雙語暢銷書·怦然心動 Chapter 10　探視

Chapter 10

探視

星期天的早晨，家里總是一片祥和。爸爸在睡懶覺，媽媽享受著不做早飯的輕松。如果哥哥們不在外面和樂隊一起練習，直到中午你都不會感受到他們的存在。

我通常會在別人睡覺的時候，踮起腳尖溜到院子里撿雞蛋，然后倒上一碗麥片，回房間坐到床上邊吃邊看書。

不過，這個星期天例外——經(jīng)歷了幾乎一整夜的沮喪和不安——我醒來后只想做點運動，用來趕走盤踞在心中的困惑。

我真正想做的是高高地爬上我的無花果樹，但我最終滿足于給院子澆水，這讓我有時間思考。我擰開水龍頭，反復地澆灌著泥土，欣慰地看到它們是多么黝黑肥沃。我在心里忙著跟播在土里的草籽說話，引誘它們快快發(fā)芽，好迎接初升的太陽。這時，爸爸從屋里走出來。

他剛剛洗過澡，頭發(fā)濕漉漉的，手里捏著團成一團的雜貨袋?！鞍职?！對不起，我把你吵醒了?！?/p>

“你沒吵醒我，親愛的。我已經(jīng)起來一會兒了。”

“你不是要去上班吧？”

“不，我……”他盯著我看了一會兒，然后說道，“我去探視戴維?！?/p>

“戴維叔叔？”

他朝卡車走去：“是的。我……我中午之前回來。”

“但是爸爸，為什么今天去看他？今天是星期天?！?/p>

“我知道，親愛的，可今天是個特殊的星期天?！?/p>

我關上水龍頭：“為什么特殊？”

“今天是他的四十歲生日。我想去看看他，送他一件禮物。”他拿出一個紙袋，“別擔心，我會帶些薄餅回來當午飯，好嗎？”

“我跟你一起去?！蔽野阉苋拥揭贿?。我甚至連衣服都沒換——只穿著運動服和球鞋，連襪子都沒穿——但我根本沒有猶豫，我一定要去。

“你不愿意待在家里，和媽媽一起度過一個愉快的上午嗎？她肯定——”

我走到副駕駛座旁邊，說：“我要去。”然后爬進去，把門關好。

“可是——”他透過駕駛座的門對我說。

“我要去，爸爸?！?/p>

他端詳著我。片刻，他說：“好吧，”然后把紙袋放在后座，“我給你媽媽留張便條?！?/p>

他進屋去了，我系上安全帶，告訴自己這是個好主意。我?guī)啄昵熬蛻撨@么做。戴維叔叔是我家的一分子，是爸爸的一部分，也是我的一部分，這正是我了解他的好機會。

我端詳著身邊的紙袋。爸爸給他弟弟帶去了什么東西作為四十歲生日禮物？

我把它拿起來。不是畫——比畫輕很多。當我搖晃它的時候，發(fā)出一種奇怪的、輕柔的咔嗒聲。

我剛想偷偷掀起一角往里看，爸爸就從門口走過來了。我放下紙袋坐好，他坐進駕駛座，我問他：“你不介意我去吧？”

他看著我，沒有說話，手里的鑰匙停在打火的位置。

“我……我希望不會破壞掉你和他在一起的時光。”

他發(fā)動車子：“不會的，寶貝。你跟我一起去，我很高興。”

去往格林海文的路上，我們沒怎么說話。他似乎想看看風景，而我，好吧，我有很多問題，但哪個也不想問出口。不過，坐在爸爸車里的感覺真好。沉默比交談更緊地把我們聯(lián)系在一起。

到了格林海文，爸爸停下車，但我們沒有馬上下去。

“你需要適應這里，朱莉安娜，但你會喜歡上這里的。你會喜歡上他們，他們都是很好的人。”

我點點頭，但有種奇怪的恐懼感。

“來吧，”他從座位上拿起紙袋，“我們進去吧?！?/p>

對我來說，格林海文不像個醫(yī)院，但也不怎么像個家。它是個長長的、方方正正的建筑。走廊遮著一層湖綠色的遮陽棚，沿途的花圃里是剛剛種下的三色堇，還掛著泥土，有點歪歪斜斜的。

草坪有些斑駁，鄰近建筑物的地方挖了三個深深的洞。

“這里的住戶負責照料花園，”爸爸解釋說，“這是他們康復訓練的一部分，對治療有幫助。這些洞將要用來種植桃子、李子和梨?！?/p>

“果樹？”

“是的。為了投票，他們爭得不亦樂乎?！?/p>

“在這些……住戶當中投票？”

