苔絲 Chapter6

Maiden No More 6
不再是處女 6

It was a Sunday morning in late October about four months after Tess's arrival at Trantridge ，and a few weeks after the night ride in The Chase. Carrying a heavy basket and bundle， Tess was walking towards the hills which divided her from the Vale，her place of birth. The scenery and people on this side were very different from those in her village.Marlott people mainly thought and travelled northward and westward， while on this side people were interested in the east and the south. She walked up the same hill which d’Urberville had driven down so wildly that June day.On reaching the top of the hill，Tess paused and looked for a long time at the familiar green world of home.It was always beautiful from here，but since she had last seen it，her view of life had changed.She had learnt that wickedness exists，even where there is beauty，and now she could hardly bear to look down into the Vale.
這是10月末的一個(gè)星期天的上午，苔絲來(lái)到純?nèi)鸺挂延兴膫€(gè)來(lái)月，距離騎馬到逐獵林那個(gè)晚上也有幾個(gè)星期了。挎著一個(gè)沉重的籃子和包袱，苔絲正朝那些把她與她出生所在的山谷分開(kāi)的山巒走去。這邊的風(fēng)土人情與她村里的大不相同。馬勒特村的人們主要想著往北部和西部遷移，而這邊的人們感興趣的是東部和南部。她正向一個(gè)山頭爬去，6月的一天，就是在這座山頭，德伯曾瘋狂地急馳而下。到達(dá)山頂后，苔絲停下了腳步，久久地凝望著家鄉(xiāng)熟悉的綠色世界。從這兒看上去，它總是那么美，但是自從她上次見(jiàn)到它以后，她對(duì)生活的看法已經(jīng)改變了。她已經(jīng)懂得邪惡是存在的，哪怕是在很美的地方?，F(xiàn)在她幾乎無(wú)法再往下看山谷了。
Then she looked behind her and saw a carriage coming up the same hill that she had just climbed，with a man leading the horse.Soon he caught up with her.
她往身后看了看，發(fā)現(xiàn)一輛馬車(chē)正朝著她爬過(guò)的同一座山駛上來(lái)，車(chē)上有一個(gè)人在趕著馬。很快他就趕上了她。
‘Why did you slip away in secret like that?’ asked d’Urberville breathlessly.‘I've been driving like mad to catch up with you.Just look at my horse!You know nobody would have prevented you from going.I'm going to drive you the rest of the way， if you won't come back with me.
“為什么你要這樣偷偷地溜走?”德伯上氣不接下氣地問(wèn)道，“為了追上你，我像瘋了似地趕車(chē)?？纯次业鸟R吧!你知道沒(méi)有人會(huì)阻止你走的。如果你不愿和我回去的話，剩下的路讓我送你走。”
‘I won't come back，’she said quietly. ‘I thought so!Well，let me help you up.Give me your basket.’
“我不愿回去。”她輕輕地說(shuō)。
She stepped up into the carriage and sat beside him.She had no fear of him now.The reason for this was also the reason for her sorrow. They drove along，d’Urberville making conversation and Tess thinking her own thoughts.When they approached the village of Marlott a tear rolled down her cheek.
“我知道你會(huì)這么說(shuō)的!那好，讓我?guī)湍闵宪?chē)吧，把籃子遞給我。”
‘Why are you crying?’he asked coldly.
她登上馬車(chē)，坐在他身旁?，F(xiàn)在她已經(jīng)不怕他了。不怕的原因也正是她痛苦的原因。車(chē)子往前駛著，德伯說(shuō)著話，苔絲想著自己的心事。當(dāng)他們臨近馬勒特村時(shí)，一滴淚珠從她的面頰上滾落下來(lái)。
‘I was only thinking I was born over there.’
“為什么要哭?”他冷冷地問(wèn)道。
‘Well， we must all be born somewhere.’
“我只是在想，我出生在那兒。”
‘I wish I had never been born，there or anywhere else!’she said quietly.
“嗯，我們都是要出生在某個(gè)地方的。”
‘Well，you shouldn't have come to Trantridge if you didn't want to You didn't come for love of me， anyway.’
