如何提高人際吸引力：這招社交法則讓你人見(jiàn)人愛(ài)

我們身邊總有些社交達(dá)人，無(wú)論和誰(shuí)都能迅速熱絡(luò)攀談，他們深諳人際交往之道，三言?xún)烧Z(yǔ)便可討得對(duì)方歡心。要想和他們一樣人見(jiàn)人愛(ài)，其實(shí)也不難。除了微笑、贊美幾個(gè)常見(jiàn)套路之外，你還需要發(fā)自?xún)?nèi)心地相信你是人見(jiàn)人愛(ài)的。因?yàn)楫?dāng)你認(rèn)為別人會(huì)喜歡你時(shí)，你會(huì)表現(xiàn)得更自然，看起來(lái)更友善，這會(huì)讓你更討喜。

If you want to make a great first impression -- and why wouldn't you? -- you know there are basic steps you can take: Smile, make eye contact, listen more than you talk, ask questions about the other person. Anyone can do those things.

眾所周知，如果想給人留下良好的第一印象(為什么不呢?)，你可以采取以下幾個(gè)常規(guī)套路：微笑，眼神交流，少說(shuō)多聽(tīng)，向?qū)Ψ教釂?wèn)。這些是每個(gè)人都能做到的。

But what you might not know is that if you think other people are going to like you, they usually will.

但你可能不知道，如果你心里認(rèn)為對(duì)方會(huì)喜歡你，通常對(duì)方真的會(huì)喜歡你。

As research shows, interpersonal warmth explains the self-fulfilling prophecy of anticipated acceptance; study participants who expected to be accepted were perceived as more likable. (Or in non-researcher speak, when you think other people will like you, you act more naturally and come across as friendlier -- which then makes people like you more since we tend to like warm, friendly people.)

研究表明，人際溫暖解釋了自我應(yīng)驗(yàn)的預(yù)期接納預(yù)言;希望被認(rèn)可的研究對(duì)象被認(rèn)為更討人喜歡。(用通俗的語(yǔ)言解釋?zhuān)褪钱?dāng)你認(rèn)為別人會(huì)喜歡你時(shí)，你會(huì)表現(xiàn)得更自然，看起來(lái)更友善——這會(huì)讓你更討人喜歡，因?yàn)槿藗兺ǔ８嗖A熱情友好的人。)

All of which sounds great, but the trick, when you're shy or insecure, is actually believing that other people will like you. When you're in an unfamiliar setting or an uncomfortable position, it's a lot easier to assume people won't like you.

這聽(tīng)起來(lái)很有道理，但這個(gè)方法要你在害羞或不安時(shí)，真心相信別人會(huì)喜歡你?？墒钱?dāng)你身處一個(gè)陌生環(huán)境或?qū)擂尉车貢r(shí)，更容易假設(shè)對(duì)方不會(huì)喜歡你。

So how can you convince yourself that people will like you? Positive self-talk ("They're going to love me!") won't cut it.

那你怎么能說(shuō)服自己是人見(jiàn)人愛(ài)的呢?積極的自我對(duì)話(“他們會(huì)愛(ài)我的!”)是不夠的。

Instead, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and commit to taking a few steps that ensure almost anyone will like you. (When results are basically guaranteed, it's easy to feel more confident and self-assured.)

你可以做的是，閉上眼睛，深吸一口氣，并堅(jiān)持使用幾個(gè)讓你人見(jiàn)人愛(ài)的招數(shù)。(當(dāng)效果基本上得到保證時(shí)，你會(huì)更容易保持自信感。)

1. Give a genuine compliment.

真誠(chéng)的贊美。

Everyone loves to be praised, especially since no one gets enough praise.

每個(gè)人都喜歡接受表?yè)P(yáng)，尤其現(xiàn)在每個(gè)人得到的贊美似乎都不夠。

Show interest by asking questions. But go past, "What do you do?" Ask what it's like to do what the person does. Ask what's hard about it. Ask what the person loves about it. You'll soon find things to compliment.

