牛津書蟲系列 遠大前程 Chapter 12

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12 Pip discovers the truth

12 匹普真相大白

While Estella lived in London，staying with friends of Miss Havisham's，I often visited her.She had an endless stream of admirers，and I was jealous of all of them.I never had an hour's happiness with her，but I still thought about her，day and night，and my dearest wish was to marry her.Several times Miss Havisham ordered me to bring Estella to visit her，and of course I always obeyed.Estella was as proud and cold as ever，with her admirers，with Miss Havisham and with me.

當(dāng)艾絲黛拉生活在倫敦和郝薇香小姐的朋友住在一起時，我常去拜訪她。她有一個川流不息的崇拜者隊伍，我是他們大家所嫉妒的。我和她從來沒有半小時的快樂，但我仍然日夜想念她，我的最美好的愿望是和她結(jié)婚。郝薇香小姐幾次要求我?guī)еz黛拉去看她。當(dāng)然啦，我總是服從。艾絲黛拉對她的崇拜者、對郝薇香小姐、對我像以往一樣的傲慢和冷酷無情。

One man who admired her and followed her everywhere was the unpleasant Bentley Drummle.One day I asked her about him.

有一個喜歡她并且到處陪著她的人是可惡的本特利·朱穆爾。一天，我向艾絲黛拉問起了他。

‘Estella，why do you encourage someone like Drummle?You know very well he's stupid，and nobody likes him.’

“艾絲黛拉，為什么你親近像朱穆爾這樣的人?你很清楚他是愚蠢的，沒有人喜歡他。”

‘Don't be foolish，Pip，’she answered.‘Perhaps I encourage him because that has a certain effect on the others.’

“不要犯傻了，匹普，”她回答說，“也許我親近他是因為在其他方面有某些影響。”

‘But he isn't worth it!’I cried angrily.

“可是，他不值得親近!”我氣憤地喊著。

‘What difference does it make?’she answered tiredly.‘If I smile at him，it's because it means nothing to me.You should be glad that I don't give you false looks or smiles.At least I am always honest with you.’

“這樣做有什么關(guān)系?”她厭倦地回答，“是否我對他微笑?而對你沒什么表示。你應(yīng)當(dāng)高興，我沒有給你虛假的一眼或虛假的微笑。最后，我始終對你是真情的。”

But while my heart was aching for Estella，I had no idea that I would soon be hit by a disaster which would completely destroy my hopos and dreams.The chain of events which had begun before I ever met her was slowly reaching its end.

但是，當(dāng)我正為艾絲黛拉痛心時，我還沒有意識到，我很快會受到完全毀滅我的希望和夢想的這一災(zāi)難性的打擊。我在認識她以前已經(jīng)開始的一連串的事件，正慢慢地走向它的結(jié)尾。

Herbert and I had moved to rooms in a house by the river，in the Temple area.One evening he was abroad on business and I was alone at home，reading.It was terrible weather，stormy and wet，with deep mud in the streets.The wind rushing up the river shook the whole building，and the rain beat violently against the windows.As I closed my book at eleven o’clock，I heard a heavy footstep on the stairs.When I went to the door with my lamp，I saw a man coming slowly upstairs.He was wearing rough clothes，and he was about six-ty，with a brown face and long grey hair.But what really surprized me was that he was holding out both hands to me.

我和赫伯特遷移到河附近住處，位于寺廟區(qū)。一天晚上，他還在國外辦理業(yè)務(wù)，我獨自在家里看書。天氣惡劣，暴風(fēng)驟雨和潮濕，大街上泥濘不堪?？耧L(fēng)沖擊著河水震動整個樓房，大雨猛烈地擊打著窗戶。當(dāng)我在11點鐘合上書本時，聽到樓梯上有沉重的腳步聲。當(dāng)我拿著燈走到門口時，看到一個人正緩慢地上樓。他穿著一身粗制的衣服，他有一副褐色的臉，蓄著一頭灰色長發(fā)，大約60歲左右。不過，讓我真正吃驚的是他向我伸出雙手。

‘Can I help you?’I asked politely but coldly.

“我能幫你的忙嗎?”我有禮貌地但冷冰冰地說。

‘Ah!Yes，’he said，dropping his hands，‘yes，I'll explain.’He came into the sitting-room，where he looked round admiringly at my furniture and books.He held out his hands to me again，but I refused to take them.Then he sat down heavily in a chair，and rubbed his eyes with one rather dirty hand.