“我希望我從沒(méi)出生過(guò)，不論是在那兒還是在別的任何地方!”她輕聲說(shuō)。
‘That's quite true.If I had ever loved you，if I loved you still，I could not hate myself for my weakness as much as I do now.’
“哦，如果你不愿意你就不應(yīng)該到純?nèi)鸺箒?lái)。反正，你也不是因?yàn)閻?ài)我才來(lái)的。”
He did not look at her.
“一點(diǎn)兒不錯(cuò)。如果我曾經(jīng)愛(ài)過(guò)你，如果我仍然愛(ài)著你，我就不會(huì)像現(xiàn)在這么恨自己的軟弱無(wú)能了。”
She added，‘I didn't understand your intention until it was too late.’
他沒(méi)有看她。
‘That's what every woman says.’
她繼續(xù)說(shuō)道：“當(dāng)我明白了你的企圖時(shí)，已經(jīng)太晚了。”
‘How dare you say that!’she cried angrily， her eyes flashing at him.‘My God!I could hit you!Did you never think that some women may not only say it but feel it?’“每個(gè)女人都這么說(shuō)。”
‘All right，’he said laughing，‘I am sorry to hurt you.I did wrong—I admit it.Only don't keep accusing me.I am ready to pay for it.You need never work on the farms again.’
“你怎么敢這么說(shuō)!”她憤怒地叫道，眼冒怒火地瞪著他。“天哪，我會(huì)揍你的!難道你從沒(méi)想過(guò)，有些女人不僅這么說(shuō)，還真地這樣感覺(jué)嗎?”
Her lip lifted slightly as she replied，‘I will not take anything from you!I cannot!’
“好吧，”他笑著說(shuō)，“傷害了你我很抱歉。我做錯(cuò)了事——我承認(rèn)。只是不要再?zèng)]完沒(méi)了地譴責(zé)我了。我是準(zhǔn)備付出代價(jià)的，你再也不用到農(nóng)場(chǎng)干活了。”
‘One would think you were a queen as well as being one of the real d’Urbervilles! Well，Tess dear，I suppose I'm a bad sort of man. I've always been one， and I always will be one. But I promise I won't be bad to you again. And if anything should happen—you understand—if you are in any trouble or need anything，just drop me a line and I'll send by return whatever you want.’
她的嘴唇稍稍撅起，回答道：“我不會(huì)從你那兒拿任何東西的!我不會(huì)的!”
She stepped down from the carriage and was going to leave him，when he stopped her and said，‘You're not going to turn away from me like that，dear?Gome，let me kiss you!’
“人們會(huì)認(rèn)為你是個(gè)王后，就像認(rèn)為你是一個(gè)真正的德伯家族的人一樣!哦，親愛(ài)的苔絲，我想我大概是個(gè)壞人。我一直是個(gè)壞人，將來(lái)也一直會(huì)是。但是我保證再也不對(duì)你做什么壞事了。如果有任何事情發(fā)生——你明白——如果你遇到任何麻煩或需要任何東西，來(lái)封短信就行了，我會(huì)送來(lái)你想要的任何東西。”
‘If you wish，’she answered coldly. She offered her cool cheek to him，but her eyes rested on a distant tree as if the kiss had nothing to do with her.
她從車(chē)上邁下來(lái)，正準(zhǔn)備離他而去，他攔住了她，說(shuō)道：“親愛(ài)的，你不會(huì)就這樣離開(kāi)我了，是嗎?來(lái)，讓我吻你一下!”
‘You don't give me your lips，Tess. I'm afraid you'll never love me.’
“如果你想這樣的話，”她漠然地答道。她向他仰起了冰涼的臉頰，目光卻停留在遠(yuǎn)處的一棵樹(shù)上，仿佛這親吻跟她絲毫不相干似的。
It's true. I have never loved you，and I never can.’She added sadly，‘Perhaps I should tell a lie and then I could lead a comfortable life.But I have enough honour not to tell that lie.If I loved you，I might have a very good reason to tell you so.But I don't.’
“你沒(méi)有把你的唇遞過(guò)來(lái)，苔絲?？峙履阌肋h(yuǎn)不會(huì)愛(ài)上我。”
Alec sighed heavily，as if this scene were depressing him.
