Art and Life
My parents owned six books between them. Two of those were Bibles and the third was a concordance to the Old and New Testaments. The fourth was The House At Pooh Corner. The fifth,The Chatterbox Annual 1923 and the sixth, Malory’s Morte d’Artliur.
I found it necessary to smuggle books in and of the house and I cannot claim too much for the provision of an outside toilet when there is no room of one’s own. It was on the toilet that I first read Freud and D. H. Lawrence, and perhaps that was the best place, after all. We kept a rubber torch hung on the cistern, and I had to divide my money from a Saturday job, between buying books and buying batteries. My mother knew exactly how long her Ever Readys would last if used only to illuminate the hap that separated the toilet paper from its .
Once I had tucked the book back down my knickers to get it indoors again, I find somewhere to hide it, and anyone with a single bed, standard size, and paperbacks, standard size, will discover that seventy seven can be accommodated per layer under the mattress. But as my collection grew, I began to worry that my mother might notice that her daughter’s bed was rising visibly. One day she did. She burned everything.
I had been brought up to memorize very long Bible passages, and when I left home and was supporting myself so that I could continue my education, I fought off loneliness and fear by reciting. In the funeral parlor I whispered Donne to the embalming fluids and Marvell to the corpses. Later, I found that Tennyson’ s ‘Lady of Shalott’ had a soothing, because rhythmic, effect on the mentally disturbed. Among the disturbed I numbered myself at that time.
The healing power of art is not a rhetorical fantasy. Fighting to keep language, language became my sanity and my strength. It still is, and I know of no pain that art cannot assuage. For some, music, for some, pictures, for me, primarily, poetry, whether found in poems or in prose, cuts through noise and hurt, opens the wound to clean it, and then gradually teaches it to heal itself. Wounds need to be taught to heal themselves.
The psyche and the spirit do not share the instinct of damaged body. Healing is automatically triggered nor is danger usually avoided. Since we put ourselves in the way of hurt it seems logical to put ourselves in the way of healing. Art has more work to do than ever before but it can do that work. In a self-destructive society like our own, it is unsurprising that art as a healing force is despised.
For myself, when I returned to my to my borrowed room night after night, and there were my books, I felt relief and exuberance, not hardship and exhaustion. I intended to avoid the fate of Jude the Obscure, although a reading of that book was a useful warning. What I wanted did not belong to me by right and whilst it could not be refused tome in quite same way, we still have subtle punishments for anyone who insists on what they are and what they want. Walled inside the little space marked out for by family and class, it was the limitless world of imagination that it possible for me to scale the sheer face of other people’s assumptions. Inside books there is perfect space and it is that space which allows the reader to escape from the problems of gravity.
By Jeanette Winterson
藝術(shù)與生命
我父母兩人共有六本書(shū)。其中兩本是圣經(jīng)、第三本是新舊約用語(yǔ)索引、第四本是《噗噗熊街角的屋子》(The House at Pooh Corner)、第五本是《1923年話匣子年鑒》(The Chatterbox 1923 Annual),而第六本是馬洛禮(Malory)的《阿瑟王之死》(Mortd’Arthur)。
我發(fā)現(xiàn)有必要把書(shū)偷運(yùn)進(jìn)出家里,而且沒(méi)有屬于自己的房間時(shí),對(duì)于于屋外廁所的供應(yīng)品,我不能要求太多。我第一次讀到弗洛依德和D. H. 勞倫斯,是坐在馬桶上的,而或許,那終究是最佳之處。我們?cè)隈R桶水箱上懸吊了一個(gè)橡膠手電筒,而我必須將周六那份工作賺來(lái)的錢(qián),平分花在買(mǎi)書(shū)和買(mǎi)電池上面。我母親清楚知道,她那些永備牌電池,如果光是用來(lái)照明區(qū)分衛(wèi)生紙和其功能的空隙,可以維持多久。
有一回我又把書(shū)塞在內(nèi)褲里,好帶進(jìn)屋里。我必須找個(gè)地方把書(shū)藏起來(lái),而任何人,若擁有一張單人床,標(biāo)準(zhǔn)尺寸的,以及平裝書(shū)籍,標(biāo)準(zhǔn)尺寸的,就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn),床墊底下每一層可容納七十七本??墒钱?dāng)我的收集品增加時(shí),便開(kāi)始擔(dān)心母親會(huì)注意到,用眼睛就看得出女兒的床正逐漸升高。有一天她真的發(fā)現(xiàn)了。她全給燒了…。
……我成長(zhǎng)過(guò)程中,必須背下很長(zhǎng)的圣經(jīng)段落。到我離開(kāi)家庭,自己賺錢(qián)以便繼續(xù)求學(xué)時(shí),便靠背誦來(lái)抵擋寂寞和恐懼。在殯儀館里,我稍稍對(duì)著防腐香料液念約翰 ?多恩(Donne)、對(duì)著尸體念安德魯?馬維爾(Marvel)。后來(lái),我發(fā)現(xiàn)丁尼生(Tennyson)的〈夏洛特〉(“Lady of Shalott”),因?yàn)橛泄?jié)焰感,對(duì)于心智失衡者具有一種安撫作用。在那個(gè)時(shí)候我把自己也算在失衡者之列。
藝術(shù)的療愈力量并非夸大其詞的幻想。我?jiàn)^力留住語(yǔ)言,語(yǔ)言因而讓我心智正常,具有力量。到現(xiàn)在仍是如此,而且我所知道的痛苦,無(wú)一不透過(guò)藝術(shù)而得到舒緩。對(duì)某此人來(lái)說(shuō),是音樂(lè),另一些人,是繪畫(huà),對(duì)我來(lái)說(shuō),是主要的是,不論出現(xiàn)在詩(shī)歌或散文中,詩(shī)能夠切穿嘈雜和傷痛,將傷口打開(kāi)以清理之,然后逐漸教導(dǎo)它自我療愈。
心靈和精神不像受損了的身體具有一種本能。療愈不會(huì)自動(dòng)給引發(fā),而危險(xiǎn)也通常無(wú)以避免。既然我們會(huì)讓自己受傷,那么讓自己得到療愈也是合乎邏輯的。比起以往任何時(shí)候,藝術(shù)要做更多的工作,但是這份工作它是做得來(lái)的。像我們這樣一個(gè)自我毀滅的社會(huì)里,藝術(shù)之為一種療愈的力量,會(huì)受到鄙視,并不令人感到訝異。
對(duì)我自己而言,夜復(fù)一夜回到借來(lái)的房里時(shí),我感到放心且滿溢,而非困苦和疲憊,我意圖避免《無(wú)名裘德》(Jude the Obscure)的命運(yùn),雖然閱讀那本書(shū)是很有用的警告。我所想要的,并不理當(dāng)屬于我,而雖然它也不能以完全同樣的方式拒我于外,但是任何人若堅(jiān)持要做某種人或是想要某些東西,我們?nèi)匀粫?huì)給他很微妙的懲罰。當(dāng)我被關(guān)在家庭和階級(jí)為我所劃定的小小空間里,是想象力那片無(wú)限的天地,讓我得以刮除他人那些假設(shè)的表層。書(shū)中自有完美的空間,就是這個(gè)空間,讓讀者能夠逃避地心引力的諸般問(wèn)題。
詹涅特.溫特森 著