“沒錯，”他推開一扇玻璃門，說道，“進來吧?！?/p>

屋里很涼爽，聞起來有清潔劑的松木味和漂白劑的氣味，還隱隱透出某種曖昧的辛辣味道。

沒有接待臺或是等待區(qū)，我們直接走到一處巨大的十字路口，有著白色的墻壁和窄窄的木頭長凳。左邊是一間擺著電視機和幾排塑料椅子的大房間，右邊是幾間開著門的辦公室，我們身邊放著兩個松木衣櫥。其中一個開著門，里面整齊地掛著半打灰色運動服。

“早上好，羅伯特！”一間辦公室里傳來一個女人的聲音。

“早上好，喬西?！卑职只卮鸬馈?/p>

她從屋子里走向我們倆，說：“戴維已經(jīng)起床了。大概六點鐘就起來了，梅布爾告訴我今天是他的生日?！?/p>

“梅布爾說得對。”他轉身對我笑了笑，“喬西，我想向你介紹我的女兒，朱莉安娜。朱莉安娜，這位是喬西·格倫馬克?！?/p>

“哦，太好了，”喬西牽起我的手，“我在戴維的相冊里見過你的照片。你快要讀高中了，對不對？”

我驚訝地看著她，再看看爸爸。我完全沒想到會是這樣，不過我能看出他確實向她提起過我?！笆堑?，我想……是的?！?/p>

“喬西是這兒的管理員?！?/p>

“以及，”喬西笑著補充道，“我還沒有從這里畢業(yè)！在這兒待了十七年啦，恐怕還會再待下去?！彪娫掆忢懥?，她匆匆地跑去接，“知道了，一會兒見。檢查娛樂室，再查查他的房間。你肯定能找到他?！?/p>

爸爸帶我轉過一個彎，沿著走廊走得越深，那種隱蔽的辛辣味道來得就越濃烈。這地方就像是長年累月沒人打掃的小便池。

走廊的盡頭，一個小個子蜷縮在輪椅里。一開始我以為那是個孩子，走近一點兒，我發(fā)現(xiàn)那是個女人。

她的頭發(fā)幾乎掉光了，她張開沒牙的嘴，對爸爸笑了笑，拉過他的手開始說話。

我的心沉到谷底。她發(fā)出的聲音就像喉嚨被堵住一樣，消失在舌頭上。她說的話我一句也聽不懂，而她那么熱切地盯著爸爸——好像他肯定能理解她說的話。

出乎我的意料，爸爸說：“你說得完全正確，梅布爾。就是今天，所以我來了?！彼崞痣s貨袋，低聲說，“我給他帶了一點兒小禮物?！?/p>

“嗯——哇哇，”她說，“你怎么知道的？”

她沖爸爸發(fā)出咯咯的聲音，直到他輕輕地拍著她的手說：“我想是一種強烈的預感吧。他喜歡過生日，而且——”他看到她正在注視著我。

“呼哈?！彼f。

“這是我女兒，朱莉安娜。朱莉安娜，來認識一下非凡的梅布爾小姐。她能記住每個人的生日，而且狂熱地喜愛草莓奶昔?！?/p>

我努力擠出一個微笑，低聲說“很高興認識你”，但只換來一張充滿懷疑的、面帶愁容的臉。

“好吧，我們去找戴維了?！卑职终f，然后拿起袋子晃了晃，“假如他來找你，千萬別泄密哦。”

我跟著爸爸走向臥室，他在門口停下來喊道：“戴維？戴維，我是羅伯特。”

一個男人出現(xiàn)在門口。我無論如何也看不出他是爸爸的兄弟。他身材健壯，戴著一副厚厚的棕色眼鏡，他的臉看上去蒼白而腫脹?？墒撬斐鲭p手抱住爸爸，并且喊道：“烏巴德！喲吼！”

“是的，是我，弟弟?！?/p>

我跟著他們走進房間，看到墻上掛滿了拼圖。它們是直接貼在墻壁上的，甚至延伸到天花板上！房間看上去舒適而愜意，充滿情趣。我覺得自己仿佛置身于一個用絎縫被搭成的洞穴。

爸爸伸直手臂扶著他的弟弟，說道：“看看我?guī)дl來了！”

有那么一瞬間，戴維看起來幾乎嚇壞了，可是爸爸接著說：“這是我的女兒，朱莉安娜?！?/p>

戴維的臉上忽然綻開了笑容，“朱——維——安——娜！”他喊著，然后抓住我，給了我一個擁抱。

我覺得自己快要窒息了。我的臉被埋住，他緊緊地摟著我，把空氣都擠走了，還左右搖晃著。然后，他傻笑著松開我，跌進一把椅子：“這是窩——的——身——日！”

“我知道，戴維叔叔。生日快樂！”

他又咯咯地笑了：“歇——歇——你！”

“我們給你帶來了禮物?！闭f著，爸爸打開紙袋。

在他拆開禮物之前，在我看到禮物實際的尺寸之前，我想起在車里搖晃它的聲音。當然！我心想。那是一幅拼圖。

戴維叔叔也猜到了：“一幅賓——圖？”