“是的，我從來(lái)沒(méi)有愛(ài)過(guò)你，也永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)愛(ài)上你。”她又傷心地加上一句：“也許我該撒個(gè)謊，這樣我的日子就會(huì)好過(guò)了。但是我還有足夠的自尊，不撒那個(gè)謊。如果我愛(ài)過(guò)你，我會(huì)有很好的理由告訴你，但是我沒(méi)有。” ‘well，you're very sad，Tess，and you have no reason to be.You're still the prettiest girl for miles around. Will you come back with me? Say you will!’
亞歷克沉重地嘆了口氣，好像這一席話令他很沮喪。
‘Never，never!I've made up my mind， and I won't come.’
“嗨，苔絲，你很傷心。你這樣是沒(méi)有理由的。你仍是方圓數(shù)里內(nèi)最漂亮的姑娘。你愿意回到我身邊嗎?說(shuō)你愿意!”
‘Then goodbye!’and Alec jumped up into his carriage and drove off.
“不，不愿!我已經(jīng)下定決心了，永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)回去的。”
Tess did not watch him go，but continued her walk alone. It was still early in the day and the sun was not yet giving any warmth.Tess felt even sadder than the autumn sadness which surrounded her.
“那么，再見(jiàn)!”亞歷克跳上馬車(chē)，駕車(chē)走了。
But soon a man came up behind her，a man with a pot of red paint in his hand.
苔絲沒(méi)有看著他離開(kāi)，只管一個(gè)人繼續(xù)走著?，F(xiàn)在還很早，太陽(yáng)射出的光芒尚未有一絲暖意。悲涼的秋意籠罩著她，而她覺(jué)得自己的內(nèi)心更加哀傷。
‘Good morning，’he said， and offered to carry her basket.
但很快有個(gè)人從她后面趕了上來(lái)，手里提著一罐紅色的顏料。
‘You're up early on a Sunday，’he continued.
“早上好!”他說(shuō)，并提出幫她提籃子。“你在星期天起得可夠早的。”他繼續(xù)說(shuō)道。
‘Yes，’said Tess.
“是啊，”苔絲說(shuō)。
‘A day of rest for most people， although I do more real work today than in the rest of the week put together.’
“這是大多數(shù)人休息的日子。但我在這一天做的真正工作，比一星期的其余六天加在一塊兒還多。”
‘Do you?’
“是嗎?”
‘In the week I work for man，but on Sunday I work for God.That's better work，don't you think? Wait a moment，I have something to do here.’He stopped at a gate， and in large red letters on the middle bar of the gate he painted some words from the Bible：
“別的日子我為人們工作，但星期天我為上帝工作。這是一種更好的工作，你不覺(jué)得嗎?等一下，在這兒我有點(diǎn)兒事要做。”他在一個(gè)大門(mén)前停了下來(lái)，并用很大的紅字在門(mén)中間的欄桿上刷上《圣經(jīng)》中的幾個(gè)字：
PUNISHMENT AWAITS YOU
懲罰等著你
In the soft air，against the gentle green of the trees and the peaceful fields， these great red words stared at Tess. They pointed a finger at her.This man was a stranger and could not know her story， but the words accused her.
在柔和的空氣里，在嫩綠的樹(shù)木和寧?kù)o的田野的包圍中，這些大紅字在盯著苔絲，它們?cè)谥肛?zé)她。刷字的只不過(guò)是個(gè)陌生人，他并不知道她的經(jīng)歷，但這些紅字在譴責(zé)她。
‘Do you believe what you paint?’she asked in a low voice.
“你相信你刷的那些話嗎?”苔絲輕輕地問(wèn)道。
‘Do I believe those words?Do I believe I am alive!’
“你問(wèn)我相信那些話嗎?就跟相信我活著一樣!”
‘But，’she whispered，trembling，‘suppose you were forced to do wrong?’
“但是，”她的聲音很低，有些發(fā)顫，“假如你是被迫做錯(cuò)了事呢?”
He shook his head.‘I can't answer that question.I paint the words and leave others to think about them in their own hearts.’
