雅思備考:雅思寫(xiě)作十大常見(jiàn)錯(cuò)誤透析（2）

　　l    不間斷句子（run-on sentences）

 

　　什么叫不間斷句子，請(qǐng)看下面的例子：

 

　　1. There are many ways we get to know the outside world.

 

　　分析：

　　這個(gè)句子包含了2層完整的意思“There are many ways”以及“we get to know the outside world”，簡(jiǎn)單地把它們連在一起就不妥當(dāng)了。

　　改為：There are many ways for us to get to know the outside world.或者There are many ways through which we can become acquainted with the outside world.

 

　　l    措辭毛病（troubles in diction）

 

　　措辭是指在特定的句子中如何恰當(dāng)?shù)剡x用詞語(yǔ)的問(wèn)題，由于很多因素的制約，比如上課時(shí)間有限，老師在這方面作的指導(dǎo)相對(duì)來(lái)說(shuō)就比較少，因此導(dǎo)致了學(xué)生在平時(shí)寫(xiě)作中沒(méi)有養(yǎng)成良好的推敲，斟酌的習(xí)慣。他們往往隨心所欲，拿來(lái)就用。所以作文中措辭不當(dāng)?shù)牡胤奖缺冉允牵?/p>

 

　　1. The increasing use of chemical obstacles in agriculture also makes pollution.

　　(農(nóng)業(yè)中不斷增加的化學(xué)物質(zhì)的使用也造成了污染)

 

　　分析：

　　顯然，考生把“obstacles”“障礙物”當(dāng)做“物質(zhì)”來(lái)使用了，另外，“the increasing use”（不斷增加的使用）應(yīng)該改為“abusive use”(濫用)。

　　改為：The abusive use of chemical substance in agriculture also leads to pollution.

 

　　l    累贅（redundancy）

 

　　建議考生們?cè)趯?xiě)作中語(yǔ)言以簡(jiǎn)潔為貴，寫(xiě)句子沒(méi)有一個(gè)多余的詞；寫(xiě)段落沒(méi)有一個(gè)無(wú)必要的句子。能用單詞的不用詞組；能用詞組的不用從句或者句子，如：

 

　　1. In spite of the fact that he is lazy, I like him.

 

　　分析：

　　本句中的“In spite of the fact that he is lazy”是同位語(yǔ)從句，按照我們上面說(shuō)的能用詞組不用從句，

　　改為：In spite of his laziness, I like him.

 

　　2. For the people who are diligent and kind, money is just the thing to be used to buy the things they need.

 

　　分析：

　　整個(gè)句子太羅嗦，可以大大簡(jiǎn)化：

　　改為：Diligent, caring people use money only to buy things they need.

 

　　l     不連貫（incoherence）

 

　　不連貫是指一個(gè)句子前言不搭后語(yǔ)，或者是結(jié)構(gòu)上不暢通，這也是考生經(jīng)常犯的錯(cuò)誤之一。如：

 

　　1. The fresh water, it is the most important things in the world.

 

　　分析：

　　“the fresh water”與逗號(hào)后的it不連貫，it與things在數(shù)方面不一致。

　　改為：The fresh water is the most important thing in the world.

 

　　l     綜合性語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤（comprehensive misusage）

 

　　所謂綜合性語(yǔ)言錯(cuò)誤是指在雅思寫(xiě)作中除了上述10種錯(cuò)誤外的諸如時(shí)態(tài)，語(yǔ)態(tài)，標(biāo)點(diǎn)符號(hào)，大小寫(xiě)等錯(cuò)誤。如：

 

　　1. Today money to everyone is very importance, our’s cloths, live, eat, go etc.

 

　　分析：

　　“our”是人稱(chēng)代詞的所有格形式，可以單獨(dú)作形容詞使用，沒(méi)必要使用’s形式，而且后面應(yīng)該跟名詞。

　　改為：Today money to everyone is very important, for example, our eating, clothing, living, going ,etc.

 

　　了解了上述常見(jiàn)錯(cuò)誤后，朗閣海外考試研究中心就帶大家通過(guò)幾篇考生的雅思范文，來(lái)深入了解這些錯(cuò)誤發(fā)生的頻率和改進(jìn)這些錯(cuò)誤后會(huì)給文章帶來(lái)的質(zhì)的改變：

　　例一：

 

　　Writing task 1 (Cambridge 1- page 51):

 

　　The diagram shows the process of collecting information on the weather in order to produce reliable forecasts in Australia Bureau of Meteorology. It can be clearly seen that information goes through three main stages until it can be broadcast. These stages are incoming information, analysis and forecasting, preparing the broadcast and finally, broadcast.

 

　　As it is shown in the diagram, first, information is gathered via satellite, radar, and drifting buoy. The information from satellite is transmitted to radar. Satellite, itself, takes photos. All the information provided by these three tools are integrated into satellite photos, radar screen, and synoptic charts. Then, they are analyzed and forecast. This information is sent to computers in order to prepare the broadcast. Finally, up-to-date information is broadcast via TV, radio, and recorded announcement.

 

　　In conclusion, the diagram shows that there are various stages in preparing and broadcast of latest news on the weather and that radar has a fundamental role in gathering data. Also, the most comprehensive information is obtained from synoptic charts.