“不只是拼圖，”爸爸把禮物從袋子里拿出來，“一幅拼圖，還有一個風車?！?/p>

爸爸在拼圖盒子外面包了一張漂亮的藍色包裝紙，還用一個蝴蝶結把紅黃相間的風車固定在盒子上。戴維叔叔一把扯下風車，開始朝它吹氣。先是輕輕地吹，然后使勁地吹起來，噴出許多口水?！俺取O！”他邊吹邊喊，“橙——設！”

爸爸溫柔地從他手里拿過風車，笑了：“紅色和黃色加在一起是橙色，對不對？”

戴維試圖把風車搶回去，但是爸爸說：“我們一會兒帶著它到外面去，風會替你吹動它。”并把拼圖放回他手里。

包裝紙被撕成碎片扔在地上，我湊近去看爸爸給他買了什么拼圖，結果驚得倒抽一口涼氣。三千塊！圖案只是簡單的白云和藍天。沒有陰影，沒有樹木——除了白云和藍天什么都沒有。

爸爸指著天花板中心的一點：“我想它正好適合那里?！?/p>

戴維叔叔向上看去，點點頭，然后撲向他的風車，說道：“外——面？”

“沒問題。我們去散步吧。你想去麥克艾略特那里吃個生日冰激凌嗎？”

戴維叔叔把頭上下晃動著：“好！”

我們在喬西那里登了記，然后走到大街上。戴維走得不快，因為他的身體似乎更希望向內伸展，而不是向前進。他有內八字，還駝著背，我們走路的時候，他幾乎是重重地壓在爸爸身上。

但他堅持把風車放在胸前，看著它旋轉，時不時喊著：“橙——設，橙——設?！?/p>

麥克艾略特是個賣冰激凌的雜貨鋪。冰激凌柜臺上支起紅白條紋的遮陽棚，還放著幾張白色的桌椅，貼著紅白條紋的壁紙?？瓷先シ浅Ｓ泄?jié)日色彩，尤其是放在雜貨鋪這個環(huán)境下。

爸爸給我們每人要了一個蛋筒，我們坐下之后，爸爸和戴維聊了兩句，但是大多數(shù)時間戴維一心想著他的巧克力軟糖口味的冰激凌。爸爸不時沖我露出微笑，我也笑了，但我仿佛和他隔了很遠。他們倆來這里吃過多少次冰激凌了？他這樣為他弟弟慶祝過多少次生日了？梅布爾、喬西以及格林海文的其他人，他認識他們多久了？這么多年，我怎么從來沒來陪伴過我的叔叔？仿佛爸爸背著我過著一種秘密的生活。在我之外，還有一個完整的家。

我不喜歡這種感覺，我不明白。我正在生氣，這時戴維手里的蛋筒碎了，冰激凌落在桌子上。

爸爸還沒來得及制止，戴維已經(jīng)把冰激凌撿起來，試著往蛋筒里塞。但是蛋筒已經(jīng)碎成了塊，于是冰激凌又掉下來，不過這次掉在了地上。

爸爸說：“別動它了，戴維。我再給你買一個?！钡骶S不聽。他的椅子向后倒，他把頭也跟著埋下去。

“不要，戴維！我去給你買個新的?！卑职稚斐鍪秩ダ骶S不肯動地方。他抓起冰激凌，向蛋筒剩下的部分塞過去，當?shù)巴沧畹紫乱餐耆榱阎?，他尖叫起來?/p>

這太可怕了。他就像一個兩百磅重的嬰兒，倒在地板上發(fā)脾氣。他喊著我聽不懂的詞，爸爸試著讓他平靜下來，然后對我說：“朱莉安娜，你能再幫他買一個蛋筒嗎？”

看柜臺的男人用他最快的速度裝著蛋筒，但短短幾秒鐘之內，戴維已經(jīng)揮舞著手臂打翻了一張桌子和兩把椅子，把巧克力抹得到處都是。收銀臺的柜員和顧客看上去全都嚇呆了——仿佛戴維是某種即將毀滅世界的怪物。

我把新的蛋筒遞給爸爸，他又遞給躺在地上的戴維。當他坐在地上吃蛋筒的時候，我和爸爸在他身邊忙著把所有東西放回到它們應該在的位置，擦掉污跡。

回格林海文的路上，戴維就像什么都沒發(fā)生過一樣。他吹著風車，不時喊道“橙——設”，但是當爸爸打開前門，我看出戴維已經(jīng)累了。

走進他的房間，戴維把風車放在床上，拿起裝拼圖的盒子?！澳銥槭裁床幌刃菹⒁粫涸匍_始玩呢？”爸爸問他。

戴維搖了搖頭：“先——在。”

