Connecting with Family 和家人的溝通
Author: Don Smith (Todd’s Father)
作者:Don Smith(Todd的父親)
On this Father’s Day weekend, I am reminiscing about my family and the connectedness I am enjoying today. I am remembering past events that have contributed to my philosophy about what it takes to have a connected family.
在這個父親節(jié)的周末,我回憶著我的家人,回憶著我今天所享受到的和家人在一起的點點滴滴。我回憶著一些有助于我的哲學的往事,這是關于一個聯系緊密的家庭需要什么的哲學。
From my experience, I define connectedness as that place in any relationship where two people meet, find safety and respect in openness, know differences will not divide, and are valued and bound together by love and the freedom to be authentically one’s self.
從我的經驗看來,聯系可以定義為在任何關系下兩個人相遇,找到安全感并且公開地尊重對方的地方,差異并沒有引起隔閡而是被珍視,他們被愛和成為真正自我的自由緊緊地聯系在了一起。
Influencing Generations Through Our Choices
我們的決定影響著后代
For the last 13 years I have been engaged in researching our family’s genealogy with my now 95-year-old brother. It has been an informative and rewarding pursuit providing me an enriched perspective on life and one’s contribution to future generations.
在過去的13年里,我一直在和我現在已經95歲的弟弟一起從事研究我們的家族族譜。這是一個有教育性意義并很值得的追求,它提供給我一個豐富的角度看生活,以及一個人對未來幾代人的貢獻。
From my genealogical research dating back to the 1500’s, I have concluded that not much, if anything, will be remembered about us personally beyond the third generation. But, our profound choices can and probably will have a “ripple” effect on generations to come. To illustrate, one line of ancestors chose to come to America on the Mayflower. Another chose to join in the fight for independence in the American Revolution, while another chose to remain loyal to the British Crown and moved to Nova Scotia. Choices, choices, choices! They have certainly impacted generations to follow. And I realize that my choices today could also have an impact on my descendents.
從我對追溯到十五世紀的宗譜學的研究中可以總結出,在超過第三代以后我們能記住的關于我們自己的事幾乎沒有。然而,我們那些影響深遠的決定可以對后代們有 “漣漪效應”。舉個例子來說,一隊祖先們選擇乘“五月花號”的郵輪來到美國,另一隊選擇飛去美國參與支持美國獨立戰(zhàn)爭,與此同時還有一部分選擇忠于英國王朝而搬去了加拿大。選擇,選擇,又一個選擇!他們毫無疑問地影響了他們的后代。而且我意識到我今天的決定也同樣對我的后代們有所影響。
Learning from Relationships
從人際關系中學習
When I was only 16 years old, my father died suddenly at age 66. I knew him as a quiet, honorable, and respected man. He indeed was a man of fine character, but we never “connected.” That relationship greatly influenced my intentions as a father. So I aspired to be like him—a man of integrity; but I also choose to be a father of intentional connectedness. I have four children and fourteen grandchildren. My relationship with each one is special, unique, and greatly treasured. I experience rewarding connectedness with each one.
當我只是16歲時,我爸爸突然過世,享年66歲。我知道他是一個安靜、可敬和受人尊敬的人。他確實是一個好性格的人,但是我們從未“關聯”。這種關系很大地影響了我作為一名父親的意圖。所以我雖然渴望像他一樣——做一個正直的人;但我也選擇成為一個特意與家人有關聯的父親。我有4個小孩和14個孫子女。我和每一個人的關系都很特殊,很獨特,非常珍貴。我體驗著和每一個人的有益的關聯。
Passing the Baton
傳遞接力棒
Something else I am remembering this Father’s Day is the relay race at track and field events. While in high school I was a member of a relay team which competed in the two-mile relay. I was in the second position on the team for each event. I remember how much emphasis and importance our coach placed on the “hand off” of the baton. Actually the race could be won or lost depending on how well the first three relay members passed on the baton.
這個父親節(jié)我所記得的其他事情還有小路上的接力賽和田賽。雖然在高中的時候,我是接力隊的一員,這個接力隊參加了一個2英里的接力賽。每一次比賽,我都站在隊伍的第二個位置。我記得我們教練有多么強調和重視接力棒的傳遞。的確,比賽的成敗可以決定于前三個接力隊員在傳遞接力棒時做的如何。
I have drawn an analogy from that experience, reminding myself of the grave importance in passing on life’s baton to my children and grandchildren. For me, two special concerns remain:
我用這個經歷做個類比,提醒我自己將生活的接力棒傳遞給我的兒女和兒孫時的巨大重要性。對我來說,有兩個關注點:
1) What am I passing on?
我在傳遞什么?
2) How well am I making the “hand off?”
我做的“傳遞”如何呢?
Reaping a Grand Reward
獲得一個巨大的回報
Finally I have come to realize there is a “gift exchange” between generations. The exchange begins with parents and grandparents who love, listen, and recognize with respect each child’s natural preferences and affirm his or her potential. Eventually the gifts of honor and gratitude will return from the children for years to come. That has been my cherished experience.
后來我意識到每一代之間都有一個“禮物交換”。這個交換始于父母和祖父母,他們尊敬地愛護、聽取、意識到每一個孩子的天生癖好,并肯定他或她的潛能。最終,在未來幾年后尊敬和感激的禮物會從孩子那兒反饋回來。這就是我珍貴的經驗。
Are we a perfect family? By no means! But, we are on a journey together where faith, hope, and love are the atmospherics we breathe. We believe in one another, we desire and expect good things for one another, and we love and forgive one another. Is that always easy? Not at all! But it’s more than worth it.
我們是一個完美的家庭嗎?絕不!但是,我們在一個能讓我們呼吸信任、期望和愛之空氣的旅程上。我們互相信任,互相祝福,互相愛護,互相寬恕。這樣做總是很容易嗎?一點也不。但這非常值得。
For me, being the father and grandfather in our family is one wonderfully rewarding journey. I salute my children and grandchildren for who they are and are becoming.
對于我來說,做我們家庭的父親和祖父是一個非常有益的旅程。我為我的兒女和兒孫現在是誰、將成為誰而感到自豪。
I challenge you to resist trying to control others; accept each person for who they are. Engage in genuine listening and understanding. Be consistent in respect for one another. It almost always makes for treasured connectedness.
我冒昧勸你不要嘗試去控制別人;接受每個人本身。做真正的傾聽和理解。相互尊重。這樣就可以促成寶貴的聯系。