他搖了搖頭：“我無(wú)法回答這個(gè)問(wèn)題。我刷寫(xiě)這些話是留給人們用他們自己的心靈去思考的。”
‘I think they are horrible words!’cried Tess.‘I'll take my basket and go on now， and she walked away from him，her heart beating fast.‘I don't believe God said those things!’she thought，as she reached her village.
“我認(rèn)為這些話很可怕!”苔絲喊道。“給我籃子吧，我要走了。”她從他身邊走開(kāi)了，心在劇烈地跳動(dòng)著。當(dāng)她到達(dá)村子時(shí)，她想：“我相信上帝是不會(huì)那樣說(shuō)的!”
There was smoke coming from her father's chimney， but seeing the inside of the cottage made her heart ache.It was as poor as ever.Her mother jumped up，surprised to see her.
家里的煙囪冒著煙，但屋子里面的情景讓她覺(jué)得心痛。這兒還像過(guò)去一樣貧窮。見(jiàn)到她，母親覺(jué)得很奇怪，急忙站了起來(lái)。
‘Well，my dear Tess!’she said，kissing her.‘How are you? Have you come home to be married?’
“哦，我親愛(ài)的苔絲!”她一邊說(shuō)，一邊吻著她。“你好嗎?你是要回來(lái)結(jié)婚的嗎?”
‘No， not for that， mother.’
“不，不是為那個(gè)，媽。”
‘What，isn't your cousin going to marry you?’
“什么，難道你表哥不打算跟你結(jié)婚嗎?”
‘He's not my cousin， and he's not going to marry me.’
“他不是我的表哥，他也不會(huì)跟我結(jié)婚的。”
Her mother looked at her closely.‘Come，you haven't told me everything.’
她的母親關(guān)切地看著她。“過(guò)來(lái)，你還什么都沒(méi)跟我說(shuō)呢。”
Then Tess went up to her mother，put her head on Joan's shoulder，and told her the whole story.
苔絲走近母親，把自己的頭靠在瓊的肩上，把事情的來(lái)龍去脈都告訴了她。
‘And you haven't persuaded him to marry you!’cried Joan. ‘What's the good of going there? Why didn't you think of doing some good for your family instead of thinking only of yourself?’
“而你沒(méi)有說(shuō)服他跟你結(jié)婚!”瓊叫道，“那去那兒有什么好處?你為什么不能想想為家里做點(diǎn)兒好事，而不是只考慮你自己呢?”
Tess was confused. Alec had never mentioned marriage to her.But even if he had，she would never have accepted him， because she did not love him.This made her hate herself for what she had done.She would certainly never love him in the future. She did not quite hate him， but did not wish to marry him，even to remain respectable.
苔絲很迷惑。亞歷克從來(lái)沒(méi)有提過(guò)要跟她結(jié)婚。而即便他提過(guò)，她也永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)接受他的，因?yàn)樗粣?ài)他。這一點(diǎn)讓她為自己所做的事而恨自己。將來(lái)她當(dāng)然也不會(huì)愛(ài)上他的。她并不十分痛恨他，但她不想跟他結(jié)婚，哪怕是為了維護(hù)自己的尊嚴(yán)。
‘You ought to have been more careful if you didn't want to marry him!’
“如果你不愿嫁給他，你就應(yīng)該更小心才是!”
‘Oh mother!’cried the poor girl，her heart breaking.‘Why didn't you warn me about men?I was a child when I left home!I didn't know how dangerous they can be，and you didn't tell me!’
“哦，媽媽!”可憐的女孩哭道，她的心碎了。“為什么以前你沒(méi)警告我要提防男人?我離開(kāi)家的時(shí)候還只是一個(gè)孩子!我不知道他們會(huì)有多危險(xiǎn)，你并沒(méi)有告訴我!”
‘Well，we must make the best of it，’said her mother.‘It's only human nature， after all.’
