作為一個(gè)剛剛走出校園的大學(xué)畢業(yè)生,我開(kāi)始適應(yīng)成年人的生活——我找到一份工作,找了一個(gè)住的地方,努力試著平衡社交生活和朝九晚五的新職責(zé)。一切都依計(jì)劃進(jìn)行著,直到有一天戛然而止。我突然因?yàn)榘┌Y失去了父親,從那時(shí)起,好像一切都不會(huì)再好起來(lái)了。
I second-guessed all of my choices and simultaneously assumed that everyone else had it all figured out. I counted the ways I felt cheated: My grief felt crippling; my job started to lose its luster; I didn't have the bank account I wanted; I didn't like the way I felt on the inside, which translated to how I felt about how I looked and how I acted. I was cranky... a lot. I was tired of seeing friends accelerating into adult life while each day felt like a challenge I had to overcome. I was sad from top to bottom and from the inside out — until I heard a quote that quite literally changed my life.
我重新審視了自己所有的選擇,與此同時(shí)感覺(jué)其他人好像都過(guò)得清楚明白。我歷數(shù)自己感覺(jué)自欺的地方:我的悲傷愈演愈烈;工作開(kāi)始失去光彩;我還沒(méi)有存下自己想要的錢(qián);我不喜歡內(nèi)心的感覺(jué),也就是說(shuō)我不喜歡自己的樣子、自己的處事方式。我崩潰了……非常嚴(yán)重。我厭倦了去見(jiàn)那些加速奔向成年生活的朋友們,每天都好像是不得不克服的挑戰(zhàn)。我從上到下、從里到外都浸著悲傷——直到有一天我聽(tīng)到一句格言,才真正改變了我的生活。
"If you can't change a situation, change your mind."
“如果你無(wú)法改變環(huán)境,那么就改變心境。”
I was in the middle of a yoga class, and it felt like the teacher was speaking directly to me. I can't remember which pose I was in, the song that was playing or the day of the week, but I do remember feeling his words reverberate in my bones. It was a wake up call, and I chose to listen.
我當(dāng)時(shí)正在上瑜伽課,這句話就好像是老師直接對(duì)我說(shuō)的。我不記得當(dāng)時(shí)正在做什么姿勢(shì)、房間里播放著什么樣的音樂(lè)、那天是星期幾,但我清楚地記得感覺(jué)他的話在我的骨髓里久久回響。那是將我喚醒的聲音,而我選擇了聆聽(tīng)。
Grief is real. And the things dragging me down were mostly out of my control, but my attitude was something only I could manage. So I started over. I fiercely protected my attitude and reactions to situations the way a mother bear might care for her cub. I had always been such a happy person and I wanted to be that person again.
悲傷是真實(shí)的,那些將我拖下去的事務(wù)也多半是無(wú)法掌控的,但我的態(tài)度是我唯一可以控制的東西。所以我讓一切重新開(kāi)始。我?jiàn)^力地保護(hù)著我對(duì)外界環(huán)境的態(tài)度和反應(yīng),就像一只熊媽媽保護(hù)幼崽那樣。我曾經(jīng)是一個(gè)那么快樂(lè)的人,我希望能再次成為那個(gè)人。
I wrote the quote down on post-it notes and stuck them everywhere: on my bedroom mirror, across the back of my phone case and even on my laptop keyboard. I doodled it on my to-do lists and wrote it in my journal. I repeated it to myself constantly. I wanted to feel better, and now I had a plan. Timing is everything. If I wasn't ready, the best advice of my life might have fallen on deaf ears. But I wanted so badly to feel better.
我把這句格言寫(xiě)在便利貼上,貼在所有的地方:臥室鏡子上、手機(jī)殼背面,甚至是筆記本電腦鍵盤(pán)上。我把它涂寫(xiě)在待辦事項(xiàng)清單上,把它寫(xiě)進(jìn)日記里。我不斷地對(duì)自己重復(fù)這句話。我希望感覺(jué)好一些,而現(xiàn)在我已經(jīng)有了一個(gè)計(jì)劃。時(shí)機(jī)就是一切。如果我沒(méi)有做好準(zhǔn)備,就很可能會(huì)對(duì)這句最好的人生建議充耳不聞,但我是那么渴望感覺(jué)好起來(lái)。
Slowly, I formed a new habit. "If you can't change a situation, change your mind" became my go-to response for everything from a claustrophobic subway car to a terrible date to a disagreement with a friend. Of course there were days when I felt awful despite my best efforts. And there are still moments when negativity gets the best of me.
慢慢地,我形成了一個(gè)新的習(xí)慣。“如果你無(wú)法改變環(huán)境,那么就改變心境”成了我遇事的第一反應(yīng),從幽閉的地鐵到糟糕的約會(huì)再到朋友間的齟齬。當(dāng)然,有些日子盡管盡了最大努力,仍然感覺(jué)很糟,有時(shí)候消極思想還是會(huì)占據(jù)上風(fēng)。
But I made a promise to myself to wake up every day and try. Feeling angry and upset won't change anything about so many situations I found myself in — in fact, it usually made things worse. Changing something I could control, like my mind, made all the difference.
但我向自己承諾每天都要起床奮斗。感到憤怒和不安并不能讓我所處的環(huán)境出現(xiàn)任何改變——事實(shí)上,這樣做常常會(huì)讓事情變得更糟。而改變我可以掌控的東西,比如改變心境,卻能讓一切發(fā)生變化。