“啊，是呀，”他放下他的手說，“是的，我會解釋的。”他進到客廳，他羨慕地看看周圍的家具和書本，又向我伸出雙手，但被我拒絕。然后，他吃力地坐在椅子上，用一只很臟的手揩著眼睛。

‘You see，’he said，‘it's disappointing.Looked forward to this day for so long，I have.But it's not your fault.I'll explain.Is there anybody near who can hear us?’

“你明白，”他說，“讓我很失望。這一天我盼望了很久。不過，不會怪你的不友好相待，我會解釋的。旁邊沒有人能聽到我們談話吧?”

‘Why do you，a stranger，visiting me late at night，ask that question?’I asked.And then suddenly I knew who he was!In spite of the years that had passed，I was sure he was my convict! And when he held out his hands again，this time I took them.He raised my hands to his lips and kissed them.

“你為什么這樣做，一個陌生人，深更半夜到我屋里來，問這種問題?”我問道。這時，我突然認出了他是誰!盡管歲月流逝許多年，我確信他是我那個囚犯!他又伸出雙手，這一次我接過他的雙手，他把我的雙手捧到嘴邊接著吻了我的雙手。

‘You helped me all those years ago，Pip!Never forgotten it!’He seemed to want to put his arms around me，but I stopped him.

“很多年以前，你救過我，匹普!我從來不會忘記此事!”他好像要擁抱我，但是，我推開了他。

‘If you are grateful to me for what I did in my childhood，I hope you have improved your way of life now.It wasn't necessary to come here to thank me.But you must understand that.…’I stopped speaking as I noticed how strangely he was staring at me.

“如果你是感激我在童年時我所做的一切，我希望你現(xiàn)在改過自新，用不著來這里感謝我。但是，你必須明白……”當(dāng)我發(fā)現(xiàn)他很奇怪地正盯著我時，我停止了說話。

‘What must I understand?’he asked，his eyes fixed on me.

“我必須明白什么?”他說，眼睛緊緊盯著我。

‘That I don't wish to be your friend.You and I met once in the past，but now our lives are separate.Will you have a drink before you leave?’As I handed him a glass of rum，I noticed that his eyes were full of tears.‘I'm sorry if that sounds hard，’l added.‘I didn't mean it to be.Good luck in the future!’We drank together.‘How have you been living recently?’

“我不希望做你的朋友，我和你在過去相見過，但是，現(xiàn)在我們的生活是分開的。你走之前，要喝點東西嗎?”當(dāng)我遞給他一杯朗姆酒時，我發(fā)現(xiàn)他的眼睛盈滿了淚水。“如果我說得太刻薄，請原諒，”我補充說，“我說的沒有別的意思。祝你未來好運!”我們一起干杯，“你現(xiàn)在過得怎么樣啊?”

‘I was sent to Australia，you know，because I escaped from the prison-ship.After several years I finished my punishment， and so I was allowed to work for myself.I did every kind of job there.It was a hard life，but I made a lot of money.’

“我被發(fā)落到澳大利亞，你知道，因為我從船上監(jiān)獄逃跑。幾年以后，我刑滿釋放，因此，允許我為自己干活。在那兒，我什么活都干過，生活很艱苦，但我掙了很多錢。”

‘I'm glad to hear it，’I said.‘That reminds me，I must give you back the two pounds you sent me.I don't need it now.’And I handed him two new pound notes from my purse.Still watching me，he held them near the lamp until they caught fire.

“我聽了真高興，”我說，“這提醒了我。我必須把你送給我的兩英鎊錢還給你，我現(xiàn)在不需要它了。”接著我從錢袋里拿出兩張嶄新的英鎊鈔票遞給了他。他把鈔票拿到燈的附近，直到燒著，他仍然看著我。

‘May I ask，’he said，‘how you have done so well，since you and I met on those lonely marshes?’His eves were still fixed on mine，and I began to tremble.

“我問你，”他說，“自從我和你在那個寂寞的沼澤地相見后，你是怎么富起來的?”他的眼睛仍然盯著我的眼睛。我開始發(fā)抖。

‘I-I've been chosen to inherit a fortune，’I whispered.

