婚禮攝影師告訴你婚姻的真諦

Filmmaker Doug Block learned a lot about marriage by accident. A documentarian who also works as a wedding videographer, Doug Block visited a handful of couples whose weddings he'd filmed -- anywhere from five to 20 years later -- and interviewed them about the state of their marriage. The result is his unexpectedly revealing, tender, and thought-provoking film 112 Weddings.

電影制片人道·布羅格不經(jīng)意間了解了很多關(guān)于婚姻的真諦。婚禮攝影師道·布羅格拍攝了很多婚禮，作為紀(jì)錄片導(dǎo)演，他重訪了這些夫婦，結(jié)婚五至二十年的都有，采訪了他們的婚姻狀態(tài)。根據(jù)采訪結(jié)果，他制作了電影《112場婚禮》，出人意料、富有啟迪、觸動人心又引人深思。

The hope and uncomplicated joy of a wedding is often a stark contrast to the real-life challenges of day-to-day married life. Some of Block's couples weathered the years well, and some did not, but all reveal a lot about our relationships, the expectations and hopes we put into them, and what marriage/commitment really looks like.

婚禮帶來希望和簡簡單單的快樂，常常和日復(fù)一日婚姻生活的現(xiàn)實挑戰(zhàn)形成鮮明對比。布羅格鏡頭中的一對對夫婦，或歷經(jīng)歲月的洗禮，或分道揚鑣，但都揭示了婚姻關(guān)系的真諦、人們賦予婚姻的期冀，以及婚姻和承諾的本質(zhì)。

If weddings are the splash and fizz of opening night on Broadway, marriage is the slog of the dozens, hundreds, thousands of performances that follow. How are couples supposed to maintain the best parts of the early days of their relationship amid the slings and arrows of day-to-day life?

如果說婚禮是激情四射的百老匯首演之夜，婚姻則是繼開幕夜之后成百上千場耗時又乏善可陳的演出。夫妻該如何在風(fēng)風(fēng)雨雨、鍋碗瓢盆的日常生活中保持最初戀愛時的美好呢?

1. Pick Right

選對人

People often couple for the wrong reasons----convenience, expectations, and pressure to have kids. Other common reasons can be conflation of lust and love, fear of being alone, or even simple security. A "deep period of self-discovery" before jumping into marriage is advocated. The must-haves reasons to marry someone includes alignedgoals, sexuality, and spirituality.

人們常常因錯誤的緣由走到一起----因為圖方便、有期許或者生養(yǎng)小孩的壓力。其他理由包括愛欲交織、害怕孤單、甚至簡簡單單只為尋求安全感?，F(xiàn)在主張奔向婚姻前能”深度自我發(fā)現(xiàn)“。結(jié)婚的理由必須是有共同的目標(biāo)、情欲和精神需求。

2. Treat Each Other Right

好好對待彼此

That kindness and respect come up frequently when people are asked about the most essential elements of a healthy marriage. What all the respondents' comments boileddown to, at bottom, was friendship. Every trait cited for how a person should treat his or her partner was -- not coincidentally -- the definition of how you should treat a friend.

問及何為健康婚姻最為本質(zhì)的要素時，人們會想到仁愛和尊重。事實上，受訪者的回應(yīng)歸根結(jié)底為：友誼。一個人該如何對待自己的伴侶，從受訪者引述的特征中看出，人們不約而同地將其定義為對待朋友的方式。

3. Fight Right

吵架的藝術(shù)

No matter how well you're navigating the seas of marriage, storms will come. It's how a couple weathers them that can separate a successful marriage from a failed one. "fighting well" entails the following:

無論你在婚姻的海洋如何游刃有余，風(fēng)暴終究會來臨。夫婦如何度過風(fēng)浪決定了婚姻的成敗。“會吵”包含:

Decide the rules of engagement, e.g., how to discuss problem.

規(guī)范言語的分寸，比如如何討論問題。

Calmly, without yelling or screaming.Be polite.

保持冷靜，不大喊大叫，有禮貌。

Grace and forgiveness.The fine art of compromise.

保持優(yōu)雅，懂得原諒和妥協(xié)的藝術(shù)。