“嗯，我們必須盡量往好處想。”她母親說(shuō)，“畢竟，這只不過(guò)是人類(lèi)的天性。”
That afternoon the little cottage was full of Tess's friends， girls who lived in the village and who had missed her while she had been away.They whispered to each other that Tess was sure to marry that handsome gentleman.Fortunately Tess did not hear them.She joined in their laughing and talking，and for a short time almost forgot her shame.那天下午，小屋里坐滿了苔絲的朋友。她不在的時(shí)候，這些村里的姑娘們都非常想她。她們?cè)谒较吕锘ハ嗾f(shuō)，苔絲一定會(huì)嫁給那位英俊的先生的。很幸運(yùn)，苔絲沒(méi)有聽(tīng)到她們說(shuō)的話。她加入到她們的歡聲笑語(yǔ)中，在這段短暫的時(shí)間里，她幾乎忘卻了自己的恥辱。
But the next day was Monday，the beginning of the working week， when there were no best clothes and no visitors.She awoke with the innocent children asleep around her，she who had lost her innocence. She looked into her future，and grew very depressed. She knew she had to travel on a long，stony road， without help or sympathy. She had nothing to look forward to，and she wanted to die.
但第二天就是星期一了，一周的工作又開(kāi)始了。這天人們不會(huì)穿最好的衣服，也不會(huì)有人拜訪。苔絲在一群睡在她身邊的天真無(wú)邪的孩子們中醒來(lái)，她自己卻已失去了貞節(jié)。想到今后的日子，她變得非常憂郁。她知道她要走上一段漫長(zhǎng)、坎坷的旅程，得不到幫助也得不到同情。她對(duì)未來(lái)心灰意冷，她想死去。
In the next few weeks， however， she became more cheerful， and went to church one Sunday morning. She loved listening to the well-known tunes， and gave herself up to the beauty of the music.She wondered at the composer's power. From the grave he could make a girl like her， who had never known him，feel extremes of emotion. She sat in a quiet，dark corner listening to the service.But when the village people arrived at church they noticed her and started whispering to each other.She knew what they were saying and realized she could come to church no more.
然而接下來(lái)的幾個(gè)星期，她變得稍稍振作一點(diǎn)了。一個(gè)星期天的上午，她去了教堂。她喜歡聽(tīng)那些熟悉的旋律，沉浸在那美妙的音樂(lè)中。她對(duì)作曲家的力量感到驚嘆。他雖已在墳?zāi)巩?dāng)中，卻能讓一個(gè)像她這樣與他素不相識(shí)的姑娘感受無(wú)限的激情。她坐在一個(gè)安靜、黑暗的角落里，傾聽(tīng)基督儀式和音樂(lè)。但是當(dāng)村子里的人們來(lái)到教堂后，他們注意到了她并竊竊私語(yǔ)起來(lái)。她知道他們?cè)谡f(shuō)什么，同時(shí)知道自己今后再也不能來(lái)教堂了。
So she spent almost all her time in her bedroom，which she shared with the children. From here she watched the wind， the snow，the rain，beautiful sunsets and full moons，one after another.People began to think she had gone away. She only went out after dark， to walk in the woods and the fields. She was not afraid of the dark or the shadows; it was people she was anxious to avoid. She was at home on the lonely hills， but she felt guilty surrounded by innocent nature. When it rained， she thought nature was crying at her weakness，and when the midnight wind blew she thought nature was angry with her.But she did not realize that although she had broken an accepted social rule， she had done nothing against nature. She was as innocent as the sleeping birds in the trees，or the small field animals in the hedges.
因此，她把自己整天關(guān)在這間與其他孩子們共有的臥室里。在這兒，她看刮風(fēng)，看下雪，看雨點(diǎn)飄灑，看美麗的日落，還有一輪又一輪的滿月。人們漸漸以為她外出了。只有在天黑以后，她才會(huì)出來(lái)，到樹(shù)林里和田野上走走。她不怕黑暗和陰影，她極力想避開(kāi)的只是人群。在孤寂的山上她感到自在，但被純凈的大自然包圍時(shí)，她又有一種負(fù)罪感。下雨時(shí)，她會(huì)想到是大自然在為她的軟弱而哭泣;而午夜的狂風(fēng)又讓她覺(jué)得大自然在生她的氣。她沒(méi)有意識(shí)到，雖然她觸犯了一條公認(rèn)的社會(huì)戒律，但她卻從沒(méi)違反過(guò)自然。她就像樹(shù)林里熟睡的鳥(niǎo)兒或樹(shù)籬下的田間小動(dòng)物一樣清白無(wú)辜。