蘇格蘭瑪麗女王 05 My son is born

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　　Next morning， Darnley came to see me. He was afraid.‘What's the matter，husband?'I said.‘Why are you crying?'

　　‘Oh Mary， Mary!'he said. ‘I'm sorry! I was wrong!I helped those men to kill Riccio， and now the Earl of Moray is back here with them!He hates me!I am afraid they'regoing to kill me， and you too. Think of our child， Mary， here inside you!'

　　He took me in his arms again.I was very angry. I am sorry， James， that this man was your father. He was a stupid boy， not a man. He was tall and strong and beautiful but he could never think like a man or a king.

　　I said，‘ You know these men， Henry. What do they want?'

　　‘They—they want our child， Mary. They don't want us.They're going to put you inprison. They don't want you to be Queen—they want your child to be King or Queen. I—I don't know what they want to do with me.'

　　‘Perhaps they want you to be King， too， without me，'I said quietly.‘Then you can do what they say， like a little boy.'

　　‘Perhaps，Mary.They said that，yesterday.But now that Moray's here—I don't know. I'm afraid. Please help me!'He began to cry again.‘What can we do?'

　　‘We can run away，'I said.‘We can leave Edinburgh quick-ly and quietly， before Ruthven and his men stop us. Be quiet for a minute. I want to think.'

　　I walked up and down for two or three minutes， then I said：‘Henry， go back to these men. Tell them—'

　　‘No! Mary， please! I can't! I'm afraid of them!'

　　‘Listen to me，Henry!And try to be a man. Go and tell them I'm ill， because of the child.Say I'm not angry with them. Tell them anything—lie to them. Then， tonight， bring some men and horses here， behind the castle…'

　　He went， and did it.All day I waited in my rooms， and lis-tened. Then， at one o'clock in the morning， Darnley and I went quietly down the stairs behind the castle.Some of my friends were there， with horses for us. Quickly， we rode away into the night.

　　That was a very bad night. It was dark and cold. I was ill，and Darnley was afraid.‘Come on!'he said.‘Ride faster，woman! You're too slow!'

　　But I was pregnant， and it was cold and dark. We rode for five bours in the rain.‘I can't， Henry!'I said.‘I'm ill.Think of the baby! I don't want it to die!'

　　‘Why not?'he said.‘ We can always make another one!'

　　I'm sorry， but it is true. Your father said things like that，James.Then he rode away in front of me， into the dark. I rode slowly behind， with my good woman， Bess Curle.

　　In the morning we arrived at Dunbar Castle. Darnley slept，and I wrote letters to my friends. Next day Lord Bothwell came to help me. I liked him—he was a good， strong man.Soon I had an army of 8，000 men. Bothwell and I rode back to Edinburgh with the army. Lord Ruthven died， and some of his friends ran away. But the Earl of Moray stayed.

　　All that summer I ruled the country， and waited for the ba-by. My husband stayed outside my rooms. I did not want to see him. No one did. Perhaps he drank with his friends. I don't know.

　　And then， on 19th June， in a small room in Edinburgh Cas-tle， my baby was born. It took a long time， but at last you were in my arms， James， my son.

　　I asked your father to come in.‘My Lord Henry，'I said.‘This is our baby! Look at him， my Lord. Take him in your arms. He is your son—isn't he beautiful?'

　　But your father did not love me， James. Very often， after you were born， he slept with other women. I know that be-cause he talked to everyone about it. I think he wanted people to know. And I am sorry， but I do not think he loved you，James. When I took you tochurch and gave you your name，he did not come. He wasn't interested.

　　But because of him， David Riccio was dead. I could never forget that.Never.

　　5 我兒子的出生

　　第二天早晨，達(dá)恩利來(lái)見(jiàn)我。他顯得很害怕。

　　“怎么了，丈夫?”我問(wèn)道。“你干嗎哭?”

　　“噢瑪麗，瑪麗!”他說(shuō)。“對(duì)不起，我錯(cuò)了!我?guī)椭切┤藲⑺懒死锲鎶W，現(xiàn)在馬里伯爵回來(lái)了，和他們?cè)谝黄?他恨我!我怕他們會(huì)殺了我，還有你?，旣?，為你肚子里的我們的孩子想一想吧!”

　　他又一次抱著我。我很生氣。很抱歉，詹姆斯，這人就是你的父親。他是個(gè)愚蠢的男孩，不是個(gè)男子漢。他高大健壯又漂亮，可是他從來(lái)沒(méi)想過(guò)要讓自己像個(gè)男子漢或一個(gè)親王。

　　我說(shuō)，“你了解這些人，亨利。他們想要什么?”