“好吧，我來幫你做好準備?！?/p>

爸爸從床底下拉出一張牌桌，把桌腿打開，擺好。他把桌子推到墻邊離床不遠的地方，然后拿來一把椅子放在旁邊：“好了，可以開始了?！?/p>

戴維打開盒子，已經(jīng)把拼圖篩了一遍：“則——個——拼——讀——粉——好，烏巴德?！?/p>

“你喜歡它，我很高興。你覺得能在星期三之前拼好嗎？那時我可以回來幫你把它貼到天花板上，如果你喜歡的話。”

戴維點了點頭，可是他已經(jīng)全心投入到拼圖里去了，小心地把拼圖放在桌子上。

爸爸把手放在他的肩膀上：“我星期三再來看你，好嗎？”

他點點頭。

“你要不要和朱莉安娜告別？”

“百——拜。”他說，不過目光根本沒離開那盒拼圖。

“再見，戴維叔叔?！蔽以噲D讓自己的聲音愉快一點兒，但是沒有做到。

回到車上，爸爸扣上安全帶，說道：“就是這樣?！?/p>

我只是看著他，試圖笑一笑。

“你是不是跟我一樣，累極了？”他說。

我點點頭：“一切都很好——除了冰激凌。”

爸爸輕輕地笑了：“除了冰激凌？”然后他換上嚴肅的語氣，“問題在于，你永遠也不知道這‘冰激凌’會是什么樣子。有時候是屋里的一只蒼蠅，有時候是他穿襪子的感覺。你沒法預料到每一件事。一般說來，冰激凌還算安全?！彼麚u著頭，閉上眼睛，思考著我無法想象的什么東西。最后，他終于把火打著，說道，“戴維和我跟你媽媽一起住過一段時間。在你們出生之前。曾經(jīng)以為，他和我們住在一起總比寄養(yǎng)在這里強，但我們錯了?！?/p>

“但是不管怎么說，現(xiàn)在一切都很順利……”

他掛上倒車擋：“戴維有許多許多的特殊需求，包括情緒上和生理上的。你媽媽和我無法全照顧到。幸運的是，他在這里很快樂。他們有固定的方法，教他如何照顧自己——穿衣服、洗澡、刷牙、怎樣與人相處，怎樣與別人交流。他們出去遠足，他還有個工作，是幫醫(yī)生辦公室寄信?！?/p>

“真的？”

“每天早上，他去那里把信折好，放進信封里。格林海文對他很好，他得到了無數(shù)無微不至的關心。他有自己的房間、自己的朋友、自己的生活?！?/p>

過了一會兒，我問道：“但他是我們家的一分子，爸爸。他從來不到我家做客，這是不對的。甚至圣誕節(jié)和感恩節(jié)都不來！”

“他不想來，親愛的。有一年你媽媽和我堅持要他在家和我們一起過感恩節(jié)，那變成了你能想象得到的最大的麻煩。他打碎了一扇車窗，他是那么沮喪?！?/p>

“可是……我們?yōu)槭裁床粊硖酵?？我知道你?jīng)常來，但我是指其他人。他們?yōu)槭裁床粊?？?/p>

“嗯，他們的耐心被消耗殆盡了。你媽媽因此非常沮喪和抑郁，我能理解。我們都認為，這里不適合小孩子?！?/p>

他加速上了高速公路，沉默地開著車。他最后說道：“時間過得真快，朱莉安娜。前一天你還把孩子抱在懷里，后一天你就發(fā)現(xiàn)她幾乎變成一個女人了，”他悲哀地對我笑了笑，“我愛戴維，但他是個負擔，我希望你能遠離這個負擔。但是現(xiàn)在，我意識到他還是造成了影響，對你，以及整個家庭?！?/p>

“但是爸爸，這不是……”

“朱莉安娜，我只想說，對不起。我想給你很多東西，把所有都給你。直到現(xiàn)在我才發(fā)現(xiàn)，我給予的卻只有那么少?！?/p>

“不是這樣的！”

“好吧，我想你明白我已經(jīng)在內心世界尋找到我想要的東西，但如果用客觀的標準去衡量，作為一個丈夫和父親，像羅斯基先生那樣的男人顯然比我做得更好。他陪伴家人的時間更多，給予的更多，而且他也許比我有趣得多。”

爸爸既不是在違心地恭維，也不是出言贊賞，但是，我仍然不敢相信這是他的真心話：“爸爸，我不在乎別人怎么看，我覺得你是最好的爸爸！有一天我要結婚的話，絕對不想找個羅斯基先生那樣的男人！我想找個你這樣的人?！?/p>

他看著我，露出難以置信的表情：“真的嗎？”他笑了，“好吧，等到那一天，我會提醒你的?！?/p>

從那一刻開始，我們的旅途不再充滿悲傷和壓抑。我們笑啊，鬧啊，天南地北地聊，快到家的時候，話題集中在一種東西上。

薄餅。

可是，媽媽有別的打算。她擦了一上午地板，堅決否定了薄餅這個主意?！拔倚枰孕└苡玫氖澄?。比如烤火腿加奶酪，加上洋蔥，”她說，“很多很多洋蔥！”

