GRE作文 ETS官方Issue主題范文(五)

By hiring employees with certain capabilities they have indirectly influenced curriculum for years. As time passes they will have more input by demanding subpar schools raise the level of student test scores in certain areas, either by stating so or by not hiring unqualified students

The quotation echoes of a time when school learning consisted of the three "R"'s and little else.  For better or worse our society is much more complex now than then.   For our schools to keep pace with our society we need to adjust our curriclum to what it should be, what we want it to be, and what it needs to be.

COMMENTARY

This essay presents a competent discussion of the issue.  The essay's argument -- that curriculum should be determined by many voices, including that of private business -- is clearly expressed and adequately developed.  The writer supports this position with relevant reasons, including an analysis of the need for private business to become involved in education.  Examples are clearly relevant (e.g., sex education and AIDS education are cited as examples of how schools are offering new classes to meet the contemporary needs), and the writer uses details to help develop and illustrate important points.  While the essay presents several ideas that are thought provoking --  e.g., "An unenlightened society is a grave society with little hope" -- those ideas are not expressed precisely or persuasively enough to merit a score of 5.

The conclusion is appropriate; it reinforces the main idea of the essay, that schools need to keep pace with society and adjust curricula to meet the needs of both students and employers.

The essay consistently displays adequate control over the conventions of academic writing.  Sentence structure is generally adequate, although many of the sentences would benefit from restructuring and the use of transitions to more effectively communicate the writer's ideas.

For all of these reasons -- competent analysis and adequate control of the elements of writing -- this essay received a score of 4.

SAMPLE-4 (score 3)

In today's society, there is too much emphasis placed on students desires rather than their needs.  The students of today should have to study what is presented to them, rather than what is desired by them.  Students are searching for the easy way out, and educators' are supplying them with that.  Students should not only be presented with mandatory curriculum, but the educators should strive to insure that each individual student truly gains from their education, rather than just breezing through it.

It is vital to the continued success and expansion of the United States, that the young people be challenged in their curriculum and be encouraged to succeed in all that they do.  The educators should determine a more strenuous curriculum, and enforce it at an earlier age.  Thus, the young people of today will expect to be challenged, rather than avoiding it.  Students have the easy way out, and they are not truly giving all that they can.  There is so much potential that is just waiting to flourish, but it is the educators' reponsibility to tap into that potential.

In conclusion, it is the educators responsibility to enforce curriculum and than raquesting it.  Students should be challenged and expect curriculum that will eventually lead them to a path of success.

COMMENTARY

This brief essay is flawed by its generalities, repetition, and limited development.  The central thesis -- that it is the burden of educators to teach what they believe is necessary and that our educational system should not allow students to "breeze through" the educational system -- is not adequately supported.  The middle of the essay merely repeats much of what was said in the introduction.