通過(guò)提問(wèn)表現(xiàn)出興趣。但不要細(xì)問(wèn)對(duì)方“你是做什么的?”，問(wèn)問(wèn)從事這份工作是什么感覺(jué)，有什么困難之處，喜歡哪些方面。你很快就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)值得贊美的地方。

2. Focus on letting people talk about themselves.

著重讓人們談?wù)撟约骸?/p>

People love to talk about themselves. (And even if they didn't, they can't help it.)

人們喜歡談?wù)撟约骸?即使他們不喜歡，也會(huì)情不自禁。)

Research shows approximately 40 percent of everyday speech is spent telling other people what we think or feel -- basically, talking about our subjective experiences.

研究表明，人們的日常會(huì)話有40%的內(nèi)容是在向別人講述自己的想法或感受，基本上談?wù)摰亩际亲约旱闹饔^經(jīng)歷。

In fact, we almost can't help sharing our thoughts and feelings: Research also shows that talking about ourselves, whether in person or on social media, triggers the same pleasure sensation in the brain as does money or food.

事實(shí)上，我們幾乎忍不住要分享自己的想法和感受：研究還顯示，無(wú)論是在生活中還是在社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)上表達(dá)自己，都會(huì)讓大腦產(chǎn)生一種愉悅感，這種感覺(jué)和大腦受到金錢(qián)或食物刺激時(shí)產(chǎn)生的愉悅感相同。

By helping people talk about themselves, you're seen as a great conversationalist even when you actually say very little. And in the process, you also make other people feel better about themselves, which makes them like you.

讓人們表達(dá)自我，這樣即使你說(shuō)的很少，也會(huì)被視為一個(gè)優(yōu)秀的健談?wù)?。而在這個(gè)過(guò)程中，你還讓對(duì)方自我感覺(jué)良好，讓自己更討喜。

That's another win-win.

這是另一個(gè)雙贏的做法。

3. Change one word.

換一種說(shuō)法。

Think about the difference in these statements:

想一想下面這些說(shuō)法的區(qū)別：

"I had to go to a meeting."

“我得去開(kāi)會(huì)。”

"I got to meet with some great people."

“我要和一些優(yōu)秀的人見(jiàn)面。”

"I have to interview some candidates for a job."

“我得面試一些求職者。”

"I get to select a great person to join our team."

“我要選擇一個(gè)優(yōu)秀的人加入我們的團(tuán)隊(duì)。”

No big deal, right? Wrong. We like to be around happy, enthusiastic, and motivated people.

沒(méi)什么區(qū)別，是嗎?錯(cuò)了。我們喜歡身邊人是快樂(lè)、熱情、積極的。

Keep in mind choosing the right words also affects how you feel. Don't say, "I have to go to the gym." Say, "I want to go to the gym."

記住，選擇恰當(dāng)?shù)难赞o也會(huì)影響你的感受。不要說(shuō)：“我不得不去健身房。”而是說(shuō)：“我想去健身房。”

4. Show a little vulnerability.

稍微示弱。

Great teams are often led by people willing to admit weaknesses and failings. Great friends are also willing to be vulnerable.

優(yōu)秀團(tuán)隊(duì)的領(lǐng)導(dǎo)者通常愿意承認(rèn)缺點(diǎn)和失敗。好的朋友也愿意展示脆弱的一面。

Want to make a great first impression? Don't try to impress. Instead, be humble. Share your screwups. Admit your mistakes. Be the cautionary tale. Laugh at yourself.

想給人留下良好的第一印象嗎?不要試圖驚艷對(duì)方。相反，要謙虛。分享你的糗事。承認(rèn)你的錯(cuò)誤。做反面教材，學(xué)會(huì)自嘲。

When you do, other people won't laugh at you. They'll laugh with you.

當(dāng)你這樣做的時(shí)候，別人不會(huì)嘲笑你。他們會(huì)和你一起笑。

And they'll immediately like you, and want to be around you more.

他們會(huì)立刻喜歡上你，并且更想和你呆在一起。