“擦地板？”爸爸說，“今天是星期天，特瑞納。你干嗎要擦地板呢？”

“化緊張情緒為力量，”她看著我說，“怎么樣？”

“很好，我很高興我去看他了?！?/p>

她瞥了爸爸一眼，然后看著我：“好吧，那很好，”她嘆了口氣，“我擦地板還有一個原因，佩西打電話過來了。”

“羅斯基太太？”爸爸問道，“出什么問題了？”

媽媽把碎發(fā)撥到耳后，說：“沒有……她邀請我們下周五去她家吃飯。”

我們錯愕地看著她，然后我問：“我們全家？”

“是的?！?/p>

我能猜到爸爸是怎么想的：為什么？在對街住了這么久，我們從來沒被邀請過。為什么是現(xiàn)在？

媽媽也猜到了他的想法。她嘆了口氣：“羅伯特，我不是很清楚原因，但她堅持邀請我們去做客。她說話帶著哭音，說她很抱歉從未邀請過我們，現(xiàn)在她很想多了解我們一些?！?/p>

“你怎么回答她的？”

“我?guī)缀鯖]法拒絕。她人很好，查特又幫了很大的忙……”她聳聳肩，“我說我們會去的。周五晚上六點?！?/p>

“真的嗎？”我問。

她又聳聳肩：“我想這也不錯。雖然有點奇怪，但還不錯?！?/p>

“哦，好吧，”爸爸說，“周五我不會安排加班了。男孩子們呢？”

“那天沒有關禁閉的記錄，也不用去打工，但我還沒有告訴他們?！?/p>

“你確定他們想邀請我們全家？”爸爸問道。

媽媽點點頭：“她很堅持。”

看得出來，去羅斯基家吃晚飯的事讓爸爸很不自在，但我們倆都知道，這個邀請對媽媽來說意義重大。“好吧。”他說完就去切奶酪和洋蔥了。

下午，我懶散地看看書，做做白日夢。第二天在學校，我無法集中精力。我的思緒總是飄到戴維身上。我想象著爺爺奶奶的樣子，他們怎樣應對一個像他這樣的孩子。

我的白日夢里也有許多無花果樹的身影，一開始，我以為那是出于哀傷。然后我想到媽媽對無花果樹的評價，說它是堅韌的象征。它還是樹苗的時候就被損壞過，最終卻生存下來了，它長大了。別人覺得它丑，我卻從不這樣認為。

也許是甲之熊掌，乙之砒霜。我認為很丑的東西，說不定別人卻認為很美。

雪莉·斯道爾斯就是個完美的例子！對我來說，她完全一無是處，可是其他人卻認為她棒極了。

管他呢。

好吧，我就這樣渾渾噩噩地過了一周，直到周四為止。社會科學課上，我們去圖書館查資料，準備著名歷史人物的論文。我選了蘇珊·B.安東尼和她為選舉權所作的斗爭為題目，正在翻書的時候，達拉·特萊斯勒站在書架的盡頭沖我做手勢。

達拉跟我選了幾門同樣的課，但我們不算真正的朋友，我向身后看了看，以為她在招呼別人。

“過來！”她用口型說，拼命地向我揮著手。

我急忙走過去。她指著一排書后面，小聲說：“你聽！”

那是加利特的聲音，然后是布萊斯。他們談論的是……我。關于我的雞，還有沙門氏菌感染，關于布萊斯怎么扔掉我的雞蛋，以及我如何整修我家的院子。

布萊斯的聲音顯得很難過，但是，突然間，我全身的血液一下子凍住了。他在說戴維！

然后加利特笑了：“智障？好吧，那能說明很多問題，不是嗎？你知道的……我是說，朱莉?！?/p>

他們沉默了一會兒。那一刻，我?guī)缀蹩梢钥隙ㄋ麄兡苈牭轿意疋竦男奶?，但是布萊斯笑了，他說：“哦，是啊。”

我結結實實地癱倒在地上。下一秒，他們的聲音就消失了。達拉看了看那個角落，然后坐在我身邊，說：“哦，朱莉，我非常非常抱歉。我還以為他要坦白他曾經(jīng)暗戀過你呢?！?/p>

“什么？達拉，布萊斯沒有暗戀過我?！?/p>

“你怎么了？你難道看不出他盯著你的樣子？那孩子早就墜入愛河無法自拔了?！?/p>

“哦，絕對沒有這回事！你剛剛聽到他說了，達拉！”

“是的，但是昨天，就在昨天我撞見他盯著你，他說你頭發(fā)里有只蜜蜂。一只蜜蜂，姑娘。這是不是你聽過最糟糕的借口？”

“達拉，你剛才親耳聽到了，我寧愿相信我的頭發(fā)里真的有只蜜蜂?！?/p>

“哦，你以為自己有那么甜？像蜂蜜似的招惹蜜蜂嗎？好吧，蜜糖，你能招惹到的唯一一只蜜蜂就是布——萊——斯。真有趣，是不是。但是聽到剛才的話，我真想殺了他，姑娘，殺了他。”她站起來，走了出去，又回過頭來說，“別擔心，我不會多嘴的。”

