長久婚姻秘訣：不要期望太多

Newlyweds advised to lower hopes

期望值不能太高

The secret of a long and happy marriage appears to be not to expect too much from it.

長久而又幸福婚姻的秘密在于不要期望太多。

US researchers say that, unless you have superior relationship skills, your hopes of cosy coupledom are likely to be dashed.

美國的研究人員說，除非你具備處理婚姻關(guān)系的高超技巧，否則你對美滿婚姻的憧憬很可能會(huì)破滅。

Far better, they say, to aim low to ensure you are not disappointed.

他們還說，最好降低對婚姻的期望，這樣可以保證你不失望。

The key to keeping that newlywed glow appears to be forgiveness and communication.

寬恕和交流是保持新婚激情的關(guān)鍵。

The study, by researchers from Ohio and Florida Universities looked at 82 couples.

來自美國俄亥俄州和佛羅里達(dá)州各大學(xué)的研究人員對82對夫妻進(jìn)行了研究。

They quizzed all the spouses independently over four years.

研究人員在4年多的時(shí)間里對所有的配偶單獨(dú)進(jìn)行研究。

Their study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found those who believed their partner would be unfailingly kind, loving and agree with their every word, could retain their positive outlook by being forgiving, and having charitable explanations for their partner's negative behaviour.

他們的研究成果發(fā)表在《人格和社會(huì)心理學(xué)》雜志上。他們發(fā)現(xiàn)那些相信自己的伴侶會(huì)永遠(yuǎn)對自己好，永遠(yuǎn)愛著自己，同意自己每一句話的人會(huì)對婚姻的前景保持積極樂觀的態(tài)度，因?yàn)樗麄兡軌驅(qū)捤〔⑷蚀鹊慕忉尠閭H的消極行為。

However those with high expectations but without those relationship skills are likely to be brought down to earth fairly quickly as their Prince or Princess Charming falls off their pedestal.

然而，那些對婚姻期望太高卻又不具備處理婚姻關(guān)系技巧的人，一旦他們心中的白馬王子或白雪公主從神圣的光環(huán)中跌落，他們可能很快就被迫回到現(xiàn)實(shí)中。

In contrast, the researchers say holding a more prosaic view of your loved one means you are less likely to be disappointed, and therefore more satisfied with your marriage.

相反，研究人員說，用平常心來看待自己的愛人就意味著你不太會(huì)失望，所以也就會(huì)對婚姻更加滿意。

Writing in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers led by James McNulty, professor of psychology at Ohio University, said: "In contrast to the idea that expectations in the early years of marriage exert main effects on satisfaction, the current findings suggest that the effects of expectations interact with the skills partners bring to their relationships."

由俄亥俄州立大學(xué)心理學(xué)教授詹姆斯·邁克納蒂領(lǐng)導(dǎo)的研究者們在《人格和社會(huì)心理學(xué)》雜志上發(fā)表文章說：“以往的研究表明，結(jié)婚最初幾年對于婚姻的期望值會(huì)對婚姻的滿意程度產(chǎn)生重要影響，與此形成鮮明對照的是，目前的研究表明期望值的影響力與伴侶對其婚姻關(guān)系所采用的技巧是相互作用的。”

Previous research found that people tend to select like-minded partners who they believe will be able to maintain a stable relationship.

上述研究還發(fā)現(xiàn)，人們傾向于選擇志趣相投的伴侶，他們相信這樣能夠維持一份穩(wěn)定的婚姻。

The finding contradicts the old adage that opposites attract.

這一發(fā)現(xiàn)與過去所認(rèn)為的“不同性格相互吸引”的說法截然不同。

Instead, the US researchers said people looking for long-term relationships should select partners who were similar to themselves, rather than seeking out the highest quality partner available.

取而代之的是，美國的研究人員說，尋找長期婚姻關(guān)系的人們應(yīng)該選擇與自己性格相近的伴侶而不是尋求最優(yōu)秀的伴侶。