　　“他們——他們想要我們的孩子，瑪麗。他們不要我們。他們要把你關(guān)進(jìn)監(jiān)獄，他們不想讓你做女王——他們想讓你的孩子做國(guó)王或女王。我——我不知道他們要怎樣處置我。”

　　“或許他們也想讓你做國(guó)王，而不要我。”我很平靜地說(shuō)。“然后你就按他們說(shuō)的去做，像個(gè)乖男孩。”

　　“也許吧，瑪麗。他們昨天是這樣說(shuō)的。不過(guò)現(xiàn)在馬里回來(lái)了——我不知道。我很害怕，請(qǐng)幫幫我吧!”他又開(kāi)始哭了起來(lái)。“我們?cè)撛趺崔k?”

　　“我們可以逃走，”我說(shuō)。“我們可以在魯斯溫和他們的人阻攔我們之前迅速而不聲不響地離開(kāi)愛(ài)丁堡。安靜一會(huì)兒，讓我想一想。”

　　我來(lái)來(lái)回回徘徊了二三分鐘，說(shuō)：“亨利，回到那些人那里去。告訴他們——”

　　“不!瑪麗，請(qǐng)別這樣!我辦不到!我怕他們!”

　　“聽(tīng)我說(shuō)，亨利!試著做一個(gè)男子漢。去告訴他們，我病了，是因?yàn)閼言械木壒?。說(shuō)我不對(duì)他們生氣。再跟他們說(shuō)些什么——騙騙他們。然后，今天晚上，帶上這里的一些人和馬，從城堡后……。”

　　他去了，也這樣做了。一整天我等在自己的房間里聽(tīng)動(dòng)靜。在清晨1點(diǎn)鐘，達(dá)恩利和我悄悄地從城堡后的樓梯下來(lái)。我的一些朋友們已牽了一些馬等在那里。很快地，我們騎馬消失在夜幕里。

　　那是個(gè)很糟糕的夜晚。外面又黑又冷。我生病了，達(dá)恩利很害怕。“快點(diǎn)!”他說(shuō)。“騎得快點(diǎn)，女人，你太慢了!”

　　可我是個(gè)孕婦，外面又冷又黑。我們?cè)谟曛序T了五個(gè)小時(shí)。“我不能，亨利!”我說(shuō)。“我病了。為孩子想一想!我不想讓它死掉!”

　　“為什么不呢?”他說(shuō)。“我們可以再要一個(gè)!”

　　我很抱歉，但那是真的。你父親是那樣說(shuō)的，詹姆斯。隨后，他遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)地騎在了我前面，消失在夜色里。我和我的好伙伴貝斯·柯?tīng)栐诤竺媛仳T著。

　　早晨我們到了唐巴爾城堡。達(dá)恩利睡著了，我給我的朋友寫信。第二天，博思韋爾勛爵來(lái)幫助我。我喜歡他——他是個(gè)善良、健壯的男人。不久，我就擁有了一支八千士兵的軍隊(duì)。博思韋爾和我率領(lǐng)著軍隊(duì)驅(qū)馬回到愛(ài)丁堡。結(jié)果魯斯溫勛爵死了，他的一些朋友逃走了。可馬里伯爵留了下來(lái)。

　　整個(gè)夏季我治理著這個(gè)國(guó)家，并等待著孩子的降生。我的丈夫不在我房間。我不想見(jiàn)到他。沒(méi)有人想見(jiàn)到他?；蛟S他和他的朋友在一起喝酒。我不知道。

　　不久以后，6月19日，在愛(ài)丁堡的一間小房間里，我的孩子出生了。詹姆斯，我的兒子，生你費(fèi)了好長(zhǎng)時(shí)間，但最終，你還是躺在我懷抱里了。

　　我把你父親叫進(jìn)來(lái)。“亨利，我的丈夫，”我說(shuō)。“這是我們的孩子!看著他吧，我的丈夫。抱抱他，他是你的兒子——難道他不漂亮嗎?”

　　可是你的父親不愛(ài)我，詹姆斯。在你出生之后，他經(jīng)常和別的女人睡覺(jué)。我知道這個(gè)是因?yàn)樗麑?duì)誰(shuí)都這么說(shuō)。我想他是想讓人們都知道。我很抱歉，可我認(rèn)為他并不愛(ài)你，詹姆斯。當(dāng)我?guī)闳ソ烫媒o你取名字時(shí)，他沒(méi)來(lái)，他沒(méi)有興趣。

　　可就是因?yàn)樗?，達(dá)維·里奇奧死了。我永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)忘記這一點(diǎn)，永遠(yuǎn)不!