我只是搖搖頭，忘掉達拉的話吧。她錯得太離譜了。

我不能忘記的是布萊斯和加利特的話。他們怎么能如此殘忍？如此愚蠢？這是不是爸爸成長中時常遇到的事？

我想得越多就越生氣。布萊斯有什么權利拿我叔叔尋開心？他敢！

我的臉頰熱得像一團火，而心臟像是被打了一個又冷又硬的結。電光石火之間，我明白了——我從布萊斯·羅斯基那里畢業(yè)了。讓他繼續(xù)和那雙湛藍眼睛做伴去吧。還有他那假惺惺的笑容，以及……我的初吻。沒錯！讓他留著它好了。我再也不會跟他說話了，永遠不會！

我風風火火地跑回書架前，找到兩本有關蘇珊·B.安東尼的書，然后回到桌子旁邊。收拾東西準備離開圖書館的時候，我忽然想起一件事。明天我們要去羅斯基家吃晚飯。

我拉上書包拉鏈，甩到肩膀上。經(jīng)歷了這些，我當然有權拒絕去他家！不是嗎？

Chapter 10

The Visit

JULIANNA

Sunday mornings are peaceful in our house. My father lets himself sleep in. My mother lets herself not fix breakfast. And if my brothers have been out late playing with their band, you won't even know they're around until noon.

Usually I tiptoe out to collect eggs while everyone else is asleep, then spirit a bowl of Cheerios back to my room to have breakfast in bed and read.

But that Sunday — after spending most of the night feeling upset or uneasy — I woke up wanting to do something physical. To shake off the confused way I was still feeling.

What I really needed was a good climb in my sycamore tree, but I settled for watering the lawn while I tried to think of other things. I cranked open the spigot and admired how rich and black the dirt looked as I sprinkled back and forth across the soil. And I was busy talking to my buried seedlings, coaxing them to spring up and greet the rising sun, when my father came outside. His hair was damp from a shower,and he had a grocery sack rolled closed in his hand. "Dad! I'm sorry if I woke you."

You didn't, sweetheart. I've been up for a while.

You're not going to work, are you?

No, I ... He studied me for a moment, then said, "I'm going to visit David."

Uncle David?

He walked toward his truck, saying, "That's right. I ... I should be back around noon."

But Dad, why today? It's Sunday.

I know, sweetheart, but it's a special Sunday.

I turned off the spigot. "Why's that?"

It's his fortieth birthday. I want to see him and deliver a gift, he said as he held up the paper bag. "Don't worry. I'll rustle us up some pancakes for lunch, all right?"

I'm coming with you, I said, and tossed the hose aside. I wasn't even really dressed — I'd just pulled on some sweats and sneakers, no socks — but in my mind there was no doubt. I was going.

Why don't you stay home and enjoy the morning with your mother? I'm sure she would —

I went over to the passenger side of his truck and said, "I'm coming," then climbed inside and slammed the door back in place.

But — he said through the driver's door.

I'm coming, Dad.

He studied me a moment, then said, "Okay,"and put the bag on the bench seat. "Let me leave a note for your mother."

While he was inside, I strapped on the lap belt and told myself that this was good. This was something I should've done years ago. Uncle David was part of the family, part of my father, part of me. It was about time I got to know him.

I studied the paper sack sitting next to me. What was my father bringing his brother for his fortieth birthday?

I picked it up. It wasn't a painting — it was much too light for that. Plus, it made a strange, muted rattling noise when I shook it.

I was just unrolling the top to peek inside when my father came back through the front door. I dropped the sack and straightened up, and when he slid behind the wheel, I said, "It's okay with you, isn't it?"

He just looked at me, his hand on the key in the ignition.

I ... I'm not ruining your day with him or anything, am I?

He cranked the motor and said, "No, sweetheart. I'm glad you're coming."

We didn't say much to each other on the drive over to Greenhaven. He seemed to want to look at the scenery and I, well, I had a lot of questions, but none I wanted to ask. It was nice, though, riding with my father. It was like the silence connected us in a way that explanations never could.

When we arrived at Greenhaven, my father parked the truck, but we didn't get out right away. "It takes some getting used to, Julianna,but it does grow on you. They grow on you. They're all good people."

I nodded, but felt oddly afraid.

Come on, then, he said, taking the sack from the seat. "Let's go inside."

Greenhaven didn't look like any kind of hospital to me, but it didn't look quite like a house, either. It was too long and rectangular for that. The walkway had a faded green awning that covered it, and flower beds alongside with freshly planted pansies that looked muddied and slightly askew. The grass was patchy, with three deep holes dug near the building.

