伍迪單口相聲精選 第6期:駝鹿The Moose

I shot a moose, once. I was hunting up -stateNew York, and I shot a moose, and I strap himon to the fender of my car.

曾打到過(guò)一頭駝鹿。我到紐約的西北邊狩獵，我打到了一頭駝鹿。我把他捆在我車(chē)子的前杠上。

And I'm driving home along the west side highway,but what I didn't realize was, that the bullet did notpenetrate the moose.

我沿著西邊公路驅(qū)車(chē)回家。但是我當(dāng)時(shí)沒(méi)意識(shí)到子彈并沒(méi)有穿透這頭駝鹿。

It just creased the scalp, knocking him unconscious.

它只是擦了一下頭皮，把它弄昏過(guò)去了。

And I'm driving through the Holland tunnel - the moose woke up.

在我開(kāi)車(chē)通過(guò)“荷蘭隧道”時(shí)，駝鹿醒了過(guò)來(lái)。

So I'm driving with a live moose on my fender. The moose is signaling for a turn, you know.

所以我正開(kāi)著車(chē)，前杠上馱著一頭活著的駝鹿。這駝鹿還會(huì)打出轉(zhuǎn)彎的手勢(shì)。

There's a law in New York State against driving with a conscious moose on your fender,Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.

紐約州有一條法律：在星期二、星期四和星期六，你開(kāi)車(chē)時(shí)前杠上馱著一頭有知覺(jué)的駝鹿是違法的。

And I'm very panicky, and then it hits me: some friends of mine is having a costume party.

因此我感到特別緊張，可我突然想起來(lái)：我有幾個(gè)朋友正在舉辦化裝舞會(huì)。

I'll go, I'll take the moose, I'll ditch him at the party. It wouldn't be my responsibility.

我這就過(guò)去。我要帶上駝鹿一塊去，然后在舞會(huì)上把他甩掉，那樣就不是我的責(zé)任了。

So I drive up to the party and I knock on the door.

于是我開(kāi)車(chē)來(lái)到舞會(huì)地點(diǎn)，敲響了房門(mén)。

The moose is next to me. My host comes to the door. I say "Hello. You know the Solomons".

駝鹿就站在我旁邊。舞會(huì)的主人過(guò)來(lái)開(kāi)門(mén)，我說(shuō)：“你好啊。你應(yīng)該認(rèn)識(shí)所羅門(mén)吧。”

We enter. The moose mingles. Did very well. Scored.

我們進(jìn)了屋，駝鹿馬上混入了來(lái)賓當(dāng)中。干得不錯(cuò)，有本事。

Two guys were trying to sell him insurance for an hour and a half.

有兩個(gè)家伙甚至向它推銷了一個(gè)半小時(shí)的保險(xiǎn)。

Twelve o'clock comes - they give out prices for the best costume of the night.

午夜十二點(diǎn)，到了頒發(fā)當(dāng)晚最佳服裝獎(jiǎng)的時(shí)候了。

First price goes to the Burcowiche's, a married couple dressed as a moose.

第一名頒給了伯科維奇夫婦，他們夫妻兩個(gè)化裝成一頭駝鹿。

The moose comes in second. The moose is furious.

駝鹿只拿到第二名。駝鹿怒不可遏。

He and the Burcowiches lock antlers in the living room. They knock each other unconscious.

它在客廳里拿鹿角和伯科維奇展開(kāi)了角斗。他們把對(duì)方都打昏在地。

Now, I figured, is my chance. I grab the moose, strap him onto my fender, and shoot back tothe roads, but I got the Burcowiches.

現(xiàn)在，我想正好給了我一個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)。我抓過(guò)駝鹿，又把它捆到我車(chē)子的前杠上，然后我飛速上路。但是我捆的是伯科維奇。

So I'm driving along with two jewish people on my fender, and there's a law in New YorkState...Tuesdays, Thursdays and especially Saturday.

因此我正開(kāi)著車(chē)，前杠上馱著兩個(gè)猶太人。紐約州有一條法律：在星期二、星期四、特別是星期六。

The following morning the Burcowiches wake up in the woods, in a moose suit.

第二天早上，伯科維奇夫婦在林子里蘇醒了過(guò)來(lái)，仍穿著駝鹿裝。

Mr. Burcowich is shot, stuffed and mounted-at the New York Athletic Club, and the joke is onthem, because it's restricted.

伯科維奇先生被射殺、被填料、被做成標(biāo)本放到了“紐約運(yùn)動(dòng)俱樂(lè)部”【1】。好笑的地方在于，這是個(gè)嚴(yán)格限制會(huì)員的俱樂(lè)部?！?】

【1】成立于1868年，屬于私人性質(zhì)的社交俱樂(lè)部，其宗旨為“提高發(fā)展美國(guó)的業(yè)余體育運(yùn)動(dòng)”。

【2】暗指俱樂(lè)部限制猶太人加入。