 

　　例二：

 

　　Writing task 2

 

　　Smoking tobacco should be made illegal like other dangerous drugs. Agree or disagree?

 

　　In the world today where stresses and tensions are at high degree, some people appeal to smoke cigarettes. They think that by means of cigar they can relax themselves, while it is obviously shown how harmful tobacco smoking is and it is clear why it should be banned in public. Smoking, at a glance, has many noxious effects on body. Some harmful aspects are proved and shown on body, on economy, and on the air.

 

　　Taking body into account, tobacco smoking has so many hazardous effects. W.H.O reports that 85 per cent of lung cancers are caused by cigarette smoking .On the other hand, recent research studies show that low birth weight is more common among the children of smoker mothers. Another effect of tobacco on the body is its risk for heart diseases. Smoking is the major cause of heart attacks. These examples simply show the perils of tobacco smoking to the body.

 

　　Furthermore, cigarette trading these days has become a lucrative business around the world, especially within developed countries. This subject leads to extraction of millions of dollars from developing countries in order to import cigars. This currency that is spent on smoking perilous substances, can be specified for education, health, and infrastructures. In addition, smoking affects the economy of families. The money that can be used for promotion of life is used for decreasing life span.

 

　　From the air point of view, smoking cigarettes has dramatic effects on air. In rapidly increasing air pollution of metropolitan areas, smoking makes the situation even worse. Scientists report that one of the major pollutants in big cities is cigarette smoke. Furthermore, every day we see a lot of fags on the streets or in the nature that make their scenes indecent.

 

　　No wonder, tobacco smoking is risky from several points of view and making it illegal may help to decline its adverse effects. People should find better ways to relax themselves, like exercise or reading.

 

　　例三：

 

　　Task 2: Shopping has become a favorite pastime among young people. Why do you think it is like that, and do you think they must be encouraged to do other things rather than shopping?

 

　　Shopping is going to be a habit or a bad attitude among our new generation for some reasons such as careless parents, bombardment by advertisements and bad behavior of consumption societies. Society should exercise more control over the young people’s interests and requirements.

 

　　Not surprisingly, we have been faced with the fact that our new generation is crazy about shopping. Firstly, they are easily influenced by advertising around them. Whenever we switch on our TV we will be bombarded with lots of TV commercials ; whenever we surface the Internet, we come across lots of advertisements. Also, on the other media we face lots of publicity; newspapers, magazines and radio or billboards are the best examples. All the time we unwished confront by these new ads. Young people will be easily affected, and would like to try the new material, feel the new taste and have new experience. They easily reply to advertising because it is part of their nature, and it is normal.

 

　　In addition, there are parents who are careless about their children’s behavior. Some parents have to work from day to night; they just pay for children and give them pocket money as much as they need. Furthermore; we live in a society which forces people to consume different new things and materials, because of its policy. In this case, young people are not sinners.

 

　　Therefore, the government should exercise more control over the advertising. Also, the government should teach people, especially young generation, to take more responsibility to produce as well as consume. The government should encourage the young generation to take advantages of education and production; moreover, the government should pave the way for better situation for future.

 

　　In conclusion, young people are easily affected by advertising; in this matter parents and the government are responsible. Both parents and the government should be aware of further problems.

 

　　例四：

 

　　Sample task

 

　　You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

 

　　Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graph below.

 

　　You should write at least 150 words.

 

　　Rates of smoking in Someland - men and women

 

　　The graph compares the attitude to smoking in men and women in Someland during 1960-2000. It also indicates the difference in smoking habits between two sexes (genders) has reduced over time.

 

　　At the beginning of the study in 1960 the number of men who smoked was

 

　　greater than that of women; it means that 600 per 1000 people who smoked were men and just fewer than 100 were women. Gradually, the number of female smokers rose to 300 per 1000 until 1975 and afterwards it reached a plateau with only a shallow descending slip down to 2000 when the number of female smokers was only 200 per 1000 smokers. On the other hand, during this period the number of male smokers slopes down in a steady manner from 600 per 1000 in 1960 to 210 to 2000 per 1000 for male smokers.

 

　　In short, it is obvious that at first there was less tendent to smoke among

 

　　women and there was an upward trend in their tendency. However, in 1975 the trend changed and two genders kept quitting smoking, and in 2000 the number of male and female smokers became equal with just a little more men smoking than women as before.

 

　　例五：

 

　　Dear Sir/ Madam,

 

　　I would like to inform you that there is something wrong with the camera I purchased from your shop through my journey to your town last month, and I am writing to you to make a complaint.

 

　　Last month the day after purchasing the camera, I put a roll of 24-exposure film into the camera. I took most photos during the journey. Yesterday after having the photos developed, I found some white spots covered on the surface of all photos. A specialist told me that it is because of a defect in camera. My wife and I regret for memorable pictures we could have.

 

　　There is a warranty card in the camera package, which has the referencenumber "900123" on it as the code. Please notify me whether I should send it to you or to the producer company for warranty service. Therefore, I believe I should somehow be compensated because I have lost so many valuable moments.

 

　　I wait for a refund of $300 that I paid for the camera, besides a roll of film.

 

　　Yours faithfully,

 

　　S. Sajadian