The residents tend the grounds, my father said. "It's part of their occupational training program, and it's therapeutic. Those holes are the future homes of Peach, Plum, and Pear."

Fruit trees?

Yes. The vote caused quite a commotion.

Among the ... residents?

That's right. He swung open one of the glass double doors and said, "Come on in."

It was cool inside. And it smelled of pine cleaner and bleach, with something vaguely pungent underneath.

There wasn't a reception desk or waiting area, just a large intersection with white walls and narrow wooden benches. To the left was a big room with a television and several rows of plastic chairs, to the right were open office doors, and beside us were two pine armoires.One was open, with half a dozen gray sweaters hung neatly in a row.

Good morning, Robert! a woman called through one of the office doors.

Good morning, Josie, my father replied.

She came out to meet us, saying, "David's up and about. Has been since around six. Mabel tells me it's his birthday today."

Mabel is right again. He turned to me and smiled. "Josie, it's my pleasure to introduce my daughter, Julianna. Julianna, meet Josie Gruenmakker."

Well now, isn't this nice, Josie said, clasping my hand. "I recognize you from David's photo album. You're gettin' ready to graduate into high school, isn't that right?"

I blinked at her, then looked at my dad. I'd never really thought of it that way, but I could see that he had. "Yes, I ... I suppose I am."

Josie's the site administrator.

And, Josie added with a laugh, "I'm not graduatin' to nowhere! Been here seventeen years, and I'm staying put." The phone rang and she hurried off, saying, "Gotta get that. I'll meet up with you in a bit. Check the rec room, then his room. You'll find him."

My dad led me around a corner, and as we proceeded down a hallway, the underlying pungent part of the smell got stronger. Like the place had had years of Mystery Pissers, with no one quite neutralizing what had been tagged.

Down the hall was a small person hunched in a wheel-chair. At first I thought it was a child, but as we approached, I could see it was a woman. She had almost no hair, and as she gave my dad a toothless smile, she grabbed his hand and spoke.

My heart bottomed out. The sounds she made were choked and lost on her tongue. Nothing she said was intelligible, yet she looked at my father with such intensity — like of course he understood what she was saying.

To my complete surprise, he said, "You're absolutely right, Mabel. It is today. Which is why I'm here." He held up the grocery sack and whispered, "I've brought him a little gift."

Gwa-aaal, she said.

How'd you know?

She gurgled at him until he patted her hand and said, "I'm much too predictable, I'm afraid. But he enjoys them, and..." He noticed her gaze shift in my direction.

Hoo haa, she said.

This is my daughter, Julianna. Julianna, I'd like you to meet the extraordinary Miss Mabel. She can remember everyone's birthday, and she has a real passion for strawberry milkshakes.

I managed a smile and whispered, "Nice to meet you," but all I got in return was a suspicious scowl.

Well, we're off to David's, my father said, then shook the bag. "Don't spill the beans if he happens by."

I followed him to a bedroom doorway, where he stopped and called, "David? David, it's Robert."

A man appeared at the door. A man I would never have picked out as my father's brother. He was stocky, with thick brown glasses, and his face looked puffy and pale. But he threw his arms around my father's chest and cried, "Wobbad! Yaw heew!"

Yes, I am, little brother.

I followed them into the room and saw that the walls were covered in a collage of puzzles. They'd been glued directly to the walls and even up on the ceiling! It was cozy and comfortable, and interesting. I felt as though I'd entered a quilted cave.

My father held his brother at arm's length and said, "And look who I've brought along!"

For a split second David looked almost frightened, but then my father said, "It's my daughter, Julianna."

David's face broke into a smile. "Ju-weee-an-na!" he cried, then practically tackled me with a hug.

I thought I was going to suffocate. My face was buried as he squeezed the air out of me and rocked from side to side. Then with a giggle he let go and flopped into a chair. "Is mooy bwuf-day!"

I know, Uncle David. Happy birthday!

He giggled again. "Fwank eoow!"

We brought you a present, my dad said as he opened the paper sack.

Before he had it out, before I saw the actual size, I remembered the sound it had made when I'd shaken it in the truck. Of course! I thought. A puzzle.

Uncle David guessed it, too. "A puwwwle?"

Not just a puzzle, my dad said as he pulled it out of the sack. "A puzzle and a pinwheel."

Dad had wrapped the puzzle box up in pretty blue paper and had taped the red-and-yellow pinwheel on as a bow. Uncle David snatched the pinwheel right off and blew. First gently, then fiercely, in great spitty bursts. "Ownge!"he cried between blows. "Ownge!"

Very gently Dad took it from him and smiled. "Red and yellow do make orange, don't they?" David tried to grab it back, but my father said, "We'll take it outside later. The wind will blow it for you," and pressed the puzzle back in his hands.

As the wrapping paper fell in shreds on the floor, I leaned in to see what sort of puzzle my father had bought him and gasped. Three thousand pieces! And the image was simply white clouds and blue sky. No shading, no trees — nothing but the clouds and the sky.