“我——我被選中去繼承一筆財富，”我小聲地說。

‘Perhaps I can guess how much，’said the convict.‘Could it be，well，five hundred pounds a year?’I stood up，holding on to the back of my chair，my heart beating like a hammer.

“或許我多少能猜出來，”這個逃犯說，“可能是，唷，一年500英鎊?”我抓著椅背站起來，像揣了只小兔一樣，心怦怦地跳。

‘The agent who arranged it all，’he continued.‘was he perhaps a lawyer，name of Jaggers?’

“由監(jiān)護人安排的這一切，”他繼續(xù)說，“他或許是一名律師吧，叫賈格斯?”

Suddenly I realized the awful truth.I could not speak nor breathe，and fell on to the sofa.He brought his fierce old face close to mine，and bent over me.

我突然明白了這個可怕的真相。我啞口無言，喘不過氣來，癱倒在沙發(fā)上。他帶著可怕的老臉靠近我的臉伏在我上邊。

‘Yes，Pip，dear boy， I've made a gentleman of you!You see，I promised myself that all the money I earned out there in Australia should go to you!I'm your second father，Pip!I'm not a gentleman myself，and I didn't go to school，but I've got you，Pip!And look what a gentleman you are!And what books you've got! You'll read them to me，Pip!And I'll be proud of you even if I can't understand them!Didn't you ever think it could be me who was sending the money?’

“是啊，匹普，親愛的孩子，我把你培養(yǎng)為一名紳士!你明白，我向自己保證，把在澳大利亞掙來的錢，都將全部給你!我是你再生之父，匹普!我自己不是一個紳士，我沒有上過學(xué)。但是，我得到了你，匹普!瞧，你是一名紳士!你有這么多書!你將給我讀這些書，匹普!即使我對書本一竅不通，我也會為你感到自豪!你無論如何也想不到提供給你錢的竟是我吧?”

‘Oh no，no，no，’I replied.‘Never，never!Wasn't any-one else involved at all?’

“噢，不，不，不，”我回答說，“從來沒有想到，從來沒有想到!再沒有人知道此事吧?”

No，just me，and Jaggers，of course.Who else could there be?Dear boy，I kept myself going，you see，through all the hard work，just by thinking of you.And I promised myself I'd come back to England one day，and see my boy.’He laid his band on my shoulder.‘Now you must find a bed for me，’he added，‘and remember，not a word to anybody.I was sent away for life，and they'll hang me if they discover I've come back.’

“沒有，當(dāng)然，只有我和賈格斯，還能有誰呢?親愛的孩子，我堅持自己的信念，你明白，通過拼命地工作，就是想著你，我堅信總有一天會回到英國來，見見我的孩子。”他把手放在我的肩上，“現(xiàn)在，你必須給我找個睡覺的地方，”他補充著說，“并記住，不能把此事張揚出去，我是被終生發(fā)配在那兒，如果他們發(fā)現(xiàn)我已經(jīng)回來了，將會絞死我。”

My feelings were horribly confused.The man who had paid for my education and luxuries for years was risking his life to see me.I could not like him，in fact my whole body trembled with disgust when he touched me，but I had to protect him.

我的心情被攪得恐怖慌亂。多年來，一直給我支付用于教育和奢侈的這個人，冒著生命危險來看我。我不可能喜歡他，當(dāng)他碰我時，事實上我全身是由于厭惡而發(fā)抖。但是，我必須保護他。

He went to sleep in Herbert's room.After locking all the doors carefully，I sat weakly down by the fire and tried to make sense of my life.How foolish my dreams had been! Miss Havisham had never intended to make me rich，or let me marry Estella.But there was something worse than that.It was for this convict，who could be caught and hanged at any moment，that I had deserted Joe.I could never，never，never forgive myself for that.

他到赫伯特的房間去睡覺，我小心地把所有的門緊鎖牢后，癱軟地坐在火爐旁，竭力地思考我的人生。我的夢想多么愚蠢!郝薇香小姐從來沒有打算讓我富有，也沒有打算讓我和艾絲黛拉結(jié)婚。但是，有些比這個更糟糕的事情，就是這個逃犯，他隨時都會被抓到處以絞刑。還有，我已經(jīng)拋棄了喬，為這一點我從來不能，從來不能，從來不能原諒自己。