同情心：學(xué)會理解別人的痛苦和掙扎

We've all heard the quote, 'Be Kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.'

我們都聽過這句話：“要善良，因為你遇到的每個人都在經(jīng)歷某種痛苦。”

My husband and son died within two years of each other. From my personal experience, I believe that if we aren't careful, grief can become a rather self-involved process in which we can become so focused on our own suffering that we miss the opportunity to connect with, and possibly bring comfort to, someone else who may be going through a similar experience.

我的丈夫和兒子兩年內(nèi)相繼去世。從我的個人經(jīng)驗來看，我相信我們一不小心就會被傷痛左右，以自己為中心，我們會變得過于關(guān)注自己的痛苦，而錯失和正經(jīng)歷相似痛苦的人接觸的機會，也無法給予他們安慰。

Six months after my husband died, I was sinking in the quicksand of grief. I could not pull myself out of the misery.

我丈夫去世的后六個月，我陷入悲痛不能自拔，無法走出不幸的陰影。

In that moment, I actually believed that my life was more difficult than anyone else around me. Life handed me a perfectly wrapped lesson that opened my eyes to the fact that through my suffering I had allowed myself to become blinded by my self-pity.

那時，我真的認為自己的生活要比身邊任何人都不容易。生活給我上了完美的一課，通過這次不幸我認清了一個事實：顧影自憐使我看不到別人，只看到自己。

The lesson presented itself in a health crisis. I had complications from a surgical procedure and ended up being hospitalized for four days. I was in an extreme amount of pain during this time. Between the physical pain and the emotional pain of grief, I was an absolute mess.

我在健康出現(xiàn)問題時吸取了這個教訓(xùn)。我的外科手術(shù)引發(fā)了并發(fā)癥，最終住院4天。那段時期我極其痛苦，身體的疼痛和精神上的傷痛把我夾在中間，我的生活一團糟。

I should also tell you that I am a Registered Nurse. As a nurse, it is hard to be on the receiving end of medicine as the patient.

我也應(yīng)該告訴你我是一名注冊護士。對護士而言，很難接受自己成為病人并進行藥物治療這種事。

The first three nights that I was in the hospital, the same nurse took care of me. She was young, maybe in her mid to late 20s, and she hardly interacted with me at all the first two nights, other than to give my medications as scheduled. She obviously had no idea how much emotional pain I was in. How hard is it to ask your patient how she's feeling? I wrote her off as a bad nurse who had little empathy, and remained absorbed in my own emotional and physical pain.

住院的前三個晚上同一位護士護理我。她挺年輕，可能快30歲。頭兩個晚上幾乎不怎么跟我說話，除了定期來給我送藥。很明顯她不知道我精神上有多痛苦。問問你的病人感覺怎么樣能有多難?我認定她是不合格的護士，缺乏同情心，而且我依然沉浸在自己精神和身體的痛苦中。

The third night the young nurse was a little more talkative. She asked me how I was feeling (finally!). I told her that I was struggling with depression and grief because my husband had died in an airplane accident.

第三天晚上這個年輕的護士開始打開了話匣子，她問我感覺怎樣(終于問了!)。我告訴她我正掙扎于沮喪和痛苦之中，因為我丈夫死于一場飛機事故。

She looked at me and told me that her husband had died too, just two months earlier. I was stunned. Speechless. Shocked.

她看著我，跟我說她丈夫就在兩個月前剛剛?cè)ナ?。我有點不知所措，說不出話，我被驚到了!

Never, in any of the possibilities that my mind entertained of why this nurse was so stand-offish with me, did I even consider that she might be in the same pain I was. Not only was she grieving as I was, but she was having to take care of me, instead of caring for herself and her family.

我從未想過她對我如此冷淡會是因為這個，我甚至都沒想過她可能會有同樣的痛苦。她不僅和我一樣悲痛，而且還要照顧我，而不是照顧她自己和家人。

We went on to talk and share our stories about our late husbands and children. I like to think that we helped each other a bit that night.

我們繼續(xù)討論分享我們丈夫和孩子的事，我覺著我們那天晚上都給了彼此一點幫助。

We had much more in common than I would have believed. We were both widowed single moms with young children, and nurses. But, that was where the similarities ended. Her husband had no insurance policy. She had very little family support. She was working paycheck to paycheck to support her boys. I was humbled. I realized how much I had to be grateful for. And, frankly, I never saw life the same way after this experience.

我們之間的共同點比我想的要多，我們都成了單親媽媽，孩子都還小，而且都是護士。但也就這些了，她丈夫沒有保險，家里經(jīng)濟來源很少，她就靠著一點工資養(yǎng)活家里的男孩兒們。我覺著自愧不如，我意識到自己該有多知足。坦白說，這次經(jīng)歷改變了我對生活的看法。

This experience was a life-changing event for me. I had always prided myself on being an empathetic person, but I realize now that I had not really understood what being empathetic meant.

這次的經(jīng)歷改變了我的生活，之前我總是對自己的同情心引以為傲，但現(xiàn)在我意識到了我根本沒理解同情的真諦。

To truly be empathetic, you must be able to see beyond your own pain to be witness to the pain. I never looked at another person in the same way after this experience.

想要具備真正的同情心，你的眼光必須超越你自己的傷痛，以局外人的角度看待自己的痛苦。從那之后，我看待別人的眼光也不一樣了。

The cashier checking me out at the grocery store who seemed rude and in a hurry? Who knows what was going on in his day, week, life? Maybe he recently lost a spouse or a child. Maybe he has experienced compounded losses. I had no way of knowing what this man was going through. Who was I to judge him?

雜貨店的收銀員結(jié)賬時有點粗魯，好像還很著急?誰知道他今天、或者這周、或者這一生發(fā)生了什么呢?可能他最近失去了愛人或孩子，可能他蒙受了很多損失，我無法知曉他經(jīng)歷了什么。我是誰呀，怎么能去評判他呢?

I thank death for very few things. The gift of empathy for my fellow man, and understanding that we all suffer in ways that aren't always visible, are presents from death that I will always be grateful for.

有些事情我要感謝死亡，它教會了我同情身邊人，使我知道了我們都經(jīng)受著某種痛苦，而有些是別人看不到的。這些都是死亡饋贈給我的，我會永遠心存感激。

Always take the time to be kind. Even when you're suffering with your own pain. And don't assume that someone else has it easier than you. You never know the battles someone else is fighting.

你一定要花時間去踐行善行，甚至在你自己遭受痛苦的時候也要如此。不要假定別人比你的生活更容易，你永遠不會知道別人正在掙扎著什么。