My father pointed to a spot in the center of the ceiling. "I thought it would fit just right over there."

Uncle David looked up and nodded, then lunged for his pinwheel and said, "Owsiiide?"

Sure. Let's go out for a walk. Feel like going down to Mc Elliot's for a birthday ice cream?

Uncle David's head bobbed up and down. "Yaaah!"

We checked out through Josie, then headed down the street. David can't walk very fast because his body seems to want to move inward instead of forward. His feet pigeon-toe and his shoulders hunch in, and he seemed to lean on my father pretty heavily as we moved along.

But he kept that pinwheel in front of him, watching it spin, crying every now and then, "Owwwange, owwwange!"

Mc Elliot's turned out to be a drugstore with an ice cream parlor inside. There was a red-and-white-striped awning over the ice cream counter, and there were little white tables and chairs set in an area with red-and-white-striped wallpaper. It was very festive-looking, especially for being inside a drugstore.

Dad got us all cones, and once we were sitting down, Dad and David did talk to each other some, but mostly David wanted to eat his chocolate fudge swirl. My father smiled at me from time to time, and I smiled back, but I felt disconnected. How many times had the two of them come here for ice cream? How many birthdays had my father celebrated with his brother like this? How long had he known Mabel and Josie and the rest of the people at Greenhaven? How could it be that in all these years, I'd never spent any time with my uncle? It was like my father had a secret life away from me. A complete family away from me.

I didn't like it. Didn't understand it. And I was getting myself pretty worked up about it when David's cone crushed in his grip, causing his ice cream to flop onto the table.

Before my dad could stop him, David picked up the ice cream and tried to cram it back onto the cone. But the cone was shattered and the ice cream fell over again, only this time it landed on the floor.

My dad said, "Leave it, David. I'll get you a new one," but David didn't listen. His chair shot back and he dove after it.

No, David! Let me get you a new one. My dad pulled him by the arm, but David wouldn't budge. He grabbed the ice cream and crammed it back onto what was left of his cone, and when the bottom part of his cone crumbled completely away, he started screaming.

It was awful. He was like a two-hundred-pound infant, throwing a tantrum on the floor. He was yelling words I couldn't understand, and after a minute of trying to calm him down, my father said, "Julianna, can you get him another cone?"

The man behind the counter scooped as fast as he could, but in that short time David knocked over a table and two chairs with his flailing and managed to smear chocolate everywhere. The checkers and customers at the registers seemed frozen with terror — like David was some sort of monster out to destroy the world.

I gave the new cone to my father, who handed it to David, right there on the floor. And while David sat there eating it, my father and I worked around him, putting everything back in order and wiping up the mess.

On the walk back to Greenhaven, David acted like nothing had happened. He spurted into his pinwheel and cried, "Owwwange!" from time to time, but when my dad held open the front door, I could tell that David was tired.

Down in his room David placed the pinwheel on his bed and picked up the puzzle box. "Why don't you take a rest before you get started on it?" my dad asked.

David shook his head. "Naaow."

Okay, then. Let me help you set it up.

My father pulled a card table from beneath the bed, then swung the legs out and snapped them into place. After he had it shoved up against the wall near the bed, he moved a chair close to it and said, "There you are. All set up."

David had the box open and was already sifting through the pieces. "Aaaas a gou wwwone, Wobbad."

I'm glad you like it. You think you might have it done by Wednesday? I can come back and glue it on the ceiling for you then if you'd like.

David nodded, but he was already intent on the puzzle, carefully laying pieces on the table. My father put his hand on his shoulder and said, "I'll see you Wednesday then, okay?"

He nodded.

Will you say good-bye to Julianna?

Baaawye, he said, but he didn't look up from his box of pieces.

See you later, Uncle David. I tried to sound cheerful, but I didn't feel that way.

When we got back into the truck, my dad clicked on his seat belt and said, "So."

I just looked at him and tried to smile.

Are you as exhausted as I am? he said.

I nodded. "Everything was fine — except for the ice cream."

Dad chuckled. "Except for the ice cream." Then he turned serious. "The trouble is, you never know what 'the ice cream' is going to be. Sometimes it's a fly in the room. Sometimes it's the feel of his socks. It's hard to predict everything. Usually getting ice cream is safe." He shook his head and closed his eyes, thinking things I couldn't imagine. Finally he turned the ignition and said, "David lived with your mother and me for a while. Before you kids were born. We thought it would be better for him to live with us than to be in a home, but we were wrong."

But overall, everything went okay today...

He ground the gearshift into reverse. "David has many, many special needs, both emotional and physical. Your mom and I couldn't handle them all. Fortunately he's happy here. They have programs to teach him how to care for himself — how to dress and bathe and brush his teeth, how to act around others and communicate. They go on outings, and he has a job doing mailings for a doctor's office..."

He does?

He goes there every morning during the we