你們的關(guān)系遭遇“坎坷”。這次又是什么?

你們的關(guān)系遭遇“坎坷”。這次又是什么?

You buy a sports car, start hitting the gym and have an affair: It's the stereotypical midlife crisis, one we've seen played out both onscreen and in real life.

你買了一輛跑車，開始去健身房，然后有了外遇:這是典型的中年危機(jī)，我們在屏幕上和現(xiàn)實生活中都看到過。

Although not everyone acts out middle-age angst in such a way, many of us do experience a reckoning or longing as we approach midlife, the feeling of hitting a wall and wondering if there isn't more to life -- and in, particular, to marriage.

雖然不是每個人都以這種方式表現(xiàn)出中年時的焦慮，但當(dāng)我們接近中年時，很多人確實會經(jīng)歷一種算計或渴望，一種碰壁的感覺，想知道生活中是否還有更多的東西——尤其是婚姻。

I often see this phenomenon in my own practice, as one or both partners begin to question their relationship. Even in younger couples, disagreements over classic issues such as finances, parenthood and sex can lead to concerns that they may not be on the same page regarding many of life's greatest stressors and demands.

我經(jīng)常在自己的現(xiàn)實生活中看到這種現(xiàn)象，當(dāng)一方或雙方開始質(zhì)疑他們的關(guān)系時。即使是年輕夫婦，在財務(wù)、為人父母和性等經(jīng)典問題上的分歧也可能導(dǎo)致他們擔(dān)心，在生活中大的壓力和需求上，他們可能意見不一。

Are such couples headed for divorce, or are they simply mired in difficulties that could be better navigated together?

這樣的夫妻是走向離婚，還是他們只是陷入了可以更好地一起度過的困境?

There are some advice for couples trying to get out of midlife rough patches, as well as for younger couples hoping to avoid them altogether.

這里有一些給那些想要走出中年困境的夫婦的建議，也有一些給那些想要完全避免中年困境的年輕夫婦的建議。

Develop your communication skills

建立你的溝通技巧

Good communication is key, de Marneffe says -- not just the ability to discuss critical relationship issues but to know what you want and express that. "We get hung up on the idea of having a lot in common with a potential partner," she says. "That's all well and good, but your ability to communicate in a healthy way is more important."

良好的溝通是關(guān)鍵，de Marneffe說——不僅僅是討論關(guān)鍵關(guān)系問題的能力，還有知道你想要什么并表達(dá)什么的能力。她說:“我們總是想著和潛在的伴侶有很多共同之處。”“這很好，但你以健康的方式交流的能力更重要。”

Work on yourself

從自身入手

We expect our partners to change to suit our preferences, but if you don't know what you want or how to articulate that, how can you expect your partner to know?You should learn how to express your emotions."I'm suggesting a paradigm shift in the way we view relationships," de Marneffe says. "It's not all about your partner -- it's about changing yourself, too."

我們期望伴侶根據(jù)我們的喜好做出改變，但如果你不知道自己想要什么，或者不知道如何表達(dá)，你怎么能指望伴侶知道呢?你應(yīng)該學(xué)會如何表達(dá)你的情緒。

Talk about big issues early on

盡早談?wù)摯髥栴}

In "The Rough Patch," de Marneffe gives advice for tackling a variety of major relationship demands, including one of the biggest issues for many couples: money.

在《艱難時刻》中，德·馬尼夫(de Marneffe)d對處理各種主要關(guān)系的需求給出建議，其中包括很多夫妻面臨的最大問題之一:錢。

Of course, when you're newly in love, hashing out finances is hardly sexy. "Money seems far too mundane to discuss for couples in the first blush of romance, but it can be a huge source of stress," she says. "Good communication skills will help you talk sooner rather than later about difficult subjects, including financial concerns."

當(dāng)然，當(dāng)你剛剛墜入愛河時，財務(wù)問題并不會讓你覺得棘手。她說:“對于剛開始戀愛的情侶來說，談?wù)摻疱X似乎太過平淡無奇，但它可能會成為巨大的壓力來源。”“良好的溝通技巧將幫助你盡早談?wù)摾щy話題，包括財務(wù)問題。”

Learn to listen

學(xué)會傾聽

Self-awareness and self-responsibility are critical ingredients to a successful marriage, de Marneffe says. Even if you're still in the process of working on your own issues, simply expressing that to your partner can make a difference in your relationship.

de Marneffe說，自我意識和自我責(zé)任感是成功婚姻的關(guān)鍵因素。即使你還在處理你自己的問題，簡單地向你的伴侶表達(dá)你的想法就能改變你們的關(guān)系。