名校勵(lì)志英語(yǔ)演講 第69期:做真正的自己

[00:00.49]And I was living in a basement apartment, I had no money, I had no heat, no air, 當(dāng)時(shí)我住在地下室的公寓里，我沒(méi)有錢，沒(méi)有暖氣，沒(méi)有新鮮空氣， [00:08.21]I had a mattress on the floor and the apartment was infested with fleas. 只是在地板上鋪一個(gè)墊子，房間里到處都是跳騷。 [00:12.25]And I was soul-searching, I was like, why is she suddenly gone, and there are fleas here? 我感到困惑不已，我在想，“為什么她突然走了？為什么我住在滿是跳騷的屋子里？” [00:17.57]I don't understand, there must be a purpose, and wouldn't it be so convenient if we could pick up the phone and call God, and ask these questions. 我無(wú)法理解，但一定有理由的，要是能直接拿起電話問(wèn)上帝不是太好了嗎？ [00:25.38]And I started writing and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation with God, 于是我開始些東西，腦海中涌現(xiàn)出一段與上帝的對(duì)話， [00:30.54]which was one-sided, and I finished writing it and I looked at it and I said to myself, 那是只有我一個(gè)人的獨(dú)白。寫完之后，我看著我寫的東西，對(duì)自己講話。 [00:37.53]and I hadn't even been doing stand-up, ever, there was no club in town. 那時(shí)，我還沒(méi)有開始做單人脫口秀節(jié)目，因?yàn)楫?dāng)時(shí)紐奧良沒(méi)有俱樂(lè)部。 [00:40.42]I said, "I'm gonna do this on the Tonight Show With Johnny Carson"—at the time he was the king— 我說(shuō)，我將要在“今夜秀”上和約翰尼·卡森一起表演這一段。 [00:45.29]"and I'm gonna be the first woman in the history of the show to be called over to sit down." 他當(dāng)時(shí)是主持界大王，我將成為該節(jié)目史上第一個(gè)被他訪問(wèn)的女性。 [00:49.59]And several years later, I was the first woman in the history of the show, 數(shù)年之后，我成了該節(jié)目史上第一位， [00:53.52]and only woman in the history of the show to sit down, because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote. 也是唯一一位和約翰尼一起坐下被訪問(wèn)的女性，全是因?yàn)槲覍懙摹芭c上帝打電話對(duì)話”的劇本。 [00:59.17]And I started this path of stand-up and it was successful and it was great, but it was hard, 從此我開始做單人脫口秀節(jié)目，非常成功，非常棒，但也非常艱難， [01:08.06]because I was trying to please everybody and I had this secret that I was keeping, that I was gay. 因?yàn)槲蚁肴偯恳粋€(gè)人，我守著自己是同志的秘密， [01:13.11]And I thought if people found out they wouldn't like me, they wouldn't laugh at me. 我想每個(gè)人要是發(fā)現(xiàn)我是同性戀，就不會(huì)喜歡我了，還會(huì)嘲笑我。 [01:16.47]Then my career turned into—I got my own sitcom, and that was very successful, another level of success. 接著，我有了自己的喜劇，也很成功，更進(jìn)一步的成功。 [01:23.51]And I thought, what if they find out I'm gay, then they'll never watch, and this was a long time ago, 我又在想，要是人們發(fā)現(xiàn)我是同性戀了，該怎么辦？他們?cè)僖膊粫?huì)看我的節(jié)目了。 [01:29.14]this was when we just had white presidents—this was back, many years ago— 這是很早以前事情，你們可能不知道，這是我們的總統(tǒng)還是白人的時(shí)候，那是多年前的事了。 [01:38.03]and I finally decided that I was living with so much shame, and so much fear, 我最后決定，我一直都是帶著羞恥和恐懼而活， [01:45.54]that I just couldn't live that way anymore, and I decided to come out and make it creative. 我不能再這么活著了。我最終決定將這個(gè)秘密公之于眾，要有創(chuàng)造性。

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