考研英語作文考場范文批改及點評(15)

①Looking at this thought-provoking picture(加“which was”,其中which引導(dǎo)定語從句，修飾picture;was和后面的depicted構(gòu)成被動語態(tài)) symbolically depicted by the drawer, I do realize the urgency to improve the moral standards nowadays. ②A pregnant woman, an old man and his little granddaughter stands(“stands”改為“stand”，該句主語為復(fù)數(shù)，主謂應(yīng)保持一致)on the crowded bus, looking at a young man who sits in the seat comfortably with a piece of black cloth covering his eyes, puzzled and indignant(“puzzled and indignant”是用來修飾the yong man, 或是作者“感到困惑和憤怒”，應(yīng)表達(dá)清晰;若要表達(dá)作者的情感，可改為：...covering his eyes. I feel puzzled and indignant).①The temporary blind in the picture indicates a serious phenomenon in the modern society that some young people are suffering from moral decline. ②The reasons contributing to moral decline are worth pondering. ③First, respecting the old and caring the young is abandoned by some modern people, because they only care about their own benefits. ④Only if you could provide them with a great outcome(“a great outcome”改為“great outcomes”，和them保持一致), will they lend you a hand(“a hand”改為“hands”，和they保持一致) in exchange. ⑤In addition, the educational system is also to blame(“be to blame for”意為“對……應(yīng)負(fù)責(zé)任;應(yīng)該為某事負(fù)責(zé)任”，如果要表述“教育體制也應(yīng)對此負(fù)責(zé)”，可表達(dá)為： the educational system is also to blame for the phenomenon;如若要表述“教育體制也應(yīng)受到責(zé)備”，可表達(dá)為the educational system should also to be blamed). ⑥It emphasizes more on high marks at the expense of having few time to teach traditional moral values in school which leads to people’s defect (“defect”為可數(shù)名詞，此處應(yīng)改為“defects”和people保持一致)on this issue.①It is high time that we fostered our moral values. ②For one thing, schools and governments should play an active role (“an active role”應(yīng)改為“active roles”，前后主謂保持一致，主語為schools and governments)in advocating moral values and traditional virtues to teach the young. ③For another, individuals should learn more about virtues and help people around with a warm heart(“a warm heart”改為“ warm hearts”,前后單復(fù)數(shù)保持一致). ④Only through our joint effort(“effort”應(yīng)改為“efforts”,前后單復(fù)數(shù)保持一致), could we recollect the virtues.

編輯點評

文章亮點：文章結(jié)構(gòu)完整，每個段落的功能基本得以體現(xiàn)。文章錯誤：①語法錯誤：文章出現(xiàn)了一些語法錯誤，比如被動語態(tài)、名詞單復(fù)數(shù)形式等。②句法錯誤：有的句子表達(dá)不夠清楚。比如第一段第②句，第二段第⑤句。修改意見：文章整體結(jié)構(gòu)不錯，但是要注意一些細(xì)節(jié)，避免不必要的錯誤。本文中，單復(fù)數(shù)一致問題較多，希望作者在完成習(xí)作時應(yīng)多檢查，盡量減少此類錯誤。

參考分?jǐn)?shù)：12分(滿分20分)