“My god, Harold, how many shirts did you buy?” he asked. Harold had an unvarying wardrobe of blue shirts, white shirts, brown corduroys (for winter), linen pants (for spring and summer), and sweaters in various shades of greens and blues.
“老天,哈羅德,你到底買了多少襯衫?”他問。哈羅德的服裝很固定,藍(lán)襯衫、白襯衫、褐色燈芯絨長(zhǎng)褲(冬天穿)、亞麻長(zhǎng)褲(春天和夏天穿),還有各種綠色和藍(lán)色的毛衣。
“Quiet, you,” said Harold.
“少啰唆?!惫_德說。
Inside, Harold went off to find a salesperson, and he waited, running his fingers over the ties in their display cases, rolled and shiny as pastries. Malcolm had given him two of his old cotton suits, which he’d had tailored and had worn throughout both of his summer internships, but he’d had to borrow his roommate’s suit for the Sullivan interview, and he had tried to move carefully in it the entire time it was his, aware of its largeness and the fineness of its wool.
進(jìn)了店里,哈羅德去找一名店員,他則等著,手指撫過裝在陳列盒里的那些領(lǐng)帶,一條條卷起來發(fā)著亮光,像甜點(diǎn)似的。馬爾科姆把自己的兩套棉料舊西裝給了他,他改過之后,撐過了這兩年夏天的實(shí)習(xí)。但是他去沙利文法官的面試時(shí),就只好跟室友借西裝了,而且穿上后,他從頭到尾都小心翼翼的,感覺西裝太大,毛料還非常精致。
Then “That’s him,” he heard Harold say, and when he turned, Harold was standing with a small man who had a measuring tape draped around his neck like a snake. “He’ll need two suits—a dark gray and a navy—and let’s get him a dozen shirts, a few sweaters, some ties, socks, shoes: he doesn’t have anything.” To him he nodded and said, “This is Marco. I’ll be back in a couple of hours or so.”
這時(shí),他聽到哈羅德說:“就是他?!庇谑撬D(zhuǎn)身,看到哈羅德身旁站著一個(gè)小個(gè)子男人,一條皮尺像蛇似的掛在脖子上?!八枰獌商孜餮b:一套暗灰色、一套海軍藍(lán),另外給他一打襯衫,兩三件毛衣、幾條領(lǐng)帶、襪子、鞋子,他什么都沒有?!比缓髮?duì)著他點(diǎn)頭說,“這位是馬可,我過兩個(gè)小時(shí)再回來。”
“Wait,” he said. “Harold. What are you doing?”
“等一下,”他說,“哈羅德,你這是干什么?”
“Jude,” said Harold, “you need something to wear. I’m hardly an expert on this front, but you can’t show up to Sullivan’s chambers wearing what you’re wearing.”
“裘德,”哈羅德說,“你需要一點(diǎn)像樣的衣服。我不是這方面的專家,但是你不能穿這身衣服去沙利文那里工作?!?
He was embarrassed: by his clothes, by his inadequacy, by Harold’s generosity. “I know,” he said. “But I can’t accept this, Harold.”
他很尷尬,因?yàn)樗囊路?,因?yàn)樗呢毟F,也因?yàn)楣_德的慷慨?!拔抑?,”他說,“但是哈羅德,我不能接受這個(gè)?!?
He would’ve continued, but Harold stepped between him and Marco and turned him away. “Jude,” he said, “accept this. You’ve earned it. What’s more, you need it. I’m not going to have you humiliating me in front of Sullivan. Besides, I’ve already paid for it, and I’m not getting my money back. Right, Marco?” he called behind him.
他還要說下去,但哈羅德走到他和馬可中間,拉著他轉(zhuǎn)身?!棒玫?,”他說,“接受吧,這是你努力工作贏得的。而且你非接受不可,我才不會(huì)讓你在沙利文面前丟我的臉。何況,我已經(jīng)付錢了,不能退款。對(duì)吧,馬可?”他回頭問。
“Right,” said Marco, immediately.
“對(duì)啊?!瘪R可立刻說。
“Oh, leave it, Jude,” Harold said, when he saw him about to speak. “I’ve got to go.” And he marched out without looking back.
“啊,裘德,別爭(zhēng)了?!惫_德說,看到他又要開口,“我得離開了?!比缓缶痛蟛阶叱鋈ィ瑳]再回頭。
And so he found himself standing before the triple-leafed mirror, watching the reflection of Marco busying about his ankles, but when Marco reached up his leg to measure the inseam, he flinched, reflexively. “Easy, easy,” Marco said, as if he were a nervous horse, and patted his thigh, also as if he were a horse, and when he gave another involuntary half kick as Marco did the other leg, “Hey! I have pins in my mouth, you know.”
