The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe:
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
【滿分范文賞析】
This loan applicant claims that a jazz club in Monroe would be a profitable venture. To support this claim the applicant points out that a jazz club in Monroe would face no competition, as the nearest club is 65 miles away. He also cites various other evidences that jazz is popular among Monroe residents. Careful examination of this supporting evidence, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the applicant's claim.
【本段結(jié)構(gòu)】
本文采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument開(kāi)頭段結(jié)構(gòu),即C—A—F的開(kāi)頭結(jié)構(gòu)。本段首先概括原文的Conclusion,之后簡(jiǎn)要提及原文為支持其結(jié)論所引用的一系列Assumption及細(xì)節(jié),最后給出開(kāi)頭段到正文段的過(guò)渡句,指出原文的Flaw,即這些Assumption無(wú)法讓原文邏輯上沒(méi)有問(wèn)題。
【本段功能】
作為Argument開(kāi)頭段,本段具體功能就在于發(fā)起攻擊并概括原文的結(jié)論,即在Monroe地區(qū)開(kāi)辦一個(gè)爵士樂(lè)俱樂(lè)部是有利可圖的。本段接下來(lái)提到了原文中為支持之前的Conclusion所提供的證據(jù),包括,在該地區(qū)不存在競(jìng)爭(zhēng)對(duì)手,以及在該地區(qū)爵士樂(lè)非常流行。文章提及這些信息,為是在正文段中對(duì)這些Assumption即將進(jìn)行的具體攻擊做鋪墊。
First of all, if the demand for a live jazz club in Monroe were as great as the applicant claims, it seems that Monroe should already have one or more such clubs. The fact that the closest jazz club is 65 miles away reveals a point of uncertainty, which should be reserved for further study. Since the applicant has not adequately responded to this concern, his claim that the proposed club would be profitable is untenable.
【本段結(jié)構(gòu)】
本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu),即先是提及原文的第一個(gè)邏輯錯(cuò)誤,之后分析該邏輯錯(cuò)誤的原因,接下來(lái),進(jìn)一步分析這樣的錯(cuò)誤為什么讓原文的Conclusion不成立。
【本段功能】
作為正文第一段,本段攻擊原文所犯的第一個(gè)重要邏輯錯(cuò)誤——因果類錯(cuò)誤。原文當(dāng)中提到,雖然爵士樂(lè)在當(dāng)?shù)睾芰餍校窃贛onroe當(dāng)?shù)夭](méi)有爵士樂(lè)俱樂(lè)部,所以在Monroe并不存在俱樂(lè)部的競(jìng)爭(zhēng)者。但相反,這個(gè)假設(shè)的因果關(guān)系可能被顛倒了,即正是因?yàn)榫羰繕?lè)在當(dāng)?shù)匦枨罅坎桓邔?dǎo)致當(dāng)?shù)夭淮嬖诰羰繕?lè)俱樂(lè)部。所以,原文當(dāng)中的這個(gè)觀點(diǎn)不合理。
Thirdly, while several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, their residing in Monroe lend little significant support to the applicant's claim. It is entirely possible that these musicians perform elsewhere, perhaps at the club located 65 miles away. This would go a long way toward explaining why Monroe does not currently have a jazz club, and it would weaken the applicant's assertion that the C-Note would be profitable.
【本段結(jié)構(gòu)】
本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu),即先是提及原文的第三個(gè)邏輯錯(cuò)誤,之后分析該邏輯錯(cuò)誤的原因,接下來(lái),進(jìn)一步分析這樣的錯(cuò)誤為什么讓原文的Conclusion不成立。
【本段功能】
作為正文第三段,本段攻擊原文所犯的第三個(gè)重要邏輯錯(cuò)誤——因果類錯(cuò)誤。原文假設(shè)因?yàn)樵贛onroe當(dāng)?shù)赜泻芏嗑羰繕?lè)音樂(lè)家,他們的存在會(huì)促進(jìn)C-Note這個(gè)爵士樂(lè)俱樂(lè)部的盈利。但實(shí)際上這些音樂(lè)家可能不會(huì)更傾向于在當(dāng)?shù)氐木銟?lè)部演出。因此,原文的這個(gè)關(guān)于音樂(lè)家和俱樂(lè)部盈利的因果假設(shè)是沒(méi)有說(shuō)服力的。
Finally, the nationwide study showing that the average jazz fan spends $1,000 each year on jazz entertainment would lend support to the applicant's claim only if it could be determined that a portion of this budget would certainly be allocated for the use of enjoyment in a new club.
【本段結(jié)構(gòu)】
本段采用了標(biāo)準(zhǔn)的Argument正文段結(jié)構(gòu),即先是提及原文的第三個(gè)邏輯錯(cuò)誤,之后分析該邏輯錯(cuò)誤的原因,接下來(lái),進(jìn)一步分析這樣的錯(cuò)誤為什么讓原文的Conclusion不成立。
【本段功能】
作為正文第四段,本段攻擊原文所犯的第四個(gè)重要邏輯錯(cuò)誤——樣本類錯(cuò)誤。原文假設(shè)國(guó)家性質(zhì)的調(diào)查能夠等同于當(dāng)?shù)氐那闆r。但實(shí)際上當(dāng)?shù)氐膫€(gè)體情況可能并非如此,因此原文的這個(gè)觀點(diǎn)是沒(méi)有說(shuō)服力的。