自考英語綜合一 上冊 lesson10
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The Joker(I)
It was a very happy funeral,a great success.
Even the sun shone that day for the late Henry Ground.
Lying in his coffin,he was probably enjoying himself,too.
Once more,and for the last time on this earth,he was the centre of attention
Yes,it was a very jolly affair.
People laughed and told each other jokes.
Relatives who had not spoken for years smiled at each other
and promised to stay in touch.
And,of course,everyone had a favourite story to tell about Henry.
"Do you remember the time he dressed up as a pypsy
and went from door to door telling people's fortunes?
He actually made 6 pounds in an afternoon!
"I was once having dinner with him in an expensive restaurant.
When the wine-waiter brought the wine,
he poured a drop into Henry's glass
and waited with a proud expression on his face,
as if to say'Taste it,you peasant.
It's clear that you know nothing about wine.
So Henry,instead of tasting it,the way any normal person would do,
dipped his thumb and forefinger into the wine.
Then he put his hand to his ear and rolled his forefinger and thumb together
as if he were listening to the quality of the wine!
Then he nodded to the wine-waiter seriously,as if to say'Yes,that's fine.
You may serve it.'
You should have seen the wine-waiter's face!
and how Henry managed to keep a straight face,I'll never know!"
"Did you hear about the practical joke he played when he was a student,
the one with the road menders?
Some workmen were digging a hole in the road.
First,Henry phoned the police
and told them that some students were digging a hole in the road,
and that he didn't think it was a very funny thing to do.
Then he went to the workmen
and told them that some students had dressed up as policemen
and were coming to tell them to stop digging the hole!
Well,you can imagine what happened!
Yes,old Henry loved to pull people's legs.
Once,when he was invited to an exhibition
of some abstract modern painter's latest work,
he managed somehow to get in the day before
and turn all the painting upside down.
The exhibition ran for four days before anyone noticed!
His father,poor man,could never understand why Henry did such crazy things
It's hard to believe that Henry was a Ground
when you think how different he was from his brothers.
Yes,it was difficult to believe that he was a Ground.
He was born into an unimportant but well-to-do family.
He was the youngest of five sons.
The Grounds were a handsome lot;blue-eyed,fair-haired,clever and ambitious.
The four older boys all made a success of their lives.
They married beautiful girls of good family,
and produced children as fair and handsome and clever as themselves.
The eldest became a clergyman;
the second ended up as the headmaster of a famous public school;
the third went into business and became rich;
the fourth followed in his father's footsteps and became a lawyer.
That is why everybody was amazed when the youngest Ground,Henry
turned out to be a lazy good-for-nothing.
Unlike his brothers,he had brown eyes and dark hair,
but he was every bit as handsome and charming,which made him quite a lady-killer
And,although he never married,
there is no doubt at all that Henry Ground loved women.
He also loved eating,drinking,laughing,talking
and a thousand other activities which don't make money or improve the human life
One of his favourite pastimes was doing nothing.
His idea of an energetic afternoon
when the sun was shining was to sit under a tree,
with a pretty girl by his side,
and all the time in the world to talk of this and that,
to count the blades of grass.
What a worthless fellow!
Some people whispered that his real father was not the present Mr.Ground at all
but a wild gypsy who had come one day to the house
and had swept Mrs.Ground off her feet
with his dancing black eyes and his wicked immoral ways.
It was a good story,interesting and romantic,but surely untrue.
One thing was sure;
you couldn't help liking Henry Ground and his talent for making you laugh.
Henry Ground was,above all else,a joker.