于是,他發(fā)現(xiàn)自己站在一道三面式鏡子前,看著鏡中的馬可忙著量他的腳踝。當(dāng)馬可的手往上要量胯下到褲腳的內(nèi)接縫長(zhǎng)度時(shí),他反射性地往后縮。“放心,放心?!瘪R可說,好像他是一只緊張的馬,然后拍拍他的大腿,也像在對(duì)待一只馬。當(dāng)馬可量另一條腿時(shí),他又不自覺地半踢了一下?!昂?!你知道,我嘴巴里有針。”
“I’m sorry,” he said, and held himself still.
“對(duì)不起?!彼f,留意著不敢再動(dòng)。
When Marco was finished, he looked at himself in his new suit: here was such anonymity, such protection. Even if someone were to accidentally graze his back, he was wearing enough layers so that they’d never be able to feel the ridges of scars beneath. Everything was covered, everything was hidden. If he was standing still, he could be anyone, someone blank and invisible.
馬可完成后,他看著鏡中穿著新西裝的自己:這樣的無特色、這樣的受保護(hù)。就算某個(gè)人意外輕擦過他的背部,他也穿得夠厚,對(duì)方絕不會(huì)感覺到他衣服底下隆起的疤痕。一切都蓋住了,一切都藏好了。如果他站著不動(dòng),就可以成為任何人,成為某個(gè)空白而隱形的人。
“I think maybe half an inch more,” Marco said, pinching the back of the jacket in around the waist. He swatted some threads off his sleeve. “Now all you need’s a good haircut.”
“我想或許再收個(gè)半英寸?!瘪R可說,捏起西裝外套背后的腰部,又拍掉袖子上的一些線頭,“現(xiàn)在你唯一需要的,就是好好剪個(gè)頭發(fā)?!?
He found Harold waiting for him in the tie area, reading a magazine. “Are you done?” he asked, as if the entire trip had been his idea and Harold had been the one indulging his whimsy.
他發(fā)現(xiàn)哈羅德在領(lǐng)帶區(qū)等候,正在閱讀一本雜志?!芭炅??”他問,仿佛來西裝店是他的主意,哈羅德只是配合的人。
Over their early dinner, he tried to thank Harold again, but every time he tried, Harold stopped him with increasing impatience. “Has anyone ever told you that sometimes you just need to accept things, Jude?” he finally asked.
那天他們提早一起吃晚餐。他設(shè)法再感謝哈羅德,但每回他開口,哈羅德就阻止他,而且愈加不耐煩?!棒玫拢腥烁阏f過,有時(shí)你只要接受就好了嗎?”他最后終于問。
“You said to never just accept anything,” he reminded Harold.
“你說過絕對(duì)不要憑空接受任何東西?!彼嵝压_德。
“That’s in the classroom and in the courtroom,” Harold said. “Not in life. You see, Jude, in life, sometimes nice things happen to good people. You don’t need to worry—they don’t happen as often as they should. But when they do, it’s up to the good people to just say ‘thank you,’ and move on, and maybe consider that the person who’s doing the nice thing gets a bang out of it as well, and really isn’t in the mood to hear all the reasons that the person for whom he’s done the nice thing doesn’t think he deserves it or isn’t worthy of it.”
“那是在課堂上和法庭里,”哈羅德說,“不是在生活中。你知道,裘德,在生活中,有時(shí)好人會(huì)碰上好事。你不必?fù)?dān)心,因?yàn)榘l(fā)生的概率其實(shí)不夠高。不過一旦發(fā)生了,好人只要說聲‘謝謝’,就過去了?;蛟S這么想吧,做好事的人也會(huì)從中得到滿足感,真的沒興趣聽對(duì)方講一堆理由,說自己不配或不值得?!?
He shut up then, and after dinner he let Harold drive him back to his apartment on Hereford Street. “Besides,” Harold said as he was getting out of the car, “you looked really, really nice. You’re a great-looking kid; I hope someone’s told you that before.” And then, before he could protest, “Acceptance, Jude.”
因此他就閉嘴了。晚餐后,他讓哈羅德開車送他回赫里福德街的公寓?!昂螞r,”他下車時(shí),哈羅德說,“你穿新衣服真的很體面。你是個(gè)很帥的小伙子,希望有人這樣告訴過你?!彼€來不及抗議,哈羅德又說了,“接受吧,裘德。”
So he swallowed what he was going to say. “Thank you, Harold. For everything.”
于是他咽下他本來要說的?!爸x了,哈羅德,謝謝你所做的一切?!?