幸福是一種態(tài)度 28-Aunt Dolly's Hat 多莉姨媽的帽子

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Three things I was sure of as a child: My family loved me. The sun would come up tomorrow. I had a wonderful voice.

I figured that was unquestionably true because I participated at the top of my lungs in all the family sing-alongs, and no one ever stopped me. So I was delighted when my second-grade teacher announced her plans for a musical pageant at Christmas.

"Singing," said Sister Kathleen to our class, "is one of the most important ways you can tell God how much you love him." She said she would cast singers according to ability. All 26 of us students raised our hands in eager anticipation.

"Those who feel confident about a solo role, form a line to the right of the piano," Sister said. "If you feel more comfortable as a chorus member, stand to the left."

I was first on the solo line before Sister reached the piano. She showed me a list of tunes, and I picked a family favorite, "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling." Sister played, and I sang with all the emotion a seven-year-old could muster. "Thank you, Jacquelyn," Sister said, interrupting. "Next, please." I'd barely sung a dozen lines. Some of the kids snickered as I returned to my seat. What had I done wrong?

One by one the solo roles were filled. The rest of us were put into the chorus audition line. Sister listened to each student, then arranged us into small groups of similar voices. I was left alone.

While the other children studied their music, Sister Kathleen motioned me to her desk. She looked kindly at me.

"Jacquelyn, have you heard the expression tone-deaf?"

I shook my head.

"It means what you think you are singing is different from the music." Sister patted my hand. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, dear. You will still be in the pageant. You will be a lip-syncher. You may mouth the words, but no sound must be uttered. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I understood, all right. I was so ashamed, I didn't go home after school. I took the bus straight to Aunt Dolly's house. She had an answer for everything.

Independently single in an era when most women wed, she'd gone on safari, shook hands with President Eisenhower, kissed Clark Gable on the cheek, and planned to visit every country in the world. More than anyone else, she would understand that my world had been turned upside down by this terrible revelation.

Aunt Dolly served me cookies and milk. "What will I do?" I sobbed. "If I don't sing, God will think I don't love him."

Aunt Dolly dunked her cookie in my milk. She drummed her fingers on the kitchen table as her brow creased in thought. Finally her eyes grew wide. "I've got it!" she said. "I will wear my hat!"

Her hat? How can a hat help me with being tone-deaf? Aunt Dolly leveled her brown eyes on my face. Her voice dropped. "Jacquelyn, I'm about to reveal a bit of secret information about angels, but first you must swear that you will never tell a soul."

"I swear," I whispered.

Aunt Dolly took my hand in hers. "When I was in Rome, praying in St. Peter's," she said, "I overheard a conversation in the next pew. It seems that other tone-deaf people also have concerns about God not understanding their silence in song. They were told, in the strictest confidence, of course, that a simple piece of aluminum foil is the answer."

"I don't understand."

"You mouth the words," she said. "Your silent words reflect off the foil. Angels capture the words and put them in special pouches they carry up to God."

As fantastic as it seemed, I could picture angels doing this. Absolute faith shone in Aunt Dolly's face. I knew she could see the angels too.

"The result," she said, "is that God hears your beautiful voice, singing in his praise along with your classmates."

"Where will I hide the foil?"

"My hat!" said Aunt Dolly. "I'll hide it in my hat. I'll sit in the front row. As for Sister Kathleen and your parents? Not a single word to them."

My entire family attended the pageant. I gave what Aunt Dolly called "an Oscar-winning performance." With my eyes firmly on her hat, the fact that none present could hear my voice didn't matter. My silent singing was for God's ears alone.

Four years ago Aunt Dolly died at the age of 90. When the nieces and nephews gathered to reminisce about her, we discovered something many of us had in common. Her angelic hat.

A stutterer made it through a dreaded speech by concentrating on the hat. The family klutz didn't knock anyone over during his high school commencement march because he kept his eyes glued to the hat. Even the most timid of us took part in school plays, spelling bees and talent shows because Aunt Dolly sat in the front row wearing her hat.

Her surefire faith that God's angels are here to help us overcome life's stumbling blocks enabled us kids to do things we thought were impossible.

Even now at times, when my world is turned upside down, I think of Aunt Dolly and remember that my childhood beliefs still hold true. My family loves me. The sun will come up tomorrow. And for one unforgettable Christmas pageant, I had a wonderful voice. I guess just about anything is possible when angels are on our side.

當(dāng)我還是小孩子時(shí)，曾對(duì)三件事情篤信不疑：我的家人都愛我；太陽每天早上都會(huì)升起；我的嗓音很美妙。對(duì)最后一點(diǎn)我尤其有把握。因?yàn)槊慨?dāng)全家一起唱歌時(shí)，我都會(huì)扯著嗓門大喊，從來沒有人阻止過我。所以當(dāng)我的二年級(jí)老師凱瑟琳嬤嬤宣布她要為在圣誕節(jié)當(dāng)天舉行的一場演唱會(huì)挑選獨(dú)唱演員時(shí)，我別提有多高興了。輪到我了，嬤嬤開始彈琴，我則以一個(gè)7歲女孩兒所能展示的最豐富的感情開始演唱。可沒唱幾句就被嬤嬤打斷了：“謝謝你，下一位。”

當(dāng)我回到座位上時(shí)，看到有些同學(xué)在竊笑。難道我做錯(cuò)什么事了嗎?

