雅思大作文點評：大學(xué)男生女生是否應(yīng)一樣多？

　　下面是一篇劍橋5里面的題目,關(guān)于大學(xué)里面男學(xué)生和女學(xué)生是不是應(yīng)該一樣多。

　　Gender discrimination is always a topic in our society. Nowadays, an issue(應(yīng)該是the issue,因為表示特指) under discussion is whether equal numbers of male and female students should be enrolled in every subject by universityies(拼寫!). In my opinion, it is benificial to put emphasis on sexual equality. However, the request of accepting same(前面要加the,屬于固定用法) numbers of boys and girls in every subject is overly simplistic.

　　點評:從結(jié)構(gòu)和內(nèi)容上來說,還不錯,符合要求:前兩句話過渡一下,交待背景信息,最后表達自己的觀點.本段作者是通過兩句話來表達觀點,也未嘗不可.

　　從語言角度來說,沒有嚴(yán)重的錯誤,從句也得到了運用,但是還是有錯。

　　There are mainly two reasons for me to say so.(過于口語化的表達.而且這句話就代表了本段要寫兩個分論點!這不是一種preferred的寫法,既然有兩個原因,為什么不能寫成兩段呢?!這樣結(jié)構(gòu)不是更加清晰么.) Firstly, individuals have their own rights to choose the subjects they enjoy. Thus, it is hard to say whether the number of these two different genders will coincidentally be the same in the end. Secondly,(這里開始應(yīng)該另起一段) the society calls for different things from males and females. According to my experience, we have a special school named "Female school" in our university, the main subjects of which are intermedia, individual image design, photography and so on. Only girls can get enrolled in this school because the main goal of this school is to cultivate girls that not only can stand on their own fet(拼寫!) after graduation, but also live a good life while they act as mothers or housewives in the future. There is no doubt that males and females will act different roles in society after graduation.

　　點評: 結(jié)構(gòu)上已經(jīng)說過了,最好分成兩段.內(nèi)容上來說,兩個分論點寫地一般,第一個分論點后面的擴展太少;第二個分論點本身太抽象,表達地不清楚.

　　語法上還可以,錯誤并不多,但是好像沒什么特別精彩的地方。

　　Admittedly, up till now, sex discrimination remains a problem. The emphasis on equal education opportunities for both boys and girls is exactly a must, especially in rural areas. However, since boys and girls are born with different gifts and missions, the extreme equivalence is somehow a myth. Only when the gender differences are eliminated can this extreme equivalence come true.

　　點評: 這段寫得還不錯,內(nèi)容、結(jié)構(gòu)和句型上都比較順。

　　In conclusion, I admit the importance of equal education opportunities for both males and females. But just like the harm sex discrimination will do, an emphasis on extreme equality of these two genders is also detrimental.

　　這段寫得也很不錯。

　　總評:全文后半部分寫得還不錯,主要就是第一段有些問題.貌似可以給個6.5-7分吧。