yī)生不得不用一個醫(yī)學(xué)名詞來回應(yīng)：“你的寶寶有海豹肢癥。”

Her doctor would not answer at first, but when she insisted on a response, he could offer my mother only a specialized medical term. 

"Phocamelia," he said. 

媽媽當(dāng)過護(hù)士，知道這個名詞意味著孩子出生時四肢畸形或四肢不全，她只是無法接受這個事實。

Because of her nursing background, my mother recognized the term as the condition babies have when they are born with malformed or missing limbs. She simply couldn't accept that this was true. 

同一時間，我那早已嚇呆的爸爸還待在產(chǎn)房外，一直想知道他所看見的到底是不是他想的那樣。當(dāng)小兒科醫(yī)生出來跟他說話時，他大叫著：“我兒子，他沒有手臂？”“事實上，”那位小兒科醫(yī)生小心翼翼地說，“你的兒子是沒有手臂也沒有腿。”

In the meantime, my stunned dad was outside, wondering whether he had seen what he thought he saw. When the pediatrician came out to speak to him, he cried out, "My son, he has no arm!" 

“什么？”我爸爸完全無法相信。

"Actually," the pediatrician said as sensitively as possible, "your son has neither arms nor legs." 

在極度的震驚與痛苦中，他有一陣子呆坐不能言語，之后保護(hù)妻兒的本能涌現(xiàn)，他沖進(jìn)產(chǎn)房，想趕在媽媽看到我之前先讓她知道我的狀況。不過他很驚愕地發(fā)現(xiàn)，自己的妻子正呆滯地躺在床上哭泣著。原來，醫(yī)護(hù)人員已經(jīng)告訴她這個消息，還把我?guī)У剿媲?，要她抱抱我，但是媽媽拒絕了，要他們把我?guī)ё摺?/p>

My father went weak with shock and anguish. 

He sat stunned, momentarily unable to speak before his protective instincts kicked in. He rushed in to tell my mother before she saw me, but to his dismay he found her lying in bed, crying. The staff had already told her the news. They had offered to bring me to her but she refused to hold me and told them to take me away. 

護(hù)士哭了，助產(chǎn)士哭了，當(dāng)然，我也哭了！最后，他們把我放在媽媽身旁，包得好好的。我媽媽就是無法忍受她所見到的：她的孩子沒有四肢。

The nurses were crying. The midwife was crying. And of course, I was crying! Finally they put me next to her, still covered, and my mum just couldn't bear what she was seeing: her child without limbs. 

“把他帶走，”她說，“我不想碰他或看到他。”

"Take him away," she said. "I don't want to touch him or see him." 

直到今天，對于當(dāng)初醫(yī)護(hù)人員沒有給爸爸時間，讓他幫助我媽媽準(zhǔn)備好面對一切，爸爸還是覺得很不高興。過了一會兒，媽媽睡了，爸爸到育嬰室看我，然后回去跟媽媽說：“他很好看呢。”他問媽媽要不要去看一下，她說不要，因為她還處于震驚的狀態(tài)。爸爸充分理解，也尊重她的感受。

To this day my father regrets that the medical staff did not give him time to prepare my mother properly. Later, as she slept, he visited me in the nursery. He came back and told Mum, "He looks beautiful." He asked her if she wanted to see me at that point, but she declined, still too shaken. He understood and respected her feelings. 

我的出生沒有帶來歡慶喜悅，父母和整個教會反而悲哀以對。“如果上帝是個有愛的上帝，”他們不解，“他怎么會讓這種事發(fā)生？”

Instead of celebrating my birth, my parents and their whole church mourned. "If God is a God of love," they wondered, "why would He let something like this happen?"