獨(dú)唱的名額很快就招滿了。當(dāng)其他同學(xué)開始熟悉歌譜時(shí)，嬤嬤把我叫到她的桌前，溫和地看著我。“杰奎琳，你聽說過‘音盲’這個(gè)詞嗎?”

我搖了搖頭。“就是說你發(fā)出來的聲音與你自己想像的不一樣，”她拉著我的手說。“這沒什么值得害羞的，親愛的。你仍然可以參加合唱隊(duì)。在演唱時(shí)，你做出發(fā)音的口型就可以了，但不要發(fā)聲。你明白我的意思嗎?”

“我明白。”我是如此羞愧，以至于放學(xué)后我沒有回家，而是直接坐公共汽車來到了多莉姑姑家。在我眼里，沒有什么事情能夠難得倒她。在那個(gè)大多數(shù)女性都要嫁人的年代里，她勇敢地選擇獨(dú)身生活。她還參加過狩獵遠(yuǎn)征隊(duì)，和艾森豪威爾總統(tǒng)握過手，吻過克拉克·蓋博(好萊塢著名男影星)的臉，并打算環(huán)游整個(gè)世界。她能理解我的世界是如何被這個(gè)可怕的發(fā)現(xiàn)搞得翻了天。

多莉姑姑給我端來餅干和牛奶。“我該怎么辦?”我抽泣著說，“如果我不能唱歌，上帝會(huì)以為我不愛他的。”

多莉姑姑的手指在桌上敲著，眉頭皺在一起。最后她眼睛一亮，“有辦法了！我將帽子戴上！”

帽子?它能幫我解決“音盲”這個(gè)大問題嗎?她那棕色的眼睛盯著我，聲音忽然降了下來。

“杰奎琳，我得透露一點(diǎn)兒天使的秘密，但首先你得發(fā)誓不會(huì)告訴任何人。”“我發(fā)誓。”我低聲說。

多莉姑姑抓著我的手說：“當(dāng)我在羅馬圣彼得教堂祈禱時(shí)，曾聽到旁邊座位上一個(gè)人講話。他也是個(gè)音盲，也擔(dān)心上帝聽不到他的歌聲。那里的牧師悄悄告訴他，一小塊鋁箔就可以解決這個(gè)問題。”

“我不明白。”

“你在嘴里默默地念出歌詞，它們會(huì)通過鋁箔反射，天使就能捕捉到這些聲音，把它們放到特制的袋子里，然后送給上帝。這樣上帝就能聽到你和同學(xué)們一起唱贊美詩的美妙聲音了。”

雖然聽起來有些玄妙，但我相信萬能的天使還是能夠做到這一點(diǎn)的。況且多莉姑姑表情嚴(yán)肅，她是不會(huì)欺騙我的。

“那我把鋁箔藏在哪兒呢?”

“藏在我的帽子里，”多莉姑姑說。“我會(huì)坐在演唱會(huì)的前排。不要對(duì)凱瑟琳嬤嬤和你的父母泄漏一個(gè)字。”

圣誕節(jié)那天，全家都去觀看我的表演。我緊緊盯著她的帽子，根本不去考慮在場的人能否聽到我的聲音，我沉默的歌聲是唱給上帝一個(gè)人聽的。演出非常成功，多莉姑姑夸我的表演具有“奧斯卡水準(zhǔn)”。

4年前多莉姑姑去世了，享年90歲。葬禮結(jié)束后，我們晚輩聚在一起，追憶這位令人尊敬的姑媽。我們吃驚地發(fā)現(xiàn)，她的“天使帽子”曾幫過我們許多人。一個(gè)口吃的外甥盯著她的帽子，完成了自己首次登臺(tái)演講；一個(gè)膽小的侄女勇敢地參加學(xué)校戲劇演出，并在拼寫比賽和天才競賽中獲獎(jiǎng)。就因?yàn)槎嗬蚬霉么髦弊幼谇芭牛屛覀兿嘈盘焓咕驮谖覀兩磉?，幫我們完成了許多自以為不可能完成的任務(wù)。

即使到了現(xiàn)在，當(dāng)我在生活中遇到挫折時(shí)，還會(huì)想起多莉姑姑和她的“天使帽子”。我童年時(shí)的信仰仍然沒有改變：我的家人都愛我；太陽每天早上都會(huì)升起；在那個(gè)難忘的圣誕節(jié)表演中，我擁有最美妙的聲音。

她讓我們相信天使就在身邊，讓我們對(duì)自己充滿自信。